Friday, February 18, 2011

Kate & Lydia's Education and Enrichment Program: Round Two

Now that Lydia and I have been enriched by Tap Dance, we think it's time we tackled our next big project. And, what better way to become smarter, more talented and even more embarrassing to our friends and families than to allow you -- our beloved MommyLand -- to vote for what we do next.

I scoured our County's Enrichment Programs, eliminating ones that were either too expensive for our paltry little MommyLand budget...or just not embarrassing enough. I mean, we *could* do underwater kickboxing, but that doesn't have nearly the humiliation level as, say, Roller Derby. ROLLER. DERBY. [Editor's Note: Of course, you realize that Lydia will just use the skates and speed to "accidentally" pummel me into a wall. Maybe let's vote for Krav Maga?? Please? - Kate]

And the nominations for Kate & Lydia's Spring Enrichment Program are:

Beginner Springboard Diving
This class introduces you to the four main components of the dive: approach, take-off, flight and entry. Students are also introduced to the forward and back dives. Lydia is actually awesome at diving. She would love to participate in something that she stood a fairly good chance of whooping Kate at. But then there's that whole video of self in bathing suit posted on the internet thing and she's all like "hell to the nah". Kate doesn't love the idea of the whole internet/bathing suit thing but cringes at what all that chlorine will do to her hair. I mean, she has priorities.

Fly Fishing
Introduction to fly fishing. Bring your own fully rigged rod (leader and line) or rent one from the instructor at first class for $50. Supply fee of $5 payable to instructor at first class. We're not sure how we feel about about handling someone else's rented rod. Particularly one that may not be "fully equipped".

Supervised Social Bridge
For bridge players at all levels, this class combines lecture and supervised bridge playing in a social setting. Kate and Lydia are no longer required to be supervised (the judge told us we didn't have to anymore) but we find that we tend to behave a little more appropriately when we know we're being watched. And you know how outta control those Social Bridge matches can get. We totally need umpires or wardens or whatever.

Bollywood Style Dance
One of today's hottest dances, Bollywood-style dance is filled with fast moves and provides a fun workout! Dress in loose clothing. Since Kate doesn't own any clothing that isn't size "extra tight" that last part is going to be sort of hard. And, since Lydia thinks she knows how to sing in actual Hindi, we're pretty sure that this is just ripe for an "International Incident" and some sort of formal apology in the not-too-distant future.

Ukranian Batik Egg Making
Learn the art of making Ukrainian batik eggs. Explore techniques, colors and designs as you create your own egg to take home. Supply fee payable to instructor at first class. Actually, we're pretty sure this is just some cover operation for harvesting our ovaries and supplying babies to some country that may or may not be near Russia and we're gonna wake up in a seedy motel in a bathtub full of ice. It could also portend a really fancy Easter.

Dodgeball
Two different divisions (Casual & Competitive) for teams ranging in skill sets. All games are officiated by two qualified and experienced referees, and played on regulation size Dodgeball courts. After the games, our Sponsor Bar provides beer &  food specials for teams to socialize and meet other players. Wait. WHAT?! We get to indulge our violent tendencies and then we get to drink? Oh even YESSER.

Boot Camp
Fun, physical training that may include a combination of calisthenics, floor exercise and outdoor work. Great for the intermediate or advanced exerciser who is looking to mix things up a bit! Classes are held outdoors. People seriously pay money for this? I'm not going unless Jillian is doing the yelling and the bossing, because otherwise - it sounds a lot like a little activity I already do all the time that I like to call "taking my kids to the playground." Except presumably, the drill instructor won't be pestering me for juice boxes and asking me to wipe his bottom. Hopefully.

Meditation
Focus and calm your mind with breathing exercises that release tension. Centered mindfulness relaxes the physical body for overall well being, concentration and positive energy.

Lydia would fail this class in less than 90 seconds unless she was allowed to check Facebook or play Angry Birds on her phone while attempting to find centered mindfulness. We learned during Snowmageddon that - despite her pleas for peace and quiet - she hates peace and quiet. There's also a good chance Kate and Lydia would spend all their meditation time giggling and screaming at each other to SHUT UP AND MEDITATE! That might not be so good for the overall well being and positive energy, but we can definitely concentrate really hard on just what injury we're going to inflict on each other when we're done meditating.

