Monday, January 10, 2011

Naptime, You Complete Me

Dear Naptime,

Things between us have been rough for a while, I know that. But I love you so much. Why are you leaving me? Don’t you understand that the only reason that I’m sane is that I have you – and the two hours a day of freedom and bliss that you provide for me? I honestly don’t think I can live without you, Naptime. Don’t go. Please… I’m begging you.

Naptime, you fickle bastard. I can sense you distancing yourself from me. I have three kids, buster. Twice before you’ve told me you were "moving on" because it was time. I know the drill. I see the writing on the wall.

First, it started getting harder and harder to get Mini to fall asleep in the afternoon. Then she started fighting me at night when it was bedtime. Then one day we were busy and she skipped her nap, and she fell asleep like an angel at 7:45 and slept for twelve hours. And then the next day, when she didn’t want to nap – we tried it again and she fell right to sleep at 8 and slept through the night like a champ.

So, I know you think that you’re doing this because its what’s best for my family. And a baby who finally sleeps through the night after 26 months of turning me into a sleep-deprived zombie would be nice. In fact there have been days over the past two years where I would have happily traded a kidney to get that kid to sleep. The past week has been glorious. I actually feel kind of good. My eyes are not scrunched up and puffy. I can complete a sentence. I have enough energy to let Jillian Michaels boss me around for 27 minutes every morning.

But I can’t help but feel that you’re failing to consider a few things that will suffer if you leave us. Because Mini is two and an evil genius and therefore there are a lot of things that must get done but can’t be done safely or easily  while she is awake. In fact, I have a list of things that will be damaged or ruined as a result of you’re abandoning me:

(1) Things like making business phone calls. For example to Sprint to find out why there’s a monthly paid subscription on my cell phone to a mobile service I have never used, would not allow my children to even hear about until they’re 18 and may be illegal in several states. I have no idea how that subscription was ordered on my phone and I need to get it off immediately and I can’t do that while pleading with Mini to stop stealing cheese and trying to feed it to the cat. Because I don’t think I can conduct business efficiently while screaming: “That’s not the kitty’s face! THAT’S NOT HIS FACE! Gahhhh!”

(2) Paying bills. This is sort of an important task. But the thing is, I still do it the old fashioned way. I sit down twice a month and write out my bills and compare them to last month and make sure everything is okey dokey and then I put a stamp on them and forget to go to the post office until the next notice with the red lines on the envelope arrives and the Cap’n turns a very interesting shade of purple and reminds me that I went to grad school and should be able to do this. But my point is – this important task can’t be completed when Mini is awake because she will never learn one critical thing: stamps are not stickers. Last month I found $17.60 worth of stamps stuck to bookcase in the girls’ bedroom and then had to attach them to my bills and holiday greetings with scotch tape.

(3) My ability to shower more than twice per week. Lately if anyone tries to bathe while Mini is awake, she strips off and jumps in with them. Usually when they least expect it. And maybe you’ve noticed, Naptime, but wet floors are slippery so when a squealing two year old leaps into the shower with you when you don’t expect it, there’s a pretty good chance of you screaming in fear that it’s a pint sized Norman Bates and then falling and then sustaining the sort of injury that would render you unable to wipe yourself for 4-6 weeks.

(4) The Laundry standing any chance of making that crucial step from “clean” to “folded and put away”. I have enough of a problem with this as it is. I really don’t need any additional obstacles to getting the laundry done. Think I’m kidding? This is an actual picture of my guest room right now. The place where clean laundry goes to die. As a matter of fact, naptime – are you working with Randy the Laundry Fairy on this? Has he been telling you that it’s time to move on? Because he’s a douche and you should NOT EVER listen to him. Mommies the world over love you, Naptime. They venerate you. Do you know what it would do to your street cred to hang out with Randy? Nothing good, my friend. Nothing good.

(5) Cooking nourishing and healthful vittles for my kiddles. A couple of times per week, I like to cook big meals – things like chili or spaghetti sauce or lasagna – that I can make ahead of time (while the kids are at school and Mini is asleep). Then I make enough of it that we eat it for a couple of days. Do you have any idea what it’s like to try and prepare food with that child? Especially since she saw Ratatouille? She shouldn’t be allowed in a kitchen at all but now she tries to grab 14” bread knives or raw chicken while screaming “NO MOMMA! I da LITTLE CHEF!”

