Friday, May 6, 2011

Facebook Updates That Make Us Lose Our Schmidt

We had no idea that how much we all seem to get ticked off by Facebook, until we asked.  We were rolling our eyes on a pretty frequent basis but then - we thought it was just us.  Apparently not.

After reading through the hundreds of comments we received over the past week, we've learned a couple of things...

Facebook is like motherhood - you can't win. It's like breastfeeding or day care.  Everybody has an opinion.  If you post something happy and optimistic, the response is something like: "Thanks Gwyneth, glad your f*cking life is so perfect." or "You're in love with your husband. WE GET IT. And I just threw up in my mouth."  Or, say you post something sad or angry, then people are like: "Ummm... Negative much? Try getting a life." or "Poor little bunny, her Mercedes is in the shop. Awww.... The world just ended."

But there are few things we all seem to agree on.  They can be roughly categorized into types of facebooking behaviors. And there's a LOT of them. So, we've picked our favorites sent in from MommyLand, and then added what we wish we could have written back.

Oh, and if you maybe see something you yourself have written...ummm, yeah. Hi. If we're being honest, Kate and I are total offenders who may have made this list in more than one category.


Vaguebooking: Being intentionally vague about what you're talking about in order to get attention, which you then deflect, which makes you more annoying.


Ummm, kinda not. How about Confused?

"Some people..."

Should consider posting complete sentences.

"I've had my ringer off all weekend and not one call or voicemail. I feel loved..."

I had my lights off all weekend and not one burglar or peeping Tom. I actually feel pretty safe. Woot!

"I can't see my future if i'm looking through the windows of my past."

Whoa. I can't see outta the eyes in the back of my head, but I'm pretty sure it's because my hair gets in the way.

"Gosh I never wanted to be a full-time mom but here I am!"

Congrats on the birth of your baby. Yesterday. Bang up job so far. By the way does this mean you DON'T want to be a mom or that you DO? In either case, its a little late now.

(ATS) Adult Texting Syndrome: It's bad enough when teenagers write exclusively in some bizarre, unintelligible language, but when adults do it, it's both off-putting and sad.

"Can't w8 2 watch my 3yr old niece blow out her bday candles 2nite.. she's beyond precious.. but I hope she let's every1 have a piece cake.. ;-)"

Really looking forward to seeing you and your niece! I found the most adorable backpack for her..shhh. Also, I'm bringing you some vowels.

"aboutta eat stake, potatos,corn n the cob and rolls....It's gonna be bomb...yeah be jellous :D"

 I be jealous of the dude who's gonna be rebuilding your bathroom after that meal.

"Howz ya day going b*otch? Yo we gon hit up da club laterz so call my celly. Every1 is goin - its gon be sick."

Dude. You're 40 years old.  Unless you're being ironic this has GOT TO STOP.

It's Called Email: Some people fail to grasp that the things they write are visible to everyone. And the response of everyone generally wavers between "I don't care" and "Whuck?"

"When we were at the bar last night, that thing was sooooo funny. By the way, were you going to pay me back for cab fare or do you just want to buy me lunch today?"

That is sooooooo funny because you told me you were at church last night, hooker.

"Had the best shower ever at my aunts house. The towels are so big and soft- the last time I took a shower not at home- the towels were so little and rough. It's the simple pleasures in life that make days enjoyable. So, enjoy soft and big towels today."

Just so so many questions. Did you aunt invite you over? Was she aware of this shower situation? Also, I'm desperate to NOT know where you were last time showered not at home. Please tell me it wasn't my house.

Jellyfishers: Some people are perfectly aware that the things they write are visible to everyone. So they write things designed to sting their "friends" while making themselves seem awesome.  They are actually extremely douchey.

"I think if you can't find the time to take care of yourself, then stop watching TV and Facebooking and GET OUT THERE. No excuses!"

I'm going get out there and kick your ass just as soon as the Real Housewives is over and I've finished typing this comment.

"So and so Just burned 30bazillion calories running, jumping, crack whoring for 180 minutes today."

Shut up. You're a crack whore?

"Have you ever been to someone's house and thought that they really need to upgrade?"

I have also thought that you will not be invited to my house if you're going to post things like that on Facebook about your "friends". xo, Lydia

I have been SO lazy today!! Only thing I've done that showed the slightest bit of effort today is cook. I have pork chops, stuffing, and limas cooking now to take to Joy's along with leftover cornbread from lunch and pineapple cake I made this morning. We also had an AWESOME breakfast, if I do say so!!!

