Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Misnomers in MommyLand

It occurred to me recently that I needed to keep track of something - all of the words that my kids get wrong.  Because I started this blog when my oldest daughter was 6.  She was the queen of getting words wrong and making adorable and inappropriate mistakes.  And because I didn't write them down, I've now forgotten more than I will ever remember.  It's a little like the lexicon of kid words.  It's just a few recent vignettes of when my kids thought a word meant something and it didn't.

Here we go...

While looking at a dinosaur book with my five year old son.
Lydia: Very good! That was a T-Rex.  Now,what kind of dinosaur is this?
Hawk: Oh. That's easy. That's a Vagisil.
Lydia: (Chokes - sprays coffee)
Hawk: Momma. That was a library book. (shakes head in disgust)

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While ever so quickly texting Kate while also preparing dinner and hearing all about a Girl Scout meeting...
Thumbelina (age 7): Mom, you're such a phony!
Hawk: Yah.
Mini (age 2): Yah.
Lydia: What? I am keeping it real every day, people.  I am from NEW JERSEY, and even though you have no idea what that means, just know it means that I am no phony.  I am totally upfront and straightforward and it very often gets me in trouble... Why do you all look confused?
Thumbelina: Momma. What are you talking about? Look in your hand. Your phone. You're super phony. All the time.
Lydia: Oh.Yes. I'm totally phony. (hangs head in shame)

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While watching TV, flipping channels...
Hawk: Momma! Go back. 
Lydia: Go back where? To what?
Hawk: To the guy with the buttstash.
Lydia: The WHAT?
Hawk: (sighing) The bald guy with the buttstash. 
Lydia: Buttstash?
Hawk: Yah. The hairy thing  - right here. (points to his upper lip).  Yah! That's the guy.

Buttstache, indeed.
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While walking into Target with their father.
Thumbelina: When did you meet mommy again?
Cap'n Coupon: I met your mom when I was in Law School.
Hawk: What the jabbers is LAW SCHOOL? (looks skeptical as if it is actually a made up term)
Thumbelina: (condescendingly superior) Hawk, Law School is exactly like high school.  Except its for old people.
Hawk: (looks at his father, nods) Yah.

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While reading a book about Eloise and her tutor Phillip going to a museum...
Thumbelina: Why does Eloise have a tutor?
Lydia: To teach her things.
Thumbelina: WHAT things?
Lydia: Lots of things. In this case, things about dinosaurs.
Thumbelina: And he gets paid? That's his job?
Lydia: Yes.
Thumbelina: (shrugs) I thought it was REALLY bad manners to toot.  But you say that's his job.  To toot and to teach kids how to do it.  I guess like a dinosaur.  I just... I don't get it.  Life is crazy.
Hawk: (nods thoughtfully - as if contemplating his future) Oh yah.
Chapter 1 is entitled "Pull My Finger".
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Do you have any Mommyland Misnomers to share? Leave comment here or shoot me an email @ Lydia.and.Kate@rantsfrommommyland.com
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If you liked this, you may also want to read the Lexicon of Awesome Kid Words:

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011
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