You see, Naptime, these chores and everything else I would like to get done in a day will now have to be accomplished between the hours of 8:30pm and whenever I fall asleep. That just happens to be the only time I have to see or speak to my husband all day. I kind of like him. It would be nice to have conversations that consist of more than “Can you take out the trash?” “Uh huh” and “Are you asleep already?”. There’s also this blog which I’ve grown sort of fond of. You see without you in my life, there’s a pretty good chance that future blog posts are going to look like this:

“Mini poked me in the eye really hard and it hurt like a basturd and then I made toast. xo, Lydia”

So please consider sticking around a little longer, Naptime. I love you so much.

Pleading desperately for you,

Lydia


(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

42 comments:

  1. Sounds like you need a playtime swap a couple times a week with another mom who has a two year old. And sew some bells on her clothes so you can hear where she is...my mom swears by this.

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  2. Oh, this was hilarious!

    Even though I totally feel for you. My youngest gave up his naptimes shortly after turning 2. And I wept.

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  3. I feel for you, I love you. I want to shank naptime for leaving me when my son is only 21 months old and my next son is due in 5 weeks. Why the hell would naptime leave me? What did I do? I just folded the 10 loads of laundry that have lived in the crib for months just in case that baby decides to join us soon. I need naptime...I am thinking of tracking naptime down and bring it back to my house kicking and screaming.

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  4. I recently lost my beloved naptime as well. With two little monsters it makes anything but following them around yelling "NO!" almost impossible.

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  5. Now I am reallllllly scared! My daughter is almost 2 and she is a terror!


    trina
    www.mommeville.com

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  6. Oh naptime...that evil, illusive tease. I lost naptime 3 years ago. Never to be seen again. BUT, I have to admit the shower scene was a biggie at our house. Oh yeah...my son was famous for being naked when he was 2-4 yrs old! He was constantly climbing into the shower with whoever happened to be in there. Thank God we don't get house guests! Little Streaker! There is just something about little kids and running around naked. It must have something to do w/ the laundry fairy because I'd go through 3 changes of clothes on naked days w/ my son. hmmmmmm Naptime and Laundry fairy are in this together. I see a common thread here. Damn them.

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  7. There should be a law that nap time can't leave until preschool begins. If said nap time does leave early, implement "quiet time" and get some locks on your kid's door!

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  8. Naptime visits so rarely these days, and early bedtimes mean early mornings, like today...... I feel for you!

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  9. I'm totally feeling this. Babygirl really *should* stop napping, because she definitely sleeps better at night when she skips a nap, but...but...but.... I'm not ready.

    And I'm SO glad others have a laundry pile. I'm so showing this to my husband...so he will SHUT IT.

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  10. Ahhh, naptime. I remember the days. But my little one gave them up at 19 months. Way too early. I tried doing the nap drive...driving around for three hours listening to sleepy music but found that the only one falling asleep was me so we had to stop that and surrender to the loss of naptime. On the plus side, she goes to bed at 7 every night and sleeps 12 hours so I actually have time to myself in the evenings. I am milking that bedtime as.long.as.I.can!

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  11. Naptime is leaving me as well. Bastard.

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  12. I think I wrote this blog or something. My EXACT feelings/sentiments towards naptime. Please LORD don't leave me! Naptime = my sanity.

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  13. If it makes you feel any better, my 2 year old stopped napping the week of his 2nd b-day, which also happened to be the same week as Christmas.
    The plus side is that most days he is asleep by 7pm and sleeps until around 8am. This is a BIG plus for me because when he was having an afternoon nap he wasn't going to bed until 9:30-11 PM.... way too late for me.
    And as for the showering part, up until a couple of months ago it was manditory for him to be in the shower with me because I didn't trust him by himself in the rest of the house ;)

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  14. perhaps it's time to find a 2yo preschool program for mini. a couple days a week where she can teach other children how to be cupcakes baked by the devil :) mwahahaha!

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  15. Naptime has been replaced by a very strictly enforced "Quiet Time" in my house! I lock my children in their rooms for an hour or so while I recover my schmidt!

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  16. She's giving up naps? INCONCEIVABLE! (Princess Bride! Woot!)