I read your status and then I wrote this. Kate FTW.

Hormonal Stupidity: Let's blame teenage hormones for the astounding degree of oversharing and the total lack of discretion.  Adults who do this are either single and dating, profoundly moronic or really drunk. Sometimes all three at once.

"Finally met a truly good man, a real man. A really good man who can actually COMMIT. I can't say his name yet and I can't post a pic, but I will as soon as I can. Stupid divorce lawyers don't know anything about LOVE."

So happy. For you. And what's-his-face. Who I'm sure. Will appreciate. Paying alimony. Forever. 

"Lost my virginity last night!"

Hello. Ummm, hi. You might want to remember that you friended your parents.

Pundit Fever: Someone who is infected with Pundit Fever feels compelled to espouse their political views with vehemence, passion and a total disregard for the opinions and feelings of others.

"I woke up this morning and read the headline "Osama killed," and did a happy dance, but then I stopped--I thought it said "Obama killed." Oh well, can't win them all."

Yeah, NO. We're done here.

Creative Thinkers: Apparently, if you cut and paste something into your Facebook status, you can cure cancer. 

If you aren't ashamed of God, press like and copy and paste this too your page. remember, He will deny you if you deny Him!! most of you won't copy and paste this....

I will so worry about this right after God gets a Facebook page. See you at church on Sunday.

"Like this if you think cancer is BAD. Support cancer research! Leave this as your status for one hour. 98% of people will not. Will YOU?"

So, if I don't like this, then I think cancer is awesome? OK, click like to not like something, and don't click like if I DO like something. Hmm, so I need to not click to not like that I don't think cancer isn't bad. Has it been an hour yet?

DFB: We've talked about this before. These people have a few too many cocktails, and then decide to sit at their computers and say everything they ever thought about everyone...and decide that their high school ex is probably super-special, super-single, and super-duper waiting for a stalker-y message from them. No and even no-er. There's also the ones where we tend to attribute inebriation in the hopes that they would never post something like that sober.

"Its been a long time. Too long.  Miss you..."

You're right. Let me forward this to your wife and we can all get together for drinks next week. DOUCHEBAG.

"don't like the new farm. why is it that my corps i planted last night on my first farm are not done this morning, it is like it was put on hold. so for those who have not made it there, it really is no big deal.and i will not spend alot of time on one farm if they don't work together. you should be able to have crops grow the same time on both farms. not one or the other."

Hi sweetie. Please tell me you're drunk.

One Uppers: Did your kid get a star at school for helping a friend or erasing the chalkboard? OH! Well, isn't that special? Because the instant you post that, Mrs. Anything-You-Can-Do-I-Can-Do-Better will hit you with a "Congrats to Junior on his star. My angel DISCOVERED a new star today. NASA is coming over to thank him and then we're having tea."

"If you are seeing this message then you made my latest round of friend cuts."

I have a distinct feeling I'm not going to make the next round. 

"I just got yet ANOTHER residual check in the mail!! who says the economy has taken a down turn??"

Such good news. I just got yet ANOTHER hammer. A big one. The economy is awesome. Though I probably can't say the same for your car. Good thing you got that big check...whew.

"My little angel made the honor roll again and he never talks back or rolls his eyes b/c he is perfect!"

Congrats! Is he from a cornfield?

"I tried to skip blogging today, but just couldn't do it. I know. Overachiever."

I tried to skip peeing today, but I just couldn't do it. I know. Overdrinker. 

Status-saurus: It was nice that you got up, went for a run, then came home and showered and - ugh - exfoliated and then had coffee and then talked on the phone and, oh wow, now you're getting a bikini wax. Please. Stop telling us every detail of your day. Because all it makes us do is hope that a really big comet will hit your house and render you extinct. Just like what happened to the dinosaurs. T-Rex was totally a facebook junkie. Little arms and all...what?

"I took a nap AND a dump!"

In the same place?

"Waiting in line for a parking space at the DMV." [later] "Finally in line INSIDE the DMV. Progress."
[even later] "My number is up next!" [and even later later] "Trying to get out of the DMV parking lot. There's a line. Why am I not surprised?" 

Well, that solves it. I'm in hell. 

If we've missed anything, please let us know! If you have any really awesome or horrible things you want us to respond to, leave them here and if we get enough - we'll do a second post.

xo, Kate & Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. LOLOLOL!!!! Thumbs up Kate and Lydia!

