Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Great Valentine's Day Debate

McLovin, in his infinite wisdom, suggested that we write a pro/con debate about the merits of Valentine’s Day. He thought this was an excellent idea because apparently, he thinks Valentine’s Day is fine but Kate totally hates it and that amuses him. And since we’re practically professional debaters at this point (thank you very much, Pajama Jeans) we thought we’d do it.

Valentine’s Day sucks big, hot monkey balls. Discuss.
Lydia: It is a holiday where I get a present. Therefore, it does not suck.
Kate: A present of fattening chocolate bought at CVS at 5:50pm and delivered to you at 6:30pm, complimented by grocery store flowers that will be dead in seventeen minutes and the very last Valentine's Day card in the store. One that says something like, "I'm ape about you" and has a an oversized man whose hair has managed to migrate off his head and onto his shoulders. This is all very romantic.

Valentine’s Day is not about love, it’s about being forced to spend money.
Actually, it's about a Roman priest who was caught marrying Christian couples, which was a crime. The Emperor might have let him go, but the priest tried to convert him. Oops. They beat him with clubs and stoned him and when he still didn't die, he was beheaded. I'm pretty sure it's a cautionary tale that ends with: "...and the moral of the story is, don't buy the cow."
Lydia: I can't really respond to that.  As I am a bought cow.

Valentine’s Day is like Mother’s Day, New Year’s Eve and your birthday – always a disappointment...and if you want to go out, you have to book the babysitter yourself.
Lydia: Well, that part is certainly true. Because my husband, the incomparable yet curmudgeonly Cap’n Coupon apparently lacks the ability to book a babysitter. I don’t understand it. But as far as being a disappointment is concerned, I have a small piece of advice that makes Valentine’s Day a lot easier. Are you ready? Lower your expectations.
Kate: Lower then to the point of denying it even exists. No, no, I don't need flowers or candy. It's just Monday. Tell you what, I'll make mac-n-cheese, we'll grunt intelligibly at each other while flipping between Snooki and the 1977 World Series, and one of us will fall asleep in the living room. With any luck, we might even be able to ignore the day entirely. And use that babysitter money on a pair of shoes.

The worst part of Valentine’s Day is that you have to get him a present and it’s always something stupid like a power drill or a flat screen TV that isn’t even romantic at all.
Kate: No. The worst part is that when you go to raid the children's candy stash from their classmates, you discover that Mr. Romantic with the new drill ate the last mini Snickers bar. A word of advice, if you want to go for the romantic gift, get him custom made M&Ms that say "Suck It"
Lydia: Couldn't that be interpreted as a request?

You know what else sucks about Valentine’s Day? That your kids are all jacked up on candy and acting like demons.
Lydia: You got me there. That sucks donkey dong.
Kate: Problem solved. McLovin looked at February's calendar to see that Kate opted to work. the late shift. that night. The flip side is that he gets to spend Valentine's Day in his man cave with a beer and Charlie Sheen on TV. Which makes him the envy of every man in America.

Valentine’s Day is stupid because it’s represented by a large child in a diaper holding a bow and arrows.
Kate: I think this question made my point for me.
Lydia: No kidding. There’s nothing less sexy than a large child in a diaper playing with sharp objects. Especially during cold and flu season. Why not have the most romantic holiday of the year represented by saltpeter?

Valentine's Day is sweet. My children love getting the little cards from their friends.
Lydia: My kids love Valentine's Day because each little Phinneas and Ferb valentine is like a little present! And it's great practice for them to go about writing out all their Valentines for their friends.  And for their teachers and grandparents.  It's a nice way for them to remember and appreciate the folks they care about. 
Kate: Please. They could give a rat's patootie about the cards. If they're anything like Lefty, they're ripping the candy off the Spiderman or Dora greeting and making a snap decision about the kid based on the level of sugar deliciousness. "Emma gave me a WHOLE SNICKERS BAR! She's way better than that kid Clark. He just handed out those stupid heart candies. Mom! Do I hafta invite Clark to my birthday?" "Yes!" "Ugh. He's totally gonna give me pajamas or something..."

Valentine's Day is specifically designed to derail ALL of your New Year's Resolutions all at once.
Kate: Umm, even yesser. Actually, it more derails my *plans* to restart my New Year's Resolutions that were already derailed by that most nefarious of days -- the day after New Year.

