Is there a reason that you can’t just go in the house?
- Wait for the car to stop and then you unbuckle yourself. Do not unbuckle the baby without telling me or she will escape and feed spare change into the cd player again.
- Collect your things (gloves, backpack, etc). If you’ve done something asinine like take off your shoes and socks for the three-minute ride home from school, please put them back on.
- Exit the vehicle in an orderly fashion based on where you are sitting because contrary to what I've heard you shout at each other, the first child out of the car has not actually defeated anyone.
Maude forbid that these school priority items would actually find their way into the house after school. I was once informed that the project folder required for the next day was probably in the bathroom at church. Whuck? We were at church for maybe four minutes. Why did you bring your backpack into the building with you and why did you unpack it in the bathroom?
What makes it even more bizarre is that once the backpack makes it into the house and is placed in it’s appropriate spot, it becomes completely invisible and its contents (that were so important two minutes ago in the back seat) may as well not exist. Homework? Library book? Imaginary Golden Ticket? Note from the teacher? Huh? Can I watch Spongebob?
At what point are you going to learn to differentiate between clothes that are clean and clothes that are dirty?Every night, I ask my kids to please put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket and their clean clothes in their dressers. And yet every day, I find clean clothes that somehow landed on their floors for 2 seconds in the dirty laundry and filthy, dirty socks, shirts and underpants placed carefully back in their dresser drawers as if a magical angel/elf haberdasher had folded them with love and care. This bizarro laundry world is not due to a lack of instruction. I have told my little terror suspects ad naseum that if an item of clothing smells, has crud on it, has been worn more than twice, or is otherwise funky, it must be washed. And yet several times per week, my children emerge from their bedrooms dressed for school wearing clothes that smell like a cab at 2 AM and would be rejected if I tried to donate them. It’s like they want their teachers to give them The Righteous Sniff.
It’s not difficult. If you haven’t worn it since the last time it came out of the dryer, then it’s clean. When it smells really bad and is caked in mud (or anything really) – then it's dirty. If you lick it and it tastes like food (or anything other than clothes) - it's dirty. If it has feces on it (please skip smell and taste tests immediately) – dirty.
Thank you. Those are all the questions I have for you, for now.
PS: If you enjoyed these five questions for my kids – here are the links to the others.
Five for my Husband
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