Thursday, May 12, 2011

Where have you stupids been?

Lydia was busy busy busy this week. Not so much. Kate is anticipating that the pendulum will swing back the other way soon enough, but Lydia says she just went to the OB/GYN and she doesn't think that pendulums are supposed to swing and what in the name of Maude is wrong with my gynecologist?

Over at Nickelodeon's Parents Connnect, Lydia was fielding some pretty awesome and unusual questions from her kids and their friends. Questions that we think should be answered, and are asked in such a way that we really do WANT to be able to answer them. And, come to think of it, we have a couple of our own: 

  • Why didn't we remember that we were supposed to tell you that you were allergic to sugar? And Dora? We could have looped that all in with peanuts and shellfish and been naked monkey free for your entire childhood. 
  • Who's the jackhole who invented SillyBandz? Glad you're a bajillionaire and everything, dude, but how 'bout you use some of your windfall to buy me a new freakin' vacuum cleaner? My $299 Hoover has just been downed by a $0.00014 pink rubber outline of a ducky. You're a douche.
  • What's wrong with cloning? Granted, I don't need a sheep, but a clone of myself? What's wrong with that? Even the defective one can manage to do a load of laundry better than my husband does...right? Here's some spit. Get to work. 

"We" covered some familiar ground with playground etiquette for Maternal Ammunition this week. Kate maybe also discovered this week that the bars on playground equipment are *magical* in that Happy's head can fit through them only one time -- that would be the time that gets his head stuck in the playground equipment. Freeing that same noggin? Four grown women, some vaseline and duct tape over his ears. Oh, and 600 decibel screaming. That was nice. Now I know why it's a good thing that it's physically impossible to see my own vagina. No duct tape is gonna fix that.

And over at Huffington Post, Lydia lost her damn mind and went off on a douchebag who runs a dating website for married people encouraging them to cheat on their spouses.  She maybe was a wee bit obnoxious, used foul language and advocated some nut crunching.

Luckilly for us, we know someone who has just the pendulum for that...

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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