Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Domestic Enemies of the Small Town Mom

We think that there's a good chance that our Domestic Enemies are getting together for cocktails and inadvertantly making more domestic enemies. Ummm, please stop doing that. It's enough that we have Randy (and Randy getting his revenge) and Dickie and sometimes Ricky and Chuck E. Cheese...and then you add in summer enemies and winter enemies and urban enemies and rural enemies and now we have discovered even more of those bastards hiding in small towns...gah!

Today's post comes from our friend Jessica (aka The Snarky Mom). We asked her to tell us some stuff about herself and she sent us this:   
  • I'm a former newspaper reporter and published poet. My combined income from both was about$30 annually. [We make less than that from blogging so WELL DONE! - K & L]
  • Mom of three kids, wife of one. And the two cats *let* us live here.- From the suburbs of Chicago, now living in Wisconsin. Every morning I wake up, wondering how I got here. [We suspect zombies. -Kate]
  • I was the one that gave you the FFTIHAD about the giant gummi bear back in August.
  • Have a strange and unnatural crush on Weird Al. [Holy crap. Me too! - Lydia]
  • Am trying really, really hard not to be a bitch this school year. Again, it's that small town thing. Sure, my bitching was justified and in the suburbs would have probably gotten things done. But in a small town, all it did was label me a trouble maker and put me on the outs with the principal. And the school business manager. (But not any teachers, I'd like to point out.) (That you know of. - Kate)
  • I drive a massive, fuel guzzling Ford Econovan E-150. It's so big, it won't fit in my garage and I have to double-check drive-thrus to make sure I'll fit. It was free from my aunt and currently has 263,000 miles on it. There's nothing mini about my van. [Is it white? Is it a big WHITE tampon of a van? - Lydia]
  • I grew up in the malls of Chicago and miss them terribly. I also have a weird sixth-sense that I can find the path to the mall from any attached department store. It's not something I can put on my resume, but it's come in handy in unfamiliar shopping situations. [Can you find me an Orange Julius? I've been looking for one for 11 years. - Lydia]
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------

I grew up suburban, with an urban-raised dad and a rural-raised mom. When I graduated college, I moved to an urban area. Then a suburb. But 7 years ago when my husband got a position an hour away, I added something to my resume I’d never had before: Small Town mom.


Small towns are different that the burbs, urban areas, and rural places. We’re a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll, and a whole lot involved in other people’s lives. If Mayberry had Facebook, Aunt Bea would be more concerned about her neighbor’s status update than what little Opie did at school.

Oh, and John Mellancamp? Your song sucks. I live in a small town, and I’m not nearly as excited about the “lack of opportunity.”

Domestic Enemy of the Small Town Mom No 1: Knowing Too Much

Being a mom in a small town is a lot like being in a sketchy sorority. You’re not sure whom to trust, what they’re going to say, and everyone’s watching what you do. And Facebook only makes it worse. No one’s really outwardly mean to each other, but there’s a lot of gossiping. And Facebook stalking. And honestly, some of the stuff, you just don’t want to know. You don’t want to know which mom got raging drunk at the Rotary fundraiser, because she drives the carpool on Thursday afternoons. You always thought little Billy’s mom was prim and proper, until you saw the high school pictures from Halloween when she and her friends went as the cast of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Really, I’m better off not knowing, but it’s like a car accident; I just can’t look away.

Maude forbid you need a pregnancy test or yeast infection cream. In a small town, not only will you run into people you know while the said items are in your cart, you’re going to know the cashier, too. And then after you leave, you know the conversation goes something like this, “Gosh, I saw Jessica at Walgreens yesterday, buying Lice Shampoo and Imodium AD. Weren’t you just at her house the other day?” And then everyone starts itching.

And then there’s the special breed of Small Town Moms, the kind that have been here their whole lives. My friend E. has lived in the same place her whole life. So imagine just how pretty and special she felt when she showed up to the hospital, sweating and panting in labor and not wanting to be seen by anyone that isn’t in her immediate family. Her nurse for the day was the snitchy former Ms. Popular from high school, still looking ever-so perfect with her pom poms just as high up as they’d been 10 years earlier. “Just let me squeeze past your stretched out contracting orb with my Slim in 6 abs while I check your cervix. Wow. You really packed on the pounds with this pregnancy, didn’t you?”

