Sunday, November 13, 2011

Top Ten Reasons Why 3 is Worse Than 2

It seems to me that one of the most important things that no one told me about parenthood is that three is worse than two. Everyone is sort of prepared for the Terrible Two’s. Very few of us are ready for what happens next.

One of our brilliant readers suggested that people don't warn you about three for one reason. It's not that they hate you, it's that they can't bear to break it to you. Many of us are close to coming unhinged as we think the two's are winding down. Imagine running a marathon and getting to mile 25 only to find that the finish line has been moved up a year. They don't want to see the disappointment and bewilderment steal across your face like a dark shadow.

But this is the interwebs and I can't see you. So I'm going to tell you the truth. Three is a lot worse than two and here's why:


1. Three is two with intent.

2. The good news is, they can speak. Oh wait did I say good news? Guess who can parrot an overheard curse word perfectly? Except now they can do it understanding the importance of timing.


3. They’re mostly potty trained. Of course that also means that when they crap on the floor, it's even more disgusting and they’ve probably done it on purpose.

4. Their lungs are bigger. Therefore, the tantrums are louder – especially in public. They also are perfectly aware of what annoys and humiliates you. They know... Oh, they know.

5. Little girls get a wee bit emotional at three. Not a lot, just enough to turn your house into a damn telenovela.

6. Little boys act as if destruction and mayhem is their job. More than their job - their duty.

7. All of a sudden – they get picky, picky, picky. After eating macaroni and cheese every other day their whole life, get ready to hear: "Momma. I not gonna eat dese noodles. Dey haf cheese all over dem and dat's GROSS."

8. They're independent and doing more things for themselves, which means that doing anything now takes approximately forever.

9. They're smart. So you can no longer trick them into eating healthy things or playing quietly while you try to gather your shattered nerves. Also, they’re self-aware enough to weigh the consequences and take what’s coming to them. Flooding the bathroom floor is totally worth ten minutes in time out.

10. Are you ready to leave your house? Well, your toddler isn't. Are you ready to walk down the street? Your toddler isn't. Is it time for you to leave the playground? Well, your toddler really, really isn't. And that's why we call it turtle herding.

I speak the truth, hookers. I'm really sorry. And you're welcome.

But at least now you're prepared. Maybe.


xo, Lydia

146 comments:

  1. In our house they were called the throat slitting three's for all the reasons stated above!! :D But, this, too, shall pass...if you survive it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. SO SO SO true! I've been through the threes with 3 little girls, and I'm slightly terrified to see what's in store with the boy.

    And don't forget - they can talk, so they can TATTLE! "Mommmmmmmyyyyyy, she's looking at me!" "Mooooooommmmmmyyyyyyy she's on MY couch!" "Mommy sissy looks too much like me!" (Um, I'm sorry you have a twin?)

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL! I thought it was going to be about why 3 kids are wore than 2 - which is also totally true too.

    I have to agree -- mine were not too bad at two, but three - oh my. I do warn all of my friends about it but they don't believe me until they get there.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've got boys, 2 of them, and they're now four months into 3. "It's been one of those days" has now turned into EVERY bleepin day. I've never understood the benefits to drinking during the day until now, and thank god I live in a dinky little town where driving isn't necessary. Any hidden gems waiting for me when they make it to 4?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aaahhh 3.....thank god that's over. The highlight of 3 for me was a 45 minute screaming-and-throwing-herself-on-the-ground-every-2-metres tantrum that spanned 2 blocks through the middle of my (small) town involving several supportive onlookers and resulting in a completely shell shocked Mummy. Fun times.

    ReplyDelete
  6. and the fact that they can understand you 100%, but have somehow become DEAF...yup. I'm glad I'm out of the 3's. You speak truth. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Is this why parental happiness levels start to drop sharply at age three and don't raise again until the kid goes off to college? :)

    Julie
    ilikebeerandbabies.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. No freakin joke. I've officially decided you're a genius, and I probably only need parenting advice from you and SuperNanny. I read a book about parenting "strong-willed children" that said that once they hit 3, girls experience a joyous sudden and drastic decline in hyper-emotional outbursts.

    Dear Author of That Book,

    You idiot. Have you ever met a girl, ever? I believed you. And my hopes and dreams were shattered when my 3 year old began flailing and screaming because she couldn't figure out how to buckle her own shoe. Thanks a lot, jerkface.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, my, YES! I remember the bewilderment when Offspring #1 turned 3 and she didn't improve. A friend with older children commented, "I don't know why they call it Terrible Twos. Three is far worse" and I just couldn't get it even though random moms in earshot agreed with her. Now I know. In my life, my current three year old has an obsession with water. This means that, though he is potty trained, every trip to the bathroom must be monitored or we end up with "fun with bubbles" in (or on) the sink for as long as I let him play. Yesterday he got out an egg and decided to crack it for no reason. Thankfully it was only one egg, splat, on the floor. One day he literally climbed onto our dining room table and managed to jump high enough to get the chandelier. I came around the corner to see him gleefully swinging in circles. I keep hoping that he'll get better, but I don't know.
    The good side is that three years olds are sweet, affectionate, and hilarious when they aren't driving you nuts. They come up and hug you, kiss you three times (both cheeks, mouth, and sometimes nose, forehead & chin for good measure) before bed, and they are developing a sense of humor. My son's latest is to get up in the morning, come downstairs, and sneak into a lion costume and then "surprise" me by jumping into the kitchen where I'm eating breakfast and saying, "GRRRRR!" So, moms of two year olds, it's not all bed

    ReplyDelete
  10. So very there right now, I may have to give up on my "giving up wine during the weekdays" project for another year. :(

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh no.... I thought i saw the light at the end of the tunnel... Train heading towards me instead.... Schmidt!

