Anyhow, the point is, the lovely people at TBD thought that -- despite our open and profound failure to successfully parent our own children -- that we should be giving sage parental advice to the rich and famous.
Even stranger, we agreed. Though, had they seen our morning, they might have changed their minds about our competency to do, well...anything.
- Kate showed up at Lydia's house with a boobstain. Lydia feared the real Kate had been kidnapped and was afraid of getting into Imposter Kate's car.
- Lydia was neither a hot mess, nor flailing about trying to get ready. She was also in heels. Kate feared that the real Lydia had been kidnapped and was afraid someone would eventually find her and Imposter Lydia would go away.
- Lydia taught Kate the cathartic healing power of yelling out "Van People!" when someone in a minivan does something jackhole-y, like cutting her off then hitting the brakes because -- oops -- he didn't want to get on the freeway. It's made even funnier when Lydia yells it while she's driving the Tampon.
- Kate also apparently drives like a meth-addicted Nigerian taxi driver. This according to Lydia, who's never been to Nigeria, addicted to meth, or a taxi driver. Not that she's wrong. At all...
- We also determined that Jay Z can have people killed just by nodding at them, that Kim Kardashian is the luckiest person on the planet who is famous for doing nothing as she is now a "singer", and that her mom might just be a genius. Dear Kris, if you put us together, we too are equally untalented with good hair, a little junk in the trunk and would love to be "singers" and "models" and "actresses". Also "veterinarians", "dancers", and maybe "physicists". Can you make that happen?
So, Hollywood, you're welcome. We'll be sending you our bill just as soon as that guy stops nodding at us. Crap.
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011