Monday, June 13, 2011

Overheard at the Pool

It's been a while since Kate has had a chance to break out her Sharpies and classified section of the newspaper and head for the pool...and we're still amazed at what people will say when they think no one is listening.

Actually, because she fears there could be a chance that some people might be cluing in to what she's doing, she substituted her newspaper for a piece of paper tucked inside a book. So, to the unsuspecting masses at the pool this weekend, she was just reading Harry Potter. But, wow, did her Sharpie get a workout...

Mom, to kid: "Where are your goggles?"
Kid: "I don't know."
Mom: "You don't know? We've been here for ten minutes."

Lifeguard, to another guard: "This sucks...I thought it would be cool to be at the pool all summer and get paid and stuff. But I have to clean bathrooms now. With, like, cleaning stuff."

Mom, to kid: "Daniel. Don't get into the pool until I put sunscreen on you."
[turns her back to get sunscreen; kid jumps in pool]
Mom: DANIEL! Get out this instant!
[kid skulks back to her; she dries him off and sprays him with sunscreen]
Mom: "Now, give it a minute to soak in."
[kid runs and jumps in pool]
Mom: "DANIEL! Godd***it! Get over here!"
[kid gets out again; Mom dries him off, forgets sunscreen]
Mom: "There. Now you can go in the pool."

Mom, to another mom: We should come here tomorrow while the kids are at school.
Other Mom: "The pool doesn't open until after school gets out."
First Mom: "What? Why?"
Other Mom: "Because they don't want to pay the guards to watch people drink too much in the middle of the morning."
First Mom: "Ooooh, someone has been getting drunk here during the--- oh, you mean us, don't you?"

Kid, to Mom: "Get these goggles off! Too tight! Too tight! They're sucking out my eyeballs!"

Kid, over PA system: "Mommy? Mommy named Leslie. Where are you?"
[Mom comes out of the bathroom]
Kid, still over PA system: "Hi Mommy! Were you going potty?"

Tweener girls, sitting on the edge of the pool in a row:
Girl One: "I need a new swimsuit."
Girl Two: "I wanna go see Soul Surfer."
Girl Three: "It's too hot."
Girl Two: "Or Prom. Or maybe something else."
Girl Four: "Is it break? Or are we, like, sitting here for a reason?"
Girl One: "We should all go get new swimsuits."
Girl Four: "If it's break, I need a snack. Who has money?"
Girl Two: "What else is out? I'm bored. We should order pizza."
Girl Three: "I'm hot."

[Editor's Note: This went on for the next 20 minutes until they walked away...I almost cheered when they left. -Kate]

Kid, in water: "Mom! Mom! Mom! MOOOMMMM!"
Mom: "What? Stop yelling!"
Kid: "Watch this!"
Mom: "OK." [goes back to reading book]
Kid: "Mom! Watch! Watch this! MOM!"
Mom: "Then do it already."
Kid: "Watch me! MOM! Watch ME!"
Mom: "Nathan! Stop talking and DO IT ALREADY!"
[goes underwater, flails about, comes up sputtering] 
Mom: "Are you OK?"
Kid: "Stop watching me!"

Boy, to friend: "Are you doing swim team this summer?"
Friend: "Yeah, my mom is making me."
Boy: "Carly is on swim team. Alex told me."
Friend: "Really?" [pauses] "Still, it's so early. And it's not a two piece."

Sunscreen Mom, to kid: "Wow. You're getting burned. This sunscreen sucks."

Dad, to kid: "OK pal. On the count of three, jump off and--"
[kid jumps sideways, kicks Dad in the face]
Kid: "Dad, you didn't catch me!"
Dad: "Count of three, dude. We gotta count to three first."
Kid: "But I had to pee."
Dad: "What? -- No. Don't answer that."

Lifeguard: [blows whistle] "BREAK!"
Kids, to Mom: "Can we have a snack?" "I need to pee." "Do you have money?" "Where's my iPod?" "Can I have a snowcone?" "OH! It's the ice cream man! Please mom!" "My towel fell in the pool." "MOM! I have to peeeeeee real bad." "I need three dollars." "MOM! Hurry! Ice cream man!" "I think I got your phone wet." "Mom, where's the money?"
Mom, to friend: "If I give them ten thousand dollars, can we stop having breaks?"

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. There is no way on God's green earth you could pay me to do a public pool. LOL But that is some funny stuff!

  2. Can I just say that the best parenting decision I have ever made was joining the YMCA. The pool is awesome and it has NO SNACK BAR. The only snacks they get are the lame ones I bring, so they have pretty much given up asking. Of course, this doesn't stop them from nagging for countless other things, but at least I'm not shelling out all my cash on crap.

    On the other hand, I promised my six year old he could buy a treat at the swim meet concession stand if he swam his whole race without holding onto the rope. He picked cotton candy

  3. Hahahaha!! I think I may have to start writing things down when I hear crazy stuff. Love it!! Thank you for my daily laugh in the morning.

  4. These are my favorite posts! The mom who forgot the sunscreen after making him get out of the pool twice? Classic.

  5. HAHA...these are awesome!! I heard some pretty funny stuff from the nouveau riche mommies at the country club when I was nannying the summer before I had little dude (at least till they figured out I was a nanny, and therefore leprous)...but have been away from the pool scene for a couple of years now.

    Now little dude is turning two and starts swim lessons today (Eesh!! must go get ready NOW!!) I foresee a lot of funny overheard stuff at our town's aquatics center this summer!!

  6. I feel your pain and it's only just begun!Have a happy summer!

  7. The "Mom, mom, mom MOMMMM!!! watch meeeeee!!!" one is the TRUTH!

  8. Oh my gosh, that's amazing. I love listening to other people chat when they think no one is listening.

  9. My nieces, ages 13, 9 and 5 told me last weekend that you couldn't pee in their pool because their dad installed a chemical that turned your pee blue (the oldest trick in the pool book). I told them this is not true because I peed in their pool last year and it did not turn blue. The looks of shock and horror on their faces was worth it.

  10. OMG Thank you. FOR EXISTING! ~Melissa

  11. Kate can you please move to Texas and hang out at my pool? Please? I'd LOVE to hear your commentary on some of the folks here. I'd happily supply you with mass quantities of your drink of choice...T-Box? Margaritas? Rum? Vodka? Just sayin. Too funny.

  12. Oh--this post makes the next four weeks of swimming lessons totally worth it. My kidlets are still not old enough to be independent in the pool, so I have not had the opportunity to make these kinds of killer observations! Thanks.

  13. The conversations people have at the pool, all out in the open, KILLS ME. The very first day we went, I was privy to a lovely conversation about how this woman's aunt insisted on going to Walmart and purchasing underwear for the relative they were burying. It was, um, interesting.

  14. OMG! I just laughed so hard, *I* had to pee.

  15. um, sunscreen mom? I think that is going to be me...Number1Son is even called Daniel...Bollix




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