Lydia: I don't want to sound all smug and Paltrow, but Valentine's candy isn't that hard to resist.  I think its mostly meh. My problem is the stuff that comes right on it's heels: Cadbury eggs and Girl Scout cookies. Now that stuff is my kryptonite. 

Valentine's Day is a conspiracy against men.
Lydia: I couldn't disagree more.  In my house, it's the Cap'n who always does a better job with Valentine's Day.  I never get it together and he's really hard to buy for and my gift for him is always something lame and last minute.  Which is pathetic because I like Valentine's Day. Also, I fail to see how its a conspiracy against men when its one of the few days of the year they can count on getting some.
Kate: You know when you send your sons to the bathroom, demanding that they go pee before you leave the house for the seven hour Extravaganza of Errands, and they stand in front of the potty concentrating really hard on peeing and they. just. can't. do. it? Fast forward twenty years. OK men, go out today and be THE MOST ROMANTIC MAN YOU'VE EVER BEEN IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. Yeah, that's not pressure. It's days like this they come home with scented oils and a book full of illustrations. I don't think so.

Valentine's Day is the one day when everyone gets to feel loved and be romantic.
Kate: I had a friend whose secret admirer decided to make himself known on Valentine's Day. By standing outside her apartment festooned with roses. Only roses. Nothing else. Including clothing. She taught self defense at the neighborhood Community Center. I like to think he's still plucking out the thorns she embedded into his ummm...festoons.
Lydia: I think we can all agree that your friend's stalker is an outlier.  I think the beauty of Valentine's Day is that you're accountable for telling the people you love how you feel.  And by accountable, I mean that people who can't even be bothered to try, to just say an extra "I love you" or write a card - are sort of "outed" as being jackholes.  I know people in relationships who feel unappreciated but can't quite put a finger on what's wrong.  Then Valentine's Day comes and their partner totally blows it off and they can say: "Oh. That's what wrong.  You're a douchebag who can't even be bothered to stop by CVS on your way home and pick me up a stupid box of Russel Stovers. Now I know."

Valentine’s Day brings with it the expectation of extra special relations.
Lydia: That’s pressure that none of us need, I totally agree. Especially for those of us who have fallen off of Jillian Michael's wagon again and are feeling flabby and finding it hard to look sexy after wiping poo off the floor. "Oh hi sweetie, let me go put on something more comfortable after I finish wiping the smears off the carpet, mmkay?" But those heightened expectations can also be a good thing. I hear.
Kate: They're kidding, right? By mid-February, I look as bad as I can possibly look all year -- all fattened up for winter, pale white and skin so dry that you could turn me into a pair of boots. Add in the freezer burned red blotches on my face and those teeny little bumps on the backs of my arms, and the chances of me putting on a little red cocktail dress, or --egad! -- even less? Consider moving Valentine's Day to August and I'm ALL IN. Until then, I'll be at work.


We want to know how you feel about Valentine's Day.  Send us your best - or your worst - Valentine's Day story and on Monday, we'll put them all together for your us at:

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. Totally with you on the GS cookies. Luckily I only have boys or I would be Jabba the Hutt by now.

  2. Make the shoes Choo's and you win Kate!

    My hubby won't even be here..... He'll be in London Town, I will be in Hong Kong.... I won't get a present and that's actually fine!

    I will wrestle with my IHP's for the evening and listen to them whine "When will Daddy be home, you're boring!" and be greatful when they do finally fall asleep... If it's not too late I may even watch TV *gasp*, by meself *GASP*, AND I may get to keep the REMOTE CONTROL for more than 5 seconds...... A good day really!

    Love Ya Guys!

  3. We never celebrate Valentine's Day either. I don't see the point. We have out anniversary and that's enough "romantic" pressure.

    Valentine's Day is either about sex or candy, depending on your age and relationship status... "it's about love" my ass. And if you ever try to go out on V-Day everything is crowded with awkward couples drinking heavily so they'll be ready to try out their new oils and outfits. No thanks!!!

    The one that's REALLY lame is "Sweetest Day"... really, Hallmark? Needed just one more money-maker? It's celebrated mostly by tween girls, I believe. Valentine's Day Jr... ridonkulous.

