Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Wait! It's Summer? Now? Crap.


My kids didn't go to school today. I got them up, fed, brushed, backpacked and when I hustled them out the door, Lefty said, "Uh, mom. School ended yesterday."

Whuck?

It's Tuesday. Since when does school end in on a Tuesday? And, apparently, at 11:30am on a Tuesday. What use is that? So the teachers can look at those faces and say, "Good Morning, children! Now, grab your backpacks! School is over. Aren't your moms are going to be shocked to see you?" and then dismiss them for the day and THEN probably cackle like a horde of deranged crows.

I was at work when they came home yesterday, all complain-y because they had to walk. It's three blocks through our neighborhood, but you would have thought they were in Bataan the way they were carrying on. McLovin would have been less surprised to see Elvis standing at the door than he was when the children returned. Then he called me.

McLovin: The children are home.
Kate: Are they ill?
McLovin: They said that school is over.
Kate: Huh?
McLovin: They. said. that. school. is. over.
Kate: Over what?
McLovin: The rainbow, Kate. The school is over the rainbow.
Kate: I'm very confused.
McLovin: I'm hanging up now.
Kate: But wait! Are the children ill or something?

By the time I got home, I'd forgotten all about it, and actually asked the IHPs if they had finished their homework. At the time, what with the enthusiastic -- though slightly perplexed -- nodding, I actually thought they were being proactive. Now, in retrospect, I've discovered that those evil children are willing to lie to my face.

And now I'm faced with three freshly-sprung-from-the-rigors-of-school children, and no plan, and no camp until next Monday. And, they're all looking at me...and I've forgotten how to use The Force and make them think things they wouldn't normally think. Things like, "I think I'll go clean my room..." or "I want to fold laundry..." or "Mommy isn't crazy at all..." And I can tell that, right now, they're all thinking the same thing: Mommy has no plan. This is sanctioned mutiny. We need to misbehave, right now, while her brain is stuck.

Then the phone rang.

Liz: Did you know school was over?
Kate: Noooooo. I'm just now figuring that out.
Liz: Was there a note sent home?
Kate: No. I think they did this to screw with us.
Liz: So, what are you going to do?
Kate: Well, first I immediately panicked. Then, I -- nothing. I'm still immediately panicking.
Liz: Is it possible to immediately panic for more than a few seconds?
Kate: Seeing as I'm still doing it, yes. [whispering] What are we going to do with them?
Liz: Ummmm, I have the trampoline.
Kate: I have snacks and a coupon for Papa John's.
Liz: The pool?
Kate: GAH! No! Stop. They aren't supposed to be here. It's WEDNESDAY.
Liz: Right. Sorry. I was just immediately panicking. The trampoline has that net around it. And the yard has a fence.
Kate: I think that'll work. [to the IHPs] Children? Want to go play on the trampoline across the street?
IHPS: [something very loud] ASOTJATQPUI$ITV OKFAPCG SIH ORK!
Kate: [to self] I'm deaf. [to IHPs] Get your shoes. [to Liz] We're on our way.

All in all, it was a pretty good day. This summer thing might not be too bad. Lydia, after all, keeps her kids home all summer. They do fun things and go places and visit museums and zoos and parks and stuff, and she seems to think that it's awesome. And, I *essentially* make all those same things happen for my kids. The IHPs do fun things and go places and visit museums and zoos and parks and stuff and it's awesome and that's when I think to myself that Summer Camp is a wonderful thing.

Because there's only so many days I can have them bounce on a trampoline.

Also, immediately panicking is a lot harder than it sounds. I should know. I'll be doing it until Monday when camp starts.


(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

23 comments:

  1. "dismiss them for the day and THEN probably cackle like a horde of deranged crows."
    I was a teacher for 13 years and, yeah, that's pretty much accurate. :-)

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  2. I thought I had a plan. I was very wrong. My new plan, is to send in the guys with the white jackets. For me. So I can have a vacation!

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  3. While I don't have school age children myself, I do have nephews who are and boy, the end of school is a huge deal for them. They jump on sofas, beds, chairs, pets, cars, anything screaming "ONLY X DAYS OF SCHOOL LEFT!!!!" for at least a month before school lets out. They act like it's the second coming of King Kong and then when school actually does let out....

    we immediately panic.

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  4. School closes here today. You would think the township and the camp people would come to some sort of a schedule where school ends one day and cam starts the next but NO now I have to feed them, entertain them, referee them and did I mention feed them for the next 4 days. Why could they not have school till Friday?

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  5. School ends for my kids in *checks watch* 77 minutes.
    Then I have 888 waking hours of summer to do....something with them.
    Send help.
    Or a trampoline.