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  17. That's why we have quiet time in our house. Everybody goes to a separate room in the house for an hour and a half (two if Mommy needs to get something done) and plays quietly. My 5 year old still trots happily off for quiet time, because it's the only time he can play by himself without his little sister into everything. Good luck dragging Naptime back!

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  18. Naptime has never been in love with me, okay once! But in my 4 children's lives I have had; One that would only nap 40 mins a day- not consecutively!! One that would only sleep in the car or on the floor, one that I swear to maude stopped napping a 8mths!!! Then my last relationship with naptime seemed blissful. Like a fairytale! Two hour naps a day, then one 1.5 hour nap until ~BAM~ at 18mths and 2 days naps stopped cold turkey!!!! I still weep at the thought of that day!!!

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  19. My Mini (both of them...sigh...) took until 15 months to sleep thru the night, and my littlest one gave up naptime at a ridiculously early 18 months. I know I know... I TRIED to get her to take naps, but she wanted nothing more than to be with her big brother. Grrrr... I mean, aw how sweet. When school resumed, I figured so would her naps, right? She'd be bored? Nope. Naptime had packed up and moved on. Nowhere to be found again. The only ONLY bonus to this was that I was no longer a slave to naptime. We could be on the go, my one goal in life each day to exhaust my children, and then put them to bed EARLY. My kids are now 8 and 4, and they STILL go to bed at 7:30 each night, and sleep till 7ish, and only because I have to kick my 8yo out the door to the bus stop! (Well, you know, unless it's the weekend, and they get up at 6...) Love you Lydia, hang in there, and I agree about the playdate swap or the 2's preschool program. :-) Enjoy that full night's sleep, girl!

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  20. Three words...On line banking. Once you set it up, it will make #2 on the list soooooo much easier.

    I hear you, it is so sad when naps go away. But, the beautiful pay off is that they do go to bed with out a fuss.

    Another suggestion, look for a Mommy's day out program. Your church will most likely have one. It is a bit of sanity time for you. Then, once she's three, get that girl in pre-school! :)

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  21. OMG, PMSL, cramping....must...stop...tears... coming....SFF....I can totally relate!
    Kath

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  22. Ah, naptime. Always harder for Mommy to let go than baby. When my twin boys stopped napping, I almost had a breakdown. And with our Little One, I am still struggling to figure things out. When do I shower? How do I wash the floor? When will I ever experience quiet again??? Is he too young for a DS?

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  23. I am sooo with you. My kids used to go down about 1pm and sleep until 330pm or so. I was quite content with this routine. My oldest, (4yo at the time) gave up napping cold turkey. (!!) As if that wasn't bad enough, the younger (2yrs old at the time) decided he didn't have to sleep if his brother didn't. Both kids nap free with no warning, whatsoever.

    I was quite the bitter mom for about a month. I was really resentful and was also trying to find a new system to get dinner, phone calls and various chores done. It was an ugly transition and mostly on my part. I guess I thought there would be process of weaning me from this tranquil time of day.

    And yes, the Laundry Fairy is a douche.

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  24. We had to yank the naps this summer due to the ridiculous bedtime routine taking 3-4 HOURS. We did institute a quiet time, but that has since backfired too, since he figured out that was the only time he gets mommy to himself.....

    I will say, I heart you so much more with the Princess Bride reference! Mwaaaa!

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  25. i so miss naptime (sniffle). My oldest just up and quit one day, at 18 months. My middle NEVER napped beyond 8 or 9 months old. My youngest napped the longest, right up to her 2nd birthday, then refused to go to bed AT ALL, no matter the time. Now? I'm writing this from my padded cell, they take the straight jacket off for an hour a day...

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  26. Horrible! Sophie's Choice: eliminate the nap and get your kid to bed at a decent hour. Keep the nap, child stays up until 10 so you don't get to have dinner, talk to your spouse, etc. Basically you need to choose between daytime free time or nighttime free time. I.don't.know.what.to.do.!!!!!!!!!

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  27. LOVING the Princess Bride reference! So sorry she's dropping the nap... that sucks so very very much. We do "quiet time" around here... even my 4 year old sits in a room with her toys alone while Mommy works downstairs, but I totally understand why that would NEVER work with a 2 year old. My condolences for your loss of your beloved friend Naptime.