  4. I swear you two could have your own TV show where you just sit there, drink coffee, and debate stuff. You. are. awesome! I choked on my coffee at the 'I'm a bought cow' line. Aren't we all, aren't we all... p.s. I'm with Kate. Cupid is Stupid and so is this holiday.

  5. I am in total agreement about Valentine's candy being "meh." I HATE message hearts, nasty. It is the Cadbury eggs that will be my downfall. I have also made my husband promise NOT to buy me flowers on Valentines Day, but he can buy me some on the 15th for half-off.

  6. I'm with Kate. It's just another day where we're supposed to spend money on crap.

  7. Here's the Valentine's deal at my house. We order pizza and rent a porno and my husband does the snow all winter long. It's a very good deal.

  8. My husband and I close on our very first house Feb. 18, so we get to skip V-day this year. I'm not sad at all. I love the debate-Kate clearly wins!

  9. The only good thing about Valentine's Day this year was looking forward to Glee's Valentine episode. My kids celebrated by sprouting fevers. The only good thing about Valentine's last year? Nothing. Because Valentine's Day is lame.It's a Hallmark holiday, which I hate.

  10. Okay gals, the secret to Valentine's Day is that you have to turn it on it's head and make it work for you. I learned *painfully* that my husband can be a d'bag when it comes to this day, and NOT because he wants to be, it's because he has a Y chromosome and it's how he's made. And I ain't planning my own day! So I let him off the hook and we make it a family thing, no presents, a nice meal, fun movie for the kids, dessert, wine, early bedtime, and we both get lucky.
    Some of the bad rap is the commercialization. I remember when I had a real job, and all freakin day long, the flower vans would stop and bring flowers and you bit your lip til it bled, hoping your roses would emerge. And it really sucked if they never did. I had a pal post on FB that she's sending herself flowers this year, at work. Really? Well, you kinda just screwed yourself by putting in on FB! If it's that bad, call in sick!

  11. I'm mostly on the "Valentine's Day is stupid" wagon. It's fun for kids - I remember making plates of cookies, leaving them on neighbors' doorsteps, ringing the bell, and running. They get a fun party at school - that's a nice break during the winter.

    But V-day has never been about gifts with me & hubby. (He's not a gift guy no matter what - including birthdays and Christmas - but that's another story). Instead, I usually try to make a better effort to fix a nice dinner. And since our anniversary is a day later, we try to go on a date sometime in the week surrounding the two days.

    The stupid wagon is the commercialism surrounding the holiday (for adults, at least). Why should we pay mega bucks to say "I love you"? That is what the holiday is about, so why not just say it.

  12. My favorite part of Valentine's Day is the special dinner. Everything we eat for dinner has to be red or pink. The family favorite is pink mashed potatoes. It is corny and fun and the whole family looks forward to it. We do the same for St. Patrick's day.

  13. we buy all the commercialized V-day crap a few days AFTER, at 50-75% off, and celebrate our "love" either on the 21st (our anniversary) or the weekend between the two dates. On the actual v-day we have a nicer than usual dinner and dessert, and the kids get candy. My husband doesn't believe in cards (not gonna spend money that will be thrown away the next day) or flowers (they're just gonna die) but he DOES believe in jewelry! :) I usually get him nothing and he's fine with that, this year I had a sexy photoshoot with a friend that's a photographer - me in moulin rouge type burlesque stuff. He's gonna die :P

  14. I agree about the commercialization. It's everywhere. I don't want an extravagant present, simply because TV ads say he needs to get one for me. If he actually wants to buy me something, wait for a more personally meaningful date. I'd be floored if I got something for the anniversary of our first kiss, or his proposal. Or the day I went into labor (since it most certainly WASN'T the day DD was born).

    That said, no gamble chocolates for me, ladies! Hubby's bringing home heart-shaped Lou Malnati's pizzas and a box of Fannie May to share with me and our DD. A nice family night in. Made him promise not to waste $ on flowers (just something I have to try to keep alive-ish for a few days, anyway). I married a romantic, he married a pragmatist. We work, somehow.

