Friday, December 17, 2010

Is There an App for Baby Dialing?

Before I got my fancy new smart phone, I made sure that it was capable of locking. Like bomb-proof locking so that only I could use it. Why? Because of my youngest child, whom you may also know as Mini-mini-me or the little cupcake baked by the devil. At 18 months, she figured out how to unlock my old phone and had no end of fun dialing random numbers.

I became somewhat infamous among those unlucky enough to have their numbers saved in my phone for baby dialing. Not butt dialing. BABY DIALING. She would sneak into my purse or my pocket and take my phone and push buttons and open and close it until she got it to call someone. Then something happened that made me finally give up and just upgrade my phone for a new one that the baby could not use to humiliate me.

It was late on a Friday night –after 10:30pm- and I thought all the kids were asleep. I was in the bathroom when I heard a familiar beeping coming from my phone.  My phone that was supposed to be turned off and charging in the kitchen.

“Honey? Are you using my phone?”

Silence.

“Seriously – Cap’n – are you using my phone?”

Silence.

“Can you answer me please?”

The bathroom door SLAMS open and there stands Mini-mini-me in her jammies. Holding my phone. A struggle ensued which was neither effective nor dignified as I was seated on the throne at the time. My husband finally came to see what all the commotion was about and took the phone from her. He handed it back to me as I walked out of the bathroom.

“Just so you know, Lydia, when I got the phone from her – she had called someone.”

Dread filled my heart. I looked at my phone. OH DEAR MAUDE.

The baby had managed to dial the father of one of the girls in my Girl Scout troop. On his personal cell phone (which I only had as an emergency contact from a recent hike with the girls). At 10:30 on a Friday night. What the hell was he going to think? WHAT THE HELL WAS HIS WIFE GOING TO THINK?

I found out. I saw the couple in question a few days later and went over to apol
ogize. I didn’t even get a word out when the husband started snickering at me and walked away. I looked at his wife and started to explain myself. She put up her hand and said: “Stop. Please don’t worry about it. Normally I would feel pretty weird about a woman calling my husband’s cell phone so late – but I heard the voicemail so it’s completely fine.”

Voicemail?

“Ummm… What did the voicemail say? Because I actually didn’t call you. The baby did.”

“Oh I know. The message went something like this: "Mini mini me! Is that my phone? GIVE MOMMY THE PHONE THIS MINUTE! No! Please baby! MOMMY IS ON THE POTTY! Give me the phone! No – don’t touch that! Gahhhhhhhh! No touching that - GIVE MOMMY THE PHONE – Come back here!" Then flushing, then the sound of what I can only assume was you washing your hands and then your husband’s voice saying Gotcha! And then the phone went off.”

And with that, I add yet another story to the vast internet archives that are me making an ass of myself in public.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

39 comments:

  1. I was just about to turn off my 'puter for the night and noticed a new post from you guys. Thank you for sending me off to slumber in the best way possible: RFLMFAO!

    My DD called 911 once. Not. Awesome. ;)

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  2. LMAO!! My middle one used to do that all the time.. And I still occasionally get calls from my niece, quite entertaining!

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  3. I want you to know Lydia, that you're not the only one that has had that problem with kids and phones.... sorry that it was left in vm format... but thank you for the laugh!!

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  4. So, under which heading does the Cap'n file this particular form of embarrassment?

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  5. OMG! I laying in bed with our laptop trying to laugh quietly so I don't wake up the kiddos (It's almost 3am here.) That is definately something mine are capable of ;)

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  6. Now that I'm done wiping my tears, let me share with you a similar story so you know there is solidarity in insanity: When my son was 4, I too was sitting on the throne with the door locked. He knocked on the door and yelled, "Mom!" So I said, rather loudly (since it was through the door, and since we all know 4-year-olds having hearing issues), "Mommy is on the potty and I'll come out when I'm done."

    Again, "Mom!"

    Since my son was one of those kids who enjoyed detailed explanations, I explained in great detail how I would finish the potty first, then wipe myself, then wash my hands and THEN open the door for him. He finally stopped calling me and I proceeded to do all the things I said I would do.

    When I opened the door, he was standing there holding up the cordless phone, as someone had called and was waiting to speak to me.

