Monday, June 13, 2011

Overheard at the Pool


It's been a while since Kate has had a chance to break out her Sharpies and classified section of the newspaper and head for the pool...and we're still amazed at what people will say when they think no one is listening.

Actually, because she fears there could be a chance that some people might be cluing in to what she's doing, she substituted her newspaper for a piece of paper tucked inside a book. So, to the unsuspecting masses at the pool this weekend, she was just reading Harry Potter. But, wow, did her Sharpie get a workout...

Mom, to kid: "Where are your goggles?"
Kid: "I don't know."
Mom: "You don't know? We've been here for ten minutes."


Lifeguard, to another guard: "This sucks...I thought it would be cool to be at the pool all summer and get paid and stuff. But I have to clean bathrooms now. With, like, cleaning stuff."


Mom, to kid: "Daniel. Don't get into the pool until I put sunscreen on you."
[turns her back to get sunscreen; kid jumps in pool]
Mom: DANIEL! Get out this instant!
[kid skulks back to her; she dries him off and sprays him with sunscreen]
Mom: "Now, give it a minute to soak in."
[kid runs and jumps in pool]
Mom: "DANIEL! Godd***it! Get over here!"
[kid gets out again; Mom dries him off, forgets sunscreen]
Mom: "There. Now you can go in the pool."


Mom, to another mom: We should come here tomorrow while the kids are at school.
Other Mom: "The pool doesn't open until after school gets out."
First Mom: "What? Why?"
Other Mom: "Because they don't want to pay the guards to watch people drink too much in the middle of the morning."
First Mom: "Ooooh, someone has been getting drunk here during the--- oh, you mean us, don't you?"

Kid, to Mom: "Get these goggles off! Too tight! Too tight! They're sucking out my eyeballs!"

Kid, over PA system: "Mommy? Mommy named Leslie. Where are you?"
[Mom comes out of the bathroom]
Kid, still over PA system: "Hi Mommy! Were you going potty?"

Tweener girls, sitting on the edge of the pool in a row:
Girl One: "I need a new swimsuit."
Girl Two: "I wanna go see Soul Surfer."
Girl Three: "It's too hot."
Girl Two: "Or Prom. Or maybe something else."
Girl Four: "Is it break? Or are we, like, sitting here for a reason?"
Girl One: "We should all go get new swimsuits."
Girl Four: "If it's break, I need a snack. Who has money?"
Girl Two: "What else is out? I'm bored. We should order pizza."
Girl Three: "I'm hot."

[Editor's Note: This went on for the next 20 minutes until they walked away...I almost cheered when they left. -Kate]

Kid, in water: "Mom! Mom! Mom! MOOOMMMM!"
Mom: "What? Stop yelling!"
Kid: "Watch this!"
Mom: "OK." [goes back to reading book]
Kid: "Mom! Watch! Watch this! MOM!"
Mom: "Then do it already."
Kid: "Watch me! MOM! Watch ME!"
Mom: "Nathan! Stop talking and DO IT ALREADY!"
[goes underwater, flails about, comes up sputtering] 
Mom: "Are you OK?"
Kid: "Stop watching me!"

Boy, to friend: "Are you doing swim team this summer?"
Friend: "Yeah, my mom is making me."
Boy: "Carly is on swim team. Alex told me."
Friend: "Really?" [pauses] "Still, it's so early. And it's not a two piece."

Sunscreen Mom, to kid: "Wow. You're getting burned. This sunscreen sucks."

Dad, to kid: "OK pal. On the count of three, jump off and--"
[kid jumps sideways, kicks Dad in the face]
Kid: "Dad, you didn't catch me!"
Dad: "Count of three, dude. We gotta count to three first."
Kid: "But I had to pee."
Dad: "What? -- No. Don't answer that."

Lifeguard: [blows whistle] "BREAK!"
Kids, to Mom: "Can we have a snack?" "I need to pee." "Do you have money?" "Where's my iPod?" "Can I have a snowcone?" "OH! It's the ice cream man! Please mom!" "My towel fell in the pool." "MOM! I have to peeeeeee real bad." "I need three dollars." "MOM! Hurry! Ice cream man!" "I think I got your phone wet." "Mom, where's the money?"
Mom, to friend: "If I give them ten thousand dollars, can we stop having breaks?"

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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