Friday, February 11, 2011

TAP DANCE -- Live and Uncensored!

You may remember that we thought we'd spend of our hard earned money on something called an "enrichment program" designed to broaden our horizons and make us more worldly. Then, we let you guys vote on it, and you sent us to tap dancing lessons instead. Thank you for that.

We learned a lot of things during our eight weeks in tap.
  • First, we learned that even though we signed up for eight lessons, our kids made four of them impossible. We're pretty sure we did one make up class, but the other three -- ummm. We were offered the chance to do makeup lessons in another class, specifically Hip Hop. But that would just mean that we were in danger of being incompetent in two styles of dance. Also, Kate insisted on referring to the Hip Hop class as the Hip Pop class, as in she was going to pop out a hip. She's going to make an excellent old lady in about six months.
  • Second, we learned that tapping is WAY harder that it looks. Rock on with your bad self Dule Hill. We only had to do little 30 second routines and we were sucking wind. We saw you do this awesome Tap On Dance Off at ComiCon for like 27 hours and you never even broke a sweat. In a totally unrelated point Mr. Hill, if you google yourself and see strange references to the fact that you may not have sweat glands, that is not us. Nope.
    • Third, no matter the fact that we are 1) girls; and 2) not nine years old, saying "shuffle ball change" is funny. Every. Single. Time. 
    • And, fourth, we learned that we shouldn't have promised to do a recital. Because now we have to do it. So, we are moving beyond humiliating ourselves on our blog...and on TV...and on youtube...this time, we're going to be doing it live and in surround sound.
    How is this feat possible? Thanks to the Ministerial Goddess of Cool and her cohorts at our church, we will be donning sparkly top hats and matching outfits to delight the crowds in this weekends Church Variety Show. [Editor's Note: Notice that they call it a "Variety Show" rather than a "Talent Show" -- this is strategic. We have no talent.  -Kate]
    And, because there is apparently no limit to our bad ideas, we have spent the past week rigorously practicing blaming each other trying to break our legs entering the Witness Protection Program planning for and making a tap dancing training video that actually involves absolutely no tap dancing whatsoever. 

    Only yesterday did we finally pick the song we're going to use. What does this all mean? It means that, come Sunday evening, we're going to step on that stage and embarrass our families for the rest of time. We may also be asked to find a new church.

    We'll be posting the training video later today!! Kate has put her producer hat on and made something that will make you cry and want to give her shiny awards with gold dipped men on them. And after that, she put together this video. Which will only make you wonder how she keeps her job.

    As for the performance, we've had a few inquiries about when and where and can we videotape it and what are the laws about blackmail and how many t-boxes will you be drinking before you go on stage?

    The "Variety Show" will be at our church this Sunday. Technically it is open to the public.  It's a fundraiser for the Youth Group and there will be a silent auction of some very cool things. Bear in mind that we will only be consuming three minutes of this WHOLE LONG PROGRAM, so maybe you don't really want to show up, right? But, if you think that carpooling with your girlfriends to see us act like complete jackholes is an awesome way to spend a Sunday night, email us and we'll send you the details.

    Videotaping? We don't know what the rules are...but we'll be doing it and posting the awesomeness/humiliation right here on Monday morning. Woot! Also, the stage is super tiny, so there's a chance one of us will fall off of it. [Editor's Note: Ahem, LYDIA.]

    How many T-boxes? Enough to make us brave enough to get up on stage, but no so many that we refuse to get off the stage when it's done.

    Unless, of course, we fall off mid-tap. That would be epic.

    (c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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