That’s the thing about small towns, no one forgets. And news travels fast. It’s the kind of place that makes you want to line-dry your pants indoors, lest anyone catches a glimpse of your stretched out waistband on the clothes line. And, if you happen to run into an old person in your town that’s known you since you were a kid, it doesn't matter if you're a respected doctor or city's attorney now, all Mrs. Jones remembers is that you once stole her garden gnome.

One other thing about this subject. Sure, I’m not from here originally, but they’ve hazed me enough to let me in on a little secret: last names mean a lot around here. Too much. It doesn’t matter what your own accomplishments are, if you have a last name people don’t respect, you’re lumped into that group. It sucks. By contrast, if you are a low-life scum-sucking asshat, but your last name is a “good one,” then your troubles aren’t made to be a big deal. I got a first-hand experience with this when I was a reporter. Someone with one of the “good” last names was cited for road rage. The story appeared on the front page. My husband’s boss summoned him to his office and asked if I had anything to do with it. According to my husband, he yelled, “But she’s a [good last name]!” Yeah, well she also almost committed vehicular manslaughter. On purpose.

Domestic Enemy of the Small Town Mom No. 2: Wal-Mart Dependence

Where I live, I’m lucky enough to have three Super Wal-Marts within a 15 mile radius, the closest one being 3 miles away. And yes, Wal-Mart is where I do the majority of my shopping. But small town people are intelligent and neighborly, and we all know the battle between the local businesses versus the big corporations who see our small towns as dollar signs. We’ve read about the problems with Wal-Mart and all the social implications they’re struggling with. And as guilty as I feel, I just can’t take the kids grocery shopping at the local (and very friendly) grocery store. And shamefully, it all comes down to the carts. Three kids = a need for the large shopping cart with the trailer feature. It’s a vicious cycle really: I shop at Wal-Mart because they have the carts to accommodate my kids. They, in turn, spend part of my money on ensuring they have more of these carts. I only run to the local store for milk or other quick items, and that money can only buy the sub-par carts. I feel bad.

As much as I love Wal-Mart, I hate them too. Most of it is an issue of self-control. I’ve gone in before to buy maybe $10 worth of products, and leave having spent $58. Score one for Wally World.
I feel like they really have us by the episiotomy stitches. If Wal-Mart doesn’t have it, it’s either an hour trip to the 2nd largest urban area in the state, or live without. My friend J. says that many times she sees a good recipe in a magazine only to find out Wal-Mart doesn’t have half the ingredients. I guess if Wal-Mart doesn’t have it, we don’t need it. Game over.

And I can’t even tell you how many dates with my husband have ended at Wal-Mart because we couldn’t think of anything else to do. It’s a sad, pathetic existence. Wal-Mart, we just can’t quit you.

(By the way, the reason for only two Domestic Enemies of the Small Town Mom is because I can relate a lot with all the other Domestic Enemies posts. Though I’ve never come face-to-face with a rat, I did once encounter two deer and a turkey on a walk with my son. Froze solid. Also worth mentioning, my son is in 4-H, and I didn’t know you could be in that if you didn’t have a farm. Good to know.)

The positive side of providing a small town experience for my kids? Well, the one I’m most thankful for lately is that their bus ride is only 4 minutes. It may be 4 minutes of words my kids are not allowed to say, taught to them by the “good” families’ kids, but it’s only 4 minutes. When I was a kid in the burbs, it was 25. It’s going to take the whole semester for them to learn ALL the slang terms for body parts. It’s small victory, but a victory just the same.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

38 comments:

  1. Hey! I'm right up the road from you, doncha know, eh? Up between BFE and that other town no one can pronounce let alone spell! The gossip drives me completely cuh-razy! There are a lot of benefits to small town life, but the gossip is almost a deal breaker......oh, and GO PACK! ;)

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  2. Dear Jessica,
    Where do you live? I need to know so I will never move there. Yowza, give me the anonymity of the city or the privacy of the country any day over that. I can just imagine filling my CVS basket with tampons and dark chocolate and then bumping into my husband's boss...ACK!
    xo
    Louise

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  3. Oh dear. I'm going to stop complaining about my medium town life. We've got Target. I feel a bit bad about rubbing it in. But woohoo, we've got Target. That's where I go for my big days out. When I've purchased everything on my list, I'm so sad. There's nowhere else to go. And my town is big enough that there are enough parents in the PTO that I don't have to be.

    Enjoy those deer and turkeys! And you are right about those short bus rides.