    ReplyDelete
  12. "three is two with intent."

    mine turned 3 in april and i've never been so angry.

    ReplyDelete
  13. um, Yeah. And am I the only one that thinks 4 is WAY worse than 3? Because, holy shitake mushrooms. 4 BLOWS. My two year old is a god damn saint compared to her sister. A SAINT!

    ReplyDelete
  14. It's amazing how they master the art of selective hearing at age three. And apparently in males, they continue using it the rest of their lives.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Truth. Three is worse than two. The attitude. OH the attitude. They're cute so that they SURVIVE, b/c if they weren't, no one would reach four.

    I found four slightly better, but not much.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My son was a dream at 2 and a total terror at 3! Oh.my.gosh! So not ready for that one. Thankfully 4 is better, but it's more like 4 1/2 before it was better. My daughter is 14 months and already way more dramatic than my son. I.am.terrified.

    ReplyDelete
  17. OMG - you nailed 3 perfectly! Only, my lovely son could probably take on your daughter in the drama department! My only God send is that my 6 year old has decided to act *perfectly* during this time....or maybe in comparison to the 3 year old his antics don't seem so bad!

    ReplyDelete
  18. It's a bell curve. It's starts at two, really ramps up and hits the top at 3. Then 4 & 5 starts the decline into being not so obnoxious.

    ReplyDelete
  19. and here i was thinking it was just so that you wouldn't kill them when they're 2. i had no idea they were protecting ME.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oh how well I remember....I called them the Tyrannical Threes. The INTENT is what killed me! That wicked gleam in their little eyes knowing they have one upped you. Again...I truly think you go into survival mode.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh my gawd this is perfect! Three is wayyyyyy worse than two and my little terror is hard of hearing so when she's really angry, she chucks her hearing aids at us.

    ReplyDelete
  22. SOOOO true! I hate 3 so much worse than 2. My 3-year-old right now is making me CRAZY. I sincerely hope that he will follow the bell curve and start improving eventually...

    ReplyDelete
  23. So very true. I remember 3 being the worst for both my kids. Telenovela...LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh YES Sir eeeeee. Forget the terrible two's, they're there to gradually prepare you for what's coming. Think three's are bad? wait until you get to the F***ing Fours. Little miss now not only knows how to say everything, she knows what it means and when to say it for the most impact. She knows how to manipulate Mum & Dad, how to blame the dog/cat/sibling, and how to get the attention of everyone in the shopping centre with a piercing scream of "Stop hurting me, Mummy" (I wasn't even in reach of her!)
    Nobody tells you your darling 18 month old will soon have you running from any public appearance and cringing as they tell everybody the new thing they learnt in the toilet. The worst part about this deception is that it's usually around the 2/3yr mark that number 2 comes along. So just when you think #1 has finished that phase, #2 kicks you square in the crotch.

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is why I call it Thunderous Three's, and Mom's there is "cure" of sorts for the temper tantrums.....food with a high protein in it. I know my kids get low blood sugar and WAM! we have been hit with a temper tantrum that if bottled up we could blow up an entire country with. Feed said child a cheese stick or a spoonful of peanut butter and wow I have my kid back.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Love it and so true! Thankfully, I am through that stage and on to school age (including a tween) which carries its own set of issues, but I wouldn't trade it for 2 or 3 for all the money in the world. It is a good thing they are cute because propagation of the species would have ended with the first toddlers.

    ReplyDelete
  27. "Three is two with intent." Truer words were never spoken. My girls were great at 2 - at 3, I was ready to tear my hair out every other day. First one took me by surprise, but I was sure ready for the 2nd one. It didn't seem to matter, though, since she had a whole other bag of tricks up her sleeve.

    And frankly, they're both lucky they made it through their 5th year alive.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Don't hate me but my 3 yr old is lovely except for a large dose of #8. She is more emotional and picky though than her brother ever was but not intolerably so.. My *intense* but fabulous 5 year old still exhausts me every day. He's way brighter and way more tiring. My kids have never had bad years, just phases of a few bad months once or twice a year. Every year.

    ReplyDelete
  29. My friend told me when my daughter was born that they don't call it "the Terrible Two's " because it happens when they are two, they call it that because it lasts for two years.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I've been warned by my siblings that 3 is worse than two, so thankfully I've been trying to mentally prepare myself. Two hasn't been so bad around here, so I'm kind of nervous about three...

    ReplyDelete
  31. I don't know why, but only with my fourth child, Lucy, do I realize just how AWFUL three is! She is the Queen of dirty looks, frontrunner for an academy award for her theatrics and she seems to be CONSTANTLY PMSing!!! Maybe because she's the baby and I don't have anyone else to tend to I see it more than the first three, but WOW!! You've hit the nail on the head, Lydia!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I KNEW we should have adopted a 25 yo with his own apartment! I'm gonna go stock up on wine.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I heard another mom call her three year old a "Threenager."

    Which just about says it all.
    --kate in MI

    ReplyDelete
  34. I think why people don't know about three year olds is b/c three is hard to attach an adjective other than the obvious *&^%$
    Terrible two's flows nicely on the - nothing rhymes with three.

    ReplyDelete
  35. 6. Little boys act as if destruction and mayhem is their job. More than their job - their duty.
    -------
    This doesn't change. Ever.

    Also, mixed in with emotional, girls get bossy and sassy. It's cute. For a while.

    ReplyDelete
  36. "...people don't warn you about three for one reason... they can't bear to break it to you."

    This is exactly why I do not tell my friends who are pulling their hair out trying to survive their two year olds that it is only going to get worse(the third year) before it gets better (when they finally turn 4)!