    Thank goodness it was my husband, who asked, "How was your potty?"

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  7. Oh man! I needed this laugh this morning!! This was AWESOME!! :D

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  8. OMG!! That is hy-freakin'-sterical! I just snorted coffee out my nose. Thanks for the morning endorphins!! You guys rock. I love that you shared that story!

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  9. BWA HA HA HA HA - oh man!! I'm going to die laughing!!! THAT IS GREAT!! Hey, at least they got the message, and frankly, that is more convincing than anything you can say as to why your phone called her hubby at 10:30 on a Fri night. Absolutely priceless!!! Thank you SOOO much for sharing! I love starting my day reading your blog.

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  10. That's hilarious! If I got a voicemail like that I would be doubled over laughing. Hopefully your little wily one doesn't figure out how to unlock the new one...

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  11. That's hilarious. I've gotten a few accidental calls from a friend's daughter, but I've never received a voicemail like that. Usually it's just static.

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  12. AWESOME! You have so made my day with this one. Ahhh, now I can have a good day dealing with middle schoolers who are wondering why we even have school today. :) Thanks for the laugh! LOVE YOU!!!

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  13. Hilarious!

    My phone requires hitting a button, scrolling down to "yes I want to unlock" and entering a code or hitting "emergency call" then answering yes to "are you sure" and then hitting "go." All of which my child at 18 months managed to do. Which promptly connected him to 911 who didn't think the "emergency" was quite so funny.

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  14. I had to get a new phone that I could lock. I had purchased a phone. Not a smart phone but one that locks immediately after you finish your call. My charming cupcake liked to dial my phone too. Well about 6 months after my I got my awesome new phone she figured out she could call someone.

    My mom, daughter and I were on a road trip. She took my phone out of my purse and dialed her new favorite number. I was driving when we heard via the fancy blue tooth hands free built into my car
    "911 what is nature of your emergency?"
    "i'm sorry?! We have no emergency, my car just dialed out... maybe my mom hit the onstar button when she adjusted the mir-"
    "No Ma'am you called from your cellphone."
    "No. My phone is in the back of the car...OH MY GOD MY 16 month old stole my phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soo sorry!! We have no emergency. I promise!"
    *snicker* "happens all the time ma'am. just so you know, if she does it again we will have to call you to insure that there is no problem"
    She dialed her new favorite number 3 times on that trip. I upgraded to a fancy new phone as soon as we got home.

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  15. PLEASE tell me you can save that message in some way! You could have great laughs over this when she's older!

    It would also be great revenge to sneak that message on HER phone when she has kids of her own....heh. Or play it for her fiance, so he knows what he's going to be dealing with concerning kids....the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

    And I bet YOUR mom is smiling her face off right about now!

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  16. Awesome. I have totally btdt more times than I care to count!

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  17. My son sent a text to my boss asking "Do you want to come over and play?". Luckily he and his very pregnant wife have a great sense of humor and found it funny.

    That could have ended badly...

    Especially since it was sent at 11pm. I thought that my little angel was asleep, but his internal clock was off b/c we had just gotten back from Hawaii.

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  18. MOMMY IS ON THE POTTY! I haven't laughed that hard in days. OMG! I'm sure my turn is coming. I'm sitting here with my own 16-month old cupcake on my lap jabbing numbers on our landline and saying "'lo?"

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  19. Last year, Christmas eve, my son was sleeping tucked in tight in his bed...or so I thought. Until he came up the stairs at 11:30pm and handed me the phone, "they want to talk to you". It was the police. He was trying to unlock my phone and it so nicely has an option to dial 911 when locked. Thank you very much! They should warn mothers of these fuctions when purchasing phones. Not only that it was storming out and I had a 4 foot drift in front of my door. The police officers had to wade through thigh high snow drifts to crawl up my patio stairs to check to make sure we were okay. Fabulous. THEN after ensuring we were okay they walked through my messssssy house to go out the front garage. My face is still red thinking about it.