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  4. There are a few benefits to small town life. I was working for the podunk radio/tv station in a small town, but living closer to the big city in a suburb, so I had a 40 minute commute. One day it was raining and the traffic sucked on the highway, so when I hit the open two-lane road I was hauling serious booty. Of course I got pulled over and the cop asked me where I was headed in such a hurry. I told him I was late for my job at Channel 4 and he asked if my boss was a certain well-known, notoriously hard-assed person and I said yes. He said, "darlin' you are probably in enough trouble, you better get along. Just slow it down." Yesssir, Officer! I worked in another small town where the station manager cross-dressed on the weekends, but that's a whole other story...

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  5. I can totally relate! I grew up a few miles from Woodfield Mall (ya you know what I'm talking about Jessica) and now I live "down state". The mentality it EXACTLY like you said. People that grew up in Springfield know every.one.else. and every single thing about them then and now. It's nuts! I graduated high school with the same amount of people in my kids k-8 school! And people think Springfield is a big town....heck no! It's the biggest small town you will ever know! Thanks for laughs and the whiplash from all the head nodding!

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  6. As a kid who grew up in an medium sized town in Wisconsin- OMFG you hit it right on the head. The exact reason I didn't stay and go to college at the local, small university. When everyone knows you, it is very hard to be anything but what you were. I have escaped, luckily. The lure of going back and raising my kids is there every once in a while. Thanks for making me remember all the reasons NOT to move back!

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  7. Oh wow, I could have written this post. Facebook and Wal-Mart in a small town are the devil. I moved away from this tiny south Georgia town for several years, and my favorite thing in the entire world about it was the ability to go to wal-mart without full make-up on, in my pjs if I wanted, and not worrying about someone going back to tell my mama they saw me in Wal-Mart and I'm on drugs or must be knocked up, or flat out looked awful and they're "concerned" for me.

    However, I have a friend here who I grew up with and one of our favorite things to do is talk about what we saw on Facebook about people we went to school with. We don't have a Target, what else would we do?

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  8. I grew up in a suburb and just left a small town for a large-ish city. I am loving these posts, but this one is the best. I spent 5 years in a small town (population 6000). The streets were all names after the families of children my kids went to school with. There were two fire departments because of an old family feud a few decades ago and the feud still lingers. The town had a great school and the kids were all wonderfully close, but the moms....hell. And this is New England, so we have a whole other level of snarkiness and name pride up here.
    While I have not made any mom friends in the city yet, I am relieved. Thinks went extra sour when I got a divorce. Once the moving van showed up at my house a phone tree was initiated to inform all the other moms. They all thought I was nuts since my husband was so hot. All their husbands with the good names were trolls.
    No one in New Haven knows any of my business. It's lovely.

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  9. Lol My dad and his family lives in a small town in Wisconsin. When I was a kiddo it was GREAT. Then I tried to move back when I was 17, ahhh... Nooo... My little brothers and sisters still live there, still go to localish community colleges. They have really really slim opportunities for fun. Driving the "Drag" is the weirdest one, I mean, drive three blocks and yee-Haw and the mall and the wal-mart then make a u-turn and do the same at the steak house and butter burger place. Really? What a waste of gas. I think they circle from like 9 to 11pm. We used to get all dressed up to walk along the road and watch. Ah youth. Also, when I first met my step sister (who has lived in this town her whole life) she was 8 and I was 10 and they came out to visit us in baltimore and all she wanted to do was ride the escalator. We did, like 900 times. She'd never seen one (although later on their local sears put one in)

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  10. I was born in "small town" like that , except that it was a city with people behavin as if it was a small town . Just a circle of "important last names" It was disgusting. By luck i have a "good last name" there but I do hated to live there so I move thousands of miles away and to a different country :) that far I wanted to be.

    But as my parents still live there I go and visit once in a while. Not surprise I feel so Aware of my overweight or bad hairdo a few weeks before I know I have to travel there.. I hate that so much..

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  11. OMG, this post is my life! I grew up in the small town which I currently live. I got away for college, but I've been back for 6 years. Facebook & Wal-Mart are soooo the enemies! I am friends with my kids' teachers on FB as well as my kids' principal because we ALL know each other. So, you're constantly having to mind your P's and Q's. Here we call the good last name club the "Good Ole Boys Club". Either you're in it or you're not and its only based on your last name. I have one of those middle of the road last names (my dad's a preacher, but my uncle's an ex-convict and they both know EVERYONE), so needless to say I didn't make the club. And EVERYONE complains about how much they hate Wal-Mart, but of course we're all forced to go because there are certain things that only they sell (like yarn, yes, yarn). My husband grew up urban and he's sooo itching to move! The gossip drives him crazy.