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  6. This.was.so.funny! My teenager has been out of school since the 20th of May, YES that's right the 20th of frigging MAY!!! Nope he didn't graduate his school just finishes at an un-Godly early time! My daughter gets out in a couple of weeks and I have a toddler at home so I don't get the enjoyment of me time just yet. but muwwhhh he starts school next year, I will miss him terribly but I will totally enjoy the time I have to myself for the 3 whole hours he is away at school, you know learning and stuff. In the meantime I must figure out what to do with 3 kids of completely different age groups for the 2 months of summer we get! Oh that's right we are moving. To another country. driving. It will take 4 days to get there. 3 kids, 2 big dogs, and a rabbit in between 2 trucks Ack....I think I might just have to take the truck with the dogs in it.....

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  7. This was the first year I was actually ready for school to be out! That was until they went for another 2 1/2 WEEKS to make up for snow days and...oh! and that lovely day when they were sent home early because the power was out at school....and I wasn't home...and it was snowing. I don't have a cell phone so you can imagine my surprise when I cam home to a house heated up with enough candles that they were in underwear. In January.

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  8. I am so so glad that I'm not the only mom that didn't know that school let out. I had no idea until my son told me on Monday night. Then I had to do the frantic what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you dance. Sigh.

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  9. holy cow your school lets out LATE! We've been out of school since May 26th.. and we're already going only 8 more weeks of summer vacation left!? 1/3 of our summer is over already! I'm going to miss it when it's over..

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  10. IT'S. CALLED. A. CALENDAR.

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  11. Oh CRAP! Schools out? So where did my kids go when I dropped them off???

    (juuuust kidding! I locked them in the basement.)

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  12. My plan is a nanny....and lots of wine. ;-)

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  13. I'm lookin' at three jackholes that have been out of school since may! One since the 13th!!! And 2 since the 25th!!! I have literally been counting down the days of summer left until school starts since the SECOND they were dismissed on their last day. I know I'm not the worst mom ever - that's my mom - but I do know that there's only 45 days of summer fun left!

    If your kids just got out yesterday when do they go back ... Halloween?

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  14. You choose to have children, grow up and deal with it! Summer is fun, go places, do things, have actual experiences with your children instead of treating teachers like baby-sitters...

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  15. Mine had a final yesterday and one next week. And then? I'm stuck with her until Tuesday after Labour Day. UGH. I'm planning to bribe her to do work for me. Expect tears. Mine.

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  16. Girls. Calendar. Look into it! You'll be surprised how much easier things are when you use it! ;)

    (and yes, i cackled like a deranged crow when my students ran off for the summer. now im home with my very own tiny terrorist.)

    :)

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  17. Thanks to the lovely IL wind our trampoline is RIP in a mound covered with large rocks(so it can't do anymore damage) in the back yard. It happened a week before the last day of school. I lost my most awesome, easy, cheap babysitter ever. We have no fence to keep them penned, I'm left with the public pool and all its loveliness. Let me know if you come up with any other ideas. I don't think the neighbors would let me keep them on their dog leash.

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  18. Well I do have a calandar and it's huge and centrally located and has a SHARPIE attached to it! I see my son's teacher every afternoon and I still was surprised by the end of school. I knew it was coming but got the day wrong. It doesn't make me a bad mom to panic a little...!!

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  19. I'm glad to know my kids aren't the only ones who stage mutiny when I forget to make a plan. Kids must just have an instinct about this-- Look! her brain is stuck! Quick! Set the place on fire! Sheesh...and my husband wonders why I'm a planner.

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  20. Kate - I LOVE (after our fun conversation post-Glee) the snarky comments about how you need to get a calendar. These people obviously don't read the blog often. If they only KNEW the calendar you have in your house. :) Color coded and everything...

    My new favorite thing if trying to determine which snarky comment drives you the most crazy. It's my Summer mission since I'm not working. Well... that & driving you bananas at your pool.

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  21. In the Canadian education system, school runs from the Tuesday after labour day in September to the last week of June, so the kiddies aren't done until next week. When does school start that you can be done in May? That's spring!!! Yikes!

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  22. Calendar-schmalendar!!!! We had two snow days and thus the stupid calendar became irrelevant! Here, the last day of school saw the kids attend Monday thru Wednesday, distributed their final report card on Wednesday & allowed time to clean their desks/lockers. Thursday was a Teacher Institute (student nonattendance day) and had the kids back in attendance Friday for one useless hour! I mean!!! REALLY?!?!!

    I had the nerve to take a week off work to stay home with my ratty boys during the transition period from when school ends and day camp begins. My crew managed to not even drive me up a long, tall wall this time around. And I didn't even have the option of a trampoline nor pool. I survived and now they are in camp today (READ: someone's else's turn to entertain them!) Squeeeeee!

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  23. Are you thinking about buying something for the kids? Why not give them the one thing that will not only provide happiness and enjoyment but will also provide health benefits? Have you heard about trampolines? www.trampolinesforyou.com

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