Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Distracted Driving: Parenting FAIL

I recently read that distracted driving (talking on the cell phone, texting, fussing with the iPod) was actually worse than drunk driving. And it sort of scared me because ever since I got my fancy, schmancy phone - I am constantly distracted by it. So I made a new rule for myself, that unless it was a very important phone call – my phone would stay in my purse while I was driving. I made a point of discussing this at length with my husband, the cantankerous (yet cuddly) Cap’n Coupon and told him he needed to be more careful when he used his crackberry while sitting in traffic for three hours a day.

The next day something really important happened (I forget now what it was but it was totally of great consequence) so I sort of had to call Kate while I was driving. OH I REMEMBER NOW! It was about how I went to TJ Maxx and I was going to buy her a mug except it wasn’t there anymore and the line was really, really long and it was a total waste of time.

See? Important.

I called her and she answered and I started babbling 1,000 words a minute about what happened and she’s all “Uh huh… really…no way…” and then I heard this beeping and my phone dialing and then CAP’N COUPON saying: "Hello? Lydia?".

I had face dialed. With my stupid fat face. AGAIN.

Instead of calmly saying something like: “Sorry honey! Accidentally called you! Love you! Bye!” I start frantically trying to get the phone to hang up on him and not Kate. Except I’m also driving so I’m trying not to wreck and wildly stabbing the touchscreen on my stupid phone. And the whole time I’m squealing: “SH*T! Sh*t! Sh*tty! Sh*T!” And the baby starts squealing: “SH*T! Sh*t! Sh*tty! Sh*T!” and then the phone goes dead.

Sigh… Two seconds later the phone rings.

Cap’n: Hi.
Lydia: (sadly) Hi.
Cap’n: Did you just accidentally call me with your face again?
Lydia: (dejectedly) Yes.
Cap’n: Are you driving?
Lydia: (hangs head) Yes.
Cap’n: And was that my baby hollering “sh*t!” in the background?
Lydia: (shamefully whispers) Yes.
Cap’n: You’re awesome. See you tonight.

It’s all my phone’s fault. Stupid touchscreen. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO SENSITIVE? Oh, who I am kidding?

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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