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  12. Oh yeah, you forgot to mention another reason Wal-Mart is the enemy is because you can't just run to Wal-Mart looking any kind of way because that will surely be the day you see EVERYONE you know. Then everyone will comment about how nice you used to look and how maybe its time for that long-awaited trip to the nervous hospital.

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  13. So currently my life!!! I grew up in the burbs too, also just a few minutes from Woodfield. My mom grew up in small town/rural Iowa, and everyone was in EVERYONE'S business. I thought I was used to it. Then I decided to become an archaeologist (read: You will live in or near podunk for the rest of your working life, unless you go the university educator route). Man, I'm getting a bit sick of knowing my pharmacist from water aerobics, especially when buying items that demand privacy.

    Nobody who owns land trusts me, because they think if I find out that there's a site on their property, I'll tell "the authorities" (who? Indiana Jones?), and they'll never be able to farm again. I got news for ya. The only way I'm going to do anything with your land is if the local, state or federal government has plans for it, and they've bought it off of you/claimed eminent domain already.

    Husband is getting sick of it, and I am too. So, goodbye Haneytown, hello again suburbia!

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  14. 'by the episiotomy stitches' lmao!! PERFECT. Thanks so much for the laugh!!

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  15. All our dates end at Wal Mart. It's in another "larger" town 20 minutes away; it's also where we usually go on dates. So we always either need something or have nothing else to do and don't want to go home yet. Our closest "urban shopping experience"... a minimum 3 hours away. All the kids in town ride the short bus. But, I like that as my kids get older, I will know very quickly when they screw up!

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  16. I live in a town of 5000, WalMart or Target is a 30 min drive away. What's here you ask? A Dollar General, a Pamida, and, for groceries, a Fareway. You get to decide if you want to pay extra to shop in town, or save up your trips (to save gas money, because, DUH, you can only fit all your purchases, kids, and you in a 4 wheel drive SUV) to drive 30 min one way to spend less and have a better & bigger variety. I'm the transplant but married a lifer so I get a little of both - the slide-in with the Last Name, but the hazing to make sure I was 'worthy' of him. You don't buy the pregnancy test(s) in town, you do that on one of your trips .... as a matter of fact when you make the 30 min drive, you stop at Costco & stock up on the quickly used essentials - and a box of pregnancy tests! And yes, everyone knows what is up with everyone else in town - who was at the bar (there are 3)(even if you weren't, you know who was), who shared a bed, and who's out of town. Some of it is just reading through your own FB page, and some it is found have a neighborly chat with your neighbor - across the alley. Where do we eat? Hardee's, Godfather's, Pizza Hut, or Casey's Pizza, the drugstore(yes there's a grill in there), local cafe, or the chinese restaurant or mexican restaurant if you're feeling a craving for something different. I cook almost every night instead :). Wonder what I like? If I ever needed something, no matter where in town I am at, I could knock on any door and chances are high that they'll know my husband or his sister or her husband(& his family) and/or my in-laws; so help is never far off & the town is set-up so we could walk anywhere we need to get(which I take advantage of in the summer). So there's my love-hate relationship with small town life!

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  17. This made me giggle! I have lived in various parts of the world from over populated city to small rural town. Between my Dad being military and from a small town himself and then my marrying a military man from an even smaller part of the world....a tiny island off the coast of Scotland where the only way off (and on)is a ferry and everyone knows your name before you even get there, yeah that small!...I have had quite a few interesting experiences, too many to go into here. I currently live in Italy, the town we live in isn't particularly small but the people in the supermarket know us by name, maybe becuase we are obviously NOT Italian or because my 5 year old daughter speaks to them in Italian and they think she is super cute who knows.(she goes to the local school instead of the english speaking school she should be attending because I wanted her to take as much away from this place as possible so threw her right in and she adapted very well) The smallest part of where we live is the so called "community" for the military here. There are literally 12 families here, yes 12, so if I wipe my butt wrong everyone knows...it drives me crazy! Also, there are actually qliches in this small group, I thought that stopped after high school but here I sit nearly 37 and cannot become accepted because I do not look like a clone. I have my local Italian friends so I am good and I have had an amazing experience here....I LOVE life in Italy but the military community is WAY.TOO.SMALL for me! H ;)

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  18. That was me in college and I became apart of the local scene and married a local boy. I came from a city and what do you mean I have to drive an hour and a half to get to the mall. Now I'm bacl in the city and must admit, I do miss that small town...sometimes.