  2. Fake quotes. : Here it is. Some lady wrote it and everyone started posting it lol: ”I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”--Martin Luther King Jr
    written by a women, after Bin Laden's death. Not Mr King. Not that it's not a great quote. Not that I didn't go, "wow. He said that? How come that wasn't one of those famous speech's we all read? Because we should have?" But then last night I found out it was because it's not by him.

  3. You forgot the people who are in the same room proclaiming their love to each other. Just get up and go talk to them, for Maude's sake!!!!

  4. I hate the "philosophers". "Seize the day." Uh, go take your own advice and get off my Facebook page.

    I also hate when people post song lyrics. "All the single ladies, all the single ladies". Thanks for getting that stuck in my head. And if I'd never heard that song, I would really wonder about you, my 30-something friend who is married with 3 kids.

  5. I like the one about the kid from the cornfield that's hilarious, thanks for the laughs.

  6. when people post run on sentences with poor grammar aful spelling that make my head ache just trying to figure out what they are saying i mean come on people really i am going to block you you jackhole a statement followed by an interjection and then a compleet subject change require punctuation or else it takes me more effort to decipher than my first graders letter to the easter buny except not cute at all

    (OH for the love of Maude! I had to go back and delete some of the punctuation I *automatically* included to make that authentic. WHERE did these people go to school?!)

  7. What about the one's like this:

    "We has a marvelous family breakfast, went to church, the girls sung beautifully, the kids and their dad went biking in the park while I baked cookies for the class birthday party, then football practice after lunch, so happy the team won, my husband is such a great couch...." blah, blah, blah....What makes it so annoying is that you know it is such a charade and they are truly the most dysfunctional family!

  8. Here's one that I see every day: This day sucks, just like every other!!! Why does my mother f*cking life suck... It f*ucking sucks to be poor!!!! F*uck everyone who said they were my friend before. Blah blah blah.

    Oh and then after her rant she'll put Love you so&so. (her 2 year old son) Yes, let me freak out on society dropping F-bombs every other word and then write my undying love for my child. Do you expect him to read it, bc if so he is going to get a super advanced vocab lesson in the process. Also, I know it totally sucks to be poor but why do you have to have a pity party on FB.Please note that she CHOOSES not to work and then complains of having no money. Thanks for letting me vent...I soooo want to say something to her but she is a relation-in-law and it would just ruffle feathers. Thanks again...I feel so much better! hahaha

  9. *I effing hate the Creative Thinkers. First of all, PRESSING Like? What does that even mean? Do you want me to touch the screen?

    And seriously, are you that uninteresting that 93% of your status updates were copied/pasted?

    *The One Uppers were losers in high school.

    *Status-saurus... I want to deleted them because they make me want to stab myself with a fork but I'm holding out for when they get diarrhea at the dentist and are too high on laughing gas to get out of the chair.

  10. @Jessica: one of my worst pet peeves. I will de-friend people if they do it too much! hahaha...drives me nuts!

    Also, the text lingo is super annoying. I de-friended a person just the other day bc I had waaaay too much of her posts. EVERY word was shortened. Every single one. You need a Little Orphan Annie decoder ring just to figure out what she's saying.

  11. *I effing hate the Creative Thinkers. First of all, PRESSING Like? What does that even mean? Do you want me to touch the screen?

    And seriously, are you that uninteresting that 93% of your status updates were copied/pasted?

    *The One Uppers were losers in high school.

    *Status-saurus... I want to deleted them because they make me want to stab myself with a fork but I'm holding out for when they get diarrhea at the dentist and are too high on laughing gas to get out of the chair.

  12. Y'all should take a look at Lots of winners over there...

  13. Oh, you have left out a WHOLE category! Photo updates!

    Like Picture A: Toddler niece passed out in back seat of car, unbuckled after a long day of being a flower girl. Picture B: Niece's mother's best friend driving the car while drinking... more... because we already know they've been drinking all day at the wedding... "Hello, CPS..."

    Or Picture A: "This is me in only a bra and granny panties at 265 lbs." Picture B: "This is me in a bra and panties at 250 lbs. See the difference." Seriously, it's bad enough that I have to face MY fat in the mirror... I really don't need yours looking me in the face at 7 a.m. also. Thanks.

