Friday, January 14, 2011

Mom Fashion -- Sometimes You Just Need to Say No

Kate and Lydia go to battle pretty much every day over what they wear. Kate thinks that the deeper the snow, the higher the heel to get through it. Lydia thinks she's going to singlehandedly make the boobstain a fashion DO -- kinda like a brooch.

But there are a few things we can agree on. Moms, go through your wardrobe, and if you have any of these things, you might want to consider selling them donating them repurposing them throwing them away a fire.


 "Oh, Mom...I know it's the bride's day and all, but how can I possibly compete? After all, not only are you the Mother of the Bride, you're also the band. Stan loves him some accordion polka."


Boys are Trouble? We kinda think a lack of fabric and some
overstressed thread might be slightly more troublesome here.
Or, boys.

 Maybe it's just us, but why would you draw attention to your ass with
things that say "Alabama" or possibly "Mama...body" And if it does say "Mama...body" 
can we just get a new mascot? Please?

 "Sweetheart, be a little love and get Mummy another MaiTai. I'm feeling festive...I may also have lost feeling below my knees. And I'm pretty sure that oversized dreidels used as purses is mixing one too many religions together. Baby? Where's my cocktail? Is it Christmas yet? I think my keys are under my skirt..."

 Kate thought she'd look hot in skinny jeans and a pair of heels. 
She actually felt a little chilly. Especially when she bent over.

 Two Words: Consider. Pants.

 "They are not just Crocs, Kate. They are embellished Crocs and I love them." - Lydia

 
 For Christmas, Timmy gave his mom a swimsuit coverup. She gave him 
a therapist. She doesn't have the coverup anymore. He kept the therapist.

Normally, we wouldn't advocate for mom-jeans. You know, the high waisted kind that come up to your armpits?  But in this case, we're going to say OH HELLS YEAH MOM JEANS.  Because these underpants are so tramp-tastic they make her coin slot look like its been modified to accept dollar bills - singles only.
 "So, I just left the Swap Meet. I traded in my denim jacket for fake mink, 
my shoes for the amputated feet of a moutain goat, and 
baby Charlotte for a dog! But I totally kept the stroller. What?"

 Rule of Thumb: When you get dressed, the tags. go. in. the. back. 
Better Rule of Thumb: Leave the whack to Bjork. 

xoxo Kate and Lydia
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

27 comments:

  1. hillarious! I just ditched the thongs altogether! lol

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  2. I feel so much better about my own wardrobe!

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  3. The boob stain is totally in. Right? Right?! Oh, crap. And here I was thinking I was at the forefront of mommy fashion with my daily boob leakage. Sigh.

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  4. All mommies have issues, I certainly have mine. But I've realized, the older I get, the less people need to see any of my junk! When I get the occasional compliment, it's only because they can't see the infrastructure of spanx, duct tape, and a bra that does its business!
    Great post!

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  5. Suddenly I don't feel so bad about my own mom jeans, boobstained shirts and lack of hair product. Someone told me I should buy something called 'jeggings'. I. Have. No. Idea.

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  6. I totally love the fact that in little Timmy's picture the words on the banner read Ho.

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  7. Holy Mother! Is that Brooke Hogan in the trampy dress? Now I don't feel so guilty when I run to the store in my beat-ass yoga pants.

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  8. Thank you for the laugh...This is AWESOME. I can't breathe now and my sides are killing me. You rock.

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  9. Chewbacca called, he wants his feet back!

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  10. See, and I thought my fair isle cardigan, frumpy librarian look was bad, apparetnly I don't get out enough.

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  11. There is only one thing I can say for some of these pictures..."Eye-bleach! STAT!" >_<

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  12. I just don't know which one is the worst--they just kept beating each other out! But the comments really made it. Thank you for the laugh--it was much needed today!

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  13. Did you even notice that you can see the top of Little Timmy's crack!?!? Seriously. Scroll back up and check it out...you know you want to. He's a plumber-in-training! These pics are hi.larious.

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  14. the gal with no pants
    is wearing britney's boots.
    or maybe she actually is britney?

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  15. Those are some awesome pictures and suddenly make me feel better about my "jeans, long-sleeved t-shirt with a cami underneath" daily uniform. At least I'm covered, right?

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  16. That's Britney. I live in LA and I remember the day she stepped out in that blouse thinking it was a dress. It was all over the news. Awesome.

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  17. Bjork's tights are effing cool! What's with the backward 80's prom dress though?

    (confession: i sort of like the furry goat boots)

    -wearing carhartts and a boobstain shirt

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  18. OK- Most of those pictures are extremely disturbing. Especially the one of Brittany? That's just wrong.
    Also- I was wondering what you do about a$$- jeans since I got a pair from my SIL. Guess people just let it all hang out. Which means I will be a dweeb and cover,cover,cover. 'Cause it really doesn't need to be seen by others.

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  19. Turns out those What Not to Wear People know what they're talking about...huh...whouda thunk?! Lord, do I feel better about my wardrobe. I agree with the gal who said that the older I get, the more I realize that nobody needs to see any of my junk. I couldn't have said it better myself. Less is more...another thing Mom was right about...

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  20. Tramp-tastic is my new favorite word!

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  21. Yikes, that was whucktastic ... some of those pics look like they could have come from the People of Walmart site. WAY.TOO.MUCH.SKIN ... GAAAHHH!!!!! Wear clothes that cover that floppy skin, nobody wants to see that crap!!!!!

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  22. The pictures are hilarious in themselves, but the captions really make it! You've done it again...I'm ROFL!!!!

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  23. Hooray - i'm in good boob-stain company here. Thanks for the laugh ... I've had a hellish week and feel a bit better now. I love you guys!

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  24. LOL!!!!!!!!!! Oh man... my sides hurt from laughing.... LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

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  25. I've been feeling icky about the Michelin Man (read: warm) coat, in which I have been photographed recently...one of the most unflattering looks ever...then I saw this post...AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!!! Whew...there are so many things worse than looking puffy and shapeless! LOVE the dress in the first picture---where did one buy a dress like that back then...in a floor lamp store? It's like a bad project dress from The Fashion Show (I know redundant: bad/The Fashion Show).

    Okay, I admit it, I think I had those animal boots in the 1980's.

    LOVE the captions, everyone of them is a homerun!

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  26. oh my, thanks for those!! Very funny.

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  27. thongs go all the way

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