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  19. That's a huge town compared to the one I live in. We don't have a Walgreens or anything of the sort, and we don't carpool because there's a school 4 blocks one way and a hog farm 4 blocks the other way. The only store we have for 6 miles is a Casey's General Store.

    I made my husband wait until 7:30 last night to go buy tampons. I didn't want everyone in line at Casey's during the busy time of day to know I was on my period, so I found a pantyliner that wasn't in its wrapper in the back of the closet and made it work.

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  20. Lydia--there's an Orange Julius/Dairy Queen in the Annapolis Mall. Come visit me so I can pick your brain for parenting advice, and I'll TOTALLY buy you lunch or at least a beverage! Oh, and I absolutely enjoyed this post. Although with facebook, even when you "escaped" your home/small town, it can still be like you never left! Yikes! :-)

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  21. Oh boy, I soooo get this! My friend makes fun of me for referring to "The Rite Aid" because it's the only drug store in town. Target and Wal-Mart are 20 minutes away and my boys get Christmas morning excited when I let them go there with me. Yep, a lot of knowing other people's business. When I drove through the pharmacy drive thru window to get a prescription hoping for privacy, the tech shouted, "Wow, what do you have poison oak or something? Oh, maybe a DIFFERENT kind of rash? Guess you need this right away." Awesome. Thanks. Now everyone in the store who can see my car with my vanity plates knows my business.

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  22. Love it! I moved away for college and even though I planned on leaving the town I grew up in, I came back, got married and have been here my whole life (minus the 4 years of college). I went to school with my kid's teachers, and over half of the police force, fire department and politicians. If someone doesn't know me, chances are they know my parents, my husband or my husbands family (who was also born in raised in the same town...alhtough he graduated 10 years earlier than me).

    Sometimes it is fun because I really do feel comfortable but other times it can get pretty embarrasing....like when you are on that Walmart run picking up 16 bottles of douche for your dog that got sprayed by a skunk and your ex boyfriend is in line behind you...yeah...oh not too mention he is still hot and you are really pregnant, tired and in sweats and a baseball hat...double yeah...

    I can take comfort in knowing I am not the only one who has left, but somethimes I know too much and feel like a know-it-all with my newer to town friends.

    If you are looking for a Orange Julius...come on and visit me in MA...there is one at the mall, just 15 minutes away.

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  23. The first one is spot on! I grew up in a small town, may parents still live there. When visiting I still sometimes go two towns over to grocery shop just avoid seeing people I know. Sad but true.

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  24. Canada is full of Orange Juliuses! Come to Canada! ;)

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  25. I am a Rural Mom, but I go to Church with the Small Town Moms. Preach!

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  26. You live in a metropolis! I grew up in a small town with NO chain stores - McDonalds was 15 minutes away - and the bus rides were 1/2 hour because it took that long to get the kids in from the outskirts of the school district. There was, and is, one school, K-12 with maybe 40 kids per grade. Count your blessings - there are A LOT of towns smaller than yours! (Oh and if you're wondering, this town is only 2 hours north of New York City. Never would have guessed that would you?)

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  27. Oh, even yesser! Along with the many drawbacks of having everybody all up in your schmidt, there's the perk of knowing the servers in all the local restaurants. It's nice to have your beverage on the table by the time you get there, and it's cool to turn the baby over to the hostess for 1/2 hour in order to eat a meal with both hands (true story).

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  28. thoroughly enjoyed this post! dream of small town life as I cling to New York City, the bucking bronco that tries to throw me off its back every day. Reminds me that the grass is always greener. I also love the revelation that Facebook, despite being an international techno-behometh that dominates the world and all of our futures, is actually nothing more than a small town snoop.

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  29. I miss my mall orange julius, I miss being anonymous, I miss being OK and not part of the crowd. BUT we are in a small town, it's good for the kids, so, yeah, have to take the BS that comes along with a safe small town.

    But, let me tell you, some days? The wine is open by 11 am.

