Kate on Drugs: Funniest F**King Thing I Heard All Day

Kate recently wrote about how she sneezed and got all broken. She damaged her ribs somehow and was in a lot pain and could barely breathe or cough or laugh.  Kate doesn't like doctors very much. Not because they aren't awesome and professional and everything, but because she feels like a big faker when she goes, even when she clearly needs to. Because she's a suck-it-upper and power-through-it'er and those types of people don't go to the doctor.  I know, she's practically a dude. The doctor saw her and diagnosed her contusion and when she left, she took fourty-twelve different prescriptions with her.  

Then she took the drugs. And I made the mistake of texting her:

Lydia: You totally can't go tap dancing tonight. You know that right?
Kate: I know. Stupid.

Lydia: We'll go next week and then do make ups... Maye hip hop or modern dance.  They said we could do a make up.

Kate: I'm totally going to go write Ewww Ointment.
(two minutes later)

Kate: Where?

Lydia: What?

Kate: Where is next week?

Lydia: Uhhh... whuck?

Kate: I need make up too. You don't wear make up.

Lydia: Kate?

Kate: Oh, I'm writing up "ointment" now. Ewww.

Kate: Also, I'm heavily medicated. Hev-uh-leeeee.

Kate: Now I know how my dog feels

Kate: He feels awesome.

Kate: He also may possibly feel that the Afghani rugs in the house are moving.

Kate: Afghani rugs? Wouldn't they just be Afghan rugs? Or, dogs? Crap. What??
Kate: This rug thing is starting to freak me out. Is is Afghani rugs made by Afghans? Or Afghan rugs made by Aghanis?
Kate: Either way. F**k.That doesn't seem to stop them from moving.
Kate: I like codeine.
Lydia: I... What... You need to... I'm calling.

At which point I called her house and woke her up because she had fallen asleep at her desk and was drooling on her keyboard.

The End.

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