Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Texts from Snowmaggedon

Note: I originally posted this on February 2, 2011, a few days after the ill-fated "Snowmaggedon" that took over the metro DC area. Given that the exact same scenario is playing out in Atlanta and all over the South right now, I thought it might be a good time to share it again. By the way, that night it took my husband 7 and a half hours to drive less than 20 miles. 

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. Oh, this was brilliant and had me wet-TING my pants.

    Did you know I had to call for towing out of a snowdrift tonight, and a guy named "sparky" (that was actually the name on the biz card) had to come pull my almost tilting van out for 60 bucks??

    Good to be home.

  2. Haha awesome, lions and gazelles...

  3. This is hilarious!! You made my day yet again, as always! Being home alone with a 7 month old in the middle of winter can make a new mom go crazy!! You gals brighten my morning and get me going....thanks!!!

  4. Whuck? Who abandons their car in the middle of the road? Those jackholes should have their cars confiscated and auctioned for the public good. Either that, or everyone should roll down their windows and key the car as they pass by.

  5. I.LOVE.YOU. This was awesome! I teach high school English, and you guys just inspired me to have my students try texting as characters in our novels and plays. BTW, we are snowed in up here in Northeast PA. I am thanking Maude that I have candles and enough boxed wine in my fridge to last for the day! :)

  6. Ha Ha Ha! We are currently in a snowpocolypse ourselves. You can't see across the street. It's awesome. My husband is working from home today. The bad news? Our snowblower won't start. So we are going to take turns shoveling our not so short driveway all day. The good news? My almost 2 year old is convinced that snow plows are Dragons. She wants a dragon. Whenever one goes by she runs to the window and says "RAWR!!! My mum mum, where Rawr?"

    Makes me laugh every time.

  7. Okay, officially love.

    Winter does (not so) funny things to people.

    Kate and I share you-stupid-jerk road rage.

  8. That was hiliarious!!

    Thank you for the laugh this morning!

    We live in southwestern Michigan, getting hit with it seriously bad. A foot of snow overnight ... and still falling down with severe blowing and drifting. Main roads shut down, only one lane of the highway "open", government agencies shut down, including our House & Senate who called it quits yesterday.


    Stay safe!

  9. Oh girls, that was hilarious! I'm one of those folks who laugh on the inside but not today. I may have wet my pants.
    I wrote a similar post today because yesterday (here in lower AL) the weathermen all conspired to scare us all to death about impending weather and I was home alone with six kids, two dogs and a stray that came for the storm. I got all freaked at one point and kept hearing stuff hit the house and became "There's a man on the wing of this plane" batsh!t crazy. Glad I'm not alone!

  10. That is EXACTLY how it was. Bahahaha!

  11. Awesome! For now the snow has stopped and in a totally snarky kind of way the sun is shining, taunting us with its yellow rays of light, daring us to venture outside in -15 MPH windchills!!!!!

    And wait - what's that on the weather forecast - oh yeah its MORE snow!!!!!

  12. This needs to be shared with some national news outlet. This is, far and away, The.Best.Reporting. of this storm I have seen.

    FFT I have read in a long time!!

    Kate~ you are such a good helper. Mr Rogers would be proud to have you as a neighbor.
    But, I'm afraid the trolley may succumb to the Capn's Wild Kingdom...

  13. Try living in the Northwest where we get occasional snow. So nobody knows how to drive in it, and people abandon their cars if they see more than 2 snow flakes fall in a 5 min time period. Sorry it was so sucktacular!

  14. That. Was. Hilarious.

  15. Best post evah! How the heck did you did you to that with your iphone bubble screen where you can add your name and the texts? You even had the battery deteriorating!! Is there an app for that?! Loves

  16. Awesome!!! Glad neither of them were driving on Lakeshore Drive in Chicago when it became a large parking lot last night.....although the conversations would have gotten only funnier.

  17. Never in my life (even in the middle of the 135 degree summer temps) have I EVER been so effing happy that I live in Las Vegas. No snow for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mwahahaaaaahaaaaaa

    Sorry... couldn't help it.

  18. Ohhhhh, Snowmageddon. How I hated you with a passion that knows no bounds and still have bad memories.

    My little guy was born on Jan 22, 2010. On Jan 24, 2010 – he was sent to NICU with an infected umbilical cord. He was (mercifully) discharged on Jan 31, 2010. Snowmageddon Part I hit Feb 5/6th. As a c-section-mommy, I was not “allowed” to drive. Sooooo, a severe lack of food stuffs in the house. We had a few days break between Snowmageddon Parts I and II. My OB had closed his office the entire week – so I had not had my 2-week post-partum check. I (hahaha) gave myself permission to drive – and went to the store to stock up for Snowmageddon II.


    Annnnnnnd, as a recovering-from-a-c-section-mommy – my hubs (wisely) would not let me “help” with clearing snow. He’s one to wait ‘til the storm is completely over to start shoveling. (LMAO at the thought of that with THREE FEET of snow.) I am one to clear the porch/steps/sidewalk every couple of hours so it doesn’t get too too bad. The hubs finally relented and let me use a push broom to clear the front porch and deck before the weight of the snow destroyed them.

    And the best part?? Thank MAUDE I was on maternity leave as my a$$hat company did not close. WTF?? Three feet of snow on the ground, a *state of emergency* declared by the governor – and we are open. (Not-so) awesome-sauce.

  19. As absolutely hilarious as your post was...I have to say the comment from "Sam" about the little one who thinks snowplows are Dragons was even funnier. Go, Dragons!!!!!! RAWR!

  20. Wow! I'm so glad I moved out of the midwest to Florida about a year ago. I heard from some of my friends about the giant traffic jam in Atlanta, GA.

  21. That's EVIL and I laughed the whole freaking time.

    Yesterday, I did NOT laugh when my awesome four-wheel-drive started sliding backwards down a steep incline, and the staff at Bob Evans were standing at the windows, pointing and cackling, while my eight-year-old screamed that we were going to die.

    But today, I laughed. :-} I'm so glad everyone got home ok!!!

  22. Oh the best thing about this post is it originally aired the very day my daughter was born! I remember the ice collecting everywhere at 5am as I headed to my scheduled c-section. Then I followed it up with reading the post 'conversations with a 3 year old" (since she is now 3) and am quite sure I popped something from laughing so hard!!

    Lydia you are my salvation, just say the word and I will worship you as the deity of modern motherhood that you are!

  23. SO FUNNY! I thought I was going to wake up everyone laughing! My favorite was Cap'n's lion metaphor, SO something I would come up with!! Thanks for the laughs!!

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