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  30. We moved to a small town(excuse me,it officially became "The City" a few years ago when the flashing light became a traffic signal, bringing the grand total to 2) when I was 9. Now my kids have some of the same teachers I had when I was in school.The people that own the store where I work have owned it since 1957. Everyone knows everyone and all their business.

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  31. Hahahahaha, we live in a small town. However, the closest Wal-Mart we have is about 50 miles away, thank god for Target. However, we do currently have 7 dispensaries, as in medical marijuana dispensaries. Which brings me to the point that I don't want to have to fight that particular enemy someday.

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  32. Growing up in a small town, I hated all of the gossip. I didn't like much about living in the city, but I did love going to Target unshowered, in my sweats & hangover shades. Now, I live in a small town. And I'm a teacher. I can't go anywhere without being recognized. Kids are amused (high school kids) that I actually leave the school & that I might need groceries. And you'd better believe they will either a.) yell across the store to you and/or b.) announce to the class the next day that you were spotted in Target. I was terrified of buying a pregnancy test & went to a Shopko in a town 1/2 hour away to avoid seeing anyone.

    To make it worse, my MIL works at the coffee shop in town. Bad. Deal. Co-workers come in saying they talked to her & I hate it!!! Even though its nothing bad, I just don't like being talked about at all.
    P.S. I find it funny that people think 6,000 is a small town. HAHA, the closest town to me that big is 50 minutes away :)

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  33. My small town was spread out enough that the gossip and such didn't seem too bad to me as a kid. I hated high school because my mom had been the music teacher for 2 of the district's three elementaries so from 7th grade on I was "Ms. X's daughter" to at least half my classmates. I encountered the most blatant case of "good name" syndrome when I taught in a small town. Prom for the seniors was on a boat (riverboat-type of party barge) at a lake a few towns away. Things got a little wild and some kids were throwing chairs off the top of the boat. The chief offender was a "good name" kid so nothing happened to him even though LOADS of students ratted him out.

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  34. Try moving back to one of these small, clique-ish, gossip-ridden havens as an adult ... in your 30s ... with 3 teen-aged kids. *SIGH*

    Go to the local grocery store for the first time since you moved back and you don't have to show your driver's license because ... "Oh, you're ____'s daughter!" (Who has, coincidentally been dead for like 15 years, thank you very much.)

    And you can't turn around, but what you are bumping into so-and-so who is related to so-and-so who is the second cousin of your grandmother. You're related to like EVERYONE!

    Everyone knows everything about you, and anything you might have THOUGHT about doing at one time ... "Oh dear, weren't you going to grow up to be an astronaut? I guess they don't let housewives do that, do they?"

    *SIGH*

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  35. Oh! *raising hand* This is my life.

    (And I'm one of the lifers...never lived anywhere else.)

    So, so true.

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  36. I grew up 4 miles outside of a *tiny* little town in SC...I can identify with your enemies, only too well. My mom still calls me and tells me the gossip, and I've been gone since I left for college 24 years ago. Then I married, and the man joined the Navy...but did we go to exotic locales?!? Oh, NO. We went to small-town Montana. Beautiful. Quiet. Cold. Lonely. I am ever-so-glad to be back on the East Coast!!

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  37. I grew up in Chicago, moved to BFE, graduated and left faster than you could "California" married a marine from the same BFE town, and eventually moved back to said town to start a family. Population 1600, and according to wikipedia, our town in 99% white, and 1% Asian. However we are still trying to locate this illusive Asian. Some days I yearn for my days of giving change to the bum in Santa Monica who sign read "Family killed by ninjas, need money for Karate lessons." We have our "good names" here and it drives me bonkers, as well as the fact that it seems my entire HS is all still here, working in the bank, and becoming teachers and cops. Nothings worse than running into your husbands HS exes, or seeing your kid's sub that day was the "town bicycle" who used to try to bang your now-husband, and once passed out in your yard after a 4th of July Party :D Our Wally World is 30 minutes away and its like an all day outing. Get what you need now because if you forget your screwed for another two weeks

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  38. This article was perfect for how I am feeling. I moved here with my husband before we got married and had several, 5, children...the older they get, the more activities they are in...I feel like Luke and Leah and Hans Solo did when the garbage shoot was closing in on them! I hate it, the same people, the gossip, and Facebook..don't even get me started! I like to maintain a certain amount of privacy...well I should have read the fine print before moving into this small town!

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