  14. LOL, the comments are almost as good as the story. I am definitely an offender...but since it seems that we covered pretty much every type of status update short of showing pictures of the latest culinary creation (oh wait, I've been known to do that too!) we are all naughty facebookers! (Face Hookers??)

    But really, sometimes my kids do something awesome (finally walking-will post obscene amounts of shaky vids later), something that make me want to eat them (will show pictures of what my bathroom looks like after they did a kiddie reno) or my MIL wakes we want to strangle her (again) but I can't bitch too much because I friended my brother in law so I vaguebook it...yeah, Facebook keeps me in some semblance of sanity!


  15. Thank you so much for the giggles this morning!!!

  16. I actually think the one about the DMV is pretty funny, haha. And the one about the farm... she's definitely NOT drunk, and is talking very seriously about farmville. I have an aunt who is ADDICTED to farmville and posts some very serious status about sheep and barnraisings, haha.

    I hate the people who write statuses just to prove to everyone (including themselves) that they have a fabulous life and are a perfect wife and mother. Like: "changed all the beds, washed 7 loads of laundry, dusted both floors, vacuumed, steam cleaned the carpets, deep cleaned the fridge, baked 7 loaves of bread, and gave my husband the best blowjob he's ever had... all before 10am!!"

  17. Congrats! Is he from a cornfield?


  18. Hypocritical Holy-Rollers. Maybe it's because i'm in the Bible Belt, but I can't even count how many people I know like this.

    They post bible quotes, how much they love God, asking me if i'm saved b/c Jesus is coming, how amazing church/bible study/their pastor is, then in the next post, comlain that their mother/bff/ex is such a c**t. AND THEN this week, are thanking God that Osama is dead. Isn't that the same thing when the radicals were in the street thanking Allah for 9/11?
    You just made Baby Jesus cry, hypocrite.

  19. My biggest pet peeve on FB...people who put FML after what they post. Unless you're dying of some terrible disease, live in a war torn or 3rd world country, are being abused everyday or anything else along those terms then you have no right to put FML at the end of your sentence. Also people who drag out words but don't know how to do it right (usually teenagers who have never taken an English class) Example: "I loveeee you!" just said I lovey you not I loooove you! or "I'm am so annoyedddddd!" No...I am because you just wrote that you're so annoy dee dee dee deed! Pleeeeease stop already!

  20. The cryptic ones drive me insane. But I actually like the stupid comments like "you can't google someone's feelings" because I get an extreme satisfaction in responding. One good zinger (like the boobs comment!) reminds me that my brain still functions and I can be still be clever. It's pathetic how much it can make my day!

  21. How about this one:

    "Oh I love my husband SO much! He is SO amazing to me!"

    And that's why he cheated on you, 3 years ago, WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.... Hooker....

  22. I can't stand the assholes who go on and on about religion and politics. If I read one more time that bin Laden is in hell unless he fell to his knees and accepted Jesus, I'm going to figure out how to stab people through the internet. Plus, if God loves you so much, why the hell are you always sick, always broke, and always in a crisis. I think he hates you for being an asshole.

    I'm scared if these people don't stop praying for me, because I don't attend their church and vote like them, God will strike me down just to get them to shut up.

  23. FYI: This is going to be a LONG post. Enjoy…

    I don’t like people who have arguments on FB, and complain that people should mind their own business, and if we don’t like it to de-friend them. Really?! I can’t because you have a JOINT Facebook account with my BROTHER! I can’t delete my BROTHER! This seriously reminded me of a people arguing in stores just for attention. It wouldn’t have been so bad if they kept it to just one status update, and kept commenting to that one status, but every single rebuttal was an individual status update. OR maybe facebook message (it’s private, and through Facebook). And if your phone was cut off why are you posting through it? It says the status was updated “via Android” on every status. SMH!

    Example: This just one day. My brother is the dash.