    ReplyDelete
  37. LOL! I've always said "3 is nothing more than 2 with intent and vocabulary". 3 was horrible. I still remember trying to get her to walk home from a trip to the lake - an HOUR later (its a 2 minute walk), after finally catching her and carrying her football style back, she was in her room at the camp, still screaming, and I was in a rocker deciding if I was having an actual heart attack or not.

    ReplyDelete
  38. "Three is two with intent." AB.SO.LUTELY!
    @Lana "the fact that they can understand you 100%, but have somehow become DEAF" Oh, even YESSER!
    I have to say my boy's tantrums did lessen at 3... but the destruction!
    As impossible to herd as a turtle for sure, but instead of just moseying around he is whirling in a tornado of destruction so fast & yet never getting anywhere. I must be a ninja turtle herder!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Thanks a lot. Three arrives in 22 days. Guess I am actually shooting for, oh 22+365 = 387. But wait - what about FOUR??

    ReplyDelete
  40. Amen, sisters!! Three is HARD.

    We went to LegoLand on Monday. He was a joy and was having a blast until he got to drive his own car. When they stopped the ride, he was PISSED that the ride was so short. So he started screaming and refused to get out of the car. Massive meltdown. Everyone in line was so happy (insert sarcasm here). Good times!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Holy jeepers. My son started the "terrible twos" at 14 months with full blown banging-head-on-the-floor-because-I-wouldn't-give-him-a- popsicle-for-dinner tantrums. He just turned two this week...If they start early do they wind down early? I'm guessing I don't really want to know the answer to that!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I don't want to think about this. My twin daughters will be 3 in less than 3 months. ugh I did already survive 3 with my son but I don't really remember it. He turned 3 about 6 weeks before said daughters were born.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I officially hate you guys now. Here I am, my 20 month old starting the terrible 2's early, and all that's getting me through is "just make it to 3, just make it to 3." Now you tell me I have to make it to FOUR???? @#$@&^$@%#! Plus I'll have my 5 month old hot on his heels. Is it too late to change my mind about having kids?

    ReplyDelete
  44. Oh yes, it started at 18 months and has gone downhill since then! My 3 3/4 year old daughter (I'm hopefully looking to the end of the tunnel) is SO emotional! The crying never ends!! Like right now, she's crying and it's only 8 in the morning...it's going to be a long day...*sigh*
    And yes, my used to be good eater will look at the food we put in front of her and say "bleh" - even if it's something she had a day or 2 ago and loved!

    ReplyDelete
  45. I always said, if it is the Terrible Two's, it must go on to the Therapy Inducing Three's and the @#$%ing Horrible Fours. We were mostly ok by five, so I didn't bother with anymore.

    I may need my head checked though, because I let my daughter live to the age of 6, and now I've started all over again. This time it's a boy. Pray for me?

    ReplyDelete
  46. Sorry to say ladies, but if 3 is the new 2, you are going to LOVE 4 (not!). I remember when Boy was 4 and Girl was only 1 thinking, "I could never be as angry with Girl as I am with Boy right now." haha! Fast forward 3 years... Boy (now 7) is a delight, and Girl has me twitching and spitting trying to remember, "I am the Mommy, right? I AM THE MOMMY! No You!" In my experience, it all sucks until 6. Sorry...

    ReplyDelete
  47. Honestly, I only had one terrible year with both of my kids, but it was more 2.5-3.5. They started late, but everyone warned me that meant they'd finish late too, so I wasn't disappointed when the magical 3rd birthday came and went with little to no improvement. Somewhere around 3-and-a-half, they realized they might want to be nice to the lady who controls access to cookies and knows how to work the DVD player. Also? My son is not a fan of destruction, just of quietly wedging tiny Legos into every available crevice, such as the keyhole to the basement door. And both of them celebrate when we're having cauliflower or spinach, and get into fights over the last piece of stir-fried tofu. This confuses me, but I'll take it. Yeah yeah, I know, I'm a smelly pirate hooker. Suck it. If it helps at all, I'm getting ready to face the Know-It-All 8-Year-Old stage. And.it's.totally.starting.

    ReplyDelete
  48. I have a girlfriend who told me years ago (when my oldest was 3) that the guy who coined the term Terrible Twos just hadn't gotten to Three yet.

    ReplyDelete
  49. I fear that at 3 years old, my son is smarter than I am. And sneakier, and, well brilliant at pulling on my heart strings. Which makes him lethal.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I think every stage is hard, but it is horrible waiting for some magical date to come. I thought two was hard when I had my first. I remember panicking because we were adding number two into the mix. And then it got better. and then 3 hit and wowzah! And four has been equally challenging... It's the tantrums of two coupled with the intellect of a six year old. And I think having good days makes the bad soooo much more drink worthy!?

    ReplyDelete
  51. But it gets better at four right?????? RIGHT!!!!??????????????? Will somebody PLEASE tell me it gets better at four!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. yes.Lydia speaks the truth. I have been a child care provider for FOURTEEN YEARS to children 6wks-12 yrs. Three is my absolutely LEAST FAVORITE age. hands down. I even considered taking only infants and kids 4 and up after one particular child brought me to the verge of losing my schmidt/going Chernobyl/ every.single.day. Two with INTENT...yes. intent to reduce me to an incoherent, twitchy eyed, isit530yetsoicantapmytbox?! muttering basketcase. (AND I am a *REALLY* patient person)PRAISE GOD that the family ended up moving, because I *REALLY* don't like terminating care if it can be avoided...