  15. I get out of Valentine's Day, because my hubby's bday is a few days before. :-) So we celebrate his bday, SAY we're also celebrating Vday, and call it good! I make the dinner resos, book the babysitter, plan and little "something something" and chalk it all up to a birthday celebration! When chances are, we're usually going out Valentine's weekend. Which is both fun and Sucks monkey balls, because I have to make the dinner resos and book babysitter sometime around Halloween...

  16. I've got my hubby's valentine gift already because we happened to be at Target-I LOVE that store. Anyway, the kids are taken care of, hubby is taken care of and since we've been together for going on 8 years, I know he'll forget until the next day when he'll "make it up to me". LOL, which will probably mean leftover roses from the grocery store marked down to 50% off. I know this, I expect it, so I'm with Lydia-I lowered my expectations a long time ago, it's made life easier. He's only not allowed to forget my birthday or our anniversary and I start reminding him about those two weeks before.

  17. One word, ladies. Chocovine. I know I emailed you about this. There's your V-Day plans. You're welcome.

  18. I'm with have to lower your expectations. We purchase a family gift that we can all enjoy together, which takes away the stress for each of us to find the "perfect gift."

  19. I think you both are turning into curmudgeons! I didn't have a Valentine the last two years and this year my Valentine is a half the country away. But I still love it. And as for the "extra special relations," bring it ON. Our men do NOT care about extra pounds or red skin. They think we are sexy all the time. The want us all the time. And that is what should make you feel sexy. (And yes, I DO have kids, but the hard crash from the candy really knocks them out for the night!!!)

  20. We don't go out for Valentine's day but I still like it! For me I get a fact any holiday real or made up that I get a present, I'm totally down with! I do so much disgusting crap around here that I need presents! It doesn't even have to be major...a little Godiva and mommy is happy!

  21. I love the day, but hate the commercialism and over-inflated pressure and prices. Really, the same roses I bought three weeks ago for $10.00 are know worth $25.00?!! Whatever!
    Here is my blog entry about Valentine's Day this year...

  22. Hating Valentine's Day was pretty much decided for me since it was the husband's wedding anniversary with wife #1. He hated the reminder and never wanted to do anything special. But I'll tell you now girls, you should never lower your expectations... I did that and it took me too long to figure out that once you start lowering the never stops... If they want it... make them work for it!

  23. One more reason to hate V-Day ... class parties. Both of my girls inform me after school that their parties are tomorrow.(I guess so they can send the kids home all sugared up & crazy on a Friday instead of a Monday.) Oh yeah, and one has to bring snacks, the other wants candy to hand out with her valentines. On a positive note, we had enough leftover cards from the past 2 or 3 yrs that I didn't have to go out to buy those too. So Mom FTW - even if it is a partial one!

  24. Totally with Kate. If it wasn't for my preschooler, V-day is totally canceled at my house. =P

  25. I usually like vday, but this year I will be alone (well not actually, my 3 devil cupcakes will be with me) but where will my husband be??? In VEGAS!! mmhhmmm I BETTER be getting something GOOD! Like... oh I don't know... diamonds or louboutins!

  26. My husband and I decided at the beginning of our marriage (15 years ago) that we would not recognize V-day as a celebratory holiday. We both felt it was a "Hallmark holiday" and therefore designed to make us spend money on crap neither of us needed. We tell each other and show each other everyday that we are important to one another and I don't need $50 roses to reinforce it. Plus he is very skilled in picking out the most perfect anniversary card or birthday card with the appropriate amount of mush and smart ass to make me melt. I do however buy each of my girls a book with a Valentine theme instead of candy since they bring home enough to re-stock the shelves at Wal-Mart from school.

  27. I like V-day. I buy my girlies something fun from CVS and wrap it and put it on their beds so they find it when they wake up. I spend a ridiculous amount of time and energy with them creating the perfect homemade valentines to give away at school. If I find something that I think my hubby will like I get it for him, this year he's getting a straw holder. His sister stole the one from his childhood memories and he bitches about everytime he goes to her house, maybe this will shut him up. ;) I do all this knowing that he will bring me the leftover flowers from the restaurant we own at 11pm at night. They will be the broken pitiful rejects that none of our customers wanted. And sometimes one of our managers has the nerve to steal them first and then I get nothing. It is a joke in our house that my gift is dying rejects. I still like V-day!




Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Popular Posts