Thursday, December 16, 2010

Google Image Search: Parenting Fail

My daughter is in second grade and came home with an assignment of researching someone of her ethnic heritage dancing in traditional clothes. We were supposed to search the internet for such a picture and print it out. Then she would take it to school and her class would make a big collage that would be both attractive and representative of our community’s rich cultural and ethnic diversity. How lovely.

We got started. I thought we would begin with traditional English dancing but all we saw were a bunch of dudes dancing around a maypole in bowler hats. Thumbelina pointed out that they looked like the guys from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and she was totally right. She was not interested. If we were going to bring in a picture that represented her family’s heritage - it was going to be of a girl and she was going to be pretty.

Got it. We started searching Lithuanian dancing (my side of the family). We found some cool stuff and some pictures of dance troops in awesome costumes and even clogs! But that wasn’t good enough. It needed to be a picture of ONE person – not a group. And it needed to be a pretty girl dancer.

So like a total jackass I let myself be guided by a seven year old and together we typed: “Pretty Lithuanian Dancer” into Google image search and hit enter. OH DEAR MAUDE. Apparently we needed to specify what we meant by “dancer”. And maybe we should have added something about traditional clothes or that the dancer should be wearing some. Because before I knew what happened lots of pictures popped up and there were poles and hot pants and a whole lot of pretty Lithuanian boobies.

“MOMMY! Where is her shirt?! Mommy! Where are her pants?! Mommy! Why did you slam the laptop closed? That’s very bad for the computer. By the way, I don’t think we can use any of those pictures. Are you crying? Or laughing? What’s the matter with you? Are you all right?”


(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

39 comments:

  1. LMAO. Thank you soooo much!!!

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  2. I just snorted... awesome... and what made it funnier to me, was my inner monologue as I was reading along "well, what would I choose? Husband is Indian, but he's not really culturally connected to that. And the Polish thing is not really relevant to my upbringing. I wonder if they would have a fit if I sent a picture of Gidget dancing on a beach back to school. I mean, we are third and fourth generation native Californians after all." The end :)

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  3. OMG ... hilarious! I love that your daughter was so concerned about your laptop that she thought she needed to coach you on how to treat it!

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  4. Laughing so hard I'm snorting and crying, and I might wake up the kiddies... This is right up there with the *uncensored* version of a youtube music video that I thought was pretty ok in its censored form - and didn't know the other version existed until watching with my 3-year-old. Yikes!

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  5. I am giggling like a mad fool at my desk as I read this. I would have made absolutely the same mistake. The Boy's stock response is normally: "I don't need to see *that*."

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  6. Awesome. I once needed to find Dick's Sporting Goods online with my kid. Hint: it is NOT at dicks.com

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  7. Hahaha! Hey, at least it was your daughter and not your son, that would've been a whole other level of awkward!

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  8. OMG... I know.... my son had to do something on the Titantic... we got titanic tits.....

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  9. Oh man! I am laughin so hard. Makes me remember fondly the morning I woke up and my 8 year old son and his best friend told me with horror about the website they had accidentally gone to the night prior.See they had wanted to visit the White House web site...and for the record it's not a .com!!!

    All they could say was: we really didn't need to see that!!!!

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  10. I am dying laughing here, but Paula (previous poster) has sent me over the edge with her dicks.com comment!! oh.my.god. lol

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  11. May I just say that as a flute instructor, Googling "flute fingering charts" can net you some terrifically awful internet hits. Really.

    --kate in Michigan

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  12. It doesn't matter what you search for... something "bad" always comes up (at least in Yahoo images this is the case). I don't search images with the kids present period. I find a few options and then let them choose.

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  13. lmao..omg....did the same thing while looking for "black" baby dolls for my daughter...wow !

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  14. Tried to find the owners manual for my ilive radio. Was on the phone with the store and almost swallowed my gum when I looked up ilive.com-- NOT the electronic website. Seriously?!?!?!

