Friday, July 29, 2011

Top Ten Worst Smells of Summer

We blame the heat. Only a hot, humid, windless day in the city that was built on a swamp can be the reason that smells that would maybe be only mildly offensive have taken on an eye-slamming, almost corporeal form that we can't seem to escape.

10. Thank you, son, for telling me you peed on my lily plants. After I cut the flowers and brought them into the house. And smelled them. 

9. At one point, it was probably something nutritious, yet delicious that I packed for your lunch. When you were still in school. Now I think we need to get it a collar and name it Zool.

8. A wet towel inside a damp pool bag left in the backseat of the car...discovered the next morning.

7. No no no no no no NOOOOOOOOOOO. When I said we'd fertilize the gardens, I meant with stuff you buy at the garden store. What is that on my tomato plants? What dog?

Wow that smell is LOUD.
6. OK. It's awesome that your pre-teen girlfriends all got you different varieties of body sprays and body gels and body lotions and hair fragrance and body fragrance and perfume and gosh even your lipglosses have scents...but the smell is so overpowering that I can hear it.

5. Please. For the love of Maude. Flush. And, what in the name of all that's holy in this world did you eat?

4. McLovin opened his trunk the last Thursday to find the cooler from the previous Sunday still filled with: Strawberries. Prosciutto. Canteloupe. Goat Cheese. It would have been more pleasant to have opened the trunk and found a dead body in there. At least then the authorities would have been called in to handle the mess.

3. Your sneakers + the creek behind our house + "I might have stepped in something squishy" = fire.

2. Children? Who put wet swimsuits, karate uniforms and little league uniforms in the washing machine? Did you also remember to put in soap? No? So, we have Kid Sweat Soup then, do we? Yummy.

1. "A bath? Awwww. But Mom, it's summer."

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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