10. Every one of them can negotiate better than a professional trial lawyer. Particularly where bedtime is concerned.
Bakugans, hairbrushes, extra clothes, different shoes, unnecessary books, wallets, anything that's mine, or ginormous water bottles to school in their backpacks. Please stop. One, something is going to get lost or stolen. Two, it just makes it heavier, guaranteeing you come closer every day to resembling Quasimodo. And, three, you always hand it to me to carry. Just because I carried you for nearly an entire year at one point doesn't mean I want to be a pack mule for your crap now.
8. Erasers apparently serve as a snack while doing homework, leaving only the wet, mangled and masticated shreds of the metal ring as evidence of the crime.
7. Getting them out of bed Monday through Friday? We've turned on the lights, opened the curtains, blasted Lady Gaga, and ripped all the covers off them... and they still manage to turn over and go back to sleep. Yet, Saturday, up at 6am. Thank you. Lil' Wayne and I will be taking our revenge Monday morning.
5. They are atrocious liars. Somehow, the answer they want to give seems to be hidden in the upper outside corner of one of their eyes. Another word of advice: Lie BIG. Even if we know that there's no way that Darth Sith and Luigi emptied out the Toy Closet and then self annihilated in a battle to the death, leaving you with the unfortunate mess, we'll appreciate the creativity. And imagine you'll make a great storyteller someday. Or very unsuccessful criminal.
2. If there is a particular behavior or characteristic that you can't stand and work very hard to discourage in your child, that is exactly what they will seek out in their brand new, very best friend. So whether it's a 6-year old dressing like a Bratz doll or an 8-year old who stays up 'til midnight on weekends watching "300" on cable, you lose. Because even if you win, you're now the bad guy. So you lose.
1. Best Part? They're not teenagers. Yet.
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010