Krav Maga
We're bringing this one back from the last Enrichment Program. Girls, this is bad ass. It's a martial art/hand-to-hand combat/bad ass personal defense thingy that the Israeli military does. And it's supposed to be "known for its extremely efficient and brutal counter-attacks, as it is also taught to elite special forces around the world." Both Kate and Lydia are super excited about this one, mostly because they teach you how to A-Frame someone and then immediately punch them in the throat. So they can't scream...awesome.

 Roller Derby
There's no official explanation for this, because HELLO? It's Roller Derby. It's like "Wanna get fit and slam your friends into a wall? Then this is the sport for you..." Amy the Pregnant Chicken has already given us our Derby names. Kate is Hell on Heels. Lydia is SmashMouth. Kate fears that *that* is exactly what Lydia is going to do to her.

Rock Guitar
An introduction to rock and roll guitar playing. Students learn the basics of rock guitar and improvisation. Beginners encouraged. Students should supply their own instruments. Those with electric guitars should bring a portable amplifier. You know what this means? It means we can totally join Spinal Tap! Plus, we really really want portable amplifiers so we can yell at the children even loudier. That should totally be a word. Loudier.

Hula Hoop for Fitness
Class is designed to take you through the basics of hula hooping regardless of your fitness level or prior experience. Hula hooping allows you to explore the hoop through movement, dance and body awareness. Classes combine a cardio workout with basic waist hooping leading onto arm hooping, hooping tricks and hoop dance routines. This fitness workout inspires strength, confidence, power and poise using the hula hoop. We're intrigued about how long we'll be tasked with "exploring the hoop". Because we rock the hula hoop game on Wii Fit Plus and there's no actual hoop involved there. Also, Lydia is not thrilled with the idea of increased body awareness, as she's already painfully aware of all of her body's parts - especially the ones that keep moving after she stops. Kate doesn't mind the increased awareness as long it means she gets to spend more time with a mirror.
  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you have a minute - check out our latest post "What Children Can Learn from Egypt" on the Huffington Post's comedy page and if you're so inclined - leave a little comment telling us what you thought of it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

107 comments:

  1. You've got to do the meditation. Truly. I joined a meditation group last fall and it is amazing and transformative. DO. IT!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I vote for continuing the dance theme with Bollywood style dance.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ladies it's either Hoolie Hoop or Roller Derby...

    Sorry, nothing else will do... Gotta Love Whip-It! In your Roller Derby, Kate is TOTALLY Drew Barrymore and will write, direct and be the *STAR* and Lydia is TOTALLY Iron Maven.....

    Actually, sorry, it's GOT to be Roller Derby!

    Love YA!
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. oooooo. def hula hoop. think of the potential for killer abs! i wish this ritzy podunk would wise up and supply enrichment programs. curse you, redneck riviera. i want ukranian batik egg making classes!!! or at least a decent city-sponsored fitness class that doesn't cost an arm and a leg...come to think of it, maybe that is how you drop the weight...by severing 2 limbs. *rubs chin menacingly*

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bollywood style dance? Is this a for-serious option? I want your choices for myself, demmit!

    Ok, so, in order of awesomeness/chance for public humiliation, here are my favorites:

    Bollywood!
    Rock Guitar
    Krav Maga
    Hula Hoop for 'Fitness' (or its less popular cousin,
    "Hula hoop for the entertrainment fo this random bored chick in Indiana, because she doesn't have good 'enrichment activities' available")

    ReplyDelete
  6. oooh, I vote for dodgeball with my second choice of hula hooping. A bunch of my momma friends have hoops and it's actually a lot of fun and kinda meditative =)

    I adore you two!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. oh oh oh!!! Fly Fishing!!! It's AWESOME. I learned when I was a kid and it's fun.fun.fun. but then I was 12...hmmmmm.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dodgeball gets my vote!! Woot!

    ReplyDelete
  9. You guys should totally do the hula hoop class! That would be so much fun. Is it with weighted hoops? My mom just got one of those for Christmas and it is amazing. I tried it out ... way more difficult than I thought it'd be. She has fun working out with that every morning. Good luck in your decision! :o)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I vote for Bollywood Dancing because I eargerly await the next video posting of your finished product! I will settle for Dodgeball, though, because I think it could be a form of therapy for you both. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Definitely dodgeball, with hula hoops a close second.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bollywood! or roller derby...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bollywood dance or roller derby. How the heck would you videotape yourselves meditating for us? Would you want to? There is no humor there! Personally, I would go for flyfishing myself and am jealous you have a course available :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Bollywood style dance, with Roller Derby as second choice.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dodgeball for the win!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. LOL, great choices! I'd go for dodge ball, roller derby, or rock guitar, in that order. Heck, I'd love to do rock guitar myself. . . .

