Friday, March 11, 2011

Overheard At the Preschool

Kate was the Mommy Helper at Happy's preschool today. As fate would have it, his teacher gave Kate some paper to write a few things down...and a Sharpie! It was only appropriate that she started listening in on what was going on.

Dad Parent Helper, to kid in another class: "Good morning Dianna. That's a pretty dress you're wearing. And did mommy put those pretty braids in your hair? You look so pretty."
Dianna: "I just farted."

Boy in class, to teacher: I have a little brother now!
Teacher: That's great news! What's his name?
Boy: Uhhh, I think it's Be Careful.

[Mom comes in with 4-year old, 2-year old and a baby in one of those bucket baby seats; passes by a mom and the Principal]
Mom: Every time I see a baby that tiny, I think about another one for about a half a second and then I laugh. There's no way I could go back to that again.

Principal: My uterus slams shut.

Happy's girlfriend, to Happy: Your mom is the Mommy Helper?
Happy: Yes!
Girlfriend: And your dad was the Daddy Helper the other day.
Happy: Uh-huh. He's fifty-one.
Girlfriend: He looks like my grandpa.

Teacher, to class: Boys and girls. What happens when I have to call out your name in circle time?
Girl: We have to sit in the chair.
Teacher: Right, you have to sit in the chair.
Boy: And if we're still bad, then we have to take the long walk.
[kids all suddenly silent]
Girl, whispering: Where do they go on the long walk?
Boy: I don't know. They never come back.

[in Spanish class]
Teacher: What is 'mono'? [does chimpanzee arms]

Teacher: Do you know 'elefante'? [mimics having a long trunk]

Kids: Elephant!
Teacher: Bien! How about 'oruga'? [wiggles her finger slowly toward them]
Teacher: It's little, green, wiggles like this...
Boy: A penis?

Girl #1, to Kate: Why are you writing on your arm?
Kate: I'm taking notes.
Girl #2: Mommy says we write on paper.
Kate: Yeah, she's right. I sometimes lose paper.
Girl #1: Will you write on me?
Kate: Hmm, probably not. Your mom might not like that so much.
Girl #2: Happy always has drawings on his arms.
Girl #1: Yeah! Why does he get to draw on him?
Kate: Well, we think it's fun. So since I'm his Mommy, he's allowed to do it. But it might make your mommy mad.
Girl #2: That's not fair. I'm gonna ask my mom if you can draw on me. I'm going to play dress up.
Girl #1, walking away: When I'm big, I'm gonna draw all over me.
Girl #2: Me too. With marker. 

New Big Brother: My mom had a baby yesterday.
Girl: My mom had a baby last year.
Boy: My brother isn't even one yet. He can't play or anything. He just cries.
Girl: My brother is one, but he doesn't play either. He cries too.
Boy: Awww man. I shoulda said I didn't want a brother.

Girl: Doesn't work. They said we have to keep him.

Boy, to friend, in rec room: Let's play basketball!
Friend: OK! I'm on your team because we're wearing the same color
Other Boy: I want to be on your team.
Another Boy: Me too!
Boy: You have to match. Hey! You have a blue shirt and you have red pants. [pointing to them] You take off your shirt and put on that shirt, and you take off your pants and --
[Kate stops writing and intervenes right as the stripping starts happening]

Kid, to Teacher, while feeding the fish: Ewww, one of the fish is dead!
Teacher: Oh, no...well, sometimes that happens. See, when animals get old, someti--
Kid: OOH! Can we have a funeral?!?! [squeals and runs off, yelling] HEY! WE GET TO HAVE A FUNERAL!

Mom, at pickup, to Teacher: Hi! [looks around room] Where's Jonah?
Teacher, looking around room, slightly panicked: Ummm, well, he was just here.
Mom: Jonah! Jonah!
Teacher, to other kids: Did you see Jonah? [lots of shaking heads] Jonah! [to mom] I know he didn't walk out. [to another teacher] Did you see Jonah in the hall? [shakes head, then goes looking] Jonah?
[Editor's Note: I did go looking too...just wanted to clarify that. -Kate]
Mom, yelling in hall: JOOOOONAHHHHHHH!
Jonah: [from behind bathroom door] I'm going poooooooo. Stop looking for me!

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. That is awesome! I can't wait until I get to be a room mom for my kids ... they're still 2.5 and almost 1 so I'm still the everything mom right now. *sigh*

  2. This is why I was never a Room Mom. "Do you want to help in the classroom??!" (Said like this is the best offer ever.)
    "He's yours from nine to three. I think you can handle six hours."

  3. *giggles* omgoodness! I was totally almost snorting sprite out of my nose! Thank you for the profound words of children :)

  4. They should know better than to give you a Sharpie. Good thing the results are hilarious!

  5. OMG. Those were all hilarious, but the 'penis' comment was the best one!

  6. I LOVED helping in my daughter's class.. she didn't go to preschool but I helped once a week from K-2... it was SO MUCH FUN when they were in Kindergarten especially! They were all so cute and had to give me hugs and tell me they loved me.. so adorable! I kinda miss it this year (dd's in 3rd grade so I thought it was time to cut the flipping cord already lol) but I know she needs her freedom and it is kind of nice having a bit more room in my schedule :) I'm still very active in PTO though so it's not like I'm never around :)

  7. Everyone used to think my dad was my grandpa also. Poor McLovin

  8. To quote my son: "Mama, sometimes the poops come fast and sometimes the poops come slow". Deep wisdom from a 3 year old in the mall bathroom...for 15 minutes and counting. I should have brought a book.

  9. I am a room mom too -- but my son's class is not nearly as entertaining:) And I think the "I'm pooping - Stop looking for me" sign should be standard issue for all mommies. Really.

  10. For some reason, this makes me think of the Orsum Offspring... have you any new letters from her lately? Buzzzzzzzz......

  11. "Boy in class, to teacher: I have a little brother now!
    Teacher: That's great news! What's his name?
    Boy: Uhhh, I think it's Be Careful."

    CLASSIC!! oh my goodness, if that phrase doesn't escape my lips thirty million times a day... if my son (4) weren't so smart, he really would think his sister's (10 mo) name was "Be Careful!" either that or "Shh!! Be Quiet! the baby's sleeping!"

  12. The McLovin as grandpa one made me bust a gut. Also, I'm using the 'uterus slamming shut' imagery with my husband when he starts campaigning for another baby...

  13. One of my favorite books:

  14. I miss going into school!
    (10th graders will actually self-destruct if they see their parent in the building - it's very messy).

    I did smile though remembering that my mom used to to "decorate" my kids' arms with pen. They thought that was the best thing EVER!!

  15. Preschool kids are hilarious! I miss those days of being room mom ... mine are 16, 11 & 9 now.

  16. I'm going poooooooo. Stop looking for me!

    Haha! I need to start using that one around here. I'm fighting for any shred of privacy that I can get.

  17. Walking down the hall boy sees a picture of Martin Luther King Jr.

    Boy says to his teacher "That's Officer W."

    Officer W. is his dare officer, who happens to be black, but does not happen to look like MLK Jr.

    Boy happens to be my son. Thankfully Officer W. is a friend with a good sense of humor!

  18. I work in a preschool and love walking by classrooms and hearing things said. My favorite...
    {insert child name}get your head out of the toilet!

    that is my favorite because it was my own child. He laid his head backwards like he was getting his hair washed at the Salon.




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