    •Aside all the bullshit, imma have a good day!:) I deserve to :)))
    •its whatever
    •"let it be..",
    -What did I do?
    •The truth comes out allitle at a time, and it spreads just like a fire, slips off of your tounge like turbantine.
    -What did I do babe?
    -What are you talking abt? Babe I talk to customer service n they told me that the payment machine and it took the payment but it never went threw. It even gave a recite saying I paid it so if ur mad abt that dnt b
    • U knw what I give up trying to please. you do what u want go where u want im threw with everything
    -Im threw hurting over u everything I do is never good enough for u
    •Yeah, thats why im mad. When will it go through?
    •Your really going to say that (name)? You dont even see why im madd????
    •Look, I.dont wanna fight. (name). You should understand why I got mad, I love you though.....
    -Then I called customer service n ask y it was cut off n they say I didnt pay it So I gave them my recite number so they r turning it on tonight or tomorrow. I lov u can u pick me up bcz paul got laid off
    •We have our reasons for talking threw fb, if u dont like it. Delete us. Its that simple :) k, thanks!
    •430 u home already?
    •Oh, sooo goooooddd :))). Hopefully this is the lowest for us and its only up from here.. :)
    •If us blastin our s#@t on fb bothers you, sweetie you have a unfriend button. Use it ;). We have our reason for doin what we do. K,thanks ;)))
    •I love my glamourous life :)))))
    •L.A. bound, New York ready, TEXAS born! :)
    •Somebody posted this as their status: Why must ppl insist on sharing a facebook and then fight with themselves on it thats sorry stupid and confusing
    •S-I-L’s response: Cuz our phone got cut off. So its the only way we have contact. I toatly agree. Its stupid. But its the only way
    •Friend’s response: And then talk s*#t over status about them being dumb? Will be deleted asap. :))

    Examples of other days:

    •just gonna stand there and watch me burn, that's alright because i like the way it hurts. just gonna stand there and hear me cry, that's alright because i love the way you lie.
    •B#@%h, I was just playing nice to get info from u. U dumb for beliving it. Every nice move I made, was all an act. Stupid!

    P.S. Osama bin Laden (check), Wonder Pets (not checked), Dino Dan (not checked). BTW: the shows, not the kids.

    P.S.S. My mother told him to marry a not so pretty girl cuz they are less expensize, but deid he listen?

  24. My pet peeve is the post telling the world that someone is hungry (right before lunch EVERY DAY) and/or tired (right after lunch EVERY DAY). GAAH!

  25. This made me laugh so many times. I have removed from my news feed a couple of people who constantly reference how great the weather is where they are in comparison to where their friends and family live. We get it. You moved to a sunny, hot beach and the rest of us live in a place where winter is 6 months long. Enough already.

  26. I will be sharing this on FB. I hope some of my friends take note!

  27. I used to be a vaugue status person but I have since repented of my annoying ways. Most of the time!!
    And I sometimes will copy and paste those annoying status' BUT I leave out the fake statistic and the threat that if you don't copy and paste then you will be eaten by dingos, or whatever. I mean really? My status is going to stop child abuse/cure cancer/save the planet? And don't get me started on how where I put my purse does anything but cause people to have thoughts I don't want them having about me!!!!!!

  28. There's another type of annoying post - the ones from businesses that forget they should employ literate people to do their writing. A vendor I deal with fairly regularly created a FB page a few months ago and is one of the more flagrant offenders. I finally lost my mind and sent an e-mail to the "Contact Us" person. I pointed out that they're located in a college town and therefore ought to be able to find someone (anyone!) who had a clue about using correct grammar and punctuation. And, hey, correct word usage would be nice, too. I cited specific examples, such as "well be given them away tell Thursday." The response said - I kid you not - "Thank's for bringing this to are attention."

  29. Here's one: The AP Wannabe. I have a friend who works from home and posts links to, like, 15 news stories a day. I realize that sometimes things strike your fancy that other people might not come across or you want to start a discussion, but with that many postings, you might as well change your last name to Gazette. Seriously, if I want to, I'll read the news! And I don't really need your witty comments on every world event!

  30. Anon at 10:22. Oh my god. I laughed so hard I think my adenoids receded into my brain. I love you!

    And I want to know who you ARE! :-)
    kate in MI

  31. So funny! But now I'm feeling paranoid about posting on FB... :-)

  32. "congrats! is he from a corn field?" hahahahaha love it! i love reading these comments along with the blog itself; classic. i know i am totally guilty of some of these....

  33. Rant: Just because you're posting about your 4 hours of daily ps90x/Zumba/Cardio Funk for the past TWO YEARS does not mean we believe you. You're 5'1" and your photos show you're still pushing 250 lbs. Also, just because you randomly post pictures of your once every 6 months meal of grilled chicken and salad does not mean we believe you eat like that everyday. The only person you're deluding is yourself. Rant over. Holy hell, that was cathartic.

  34. whoooooo hoooooooo! the one I posted made your list! I feel so special.

    is that sad?