    FF two years:
    Last I heard, the little terror suspect was continuing his reign as "resident evil" in the public school system where my friend works as...yes, a Kindergarten teacher...I sent her a note on the first day of school with a gift card to our local martini bar. I didn't give names (cause that's not cool) I just wished her luck and told her I had a feeling she would be needing said gift card :) I gave it to her Monday-- on Wednesday she texted from said martini bar noting that one "special friend" actually drove her to drink. We have never said his name outloud--but we know...oh yes...we know...

    ReplyDelete
  53. We called it the "F&*K you 3's"...thank GOD we're past that now....great one girls!

    ReplyDelete
  54. This is hilarious, especially because I just wrote a blog post recently about the same issue.... And it's true! Nobody tells you! Life just springs it on you like the worst surprise party ever. Like one where Elmo is playing nonstop for a year and not a drop of wine is anywhere to be found.... It's the kind of year that almost makes you consider the benefits of your old smoking habits. ...I call it The Demon Threes, because that is what your child has turned into.... A Demon.

    ReplyDelete
  55. My son is 20 months, and already getting deep into the "terrible twos". We're working on talking..I say working because this kid will NOT use a word unless he knows how. And I mean that. He will not say it unless he uses it in the RIGHT context and knows what it means. Except for the word S**T one two stint in childcare and he got that one DOWN.

    ReplyDelete
  56. My sister finally broke the truth to me. First it was, "Why does nobody warn you about 5? People are all over the Terrible Twos and Awful Threes, but totally silent about 5.

    "The truth? [my sister says] You get a break basically from 6 to 11, when they're decent humans beings who are fun to hang out with. That's it."

    ReplyDelete
  57. yep. that's about right. i have 3 three year olds, and i'm counting the DAYS til they turn four. surely it will get better magically that day. right??

    ReplyDelete
  58. 4 years old has just about ripped my heart out. Sweetest boy at 2 and 3 then BOOM 4 hit and he's a surly distracted and bossy teenager! Will I ever get him back or is this it??!!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Terrific Twos
    Tremendous Threes
    Fabulous Fours

    Try it; you'll like it.

    ReplyDelete
  60. The WORST part? My now 4 year old son still often acts like he is stuck in age 3 phase. His teacher and speech therapist say he is very bright, strong willed, and self directed. Translation: "your kid is a stubborn jackhole who does not want to play nice with others. He is also unfortunately smarter than some adults - like me - on occasion." He outsmarted them by waiting them out refusing to do any activities. He has to go home at some point, right? UGH! I was thankful for the end of pre-k. I hope they have something new for him next year or it's gonna be a LONG year. ABCs aren't cutting it!

    Also - my 7 year old son is displaying frightening adult man-like tendencies such as sitting in his underpants demanding beef jerky for breakfast. WHUCK?! Who is this teenage-like PITA and where is my sweet boy? I thought the sarcasm and underpants only thing started more like at age 15.

    ReplyDelete
  61. OMG! My son will be 3 in about 6 weeks and I love how NO ONE told me 3 was WAY worse then 2, til he was 2 1/2! I was PISSED! I thought I was right round the corner to my easy breezy lil man, only to find out I'm not even half way thru the battle! Oh...and my lil guy has gotten a jump start on his 3's...Jus in the last week he gotten louder, throws a fit about any and everything, gotten slicker, slyier and balls-ier! His attitude and smart ass-iness are off the richter scale! Its crazy and I assume will jus progressively get worse...*sigh* Good thing I love the lil stinkerpotamus...Its gonna be a bump, BUMPY ride.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Goodness, ladies, where have you been hiding in my house and how did you know about the macaroni & cheese situation?

    ReplyDelete
  63. Your blog is making me howl with laughter. I have a 2.5 yr old son and a newly 4 yr old daughter and I can relate SO MUCH to everything you have written. Thank you! You are hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Oh god, it's all true. I'm sorry for keeping the secret! I have a 4 year old and if I was amazed at the turn from 2 to 3, you should have seen me at the turn from 3 to 4. She's now rounding on 5 and I assume she'll move out soon.

    At 4 they turn off the baby completely and become tiny little teenagers, bugging the hell out of you for hair accessories and American girl dolls.

    HELP.
    http://fluffimama.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  65. Can we get a Top Ten for why 4 is worse than 3 now? lol

    ReplyDelete
  66. I laughed so hard while reading this because it is SO TRUE! I would also like to add that they are no longer easy to bribe into doing things. Mine figured out that if he rejects whatever I am offering him in order to get him to do something by him saying something like "Mommy, I don't want a new toy!" Then he knows I got nothin.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Hey, just to give some hope:
    My two kids were awesome at 4. Now, 9 was a whole other issue, but FOUR? Fun.

    And sometimes it's ok to lie to yourself, right? ::rocking in a corner, anticipating teenager-dom::
    --kate in MI

    ReplyDelete
  68. A couple of people tried to warn me. I told them to leave me in my happy land where it magically got better the day they turned 3. Now I find myself frustrated, always late and randomly crying with the knowledge that I have our second boy on the way and get to do this all over again. Did I mention I am looking forward to sending my son to pre-k next year even though I am a SAHM?

    ReplyDelete
  69. I thought you might be interested in this:

    http://themeanestmom.blogspot.com/2011/07/chuck-e-cheese.html

    ReplyDelete
  70. I keep hearing 3 is worse than 2.

    My gal turns 3 in October.

    Hold me.

    ReplyDelete
  71. I think I just peed a little and not just because I'm pregnant and my bladder is being used as a foot cushion by my incubating child.

    Oh my gosh, this is how I've been feeling lately and my kid just turned 3!

    2 wasn't so bad for me. I thought, wow, this is cool. 2 wasn't so bad. Holy cow, no one told me 3 would be like this! What the heck is wrong with you mommies! You are supposed to throw new mommies this little tidbits.

