|Kate, is this your dentist |
or your OB?
10. We come to you, we get instantly naked, you didn't buy us dinner, usually we haven't had a glass of wine yet, you've just informed us how much we really weigh -- and you wrote it down -- and, at the end, we. pay. you. It's no wonder that men think you have the best job in the history of the world.
9. No matter how complimentary your doctor is trying to be, and we realize that having this particular phenomenon is a huge plus in their book when it comes to doing their job, there is no way to be flattered by telling us we have "good birthing hips."
8. At one point, you will say, "this may be a little uncomfortable" and then we either experience the thrill of you apparently trying to pop one of our boobs, excavate for dinosaurs with your little tool that must be made of barbed wire and acid, or press so hard that our tonsils threaten to explode out of our ears. It's a moments like these that we relish the "turn and cough" moment you get to experience every year.
7. Maybe hide the tray of instruments? Between far, far too many gels and cremes and "ointments", the 1927 microphone thing-y, the ridiculously long, pointy and oversized Q-tips, AND that thing that looks like a metal duck's face...really? Do we need to see that? The Marquise de Sade would be so lucky.
|Dude, is he putting on rubber gloves?|
5. This phrase: "Please scoot a little closer." We'd prefer not to walk with our ass cheeks. Thank you.
4. While we love a nicely decorated exam room, especially one with calm, soothing pictures of your farm, having a photograph of a rooster on the wall? Ummm, should we really be thinking about c*cks at this moment?
3. In that same vein, how about NOT putting pictures on the ceiling. Yes, we realize that we'll be looking up, but we'd also like to think we'll be in that particular position for such a short amount of time that we don't need the visual entertainment.
2. I know that you and your nurse do this same thing all day long, every day and I only do this once a year. But would it be possible for your nurse not to look bored as you get to third base and I try not to squirm around feeling deeply uncomfortable? I get that this is no big deal for her, but it would be slightly less awkward for me if she didn't look as if she'd rather be playing Angry Birds.
1. Please, please please...for the love of Maude. Warm your hands up first. Just not like this:
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