Wednesday, January 5, 2011
My Two Year Old is an Evil Genius
But she is also an evil genius.
Don’t believe me? Here’s a list of things she did over the holidays.
The Fruit: Remember how I once wrote that her favorite activity was peeling crayons? Well her new favorite activity is peeling clementines. I was mistaken when I assumed that she was also eating them. She was not. She was gleefully peeling each clementine, tucking one section of the fruit between her teeth and gum as if it were chew and throwing the rest away. She managed to do to this 14 clementines in one day by going between me and her father and asking sweetly: “Mo’ orange pease?”
But her love of fruit also extends to apples. More specifically to the first bite of a ripe apple. After that, she has no interest. We found this out when we discovered one small bite taken out of every, single apple in a large bag of Red Delicious that had been recently purchased. She had over the course of three days(again without being seen) snuck into the kitchen and taken out each apple, taken just one bite and then put them all back in the bag. When asked if she done such a naughty, wasteful thing she just smiled and nodded and said “Oh yeah.”
You’re probably thinking, as naughtiness goes, this is bush league. And you’re right. But just wait.
The Incident with the Sink: One afternoon, I put her down for a nap. She very quietly snuggled into her bed and closed her eyes. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked to the living room to enjoy a few minutes of peace and quiet. That lasted long enough for me to reach the couch before the screaming started. "MOMMA! I NO SLEEEP!"
I decided to give her five minutes. She needed the sleep and I needed the break. The screaming intensified. I asked her older sister, with whom she shares a room, to go check on her. Then my 7 year old hollered: “THERE’S POOP EVERYWHERE!! GAHHHHHH!”
So I swoop in, grab the now naked, feces-smeared toddler and give her a bath. I dried her off and got her dressed. I placed her at the table with her favorite food (vanilla yogurt) and her favorite show (“In The Night Garden”) on the TV in the hopes that would buy me the ten minutes required to clean the poop up in her room.
Maybe three minutes into cleaning up the bio-hazard level 3 mess in the girls' bedroom, I grew uneasy. It was quiet. But more than quiet, it was The Ominous Silence. Then I heard what sounded like the kitchen sink. I slowly walked into the kitchen.
This is what I saw:
Like every other family in the world, my kids are obsessed with Frozen. We downloaded the soundtrack right after Christmas and have enjoye...
This was originally published in May 2010: In the past 24 hours, I have gotten three phone calls from friends of mine and they all starte...
I recently noticed that we have this weird dichotomy in our house. We have way too much of some stuff and never enough of other stuff (usua...
Last year, we made a series of Valentines for the Real World . They were all for husbands because the cards I saw at Target were both stupid...
You may be asking yourself: "Why did this idiot write a blog post about summer camp right now? It's February. I'm still sec...
This conversation isn't actually horrifying. It's just typical of the randomness of living with a preschooler.
It's winter and its freezing and it's always dark and everyone is sort of sick. So at my house, it is the season of watching too muc...
I'm sure you're wondering why these precious and adorable young men are the mastheads of today's post. It's because I did...
Guru Louise and I asked you about what most teachers really want for end of the year gifts. We got hundreds of answers on Facebook , Tw...
I'm not Catholic, even though in the late 90's I worked for nuns and they told me they thought I should be. I think they have to s...