    ReplyDelete
  17. Meditation is for wussies, fly fishing is for old men and brothers, and roller derby is for east German women-ish things. Krav Maga is the only choice here. You could be like Ziva on NCIS. The bounce house guy would fear you. Randy the laundry fairy would tremble in your presence. Even perfect mommy is afraid of Krav Maga.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Boot camp or meditation -- let me know where it is and I might join you. We could produce a documentary of the whole experience:)

    Having said that, I really think the obvious choice is DODGEBALL.

    ReplyDelete
  19. OMG--I did the Springboard Diving (twice) with my 6 year old son. FYI--the first time I was the only adult and the second time there was a 75 old man who was training for the Senior Olympics. It was totally fun and embarrassing.

    But, I vote for the Bollywood Dance--you should be ringers since you can already tap.

    ReplyDelete
  20. OOh! Roller derby, dodgeball or hula hooping.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Too many good choices, but my vote is definitely springboard diving!

    Because I think that you won't do that..ya know, b/c of the bathing suits and the chlorine, my second vote goes to roller derby.

    ReplyDelete
  22. dodgeball... only because it mentioned beer and snacks.

    ReplyDelete
  23. By order of embarrassment/ease of producing entertaining videos:
    Bollywood dancing
    Hula hooping
    Roller derby
    Dodgeball
    Think of the crazy costumes you could come up with for your next variety show with a Bollywood Theme!! Go for it!!
    T

    ReplyDelete
  24. It's got to be Bollywood dancing. It is beyond awesome...the music is awesome, the energy is great and hello...have you SEEN the costumes! Bollywood all the way.

    ReplyDelete
  25. In order of level of embarrassment:
    Bollywood dancing
    Hula hooping
    Roller derby
    Think of the crazy costumes you could come up with for your next variety show with a Bollywood Theme!
    T

    ReplyDelete
  26. I demand either Dodgeball, Krav Maga, or Roller Derby. I'm torn between flavors of awesomeness. But I think it's going to be either Dodgeball or Roller Derby, because Krav Maga might kick serious butt, but it doesn't give you a cool hardcore name or free beer.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Dodgeball! Because you get to vent all your mommy frustrations in a semi structured environment and then they serve you BEER!!! Come on!! BEER and anger management should always go hand in hand.

    ReplyDelete
  28. In order of level of embarrassment:
    Bollywood dancing
    Hula hooping
    Roller derby
    Think of the crazy costumes you could come up with for your next variety show with a Bollywood Theme!
    T

    ReplyDelete
  29. Fly Fishing. Because this is "adult education" and you really need to be able to tell your husbands that you're off to handle the rod and tackle.
    And then you get to say that according to the instructor, once a week is plenty.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Roller Derby
    Bolleywood Dance

    =)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I would totally vote for Springboard diving, but it looks like I am the only one. So instead I'll say dodgeball!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Bollywood Dancing, followed closely by Springboard diving.

    definately useful life skills to have, or at least to lord over the minions.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Dude, that's a crap-ton of options! I'm voting for Bollywood Dancing, Dodgeball, and Roller Derby. I have a friend who's a for-real Derby girl, and it's totally awesome. You even get a bad-ass nickname like Lucille Ball Breaker (that's my friend's nickname).

    ReplyDelete
  34. I think that while dodgeball could be fun the "officiality" of it might be a total downer. Hula hooping is rough, an awesome workout, and pretty fun. My vote has to go to Krav Maga though... you guys are getting famouser and famouser and being able to defend yourselves from crazed stalkers might be a good idea.

