Friday, April 8, 2011

Top Ten Things You're Not Supposed To Talk About

Recently, I was walking home from school with a big crowd of neighborhood kids and families and I asked my 5 year old son how his day in Kindergarten was.  He was like: "It was great! No warnings!"  I raised an eyebrow and was like: "What do you mean no warnings?"  He did a good job of hiding his initial alarm at having dropped a dime on himself and simply said "I'm sorry. It's just one of those things we're not supposed to talk about it."  So I asked what he meant by that and he told me #10 on this list.  See for yourself.

So I told Kate what happened and she asked her kids and it was just like when I yelled: WHAT'S RULE #1 IN THIS HOUSE?! and they all looked at me like I was speaking Farsi.

Top Ten Things Kids Are Not Supposed to Talk About

10. How long mommy stays in the bathroom.

9. That boogers actually taste awesome.

8. When you talk to Gramma on the phone you're not supposed to say that Mommy thinks her birthday present was ugly.

7. That if you run water in the sink and the shower, you don't hafta really brush your teeth or take a shower. You can play with Bakugans.

6. That thing that happened with the pull-up last night.

5.  Daddy's breath in the morning. Whoa.

4. That I can speak Korean. Yes I can. I totally can. You can't speak Korean so you don't know.

3. Sometimes, when mommy's on her computer you can ask her stuff and she'll just say "mmm hmmm" and then you can play Wii without doing your homework first.

2. That sometimes, the dog has a snack from the litter box and then goes to give Mommy a kiss.

1. [In a whisper] Wieners and nuts.


(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

26 comments:

  1. HAHAH! I love this post especially that boogers actually taste awesome. I could snickering to myself the entire time I was reading your post.

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  2. This made my Friday a little better! Hilarious.

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  3. Here's ours. In the middle of Kung Fu class, "I missed last class because mommy had diarrhea." At lunch, in the synogague, after services, "sometimes mommy sleeps naked."

    I love my kids.

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  4. What a great list!!! Kids are hilarious.

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  5. I don't even want to think what mine would say, especially after this morning's comment that I didn't wear any panties to sleep.

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  6. Ours is..."The cable (or other utility) got turned off because Mom & Dad forgot to pay the bill!" It's always taken care of right away, but they have no problem announcing that for 5 minutes they couldn't watch TV.

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  7. Hmmmm...maybe I should stop wishing for the day my 10-month-old can talk. Soon enough I am going to have to watch what I say ;) Oh well, if she repeats something embarrassing I am going to say she heard it from a mom in playgroup.

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  8. Seven and four made me burst out laughing!!

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  9. Another perfect Friday morning post. I needed that laugh! :)
    I will have to ask my kids this question. I can only imagine what they would say, though probably not "weiners and nuts" because I have 3 girls and we call them penis and testicles because I think its funny to hear a 5yo say PENIS! when she sees a male horse. *snicker*

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  10. My dog thinks the freakin' litter box is an all you can eat buffet - vomit!!

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  11. LOL - I once overheard my then 5 year old telling someone about "the beautiful picture on my mommy's butt." Here's to stupidly placed tattoos!

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  12. Ha, I get the other end of the fun, as I'm a teacher and kids tell their teachers some of the darndest things... It makes parent/teacher interview night much more entertaining for me!! lol

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  13. What about the "grown up" words that mommy says, like the other day when my 5 year old asked me what does sh*t mean

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  14. Last year at conferences, my daughter's 3rd grade teacher hands me some of her work to take home with us, and with a snort and a cackle, informs me that I'll want to be sure to read "this" one. In it, she wrote that "Mommy and Daddy sometimes like to be alone in their bedroom" and proceeded to write about some antic she and her sister had gotten into during one of those times.

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  15. We call the treats from the cat box 'kitty roca'.

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  16. Love it! I really should ask this of my kids!

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  17. In 2nd grade the teacher asked the class "When is a good time to get dirty?" My son raised his hand and said "When I give my mom a bath!" He told me this after school and when I asked him why he would say that (because I don't let my son give me a bath) he said "Because of that time in the summer when I was squirting you with the dirty water in the squirt gun!"

    It's been about a year since that happened and I am finally no longer concerned that Children's Services will be knocking on my door!!

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  18. On vacation to Florida with friends a few months back, Big Brother came running out of our bedroom and announced to the living room that "Mommy just took a giant DUMP!"

    I'm pretty sure he's currently enjoying life on the streets just outside Orlando.

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  19. Oh wow! Some of the comments were equally hilarious! That's for the laugh on Friday morning. :-) Happy weekend!

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  20. Ok, I nominate Entrenched Mommy to do a guest post on some of the things she's heard her students say!!

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  21. Hilarious and dead on. My kids always dime me out to my mother...they know exactly what to say.

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  22. Wonderful post!
    As a tip to prevent "kitty roca" consumption (love that name for it!) I recommend a covered litter box. We have a dog with a yen for roca, but the covered litter box seems to be a good deterrent.
    Re: KimR and Entrenched Mommy - I don't remember where I saw it on here before, but I will echo another mommy's sentiments: I won't believe half the stuff my child says his teacher says, if his teacher promises not to believe half of what my child says I say. :) Having said that, I'd love to read that guest blog!

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  23. You should hear what kids tell their nannies, hahaha! Btw, "Kitty Roca" about made Spaghettios fly out of my nose...

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  24. Sigh...thanks for the laugh, almost shot my nice cold frosty Caesar out my nose.

    Great list.

    Sadly I think we talk about everything at our house, no editing. Its really fun when we are in public and my 3 year-old asks me (very loudly) if I need a string band-aid for my pee-pee owie.

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  25. One night my 5 year old and 7 year old little girls were laying in bed with me cuddling. We were having a discussion about God and Satan and evil spirits when one of us passed a little (noisy) gas, and we all laughed at the timing as I said "go away evil spirits". Well a couple of weeks later a mom at school has to tell me this story about my 5 year old. Apparently the were in an assembly at school and this mom was the helper for the day, and sitting right beside my daughter when she passed a little (noisy on the wood floor) gas. She then proceeded to tell the mom (loudly in a hushed gymnasium) that "when my mommy farts she says 'go away evil spirits, go away'". WONDERFUL!

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  26. I know this was posted eleventy billion years ago, but my adorable child is spending the night with her Nana, and my hubby's "working" on the computer. That was read out loud while laughing HILARIOUS!

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