There’s a reason that two year olds are the cutest creatures on earth. And why the sound of their precious voices is the sweetest noise you’ll ever hear. It’s because in addition to the tantrums, the intentional naughtiness, the compulsion to watch Dora 4,000 times a day and make you late for everything – they’re also horrifying. Two year olds will do crazy and disgusting things that would shock and awe interogators at CIA black sites. Example: Upon seeing one such episode of grossness in the playground sandbox, I had a random Perfect Mommy observe my horror and smugly tell me, “It’s perfectly natural! They’re just exploring their world!” That might be, I just wish they’d explore it without the cat turds.
Wait. That was gross wasn’t it? Sorry.
Ahhh… Good times. My favorites aren’t the public tantrums – though those are pretty awesome. If for no other reason than being publically humiliated is always a good time and who doesn't love being THAT mom at the grocery store? My favorites are actually the tantrums that are triggered by something so totally ridiculous and unreasonable that it becomes funny. I'm talking about the times when the small one turns into a cross between the angry version of Christian Bale and the full-time version of Gaddafi over something so trivial or inane that it couldn't be explained in either plain English or a cave drawing. No honey, no matter how much you cry and stomp and kick your stroller – you may not lick the floor at Walmart. And no, you may not spray yourself in the face with daddy’s deodorant even though you think it would really fun.
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