    It's like those mesh panties they slap on you at the hospital. No one told me about those either. No books or fellow moms gave me a hint of the super sexy panties I'd be sporting post partum.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Couldn't agree more. Esp. about the eating!!!

    ReplyDelete
  73. My son turns three in November. You have now officially killed the light at the end of my mommy-hell tunnel.

    ReplyDelete
  74. So true! And I have twin girls. You can imagine the drama!

    ReplyDelete
  75. my former teacher called it "terrible two's, mother f-n' three's." we're about to hit them. hold on to your hats.

    ReplyDelete
  76. I must have really sadistic, er, I mean good, honest friends because they ALL warned me that three was worse than two. Two was really, REALLY bad with my son, so when they said things like this I asked them, quite seriously, if they were trying to make me cry.

    ReplyDelete
  77. I've never been more affirmed in my decision to remain child-free. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  78. My daughter posted this on her facebook page so I read it. I am a grandma now...I guess you can all look forward to that.. but I wish I had a computer when I was a mom. What a great place to vent to others who know Exactly what you are going through. The comments are really great. Please count your blessings while you are counting to ten before you raise your voice or hand. Remember how lucky you are.(and yes I do remember I had 4 kids under 5, no video games, computers, cable TV! We all survived somehow. Good Luck and God Bless all you moms
    (written from the funny farm)

    ReplyDelete
  79. Oh 3's are sooo much worse than 2, but just wait till 4. I've decided at 4 aliens kidnap our sweet children and replace them with devils. If you're lucky you get your good one back around 12. I have 5 ages 4 to 17. They just got my 4 year old! :(

    ReplyDelete
  80. Three is Two...with intent. I'm pretty sure that sums up the circle of hell I am currently residing in. If I tell him yes, he says no- he fights me on EVERYTHING. I swear I'm going to have bald patches by the time this one turns four....

    ReplyDelete
  81. I have gone SOOO gray in the last 8 months. I was thinking it was mostly the pregnancy, but now I realize it's the twin 3 3/4 year olds. Telenovela city with the girl, and Intent and a half with the boy. Plus, now I realize why I was so frustrated with my oldest just a few months after his twin siblings were born. He'd hit 3. I remember being soo surprised that I was constantly having to discipline him about something, when he'd been so fun before. Unfortunately at 6 1/2, he's still pretty bossy and button-pushing, and incredibly smart.

    ReplyDelete
  82. So very true. My oldest isn't even 3 yet (turns 3 in October)

    ReplyDelete
  83. Gulp. Mine just turned 2. Pass the wine? Yeah, all the wine you can find, please.

    ReplyDelete
  84. My Daughter turns 4 in Novemeber and she is such a drama queen. Her sitters nicknamed her Hollywood for a reason. She is incredibly smart and knows how to work it. Unfortunatly, she has a baby sister due in September, so I no longer have a light at the end of the tunnel...

    ReplyDelete
  85. Terrible Twos
    Treacherous Threes
    Fucking Fours.

    I soooooo do not miss those ages.

    ReplyDelete
  86. We got off Scott free with two, compared to three. The first couple of months of two were rough, but he had a lot of upheaval with a new baby sister and then a big move that included living out of a hotel for three weeks.
    But man alive, has three been horrendous, and we're not even halfway through yet! I don't think I've EVER uttered the phrase, "WHY would you DO that" so many times in my life as I have in the last couple of weeks. Two with intent, indeed, and it seems that daughter is, even at 16.5 months already gearing up for the Telenovelas. God help anyone who ever tells that child "no!" (we do, though. she only THINKS she is the queen of the world).

    ReplyDelete
  87. From a Great-Grammie; Oh how I wish I could relive those terrible years...they were the most precious years of my life

    ReplyDelete
  88. My little boy seems to be ahead of the curve as he doesn't turn three till next month and I've bean dealing with all the above for months and questioning my sanity. With the exception of potty training. He is nowhere near potty-trained, and in fact refuses to poop in the potty but quite enjoys doing it on his bedroom floor and smearing it everywhere. Now I'm wondering if it's just about to get even worse. He can be very sweet and funny, but most days I wonder how I've made it this far.

    ReplyDelete
  89. 3 sucks, but so does 4...mine didn't sort herself out til she was 5. And people wonder why I only have one child.......

    ReplyDelete
  90. Oh, darling young moms. Hold your horses cuz the hormones of the teenage years are going to put you on your ass! Coupled with mom's dwindling estrogen, and it's a friggin' party around these here parts! Enjoy those pain-in-the-ass toddlers, cuz there's rough seas ahead!

    ReplyDelete
  91. My son turns 3 in September and has already started with all the added nonsense. He seems to have a fascination with nail polish on furniture and his feet as well as an adventurous side the needs to bed fed by trying to escape the house. Someone please help me....I am all alone...

    ReplyDelete
  92. Two little girls...and the 2's pale in comparison to the 3's. I don't even know why they call 2's terrible. The 2's were rainbows, unicorns and candied sunshine compared to the 3's. 4's have been a little better, but not by much. I gave up on trying to understand why my 2 year olds didn't morph into perfect angels on their 3rd birthdays. Oh well, I guess I had better get used to it because I will have two adolescent girls to deal with sooner than I'd like. Someone save me... 8-/

    I hear it gets easier when.....they head off to college. Stay sane, my friends.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Oh murtherfurker. I hate to tell all of you but it just doesn't get better, only a different kind of challenging. My oh my, that is why I spent an hour and a half screaming my kids to sleep and cursing myself for the empty liquor storage area and bank account. Someone hit me over the head and knock me out, please.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Here in our house the motto is "three is like two, but with more muscle." The problem is, four is like three, but with a team of lawyers. Who knew someone so small could argue for so long? My twins are 9 now, and my daughter never got out of the lawyer phase. She actually wrote a contract for me to sign the other night about reading her a bedtime story. I just hope she uses her powers for good. Or at least a boatload of money.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Oh yeah after a whole year of practice they get much better at being 2 .. Watch out!

