Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Blogging on the Potty: Parenting Fail

My littlest kid turned two recently and her father bought her a toy laptop, or as she calls it 'a pooter'. Her father bought her a pooter because of her ongoing fascination with my laptop and the amount of time I have to spend getting her to not touch it.  I keep it on a high shelf but sometimes I forget and leave it somewhere she can climb like the monkey she is and smack it. 

Her favorite pastime in the world is to walk quietly over to my laptop while I’m typing something and then wreaking havoc. She chooses her moment so that I’m engrossed in what I’m doing, then presses the power button so that computer shuts off and slams it shut (usually with my fingers still in it) while cackling “BYE BYE POOTER! HA HA HA HA!” and then scampers off as fast as her doughy little feet can carry her.

She is two. Maude help me, my baby is two.

So this pooter has become a very popular toy in our house and both of the big kids want to play with it all the time. Why big kids dismiss their own toys as lame and for babies but then go ape-schmidt over new toys actually designed for babies, I have no idea. I told the big kids if they could just wait until she went to bed, I would let each of them have a turn playing with it. Because Mini-mini-me does not want to share her pooter (basically a glorified See'n'Spell) with anyone and expresses this through shrieking and foot stomping. She screams: “NO! MINE POOTER!” and then hunkers down on the floor and taps at it and tells everyone: “SHHHHH! I WOOKING!” which is I guess what she sees me and her father doing. Mostly me (Lydia says in a sad, shame-filled voice). Though I have made a huge effort since school started to not even turn on my computer when she’s awake. But sometimes, I have to check email or see when the t-ball game starts or some crap like that.  I thought I was doing a good job of keeping my attention on my kids during the day and Rants from MommyLand at night, after all the kids had gone to sleep.

Yeah. Mom of the Year. Again.
That night, I put the baby to bed and approximately two seconds later my 5 year old son Hawk had disappeared into his room carrying the pooter. I could hear him happily playing with it when all of a sudden, a horrible smell came wafting down the hallway. I went to investigate because it smelled like someone had unleashed hell and hell was made of old cabbage and Spam.

There was Hawk, sitting on the potty. Naked, but for a jammie shirt unbuttoned with Hefner-like flair, with the pooter on his lap. He was engrossed in his work – tapping away with a furrowed brow and a slight frown on his face.

“Hawk! What on earth are you doing??”

Without looking up he said: “Can you please go find something else to do? I’m working on the blog.”

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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