  35. I nearly piddled in my panties at that "kid from the cornfield" line. ROTFLMFAO you are are AWESOME.

  36. this is a recent fav...

    "We finally got to celebrate Zach's birthday today! He was down with the squirts yesterday on his actual birthday. Hope he had a better day today. I love him and glad to have a husband like him! Happy Birthday Hubby!"

  37. The cryptic ones drive me insane. You know they're just attention whores, begging you to ask them what's up. I never ever respond to them unless it's something sarcastic or completely offtopic.

  38. Vaguebooking - LOVE IT. My biggest peeve.
    Just 2 minutes ago I was perusing my wall and saw a status post: "my son has just been hit by a car speak later"
    Okay, your child has been hit by a car and you pause to post it on FB before dealing with the situation.....??? What category does that fall under??

  39. true, true, true all so freaking TRUE!

  40. So agree with Traci about the usage of FML.

    One of my recent "favorites":
    I hate it for the person who's going to find out his car's been swiped in the parking garage by the guy trying too hard to hard to watch me to pay attention to where he was going. DH's SMS comment to the news: "Cool! You're Mayhem! :)"

    Conceited much?

  41. People who "Like" their own posts all the dang time. I have two FB friends who do that to every post. Someone commented on it tonight right after I read this. :)

  42. I will so worry about this as soon as God gets a facebook page........... Fricking hilarious! I love you two. Thanks!

  43. Facebook ... never have, do not now, never will.

  44. This was one that I hope only happened to me:

    I friended my friend's husband. He had a few nasty things to say about the world in general, but I would usually ignore it.

    THEN He posted a snarky message regarding his son and how great he is at down hill sledding (yeah- down hill sledding with nine year olds is a tough sport)as opposed to his son's best friend who is was and always will be a total klutz.

    As strange coincidence would have it, my son had just been dwonhill seldding with this man's family that afternoon.

    And...look- when you click on to see the cavalcade of pictures taken during this near-olympian down hill match there are pictures of my son with 'funny' sayings about his lack of skillz (yeah he said 'skillz').

    If my darling child wasn't such a sun god and the boy-who-will-be-king and general light of the lives of everyone who comes into contact with him...I might have been moved to do something really mean.

    Mrs. Darling

  45. Just wanted to say, you both are my heros... I get so tired of mom's who are perfect, with perfect husbands, perfect kids, perfect everything. I am NOT perfect, my kids are sometimes evil, I fight with my husband, and my dog likes to $h!t on the floor where he knows I'm going to step in it at 3am when I'm up with my 15 mth old who DOES NOT like to sleep thru the night. My life is sometimes a mess.... and I'm so glad I'm not alone in that.

  46. We found out that my husband's aunt died via an fb post from my MIL. The next day via another fb post we were told that there wouldn't be any memorial service and they were donating her body to science.

    Feeling grateful that I should outlive my in-laws at this point.

  47. I'm intensely annoyed with the "Pluggers"-- the people you friended on FB who ONLY post updates advertising the plays they are in/Avon products they are selling/business opportunities they are investing in...the worst is when a group of friends are in the same play ALL plugging their opening night. If I was interested in your business endeavors, I would have contacted you via Linked in. And if you want to advertise your Schmidt on FB, pay for the ads like everyone else.

  48. In addition to finding out that my DH's aunt died via a fb post, we also find out that his eldest brother has been engaged and then is single again via the fb relationship updates.

  49. Status-saurus: This would be me. *hangs head in shame*

  50. I kinda like poking fun at people's stupid statuses and even yesser? My cousins all went to college. They were all the big winners and went off to expensive schools where their parents are Alumni while I got married, divorced, knocked up, and re-married (yeah, I win). I LOVE when they post status updates because not a one of them can spell and one is a big drama-queeny poet. Also? I make more than all 6 of them put together because like my dad before me, I had OJT baby! Also, my grandma's "angels"? Only one of the three actually finished college. One couldn't get through student teaching to actually get her teaching degree and one just couldn't find anything that used his "talents". I won't elaborate because that would push me beyond snark and in to the realm of mean, but you don't know how many times I've wanted to tell my college educated, Masters Degree holding cousins, it's spelled t-o-m-o-r-r-o-w there is no A in that word (honestly, I Googled it because I thought maybe it's a proper spelling of a word you can only use in college. Just turns out their idiots.

    Also - I'm probably guilty of a few of these at some point but not consciously.

  51. Their idiots.......




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