    ReplyDelete
  35. First of all, it is clear I must move as my county offers no enrichment programs this diverse!
    But enough about me---I vote for Dodgeball, Hula Hoop or Roller Derby
    As many have pointed out, there's not much that can beat a good round of Dodgeball followed by beer..which I am realizing makes me sound like a complete redneck
    Can't wait to see what you choose

    ReplyDelete
  36. I was leaning towards bollywood dancing until I saw hoola hoop!! You are the bravest women I know (or feel like I know)!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Oh, Dodgeball! Even yesser! Really good exercise, super fun, and you get to drink afterward! Also, you can reenact that awesome scene from the original Hairspray.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hula hoop because hahahaha, or Bollywood for it's potentially awesome video possibilities.

    ReplyDelete
  39. 1. Bollywood
    2. Dodgeball
    3. Krav Maga
    Can't wait!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Bollywood dancing with Bollywood dresses that would be so awesome

    ReplyDelete
  41. Oh please try diving or roller derby! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  42. 1. Dodgeball
    2. Rollerderby
    3. Krav Maga

    Let's see some action ladies! Go for it!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Have you seen the new show Portlandia? The episode with competitive hide-and-go seek? That isn't so far off the mark. There are competitive kickball and dodgeball leagues here and I have friends that play in both. The best part of both? They end with going and getting beer. You should totally do dodgeball...if not just for the beer. (I'm pregnant and craving beer...can you tell?)

    ReplyDelete
  44. DODGEBALL!!!!

    Followed by Roller Derby and then Krav Maga :)

    ReplyDelete
  45. Fly fishing! Dodgeball as a 2nd choice.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I can't decide between my two favorites. So I must suggest: Dodgebollywood.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Dodgeball! Dodgeball! Dodgeball!! How can you say no to beer and snacks after??

    ReplyDelete
  48. I am SOOOO jealous of your enrichment program selections! And I thought our parks and rec was awesome...

    There are just too many completely awesome choices here. Endless possibilities! But, if I must choose, I would say Bollywood or Roller Derby because of the costume selection possibilities! But Dodgeball has beer... mmmmmmm beeeer....

    ReplyDelete
  49. I totally vote for Bollywood style dancing!!!

    In terms of watching a video of the event, Bollywood dancing wins and Bridge loses! I can't even contemplate an hour long video of the two of you playing bridge. Then again, you two could even make that fun!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Bollywood or dodgeball! Please, please, please!

    ReplyDelete
  51. I used to dive competitively! Lots of fun and lots of work.

    I would say diving, dodgeball or roller derby!

    ReplyDelete
  52. I can't decide, so based in order of potential embarrassment, I vote for

    1. Roller Derby
    2. Dodgeball
    3. Bollywood
    4. Krav Maga

    ReplyDelete
  53. Bollywood dancing!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  54. Actually, I make ukranian eggs and love it! But, my vote is roller derby.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Roller Derby, Roller Derby, Roller Derby!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  56. If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball.... and adult beverages are part of the deal? How could you not do dodgeball?

    ReplyDelete
  57. First choice- Dodgeball
    Second choice- Roller derby
    Third choice- Hula hooping

    ReplyDelete
  58. Bollywood (just think of the pretty costumes you might have to put on) or Krav Maga Please!
    I chose a form of martial arts for my enrichment program and it has worked wonders for me! It feels very special to be able to punch and kick things (people) after a long day of stay at home Mom :-)

    ReplyDelete
  59. Hula hoop! I took a class on it with my sister. It was ridiculous. We couldn't look at each other or we'd burst out laughing. We twirled it on the same arm, overhead, for 60 minutes...I could barely pick up my baby the next day. The instructor was very impressive with her skills, but I can think of a thousand other things would rather tell people I'm accomplished in. All the more reason to try it out!

    ReplyDelete
  60. Putting in my vote for Bollywood (or Belly) Dance!

    Both are lots of fun and great exercise. I've been bellydancing for 9 years and Bollywood kicks my butt!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Can you dodge a wrench?? If so - I say dodgeball!!!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Hula Hoop!! "Classes combine a cardio workout with basic waist hooping leading onto arm hooping, hooping tricks and **HOOP DANCE ROUTINES**"

    Totally something you'd rock at!

    ReplyDelete
  63. Dodgeball, roller derby, or hula hooping. Great choices!

    ReplyDelete
  64. Bollywood
    Roller Derby
    Dodgeball
    I wish I could sign up with you!!

    ReplyDelete
  65. Dodgeball or Bollywood! Both would be The Awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Rock guitar
    Dodge Ball
    Krav Maga
    Hula Hoop

    In that order...

    ReplyDelete
  67. OhmyMAUDE!!!

