Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Blogging on the Potty: Parenting Fail

My littlest kid turned two recently and her father bought her a toy laptop, or as she calls it 'a pooter'. Her father bought her a pooter because of her ongoing fascination with my laptop and the amount of time I have to spend getting her to not touch it.  I keep it on a high shelf but sometimes I forget and leave it somewhere she can climb like the monkey she is and smack it. 

Her favorite pastime in the world is to walk quietly over to my laptop while I’m typing something and then wreaking havoc. She chooses her moment so that I’m engrossed in what I’m doing, then presses the power button so that computer shuts off and slams it shut (usually with my fingers still in it) while cackling “BYE BYE POOTER! HA HA HA HA!” and then scampers off as fast as her doughy little feet can carry her.

She is two. Maude help me, my baby is two.

So this pooter has become a very popular toy in our house and both of the big kids want to play with it all the time. Why big kids dismiss their own toys as lame and for babies but then go ape-schmidt over new toys actually designed for babies, I have no idea. I told the big kids if they could just wait until she went to bed, I would let each of them have a turn playing with it. Because Mini-mini-me does not want to share her pooter (basically a glorified See'n'Spell) with anyone and expresses this through shrieking and foot stomping. She screams: “NO! MINE POOTER!” and then hunkers down on the floor and taps at it and tells everyone: “SHHHHH! I WOOKING!” which is I guess what she sees me and her father doing. Mostly me (Lydia says in a sad, shame-filled voice). Though I have made a huge effort since school started to not even turn on my computer when she’s awake. But sometimes, I have to check email or see when the t-ball game starts or some crap like that.  I thought I was doing a good job of keeping my attention on my kids during the day and Rants from MommyLand at night, after all the kids had gone to sleep.

Yeah. Mom of the Year. Again.
That night, I put the baby to bed and approximately two seconds later my 5 year old son Hawk had disappeared into his room carrying the pooter. I could hear him happily playing with it when all of a sudden, a horrible smell came wafting down the hallway. I went to investigate because it smelled like someone had unleashed hell and hell was made of old cabbage and Spam.

There was Hawk, sitting on the potty. Naked, but for a jammie shirt unbuttoned with Hefner-like flair, with the pooter on his lap. He was engrossed in his work – tapping away with a furrowed brow and a slight frown on his face.

“Hawk! What on earth are you doing??”

Without looking up he said: “Can you please go find something else to do? I’m working on the blog.”



(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

26 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness!!! The things kids pick up!

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  2. lol..............too funny. thanks i really needed a laugh even at someone else's expense. major embarrassment today at work, it's been raining like CRAZY in calif and well today i hopped over a puddle only to loose my balance and fall flat on my belly in the middle of the street, so yeah i needed that laugh.

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  3. Oh there is nothing like it when you hear your own words echoing back at you from their "innocent" mouths ... the one we keep hearing from our darling two-and-a-half-year-old is, "Mama, I SAID NO." Gives me that "oh no she DI'INT" feeling every time!

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  4. I'm a psychotic mess from all of my two year old's recent "experiments" (including turning off my computer while I was working on it and smiling serenely when it refusing to ever turn on again) but somehow you make it all sound amusing. I don't know how you do it but I'm very impressed. When I recount the same types of incidents I just sound whiny.

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  5. babysmash.com is a life saver for me!

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  6. Out of the mouths of babes...come our very words spewed back at us!

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  7. Bwahahahaha!! I love it. Cupcake sounds just like my 2 yr old, and Hawk sounds like my 4 yr old (also obsessed w/Star Wars). Love this story. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone in my parenting awesomeness. Ha! :)

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  8. My now 5 year old had the same fascination with "pooters," which is EXACTLY what she called them when she was two! Still lovin' the laptop, she's delighted that her kindergarten teacher set up a reading program for her to work on at home. Great. That means she *has* to use my laptop. School sanctioned. She also "uses" her father's laptop, which he learned AFTER submitting a paper with typos like "daffjosuoijsldf35304" interspersed throughout his APA formatting!

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  9. Dammit, I hate it when my kids spout my own bad parenting back to me!!

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  10. Today my 4 year old declared "Sometimes I really love you. And sometimes I really don't." Good morning to you too sunshine.

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  11. HA! That's flippin hilarious!

    Nothing like an offspring repeating a fav term of the mother figure in public...like when my youngest turned and said - LOUDLY "what is your DAMAGE?!" to the oldest...in front of MIL...

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  12. I just found the following blog recently and found this post - related to yours today - profound. http://tweetagewasteland.com/2010/12/why-i-stopped-shooting-televisions/

    Nevertheless, deep societal analysis aside, I always appreciate how you make me laugh again and again.

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  13. Your blog always makes me laugh--and there's a real camaraderie on this site, making this a judgement-free place for your readers to be able to share their own experiences. Somehow we can read your posts and see glimpes of our own families, showing us that parenting is more of a shared and universal experience than most of us give it credit for.

    As working mother of 4 (that is, working 9-5 in an office as well as working all other hours at home), it seems to me that you ladies are doing a great job of parenting your kids. But you're too hard on yourselves with these "parenting fails"! It's good for kids to see their parents working hard at something that doesn't revolve around them; and it's good for kids, even for a 2-year old, to learn that you can love them with your whole heart without staring at them all the time.

    You've got funny, independent kids who know that sometimes it's fun to play--and work on the pooter--alone. That's a success in my book.

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  14. Now I have to wonder if you are sitting on the potty writing the blog. Made me laugh as always!!!

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  15. OMG. This is something I need to be better at, myself. I am on my laptop WAY too much and my son who is almost 2 definitely notices. I really need to make a rule for myself to leave it off while he's awake :( I. Just. Can't. Pull. Myself. Away!

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  16. This was like a snapshot of my own life. It is funny to read about it, but when it happens to me, I too feel guilty. Look at it this way, they are right there with you when you are working. That has gotta count for something. Please say that counts for something. ;-)

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  17. ok, the person who suggested babysmash.com - I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! The delight on my 15 month old keyboard smashing file renaming baby boy's face was priceless :) (oh I had to actually follow the link to AlphaBaby cause I have a mac but same thing, LOVE IT!!) THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

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  18. I am sooo trying to not pee myself laughing at this post!!! I can see my kids doing the same thing... And my oldest had a similar "pooter" and he called it the same thing... And (of course) my sister called farts "poots" so my family had too much fun with the whole thing!

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  19. My 2-yr old daughter calls it her "peter" which is hilarious because it embarrasses her dad to death. "I workin' on my 'peter". I do nothing to discourage this because he gives me crap about all the clean laundry piled on the couch but can't seem to fold it or put it away himself. That's right, don't mess with Momma.

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  20. No lie- Got sick of my baby (14 months) doing the same thing, so I bought him his own 'laptop'. I finally found one that wasn't pink and purple (thank the stars, I was tempted). It's basically eight shapes and sings and lights up, but he happily works away on his while I work away on mine.

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