Sunday, April 17, 2011

Book Fail

We fail at a lot of things - tap dancing, keeping an eye on the kids, not embarrassing ourselves - and we try to be honest about it.  That's the key, right? To being OK with all things that could drive you crazy? To be honest about it, to try not to take it all so seriously and to laugh at yourself - that is the way of MommyLand and of the Jedi.  So for the next week, we're going to be honest about something that has been sort of a disappointment for us over the past year. 

First some backstory.  When we started this blog about 18 months ago, it was therapy for us.  Because we were both miserable and unhappy and exhausted and had lost the ability to laugh at the things that were driving us crazy.  And though we'd known each other for years - we weren't friends.
Then we had a run-in in a parking lot.  And had a conversation that truly changed our lives.

After we'd been blogging a couple of months, an amazing lady asked us if we'd ever thought about writing a book and we were like "OH EVEN YESSER".  And we gave each other high fives and danced around our in our respective kitchens on the phone with each other and got really excited.  And we tried to write a book about what we knew best. Our perspective on being seriously flawed parents. Our somewhat successful efforts to get our groove back.  Our luck in finding each other and something that we loved to do.

We were like this except on the phone.
So we wrote a chapter (and some other stuff) and we shared it with a bunch of people and they were all like "IT'S AWESOME! WE LOVE IT!" At least they said that to our faces.  Because the truth is that no one wanted to buy it. Eight months of trying, a couple of nibbles and no offer. 

A few months have passed since then.  And we think we can both say with total confidence that we have officially given up on writing a book.  Which is OK.  Because the truth is that writing a book wouldn't have been the thing that changed our lives.  The thing that changed our lives was making the choice to write anything.  We started this blog which, stupid as it is, represented an act of bravery for us.  OH YESSER. It's brave to be this stupid on the internets.

Yes, we're bummed that no one in the publishing industry wants to play in our sandbox. We tried. A couple of times.  We failed.  We might be a little bitter embarrassed about it.  I mean f*cking SNOOKI got a book deal.  But honestly? We were never about that in the first place.  We're not writers - WE'RE BLOGGERS! RAWR!

If a great idea or amazing opportunity came along, would we leap at it? Oh hells yeah.  Like a pack of crazed and hungry wolverines.  And as we leapt onto our unsuspecting book deal we would scream "WOLVERINE!" and snarl menacingly.  But that might scare them.  But it would also be awesome. 

By admitting all this, we're not making some grand statement that somehow we think we're worthy of writing a book or that we are deserving of the very high honor of having one published. We know we're not.  We know we're jackholes.  Or wolverines. Or a hybrid of both...holeverines!   

But it was sort of like being that dorky freshman at the dance, and hearing from your friends that a cute upperclassman was going to ask you dance and you were all "NO WAY. Me? ME?!  Eau. Mah. Gah." and then it turns out it was a joke and his girlfriend walks by and throws gum in your hair.

The real reason that motivated us to share this story with you guys wasn't so we could moan about how we got shafted. Because we didn't.  It was because the thought of no one ever reading the first chapter we spent so much time writing was driving us nuts. So we're posting it (split into four parts) over the next week.  It's not great and it's just one chapter and it's the story of how we became friends and started Rants From Mommyland.  And its a story you guys have never really heard from us before. 

But keep in mind, it's not that funny. Because (we're trying to be honest here) at that point, our lives weren't that funny. 

So in the future, if you are ever in a dark place and you wonder how you will get out of it - think of us.  And an unlikely friendship and a blog about wiping asses.  And how there is always hope even in the last place or person you might expect it.  Because we can honestly say we feel much better now.

But, would be awesome if we could be holeverines.

xo, Kate & Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. I TOTALLY have an idea.

    Holeverines on H Street! Fiction. With drawings. And stories? Oh yeah.

    --kate in MI

  2. I think you're the mightiest, bestest, Wolverholes on the planet.

    You make me happier than chips and that is saying a damn lot at 8:30 at night.

    People that don't see your incredible talent can go lick my flip flops in August.

  3. I'm sorry that the book thing didn't officially go through (yet), but you have loads of fans here that are just twitching to read your first chapter. Publishers just wouldn't "get it" like the rest of us mommies would. You say what we WANT to say and make us feel less alone in mommyland. I'd read your book. And give it as a gift. Just sayin.

  4. I'm sorry this dream didn't work out. If it makes you feel any better you provide free therapy for all of us who are struggling with parenting every day. Your blog is awesome and you're our heroes!

  5. i would read it... probably all in one sitting. your blog always makes me smile and think "finally, someone knows what my life it like!"

  6. If more than 12,000 people can like you on Facebook, there *has* to be a market for your book. People say over and over again how much you "get" them (or are convinced you are professionally spying on them). Somebody in Mommyland must have a publishing connection. Right? Right? Sometimes things have a way of happening, just when you've given up hope (like me finding my lost driver's license). I have a feeling this won't be the last gasp for your book. I'm sure you guys have a title all picked out....