    DODGEBALL!! It's the complete package: childhood game + exercise + stress reliever + ADULT BEVERAGES!

    furkhin DUH.

    Choice two would have to be Roller Derby, followed by Krav Maga.

    Hmm...all of my choices are incredibly violent. Maybe I should meditate... ommmmm

    ReplyDelete
  68. um, the only answer is ROLLER DERBY!

    ReplyDelete
  69. Hula hoop or rock guitar!

    ReplyDelete
  70. #1 - Bollywood
    #2 - hula hoop!!

    ReplyDelete
  71. 1: bollywood
    2; dodgeball

    But bollywood? YES!

    --kate in michigan

    ReplyDelete
  72. 1 - Bollywood
    2 - Krav Maga
    3 - Hula Hoops

    Dodgeball would be a lot of fun, but only fun for us to watch if you two were on opposite teams. Just sayin.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Bollywood dancing
    Krav Maga

    ReplyDelete
  74. O-man's Mom in Las VegasFebruary 18, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    FLY FISHING!!!!!! and with it I forsee empty T-boxes, un-attractive waterproof footwear and an unfortunate incident involving a lone flopping fish.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Roller Derby packs the most funny ....

    ReplyDelete
  76. Note on the boot Camp. I don't know what it is like out where you live, but my mother (who's in her late 40's, wakes up every morning at 6 to exercise for an hour, and it the most fit person I know) has a really rough time with the boot camps out here. She calls me so me days and talks about how much she hurts and how unpleasant it is when they go out and it is ridiculously cold - the one's she has gone to in the past are super early in the morning. so I would keep away from that one.

    And my vote would have to be Bollywood or Dodgeball.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Bollywood or Rollerderby (but I'm a little nervous for you about Rollerderby b/c it's kind of the high potential for injury!)

    ReplyDelete
  78. OMG DODGEBALL!!!! and there would have to be lots of videos! i dont think words would do justice to the awesomeness that would take place

    ReplyDelete
  79. Hula Hooping. Hooping has SERIOUS video potential.
    Hooping while drinking a T-box. Hooping while doing the laundry. Hooping while texting each other about Hooping. Comeon, the choice is obvious!
    HOOPING WHILE TAP DANCING!

    ReplyDelete
  80. Roller Derby? Roller Derby! ROLLER DERBY!!!!

    Does that count as three different votes?

    ReplyDelete
  81. #1- Roller Derby
    #2- Dodge Ball

    ReplyDelete
  82. I vote for springboard diving, hula hoop, or Bollywood dance.

    ReplyDelete
  83. I say #1 - Hula Hoop or #2 - Bollywood... Though Krav Maga is also good.

    It's so awesome to let the internets decide what Adult Ed programs you'll participate in. Missed out on the voting last time, but I loved the results!

    ReplyDelete
  84. I vote for Dogeball. It will let you get out your aggressions with a low chance of ending up in the hospital, or jail.

    ReplyDelete
  85. ROLLER DERBY

    Pleasepleaseplease

    Because of Lydia in the helmet and Kate really wants to shove people out of the way most of the time anyhow- am I right?

    ReplyDelete
  86. krav maga. get down with your inner badasses

    ReplyDelete
  87. roller derby, obviously. 2nd - dodgeball.

    ReplyDelete
  88. #1 - Dodgeball
    #2 - Bollywood
    #3 - (And only because I have visions of Jack Black ala School of Rock, teaching the "power stance") Rock guitar

    ReplyDelete
  89. I vote for dodgeball, because HELLO, watching people get pummled with balls is always good entertainment. PLUS, THEY GIVE YOU BEER AFTERWARDS!!! That's the one I would want to join if I could.

    ReplyDelete
  90. My votes are
    1. Bollywood
    2. Rollerderby
    3. Spring Board Diving
    4. Dodgeball

    ReplyDelete
  91. Oh, totally Rollerderby! Two years ago I was at our state fair, and the Rollerderby girls were there. I wanted in. I wanted to get on my skates that I packed away in 1982 and let my aggressions out! As I said this, my knee started to ache, I swear. I asked how old the oldest person was. And they said, "Granny" was 43. Well, I'm turning 44 in a couple of months. I still wanna do it, but I would love to live vicariously through you instead!

    ReplyDelete

ShareThis

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Popular Posts