|OMG! I just realized I'm a jackhole!|
The Much Maligned Cheetos Directive:
Go ahead and judge me. I can’t stop you. But I have recently embraced the dark side. Some may call it bribery. I call it strategy. Do not underestimate the infrequent and deliberate use of cheetos as an effective parenting tactic. I can get the little terror suspects to clean the playroom in about 15 minutes for a .99 cent bag of neon orange junk food. I don’t do it very often, but it’s my fail-safe when things start to derail. Some people use carrots and sticks, I use cheetos and taking away the Wii.
Every human being requires sleep, except of course for mommies.
My youngest does not sleep. She naps. She demands to be snuggled at 3am or screams the house down. She is two and a half. About a year ago, we had her sleeping through the night and it lasted for quite a while. It was amazing. It was like someone had ripped the film off my life, in the manner of a very surreal Claritin ad. Suddenly I felt like myself again. I could function, finish a sentence, even occasionally summon the energy to do something that I had forgotten about for several years; like scrub behind the toilets or pluck my eyebrows. Now I am back in a sleepless hell, deep inside The Blur and have accepted that it is my lot. I no longer fear the need to prepare for the zombie apocalypse as I am already a zombie. So that’s at least an upside.
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011