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  15. So funny!!!! I went to Google image search and typed in exactly what you put and I got lots of images of dancers, I didn't see any topless though. I did see some very close to naked pictures but still, that's so funny that your daughter "educated" you on how to treat your laptop.

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  16. Hilarious. We once were looking up beavers for a class project... also a very interesting google search.

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  17. When I teaching I had a fifth grader ask for a picture of Santa for something she was working on. Google images provided me with a lovely shot of a man wearing a Santa "suit" that covered nothing but his package. And I'm not talking about the type of package Santa usually brings...

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  18. I did the same thing with Dicks.com. It.is.not Dicks sporting goods. Good thing the kids were asleep at the time.

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  19. A little tip I've learned (through my own parenting failures). When you go to Google Images, click on "Advanced Image Search". At the bottom is "SafeSearch" - click on "Use Strict Filtering". I've learned to ALWAYS do this when searching with my children. :)

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  20. That was fabulous! I've done something similar at work before :/

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  21. Bahahaha. I can't even search for innocent things on regular Google because the auto-fill comes up with some nasty options for me. Ugh.

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  22. If it helps, a coworker of mine was teaching a computer class and directed ten businesspeople at once to a porn site with an innocuous page address. This was before pop-up blockers, when bumbling onto a porn site opened three thousand windows and downloaded gosh-knows-what to the hard drive. *Beavis chuckle* I said "hard."

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  23. Hilarious! It reminds me of this Julia Sweeney video:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry-LwxR746s

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  24. Ah the internet. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

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  25. I'm a member of an online diaper sewing community, and the name had to be changed from "Diaper Divas" to "Diaper Sewing Divas" due to what would come up when you searched the former.

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  26. This totally happened to me WHILE TEACHING!!!! I was teaching my students about homophones my first year of teaching (need I say more?) and we were discussing the words you, yew, and ewe. Third graders: "What's a ewe?" Me: "Look it up" Them: "Look at this funny blow-up sheep!"

    They found a sex-toy website. Holy. Crap.

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  27. Just this week my 8 year old was partnering with a girl at school on the computer. The other girls decided to google search images for "having sex." Luckily the photos were people in bed all under blankets and one of elephants doing it, thanks to the school's filter. YIKES!
    But, just in case she did see something she didn't tell me about I had a little talk with her about fake boobs and how internet ladies aren't all made of real stuff so we don't all look like that.
    Man, I love the internet, but wow, its full of FAIL.

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  28. Oh, this brings back such memories that I just had to laugh. Several years ago ... my then 5th grade daughter ... Leif Erriksen, the Viking ... ummmmmm, yeah, not appropriate for school or 5th grade girls or even possibly for Mommy!!

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  29. LOL! I love it! Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was one of my favorites as a kid, I can't wait until my daughter is old enough to watch it.

    When I first started my website, I had a bunch of people asking me "When did you start selling lingerie?" I was like like, "Ummm, I don't, why?", to which they replied, "Well when I typed in daintydelights.com, it came up with lingerie!" I was like, "Oh no! It's daintydelightsjax.com!" Whoops! Talk about a shock to the system!

    Love the stories, keep them coming!

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  30. reminds me of a person I went to school with who searched "muscular human body form" for art class, she got flagged by the school's safety software and sent to the principal.

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  31. Awesome! My son has very specific ideas of gifts he wants to get for the grandparents-some of which don't exist. Last year it was a beaver chewing down a tree by a lake a la Playmobil toys. I googled "Beaver Toys"...from work. Not good.

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  32. Oh my! I love the way you took control and she kept on. It reminds me of the time I accidentally threw away a tray @ Burger King and my 4 year old brother kept talking about (loudly) it as I was trying to make a get away. ;-)
    Thanks for the laugh!

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  33. Literally LOLing at the beaver mishaps!

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  34. wow, i am genuinely surprised at how many of you don't know how to use safe search- especially when your kids are around. geez.

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  35. That is too funny!
    To the anonymous comment above me; pardon those of us who make mistakes sometimes. geez.

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  36. My boss flies a plane and he was looking online for parts. Mental note: cockpit.com is NOT about airplanes!

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