    ReplyDelete
  96. I feel inclined to warn you now...since you are doing all the two's moms a favor...

    5 year old girls are evil. Did you know that you were giving birth to mini-Mariah Carey? Cause I sure didn't. She takes diva to a whole 'nother level. I love her, she's so cute, but at 5, they know how to use the cute to get what they want.

    In the grocery store at the bakery "mom, can I have a free cookie?" "No, we're going home right after this and eating dinner" She sashays over to the counter and with her giant eyes and lashes batting, "HI!! Do you like my pink nails??" Lady at the counter is overcome by the cuteness "Oh you're AH-DORABLE!! Here, sweetie, have a COOKIE!" She takes the cookie into her hand and smiles at me triumphantly. Like, "See, mom, never deny the diva"

    Good luck moms with twos and threes, lol. At least with a tantrum you can get sympathy. With the cuteness, you're totally screwed.

    ReplyDelete
  97. hold on cause the effing fours will be right around the corner...with the drama and the bitching and moaning jacked up to 11 (especially since she is the baby). Now is the time to buy stock in your favorite T-box company. You'll be able to retire early--or at least pay for the top defense attorney to get you acquitted.

    ReplyDelete
  98. My kids are 17 and 21. I wont spill it.. you get to enjoy they mystery drama without my cluing you in! hehehehhe! But I will say this.. Boys, at 5, SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU....... and girls from age 4 til........... ever... well.. forgettaboutit. Im sorry. But thanks so much for this post......it cracked me up !!!!!! and make me ever so happy that the one left is nearly out the door! I cant wait to spoil the grandkids! heheheheeh!

    ReplyDelete
  99. Two was rough. Three was ROUGH.
    There were several years of lovely small-child-hood along the way....and then came TWELVE. There aren't enough t-boxes in the world...thankfully, dd exited the Evil Tween stage and became a fairly delightful 14 year old.....sadly, ds entered the Dark Place just as she exited, and is trying to out-do her nastiness. And he's taller than me now, too. (At least the girl child isn't BIGGER than me, too)

    Thank you for the reminder that my memories of my sweet, adorable little children might be slightly rose-colored. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  100. My son is 4 and it is sooo much worse than 3. "Fucking 4s" for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  101. My daughter turned 3 about 2 weeks ago.

    3 sucks.

    We refer to the dramatics of this age as her being a "threenager". Damn- all of a sudden it is like having a hormonal teenager in the house. She is demanding, argumentative, defiant, her moods change with the wind. I think 3 is a small window into what 16 will look like

    I am frightened.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Holy... I've been screaming this for 12 yrs now... You see my sister and I are 12 yrs apart so I'm a seasoned veteran. No one believes me. There is truth to this, ladies. Prepare, your kids still suck at 3.

    ReplyDelete
  103. We celebrated our little girls 3rd birthday today.


    Happy Birthday, mom! Thanks, heffers.

    ReplyDelete
  104. I call it Juggling Jello or herding cats...

    ReplyDelete
  105. I want to see mamacate's daughter's bedtime story book contract.

    ReplyDelete
  106. omg. you speak the truth.

    three is two with intent.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Little girls at 3, yes indeed. I remember it well. Completely whacked out "three-year old menopause".

    Good thing I could use my superior strength and win at "mother-daughter wrestling" every-time. She only came "this close" to going to preschool, on an NYC bus, IN HER PAJAMAS once.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Sigh. That's all I can muster up because my 3 year old has completely ruined my brain. Thanks little bean. You broke mommy's brain. Again.

    ReplyDelete
  109. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't tell me the fours are worse? PRETTY PLEASE? We are just two months and four days from the fours, and I BEG OF YOU to tell me they get better? I was a relatively calm Mommy, with a very calming way about me, and these past 6 months have turned me into a raging lunatic with a dual eye twitch...

    ReplyDelete
  110. This is my life. She'll be 3 Dec 24. She wants candy, she wants it NOW, she doesn't want to get into the car, i have to pretend to leave her in the car and walk away, for her to get in the murtherfurking seat. She wants to change 5 times a day and it always has to be a "princess" shirt/skirt/dress. She wants to wear her birthday tiara that is now almost one glittery piece of plastic and will most certainly end up in the mouth of my 10 month old daughter, who coincidentally LOVES it when the almost 3 year old is screaming her face off... I'll take the Merlot. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  111. I wrote a similar post back in May! Three's can suck my toe.

    Three can suck my big toe

    ReplyDelete
  112. Oh My Sweet Maude you left out #1A. They. Stop. Napping.

    ReplyDelete
  113. I have a just turned 2 year old and another due in about 4 weeks ... so you're now telling me I'll be hitting terrible two's and fecking fours AT THE SAME TIME?? If I could drink right now without feeling like my stomach acid was going to eat its way through my throat I totally would. thanks ladies. Best stock up on the booze now I think :/

    ReplyDelete
  114. I have a 16 year old, a 5 year old and a two year old. I remember when the 16 year old turned two and I thought, "Hey, this isn't so bad! She's a good kid. This terrible twos thing isn't so terrible." The Very. Freakin'. Day. she turned 3, she became a miserable little brat. She's 16 now, and pretty much the same as she was then. Snarky, snippy, rude, disrespectful, tantrummy. Fun times.

    ReplyDelete
  115. I have a 16, 3 & 2 year old...All boys...Someone just commit me NOW....