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  20. I called a student's mom on her home phone, and the outgoing message had CLEARLY been recorded by accident. It was something along the lines of, "Mama? 'STOP RUNNING AROUND WITHOUT UNDERPANTS! Come here and put on your Dora underpants!' Mama? Whatcha doin? "Get BACK HERE! I can't come after you-- I'm on the POT!"
    Oh dear. I left a message for her, alerting her to listen to her outgoing message. She was chagrined.
    --kate in michigan

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  21. Ba ha ha! A couple of weeks ago, my 11 month old (who has mastered the sliding lock thing on my touch screen phone) called my husband's ex-wife at 6:00 AM on a Sunday morning.

    I gave her a cookie.

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  22. oh sweet maude, that is funny. i have an app called toddler lock. my phone is android based, but they may have something like it for the other smart phones...

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  23. yea, I think this is a fairly common occurrence, happens to everyone at least once. My Daughter luckily did not often stray from the favorites list which included just close family and friends who all just thought it was cute. I have since gotten a smart phone and hid the "phone" app deep in a file folder on top of the pass code lock. It has been nearly a year since the last incident now :)

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  24. Still laughing. My son called the cleaning lady once while I was asleep (he was supposed to be to) and kept calling her Nana.

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  25. That is GREAT!

    But only because it didn't happen to me.

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  26. Ooooh, I heart Mini-mini-me. I know she's Satan's little pastry and all, but I find her endlessly amusing...

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  27. Oh dear Maude. I feel your pain. Both of my girls have done me the dear pleasure of baby dialing - or baby emailing, that is precious too. One time it was my CEO and another it was my COO. There is just no good way of saying "sorry you were talking to a toddler when you thought it might be me, using a work phone." I removed them from my contact list to avoid further embarassment.

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  28. Damn! I woke my napping one year old up because I was laughing! She calls and even texts people on my phone all the time.

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  29. Best.Voicemail.Ever!

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  30. Hilarious! And reading that other people have experienced the same thing, too, is terrific!

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  31. I am laughing...crying...and I think I just peed a little. Great one!!!!! Thank the lord this has never happened to me....they find other ways to humiliate me.

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  32. it just goes to show...there is no sacred, private space once you become a parent. no personal phone that's yours, all yours. certainly no bathroom time. and no space on an emergency contact's voice mail! It's like kids are lava, oozing into every conceivable nook and cranny of your life! they certainly teach us humility.

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  33. Hilarious story! Thanks for sharing it. I let my 3 year play with my locked phone all the time when he has to wait for his brothers to play soccer. I am always scared he will call 911. So far, he has not mastered the unlock, but I will be watching closer. And I will not be yelling at him through the bathroom door anymore. ;-)

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  34. Laughing HILARIOUSLY!!! We had just moved from Texas to Upstate New York. Trying to unpack my 4000 square foot house. Have three kids 7,3 and 1. All of a sudden the door bell rings and I run to it wondering who it is. A set of Sheriffs. WHT?!?!?! I anwwer and they ask, "is everything okay, do you have an emergency??" Uh NO! Why?? "Someone called 911 from this house, screamed and hung up." In crawled my 13 month old, holding the phone. "Oh, that answers it." Why is it such an easy number to dial????

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  35. I had to remove my principals' cell numbers from my phone because my wild and crazy tornado-son could have texted or called them with prank calls! I'm laughing at this post. Love your writing! Charlotte
    charlottesadhdweb.blogspot.com
    (Charlotte's ADHD Web Blog)

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  36. Speaking as a 911 operator -- the "baby playing with the cell phone" calls are our absolute favorite. It usually goes something like
    "911, what is the location of your emergency?"
    (baby talk, gurgling, or a long, drawn out toddler story)
    "Honey, is mommy or daddy there? Can you put them on the phone"
    (more gurgling, baby talk)
    then we hear Mom, Dad or babysitter yelling for the child (who goes quiet), a lot of stomping, a struggle for the phone, and then the inevitable apology.
    Funny as heck, makes our day!

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  37. OMG! That is hilarious! We had a similar thing happen once! My dad called and told me our son called him and he could hear us in the background talking.

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  38. My 7month old son was playing with my locked phone.. (he dialed 892-857-09)and a few minutes later i heard someone saying "hello?" on the phone. turns out it was the Police dispatcher. and 10 minutes later 2 cops showed up to check on us. haha i had no idea the random #'s he dialed would've been the police.

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