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  28. And there's the problem with SAHM's, we sacrifice our careers and any money that comes with them to take care of our little darlings, then we have absolutely no time to ourselves, thus causing us to lose our freaking minds and spend much of the day escaping from our state to blogs so we can laugh and remember we are not alone.
    Unlike you, seeing as I have all six at home, I can get my older ones to help out with my 2 1/2 year old, but they DO have schoolwork to do, so I invented "quiet hour" where everyone in the house has to be alone in a room, quietly for an hour a day-no excuses! No electronics, only books, quiet toys, and above all- NO TALKING OR MOVING ABOUT. The two year old sees this and wants to copy them and it has helped, so when she won't nap, she gets a video of Dora or something awesome I save just for quiet hour. But there are days, like today, when NO ONE is cooperating with Mommy and I'm breaking out the wine JUST AS SOON as Daddy shows up from work.
    Keep it up, as you know, it will get better and you'll have different issues soon enough!

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  29. Ladies, we stopped folding laundry at our house. Well, except mine, anyhow. Kids clothes get shaken out (mainly to confirm that they are in fact clean) and sorted into shirts, pants, jammies and underthings (tights etc.). Each pile gets put into its own baskets (we have shelves on the wall for each basket) and we're done. Any one can do it, and even the kids help sort things out - we make a game out of it, and....we're done. I figured it was either laying on the table in the basement, or tossed into baskets - they're wrinkled, but I don't stress anymore. Might help?

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  30. Oh no! It sucks when they decide not to nap anymore. Here's hoping you can find a way to work around it. I would suggest 'quiet time' but have the feeling that it would be counter productive considering Mini's penchant for getting into things she really shouldn't.
    On an entirely different note- LOVE 'The Princess Bride' shout out. My favorite movie of all time!

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  31. @PixieT: love that!!!!

    like this post and it reminds me that the grass is not greener and it has the same # as weeds. Right now, we are in a "Dear-god-how-long-until-he-stops-napping (at daycare)" stage that results in our son not falling asleep until 11PM, leaving no time for many things.

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  32. wow, you are awesome. Right now by some freak of nature my almost 2 yr old and 9 month old are sleeping at the same time but the diva doll(2 yr old) has been fighting the nap. Thanks for writing a post specifically for me. By the way,jealous of your guest room. All my clean laundry is in the crib and we all sleep together. Well, they sleep - I look for somewhere to sleep. More than once I have considered if the crib would hold me!

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  33. Fiona from AustraliaJanuary 10, 2011 at 8:08 PM

    Naptime is a distant memory for us :(
    Please come back naptime, pretty, pretty please????????

    (Oh and by the way, LOVING the "Princess Bride" quote at the end) :)

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  34. You're gonna hate me. My 3 year old still take solid 2-3 hour naps. Granted, bedtime is 9pm, but I will take it. I will probably end up in the nervous hospital when naptime breaks up with me. You are strong, Lydia!

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  35. My little one still naps about an hour or so a day, but it's never been a time of peace in which I can get things done. You see, my lovely little girl thrives on human toil. Naps take place in the stroller.Every.Day. The upside? I get a minimum of 5 miles pushing her every day. The downside? I have a minimum of 5 miles pushing her every day.

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  36. I have to say I am DREADING Naptime leaving my house because I take a nap when my 3 year old son does. I work full time in retail, so my days off are during the week. When he goes down, so do I, turn off my phone, TV, computer (gasp) and just sleep for an hour of so. I started doing it when my first was born, everyone says "sleep when the baby does..." so I did, and I never stopped...laundry will still be there, dishes won't stop stacking up, but for an hour or so I can let it go. Please.don't.leave.me.Naptime!
    Love this post!

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  37. At least the bed was made under the pile of clothes! I for one am impressed.

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  38. That was too funny. I hsve a 26 month old so I feel your pain and can completely relate. I am going to show my family your guest room shot so they will see our house is not the only one.... Worst was last month we had guests for 3.5 weeks! Laundry situation was dire.

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  39. I'd like to introduce all of you to baby-sitters. Yes, naptime used to allow you to do things around the house for free, but now your children can look forward to 2-3 hours playing with someone else while you get stuff done... it's amazing.

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  40. I have always though that there is a reason naptime ends right around the time that preschool begins...

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  41. How did you get a camera into my guest room?!?

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