Thursday, May 12, 2011

Where have you stupids been?

Lydia was busy busy busy this week. Kate...eh? Not so much. Kate is anticipating that the pendulum will swing back the other way soon enough, but Lydia says she just went to the OB/GYN and she doesn't think that pendulums are supposed to swing and what in the name of Maude is wrong with my gynecologist?

Over at Nickelodeon's Parents Connnect, Lydia was fielding some pretty awesome and unusual questions from her kids and their friends. Questions that we think should be answered, and are asked in such a way that we really do WANT to be able to answer them. And, come to think of it, we have a couple of our own: 

  • Why didn't we remember that we were supposed to tell you that you were allergic to sugar? And Dora? We could have looped that all in with peanuts and shellfish and been naked monkey free for your entire childhood. 
  • Who's the jackhole who invented SillyBandz? Glad you're a bajillionaire and everything, dude, but how 'bout you use some of your windfall to buy me a new freakin' vacuum cleaner? My $299 Hoover has just been downed by a $0.00014 pink rubber outline of a ducky. You're a douche.
  • What's wrong with cloning? Granted, I don't need a sheep, but a clone of myself? What's wrong with that? Even the defective one can manage to do a load of laundry better than my husband does...right? Here's some spit. Get to work. 

"We" covered some familiar ground with playground etiquette for Maternal Ammunition this week. Kate maybe also discovered this week that the bars on playground equipment are *magical* in that Happy's head can fit through them only one time -- that would be the time that gets his head stuck in the playground equipment. Freeing that same noggin? Four grown women, some vaseline and duct tape over his ears. Oh, and 600 decibel screaming. That was nice. Now I know why it's a good thing that it's physically impossible to see my own vagina. No duct tape is gonna fix that.

And over at Huffington Post, Lydia lost her damn mind and went off on a douchebag who runs a dating website for married people encouraging them to cheat on their spouses.  She maybe was a wee bit obnoxious, used foul language and advocated some nut crunching.

Luckilly for us, we know someone who has just the pendulum for that...

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

14 comments:

  1. Whew! I needed that this morning! Your blog makes me feel that I am not alone in the mommy trenches! *Naked monkey free!....hah!!!!*

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  2. I'm guessing you really want us to read the HuffPo article???? ;^)

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  3. I've had an eye twitch for several days this week. I had a job interview and a job deadline and a cub scouts meeting and two little boys who just had to ask me sixty bajillion questions. AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH.

    Somehow, like you, I still found time to update my blog. Ahhh.

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  4. You ladies are a breath of fresh air. It's so nice to read a 'real life' kind of blog.

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  5. I too wish I had told my daughter she was allergic to Dora. It's evil!!

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  6. "Who's the jackhole who invented SillyBandz?" I've asked the same thing about the douche that invented Easter Grass. I. Hate. That. Man! And it had to be a man, because no woman would think it's a good idea to have little shreds of cellophane within reach of small children, pets, and vacuum cleaners!

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  7. You make my days feel normal, or at least crazy in the same way as someone else's. Thanks for that. Oh, and I loved the Huffington Post article!

    Have you guys checked out MomsRising.org? Their (free!) bumper sticker says, "Moms - changing more than diapers." Sounds right up your alley, and it's a group I'm happy to sign petitions for.

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  8. I think someone put this post together before they had their coffee.

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  9. Because you linked to that Huff-Po article again....If the genders in that article were reversed, All of you would be screaming non-stop about cutting the balls off of the misgynostic bastard who suggested that "assault" against a woman is better than cheating on her. Also interesting to note is the euphemism, "Married Mom" instead of "Unfaithful Bitch". Whereas guys are automatically "Douchebags.

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  10. When I read the bit about the HuffPo, I thought for a second I was losing my damn mind. I have, just not in the way I thought.

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  11. So apparently you don't allow comments that dis-agree with your male-bashing. Figures.

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  12. What is it with the silly bands? Mine have all given up on collecting them, but won't part with them -- even though they don't wear them. So I find them in random places. Like the litter box. (where they stay.) That internet deal is whacktastic -- and people wonder why marriages fail today?

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  13. Loved the Huffington Post!!! great job! I heard our radio announcer say something today about "mid-life crisis"...she said, "Well, it's when you don't want to feel old, or look old, so you go and do something stupid" LMAO!!!!! I loved it! Go Heather at 106 KHQ Traverse City, MI. Love her and Josh in the morning!!! toot toot!

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  14. All the comments that were posted here on May 12th were lost when Blogger went down. Sorry folks! We hate it, too.

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