  7. You know I'm ready to square up about this. I hope one of your readers is a publisher because that's all you need--someone who GETS IT.

  8. Self Publish??

    I don't know where you all find the time to blog, let alone how you would go about self-publishing your own book. You have half or more the material right here on this fantabulous blog. It seems so simple in my mind, but I would be naive to think there's not more involved in the process. I think the stories here stand on their own as mini-chapters, something along "Mother Murphy's Law" which, if you haven't read it, are just small anecdotal pieces compiled into a very brief but fun book (ironically, written by a man...go figure, but anyway..). That little book right there got me and my boys through their infancy and toddlerhood. Here's hoping RFM get me through their pre-adolescence to teenage to college years and on! Good luck girls and don't let it get you down. We are behind you matter what you choose to do!


  9. Don't take it personally -- The market is glutted with too many funny parenting books already. Apparently the market has NOT reached that same saturation point for books ghost-written for slutty ignorant woman trying to extend their 15 minutes, but that's life for ya.

    I LOVE your blog and log on almost daily (when I'm not busy sitting around watching TV and having lattes and all those other fun things that moms do) for my fix. I would still buy your book if it came on the market, but to be honest, I'd rather have the blog. Where else can I find an honest review on pajama jeans, learn the phrase "car payment hair," get the lowdown on mom-wines and learn that other people besides myself view their minivans as giant tampons on wheels?

    You ROCK (and not in a desperate Brett Michaels way.)

  10. I think you all are AWESOME! Please never compare yourselves to Snooki again.

  11. ditto to what they said, above. And Snooki?? So, yeah, I think RFML is about to be a best seller. And I can't wait to read the FIRST chapter.

  12. I would totally read it - and buy a copy for all my mommy friends!!! You never know what happens - heck - they even made a movie of Julie and Julia and that started as a food blog - totally not funny!!
    BTW - I also feel much better - so thanks for that!!

  13. Looking forward to reading it. If its anything like your blog, then these publishers, are not publishing what we want to read. Take that, RAWR!

  14. If it makes you feel any better your blog has totally changed my perspective. I have 4 kids and I have been trying to claw myself out of that post-partum depression hole I always find myself in. Your blog has helped me laugh at my own life. My kid will do something that makes me want to SCREAM and in the back of my mind I will think "what would Kate and Lydia say about this?" Then I laugh, huff some imaginary paint thinner, grab a starbucks and get over it.

    There are THOUSANDS of us out there that you have helped. I would totally buy your book. I think your readers need to start a petition! What can we do about this ladies??!

  15. First off, I like Amy's "Wolverholes" better than Holverines.
    Secondly, if Kate did the illustrating, that would take the book to EPIC proportions!

  16. Ok so I totes just wrote this LONG love letter to y'all and the comment gnomes ate it. WTH.

    Aaaanyway, I want you to know how much you've helped me. I have 4 kids and am clawing my way out of the black hole that is post-partum depression. Reading your blog has helps me tremendously. Seriously, when my kid does something that makes me want to scream I think "what would Kate and Lydia say about this?" Then I laugh, huff some imaginary paint thinner, grab a Starbucks and get the hell over it.

    I personally would buy your book not just for myself, but for every new Mama I know. I think there should be some petition from your readers to the publishing company. What can we do about this ladies?!

  17. I got into this blog only a couple of months ago and didn't go back and read the past posts because I'm a mom, and work outside of the home at a crappy job that exhausts me, and my house is a wreck and I'd feel guilty doing that (spending time reading old stuff when my house should be cleaned instead).... so I want to read the book!

  18. I agree 110% with Chantelle.

    Sharron in Flo*ri*da

  19. You guys should keep writing your book and publish it electronically. e-Books are becoming much more popular, and even if you only charge $7, you'll get a lot more per sale than if you went with a paper publisher.

  20. Team Holverines all the way!
    Good perspective. Y'all ROCK and keep us coming back for more. Gives hope that we will make it and find a friend along the way.

  21. I am so excited about this! I read the first part and am dying to hear the rest of the story. I love the honesty mixed with the humor. We all have really shitty days and sometimes you just can't joke out of them.

    I've got a friend here that helps keep me sane. We're military and she's unfortunately leaving soon. She's the one who showed me the RFML blog. We talk every day, all day... about everything. Our kids all hang out all the time. We shop together. We drink together. I'm going to miss her a lot. What the hell am I going to do?! She's my sanity :P

  22. I have only just found your blog - it is wonderful and refreshing and just honest enough to be terrific but not so honest that goes into bitter. Seth Godin has some sort of publishing thing going with Amazon... you guys would be right up his alley... and people *are* waiting to buy your book!




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