Friday, March 11, 2011

Overheard At the Preschool

Kate was the Mommy Helper at Happy's preschool today. As fate would have it, his teacher gave Kate some paper to write a few things down...and a Sharpie! It was only appropriate that she started listening in on what was going on.

Dad Parent Helper, to kid in another class: "Good morning Dianna. That's a pretty dress you're wearing. And did mommy put those pretty braids in your hair? You look so pretty."
Dianna: "I just farted."

Boy in class, to teacher: I have a little brother now!
Teacher: That's great news! What's his name?
Boy: Uhhh, I think it's Be Careful.

[Mom comes in with 4-year old, 2-year old and a baby in one of those bucket baby seats; passes by a mom and the Principal]
Mom: Every time I see a baby that tiny, I think about another one for about a half a second and then I laugh. There's no way I could go back to that again.

Principal: My uterus slams shut.

Happy's girlfriend, to Happy: Your mom is the Mommy Helper?
Happy: Yes!
Girlfriend: And your dad was the Daddy Helper the other day.
Happy: Uh-huh. He's fifty-one.
Girlfriend: He looks like my grandpa.

Teacher, to class: Boys and girls. What happens when I have to call out your name in circle time?
Girl: We have to sit in the chair.
Teacher: Right, you have to sit in the chair.
Boy: And if we're still bad, then we have to take the long walk.
[kids all suddenly silent]
Girl, whispering: Where do they go on the long walk?
Boy: I don't know. They never come back.

[in Spanish class]
Teacher: What is 'mono'? [does chimpanzee arms]

Teacher: Do you know 'elefante'? [mimics having a long trunk]

Kids: Elephant!
Teacher: Bien! How about 'oruga'? [wiggles her finger slowly toward them]
Teacher: It's little, green, wiggles like this...
Boy: A penis?

Girl #1, to Kate: Why are you writing on your arm?
Kate: I'm taking notes.
Girl #2: Mommy says we write on paper.
Kate: Yeah, she's right. I sometimes lose paper.
Girl #1: Will you write on me?
Kate: Hmm, probably not. Your mom might not like that so much.
Girl #2: Happy always has drawings on his arms.
Girl #1: Yeah! Why does he get to draw on him?
Kate: Well, we think it's fun. So since I'm his Mommy, he's allowed to do it. But it might make your mommy mad.
Girl #2: That's not fair. I'm gonna ask my mom if you can draw on me. I'm going to play dress up.
Girl #1, walking away: When I'm big, I'm gonna draw all over me.
Girl #2: Me too. With marker. 

New Big Brother: My mom had a baby yesterday.
Girl: My mom had a baby last year.
Boy: My brother isn't even one yet. He can't play or anything. He just cries.
Girl: My brother is one, but he doesn't play either. He cries too.
Boy: Awww man. I shoulda said I didn't want a brother.

Girl: Doesn't work. They said we have to keep him.

Boy, to friend, in rec room: Let's play basketball!
Friend: OK! I'm on your team because we're wearing the same color
Other Boy: I want to be on your team.
Another Boy: Me too!
Boy: You have to match. Hey! You have a blue shirt and you have red pants. [pointing to them] You take off your shirt and put on that shirt, and you take off your pants and --
[Kate stops writing and intervenes right as the stripping starts happening]

Kid, to Teacher, while feeding the fish: Ewww, one of the fish is dead!
Teacher: Oh, no...well, sometimes that happens. See, when animals get old, someti--
Kid: OOH! Can we have a funeral?!?! [squeals and runs off, yelling] HEY! WE GET TO HAVE A FUNERAL!

Mom, at pickup, to Teacher: Hi! [looks around room] Where's Jonah?
Teacher, looking around room, slightly panicked: Ummm, well, he was just here.
Mom: Jonah! Jonah!
Teacher, to other kids: Did you see Jonah? [lots of shaking heads] Jonah! [to mom] I know he didn't walk out. [to another teacher] Did you see Jonah in the hall? [shakes head, then goes looking] Jonah?
[Editor's Note: I did go looking too...just wanted to clarify that. -Kate]
Mom, yelling in hall: JOOOOONAHHHHHHH!
Jonah: [from behind bathroom door] I'm going poooooooo. Stop looking for me!

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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