A Truly *Klassy* Vacation

As if you need any reminding, last week Kate was in Florida cooking a turkey via the dishwasher. It might have been the most epic part of her vacation, but there were plenty of contenders for second place. As is her nature, Kate took plenty of notes, overheard plenty of conversations, and is ratting out just about everyone.

She's also pretty sure Florida isn't going to let her come back...

• Happy made friends with a heron or egret or possible dinosaur that wasn't sure it was supposed to be extinct because that thing was like Lurch -- even though Happy christened him "Goose" -- and it sorta lurked and stared and in general made us all creep out a little when it landed on the deck. It probably didn't help that we fed it. Mostly because while it's one thing to eat raw, or even cooked, shrimp, we entered a whole other cannibalistic realm when it started eating it's own genus or species or whatever in the form of cooked turkey. We're pretty sure he liked the lemony-ness. Mmmm, Cascade...

• Restaurant Waitress: "For dessert, we have New York style cheesecake, from New York City. And, fresh made Key Lime Pie, from -- from Key, Florida."

• The pool was heated. Like, bathwater heated. Which made it a little more like a slow simmer, and a little less like a refreshing reprieve from the sun. Happy was paddling around when McLovin jumped in, surfaced and looked at us. "Oh, it's warm. [to Happy] Dude, did you pee in the pool?" Happy looked at him flatly, as if McLovin had asked him the most moronic question in the world, and said, "Uh, yeah."

• Overheard at the next table: Guy, to friends: "OK, who's birthday is it tonight?" Friend: "Jeff's." Jeff: "Wait. Wasn't it mine the last time we were here? Don't you think they'll remember?" Girl: "Is it really worth it for a free piece of cheesecake?" [They all look at her, incredulous] Friend: "It. Has. Candles."

• The sheets were so thin they were see through. But, just to keep things interesting, the towels were made of AstroTurf.

• McLovin, to everyone: "I couldn't sleep." GrandMere: "How come?" McLovin: "Well, I was trying to adjust the sleep number on the mattress to My Number, but the dial was stuck on 'Prison'. Good thing is, whenever I get arrested, this will count as time served."

• The washing machine, not to be outdone by the dishwasher's culinary skills, growled, moved and - we're pretty sure - ate - at least one article of clothing in every load. Was I willing to fish around looking for a lost t-shirt? Umm, no thank you.

• GrandMere: "Oh, you know what would make this picture even better? Vampire fangs."

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