    ReplyDelete
  116. I have a 3yo and a 2yo, both boys. I often think I'm abusive simply because they're well behaved (I'm not really). Here's what I do:

    If they don't want to eat what's for dinner, they can starve.

    If they want to throw a tantrum, they can. I'll make popcorn.

    They're not driving me insane. I went quietly insane without them and I'm very comfortable there.

    When it's time to go, we go. If they're not ready they get dragged.

    When they scream for a tantrum, I can scream louder and longer, and I do. (when I'm not making popcorn)

    Potty training, and destruction, eh. At least it's not vomit.

    As far as cursing, being disrespectful, hitting, or other attitude, here's what I do: Ruthless discipline and punishment. However, most people forget the other side of that: Lots of play time, vigorous, silly, hilarious playtime, followed by exhausted cuddling. Without the good stuff, the bad stuff has no meaning. Personally, I think most discipline should be replaced with diversion anyway.

    I'm also prepared for the 4s: Discipline and punishment will be doled out to both, with no effort to find the culprit. If they want to avoid punishment, then they will find a way to hide the evidence. They're smart boys, they'll figure it out.

    BTW, yes, I am a father.

    ReplyDelete
  117. I hate my bitch friends who are now laughing at me because my son is a lunatic! They did not warn me at all!

    ReplyDelete
  118. Yeah, those people who tell me that I can sneak healthy things into my 3 yr old's food if I just try hard enough? HAAA HAAA HAAA!!!! He's 3! He's entirely too smart for that. If he even sees a FLECK of something in his yogurt (which is the ONLY food he'll consume now) then he refuses to eat it. And you say "So what, he'll eat it eventually." NOPE! He'll scream that he's hungry for EIGHT HOURS until our nerves are shattered and we give him the goddamn plain yogurt.

    ReplyDelete
  119. I was silly enough to have mine 14 months apart. Now there's terror. I had a 2 and a 3 year old at the same time. I don't think I have ever seen so much mayhem in my lifetime (oh wait no, I can think of worst, that would be my brother and his childhood best friend, they were a month apart). I can tell you know the 4 year old seems to have have gotten better, but is still encouraged by the three year old, and now the one year old. I must be crazy...

    (And for the record, they're all boys, so we have destruction and mayhem at our heels just about everyday, from cut up sheets, to destroyed mattreses, and that's only the highlights.)

    ReplyDelete
  120. Eek, yes!

    My 3-year-old is ALMOST 4 and it's gotten better over the last month or so. She's less obnoxious and more reasonable, but totally has that "selective hearing" going on. I have two younger children and she is OBSESSED with the baby (who is 3 months old). She chooses to forget constantly that she is not supposed to pick him up, and even if I turn around and start walking towards her screaming "STOP! PUT THAT BABY DOWN NOW!" she will just keep going, then look at me innocently as I snatch the baby away and put him somewhere safe and ask, "What does 'stop' mean to you?!" "Umm, stop? But, mommy, he was sad and he wanted me to hold him!" (The kid arches his back and screams half the time when she holds him, he really doesn't like it.) Thankfully she's slowly getting better, I just despise that "deaf" thing!

    Now, my middle child...he's almost 2 1/2 now. My older two are less than 18 months apart, and that means he picks up on everything WAY before his time. My 3-year-old learned to say, "No, do it yourself," when I told her to do something a couple weeks ago. It wasn't 2 days later my 2-year-old picked it up, too. He's been obnoxious since about 20 months. He's REALLY lucky he's adorable. Worst? He LOVES messes (you totally hit that one on the head) and he's a runner. He constantly is getting into things. If I let him out of the grocery cart for 30 seconds he WILL go straight for a display of glass and he WILL break something. I can say my daughter never did THAT. She was amazingly dramatic and she liked to dance around obliviously, but she never ran deliberately and knocked stuff around. My 2-year-old shouts "Build tower!" and stacks up anything in sight...even my nice glasses, if he can reach them. He's a 2-year-old in 3-year-old clothing....

    I can't wait to see what the baby throws at me! lol.

    ReplyDelete
  121. i have 3 year old boy/girl twins and some days i just want a lobotomy

    ReplyDelete
  122. I have triplet girl 3 year olds. People often think of me when their kids are giving them a hard time and then they feel better about their own lives.

    I've lost all control or command or respect from them, though I try my best to have clear boundaries and consistent follow through. Nothing helps. Their behavior with others is 99% fantastic, but with me it is 99% horrific. Is there boarding school for preschoolers?????

    ReplyDelete
  123. Akkk. Mine's not even 2, and with the exception of ppo on the floor, we're already dealing w/ most of this. It'll take a lot of wine and a couple good babysitters to get through TWO more years...

    ReplyDelete
  124. The Traumatic 3's...the Terrible 2's with a bigger vocabulary

    ReplyDelete
  125. I completely agree. I was quite shocked when my first was 3, because I thought I had survived the terrible 2s and it was over. HA!

    I will share with you in honesty that I thought the 4s would be the end of it, but I was wrong. When I brought it up to the doctor at a visit, she told me about the "ferocious 4s." Oh yay, another age with crazy attached to it. So now at least you know about that one. Doesn't make it easier to go through, but at least you know.

    Forget "3 is a Magic Number" from School House Rock ... it was 5 in our house. It was as great as 2, 3, & 4 combined were crazy. Now if only I was prepared to handle the preteen years ...

    ReplyDelete
  126. But, I just feel so privileged! At our house, the terrible 2s started at 18 months, not, 2, 18 months, and they didn't end 'til kindergarten - I kid you not.

    And which bright monkey up there really thinks kids are potty trained at 3? Mine didn't potty train til 4 and a half - yes, I know, boys always do things later, but FOUR and a HALF, it's a wonder we ever even had the 2nd child at all - there are a full 5 years between them - and there is a REASON for that!

