Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Don't Use Twitter When You Have PMS
Here are some examples of why Lydia should not tweet while suffering from PMS:
#1. I woke up with a unpleasant start. A major momFAIL is no way to start the day:
#2: I then pulled a Lydia:
"New shirt. Awesome! Coffee boobstain within 10 minutes of putting it on for the first time? F*cking perfect."
#3: By 10:00am, I had noticed a change in my toddler:
"Since yesterday my 2 yo can speak English. It's ceaseless. She chatters like a monkey non-stop. I really miss yesterday."
#4: And this might have been too much information for most people:
#5: Ditto this:
"Just found a gray eyebrow hair & I plucked that sonfabitch right out but then I hiccup-cried for 10 minutes bc it means I'm really old."
#6: Then it all started to make sense:
#6: Then the big kids got home from school and the festival of good behavior and awesome parenting began:
"Son, did you notice you're only wearing one shoe? Any idea where the other one is? Of course not."
#7: Shared another momFAIL that I should have kept to myself:
"Mini-me spends more time in the Thinking Chair than she does at the table. She now points to it & says: Oh, dats MY place."
#8: And then the children conspired to make me crazy, after I spent hours cooking the special dinner they begged for...
#9: You know what everyone loves to hear? Any by everyone I mean NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF EVER:
"Momma! Dere's poop on my hands! And on me! And da potty! And da floor! HA HA HA!!!"
#10: And after a truly enjoyable ninety minutes trying to get my adorable yet whiny offspring to make the transition from "in bed" to "asleep", I took a few minutes to sink into a much-needed TV coma. Then I noticed that the Cap'n was still not home from work. That realization precipitated the following:
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011
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