Sunday, May 29, 2011

Kids' Arts and Crafts FAILS Part 6: The Non-PC Gallery

Happy once drew a picture that was Kate with red stabby lines coming out of her eyes and a gash through her throat. She was a little worried. Then Happy said the red parts were because he couldn't find black to do her eyelashes and that the lines are her neck were the pair of necklaces she wears.

Sometimes a picture, even one that might make us raise our eyebrows, is just a picture. We happily present the oddities of art:


I saw this piece at my son's school. Ummm...I tried to find his mother to ask her about it but couldn't:

[Editor's Note: Seems to me they're magical...they land, and walk away. Or, get into that handy getaway car. -Kate]

We were driving, and the kids were drawing in their sketch books. Our eight year old daughter loves horses and draws them all the time. When we saw this particular drawing though, we laughed. and laughed harder. and had tears. To her, one horse is standing next to another horse that is rearing. To us, there's a whole lot more "Wild horse action" going on!

So, Timmy? You have a new brother, right?

Hudson brought home his science project he made at school. This was a drawing from the book. Awesome.

My 5 year old son designed an outfit for his fluffy toy monkey out of white photocopy paper and presented it proudly to his dad and I. Whilst we applaud his artistry and creative expression, how do we break it to him that this outfit is, correct and also totally horrifyingI swear we are a very nice, racially tolerant, open, accepting family.  Dear God, please believe that...

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Kids' Arts and Crafts FAIL Part 5

We're sensing a theme here. That a lot of these drawings have a certain resemblance to a particular body part. Maybe because it's super easy to draw? Yeah, let's just go with that. Someday we can all tell our kids that they really, really liked personifying penises...

My daughter Kristina (age 3) brought this home from preschool last December, and proceeded to explained to me that her gingerbread man was pooping:

My son drew this picture, illustrating the “If you give a pig a pancake” book – I have no idea what he wrote, but I hope the sentence doesn’t match the picture.  I suppose he IS biologically correct, though…

"Ummm, it's so good, baby. Yes! I love it. Of course I can tell it's Mommy. That's totally fine that my legs sprout from my chin and my arms come from my thighs. Oh, and I'm screaming? OK. Wait -- did you sneak in Mommy and Daddy's room the other night? Crap."

Here is something my 6 year old created over the Christmas break – it’s no penis horse, but I am sure you’ll appreciate it just the same. I came upon it while cleaning the playroom. What’s worse? That he knows the lyrics to a dirty old song or that he actually likes big butts? Hayden, age 6 – LYRICAL Genius. Such a proud mommy moment ;-)

This is a “caterpillar” that my 3 year old daughter drew at a restaurant one night:

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Kids' Arts and Crafts FAIL Part 4

Lydia's dead. She saw one of these materpieces and died. Kate laughed so hard she snorted coffee on her shirt and now she has a boobstain, so she might as well be dead, too. 


My daughter is now 8. Last year she made her communion and she LOVED her dress.She loved it so much that all she did was draw pictures of it.I almost choked on my damn coffee when I saw this one. Also notice the scary alien people behind the dress:

My daughter brought this home from her Christian preschool. It's called "The Big Dipper."  And yes, those are stars pouring out of the tip of the rocket. She was 4 1/2 when she made it.  It hung on the fridge for a year and a half just so that visitors could admire her rocketpenis work. 

A note from my 8 year old daughter. The front, a very sweet note. On the back, a picture of Mom’s favorite drink. I told her to please not draw that at school:

My daughter came home with this from preschool yesterday. It's a paper mache' piece of artwork she made.  She likes archeology type things and made a "bone".  That is similar to what I was thinking it was but not quite the same meaning of the word...  I will let you be the judge.

My sisters looked at me funny when I showed them this piece. Not sure what to make of it, but my daughter seemed really proud and hasn't since killed any small animals or anything. So I'm not too worried:

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

Friday, May 20, 2011

Kids' Arts and Crafts FAIL Part 3

In case you missed them, here's Part One, and here's Part Two. Now we really DO want to see an art exhibit at the Met or something that has this stuff, and all you'd see is a bunch of moms sipping from wine boxes and snorting Pinot Noir all over the floor at every picture. These are epic.

I got called out by my son's K-4 teacher (class is at our church!) for this lovely Thanksgiving dinner art collage that they put together in class:

I dare you to look at this butterfly and not laugh! I see a penis with balls between two boobs. [Editor's Note: Yeah...we see that too. -Kate]

I think my 5 1/2 year old daughter said it all with this picture. The drawing itself is not that bad of a fail, but the description she wrote underneath it is. I'm still not sure why she had violent tendencies towards The Cat In The Hat. She and the cat are both smiling and the words she wrote are going down like the staircase! She drew this at school while they were celebrating Dr. Seuss Birthday. I'm sure the teachers loved it and were not concerned at all.

Created by my 10-year old daughter after she dumped half of can of soda on my laptop and killed it:

This isn't really an art masterpiece, but I had to share it anyway.
My at-the-time  2 year old loved his magnetic letters. He played with them all the time, and could tell us their names and sounds. Luckily, he couldn't actually read or spell. (see bottom right). 
This was NOT staged, and I didn't move any of the letters. Just ran for the camera.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

Kids' Arts and Crafts FAILS Part 2

This picture is Lydia's favorite. It is called "Bring it, Dinosaur."

This is a picture of me drawn by my (then) 6 year old, after I got angry and sent her upstairs on a time out. Contrary to what the picture will have you believe, I am NOT flipping my daughter off. According to her, I am pointing upstairs and yelling at her to go on a time out. But that IS steam coming out of the top of my head. I LOVE this picture.


My daughter created this family portrait for an art project at school. I think it is TERRIFYING. I'm in the upper right.... In real life I don't have a bald spot.

"What is David drawing?" What, indeed, is David drawing?

 My first grader needs a little help with spelling....

[Editor's Note: Oh my Maude...I died with this one. Read the end: "...if I met a hores, I would ride it." Dead. -Kate]

More in a bit...

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

Kids' Arts and Crafts FAIL Part 1

Last week we put out a call for people to show us their child's masterpieces.  We have been laughing ever since because the pictures you've sent us have been priceless. Here's the first installation. There will be many, many more. THANK YOU to all of you who submitted! Enjoy!

xoxo Kate and Lydia


"My then 3 year old drew this AT SCHOOL when I was 8 months pregnant with her sister. All I can think is hubby needs to shut up about his obsession with boobs and/or my prego boobs really were totally awesome.

Her teachers told me that she drew a very interesting, detailed picture that day and just smiled at me. The giant colorful blob on my lower half is apparently the baby."

"Would you be disturbed if you found this in your kid's backpack? Would you feel really stupid 5 seconds later when you realized that it actually says "Picture Puzzle?"  So glad I was the only adult around right then...."

"My 3 year old drew this last week at school - was my Mother's day present. It's supposed to be a picture of me, and while rather unflattering, it is pretty damn accurate."

"My 6 year old son drew the following to prove that I am neglecting him too much by playing angry birds on the iPad. In my defense, I have four kids, all of them boys, two with ADHD. Give me my iPad and let me destroy some sh*t that I don't have to clean up. I cannot break the dishes any more since my husband replaced them with plastic trays that I swear he stole from his college cafeteria."

This is a beautifully rendered drawing of a leprechaun on a stick. Nothing else need be said.

  Stay tuned for another post later today!

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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