    Now of course, the oldest is 15 - and just to give you a clue, teenagers are worse than those Terrible 2s and Traumatic 3s because 3s might be 2s with intent, and they might be smarter than 2s - but my teen is smarter than HIS MOM - if only because she is out of practice!

    ReplyDelete
  127. I have always said that four is your reward for letting them survive three.

    ReplyDelete
  128. My sweet little Birdy just turned 5... oh I'm hoping the calm kicks in soon! The two was terrible, three was terrifying, and then four... f#$*ing four! If she makes it to kindergarten I'll be satisfied. Though, I've been told what they're like at 4 is what they're like at 14... I'm in for it ladies - little girl on a mission to make my head explode!

    ReplyDelete
  129. We're just reaching 3, and I'd take the terrible twos over this any day. Oh the attitude, and intent, and temper tantrums, and telling me the same things I tell him " lose the attitude mommy!"

    I swear this is why kids start school at 4- cause by the time they hit 4 parents are ready to kill them, so better send them off for the day so someone else can deal with them! I can totally understand why people drink during the day!

    ReplyDelete
  130. OMG! My two year old - "Destructor the Magnificent" already believes that destruction and mayhem are his duty! Whuck am I supposed to do once intent is involved??!! Another T-box STAT!

    ReplyDelete
  131. *snort* BOYS are the destructive ones? Why didn't anyone tell that to my girls? They seriously broke a STEEL ROD inside of a computer chair (I'm in a folding camping/stadium chair now, lol). And 4 is no better, let me tell you. There's not a magic end at 4. Or 5. I'll let you know when it ends, but I'm just trying to ignore the non-stop whining coming out of my 2-about-to-be-3 year old and the annoying non-stop noise coming from my 5 year old while my 3-week old sleeps, so I don't think it's EVER going to end for me...

    ReplyDelete
  132. Thank you for posting this. My 3-year-old is slowly KILLING me with his craziness lately... I needed a good laugh and to know other people feel my pain.

    http://2bestfriendschubbyroadtoskinny.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  133. OMG!!! I thought it was just me!!! 3 must be the worse because I can't take much more. Breaking all his toys, mashing food w/ his hands while looking me straight in my eyes w/ that certain evil look in his, wanting me to let go of his hand in the store so he can run around and when I don't he yells like he's crazy & everybody turns around and looks at me like I was killing him.

    ReplyDelete
  134. ok dad here and when my doc told me 3's are worse i just stood there with like a wtf face mine is at 2 years and 4 months....... and already does plenty of troubles... cant wait for 3's :) cuz she my lil destructo princess awe god i miss when she couldnt move

    ReplyDelete
  135. I found your page because I googled I hate my 3 yo. God bless you all for making me laugh and making me realize I am not a horrible person. "This too shall pass."
    I have hope!!!

    ReplyDelete
  136. I just found this by typing in "my three and a half year old still has fits," because my kid's daycare teacher is telling me she's some sort of monster. How relieved I am to find out that no, I'm not alone! And this is why I love bloggy land.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Thank you! Thank you so much for writing this! My 3 year old son has been a totally different child the past couple of days and reading this made me feel so much better. Going through the list I caught myself nodding my head and softly laughing because you described by son exactly. Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one going through this.

    ReplyDelete
  138. My daughter turned three on March 16, it is now April 8. I'm beginning to understand why my mom says I was damn lucky to live to see my 4th birthday.

    ReplyDelete
  139. and we wonder why ever in the word we would want to bring in and raise up a child. of well, the mystery of human existence. haha!

    I have a two and a half turning three in a few months so yeah, looking back, where were those times of just going out to have coffee, beer, movies, etc...

    oh, and add to that the problem of getting a nanny... boom!

    good 'ol days....

    ReplyDelete
  140. yes yes yes u deffintley are on point with all of these things !!

    ReplyDelete
  141. Terrible twos, trying threes. .. are you going to warn them about the f'ing fours?

    ReplyDelete
  142. 3¾ yr old demon... err, I mean "daughter"... made me lose it tonight. I screamed at the top of my lungs at her and feel awful about it now. But she is evil... Evil I tell you.

    ReplyDelete
  143. Thank god I ran across this. I've been wondering when exactly SATAN inhabited my previously sweet and nice 3 year old's body!! Hilarious! Thanks for the much needed laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  144. So after just getting a letter "j" fridge magnet thrown at my head because God forbid your royal highness awoke from her slumber to not find me in my bed. So sorry mummy had a bowl function on her slavery shift! After screaming at me to get off the toilet and come back to bed I actually was surprised for a second when she walked off I thought.. oh my god she listened and smiled.. until she came back with reinforcement. . Yep she went to the kitchen to find something to hurt me with. She actually thought with that little innocent brain that "right she shall be taken down with force.. of I'll fridge magnet her head" :) she will scratch hit slap pinch and trust me no matter what you say.. that object in her hand will connect to your body in a second flat. She has no mercy you are going down... we all try so hard to have paicents but you can be having a lovely time and light a light switch she's being nasty and hurting. Just us though she's a very sweet little girl to other people.... she understands she's very bright little girl.. cam sing rolling in the deep word for word over and over and over..... and over .................. she is fully potty trained day and night.. I call it the Gage Age.. you know after the absolutely adorable little boy from pet semetary. . That comes back from the dead and kills his mother... yeah that's her. I don't remember my older 2 (13&10) being this way. . Or maybe it was so traumatic we blocked it out. He hehe. .. P.S HELP MEEEEEEEEEE.

    ReplyDelete

ShareThis

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

What My 9 yr old is reading:

Stuff that Mini Loves

Popular Posts