Monday, July 11, 2011

When Randy Met McLovin

As I mentioned a while back, McLovin has traded in his suits and ties and all
things Again-istan-y for Dad Duty. Which has been...great. And in many ways it really has been awesome to have a House Husband, what with all the karate and baseball and t-ball and such.

And then I can go to work and not feel terribly guilty and the IHPs are thrilled because Papa fixes way better things for dinner than Mommy does...foods that are happily lacking in green colors and are replaced with things that are pepperoni colored. And clearly, he's exponentially more fun in the snack department:

Me: "What did you guys have for a snack today?"
Happy: "Sprinkles."
Me: "What? Like, ice cream sprinkles? You know you can't have ice cream for a snack."
Lefty: "We didn't. We didn't have ice cream. We had sprinkles."
Me: "Yes, but what did you have with the sprinkles?"
Happy: "Uh, a spoon."
Lefty: "NO! Two spoons."

McLovin has also taken do doing some of the more rote chores around the house, like making the children breakfast, packing lunches and emptying the dishwasher. [Editor's Note: Truth be told, I don't think I've emptied the dishwasher in about three months. -Kate]

But, for several years now, McLovin has been banished from the Laundry Room. See, he was a bachelor for too long. And he only ever had to do laundry for himself. And why do three loads of laundry - whites, lights, and darks - separately when it's just as easy to do one giant one and be done? Which explains how his white t-shirts all became a lovely shade of murk, and --after a particularly shocking discovery in my washing machine - why he's not allowed near any of my clothes.

But after rigorous retraining, he decided that he could handle laundry, provided that I sort everything first. There was just one thing we forgot about.


I left for work one morning last week. He sent me updates all morning on the status of the laundry situation:

"White's done."
"Had to wash Happy's sheets. Gross."
"Where is there more bleach?"
"Is dark pink in the Darks or Lights? It's pink. But it's also dark pink. I'm vexed."
"We need more of those bouncy things. My clothes never had static electricity until I married you."
"DONE! You're welcome."

Done? Whuck? It was noon. Oh schmidt. He combined them all. He threw them into one mass orgy of colors and fabrics and had sheets and towels hot-tubbing it together and my lacy underwear doing tumbles with his sweat socks.

I fired off an e-mail:

Me: "Honey...that's amazing. How are you already done? Please tell me you kept everything sorted the way I sorted it...please."
McLovin: "Yep. Didn't mix anything up. I might have accidentally missed a pair of your underwear and threw it into the dryer, but those damn things are like Kleenex."
Me: "Well, it's official. You're the laundry dude now. You beat Randy."
McLovin: "Randy? Is he the guy you're always bitching about? He's the one that folds everything, right?"
Me: "Huh? Folds everything? I'm confused."
McLovin: "By the way, we need a bigger laundry basket. Maybe three of them."

Oh god. He thinks Randy folds the laundry. There were nine separate loads when I left the house.

I came home to this:

That's to say nothing for the mountain that was on my bed, nor the fact that it looked like my dryer had upchucked all over my laundry room. I did what any self-respecting Mom after a 12-hour work day would do. I piled the bedroom laundry on the Geriatric Gimpy Beagle's chair, and closed the door to the laundry room.

When I got home from work the next day, Nanny said something about "mucha ropa" in the house and something that sounds like "doblado" which I think means folded, but it could also mean that I just doubled her salary. Which is totally fine, because everything - EVERYTHING - was folded and put away.

I celebrated with a bowl of sprinkles...

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. Ok, I give up. Who's Randy? I checked the MDR and everything.

  2. Is McLovin for rent? I don't mind folding because I do it while I watch TV shows on my dvr.

  3. This is hilarious! Since we moved to the middle of the freakin jungle, I have become a total psycho about the laundry!

  4. Here's to making it work! I raise my sprinkles to you, sista, and your tieless hubby!

  5. LOVE IT!!! Thanks for the laugh, Kate! This is just like my house!

  6. Have you ever tried those Shout color catchers (red box, laundry aisle)? they really do work. I don't know how and I don't WANT to know, but they will help keep Randy in his place.

    Oh, and what are IHPs? I mean, I know they are your kids, but I don't get the acronym.

  7. I don't know who Randy is, but I want Nanny to come over here and save me! Love your rants Mama. Thanks again for the laugh.

  8. I think husbands must suffer from a genetic disorder called Folding-Blindness. Folding, to the husband-kind, just isn't part of the laundry process--clothes are expected to magically fold themselves and put themselves away.

  9. Awesome! Hey at least he does the laundry, some guys wouldn't even know what to do with the detergent (I'm one of the lucky ones, my hubby does laundry and separates it first).
    I'm also lost on who Randy is....

  10. Randy,explained:

    Also, Shout color catchers are truly a lifesaver! Try them!

  11. Randy is the laundry fairy. He doesn't DO the laundry, he just makes us feel guilty for staying behind on the laundry. Kate's kids are known as Indoor Homeless People (the IHPs).
    Great post! I am even at this moment reclaiming my laundry room from chaos and giving Randy the evil eye...or maybe the finger.

  12. Randy = The Laundry Fairy

  13. Randy is the laundry fairy...bad fairy...IHP'S are Indoor Homeless People. The affectionate nickname for her hoodlums.

  14. Doblado definitely means folded. :) You survived without having to double her salary. Maybe drop her an extra couple of folded bills though. ;)

  15. Randy the laundry fairy is a douche. He's the one who randomly doubles your laundry. Just when you think you have kicked his ass you find another basket of laundry that he has thoughtfully put there. Or you leave a basket of clean clothes on the table and randy gets the cat to pee on them. Or my personal favorite as it happened to me. You go away on vacation for a week and come back to find a flea infestation so bad that you have to have exterminators in twice to kill them all and you have to wash every single item of fabric in the house (even the stuff that's clean) and then spend two days in a laundry mat that actually catches fire while every article of clothing you own are in various different states of being washed. Thankfully they got the fire out but not before the contents of the dryer that caught fire contaminated everything with nasty smelling smoke and I had to start all over again. During the hottest recorded temps of the summer. In a new laundry mat. Where the AC was out. Thanks for that Randy, I don't know what I did to piss you off but I know I really needed to spend $87 in quarters the week after I was on vacation and didn't have an extra $87 let alone the money to pay the exterminator and for the hotel we all had to stay in for two weeks while our house was debugged.

  16. Your husband actually *does* the laundry? Mine just goes with us to the laundrymat (domestic enemy of the urban mom much?) and watches us clean and fold it........*sucks teeth*

  17. Oh, hilarity.

    So nailed it.

    And I love your "MDR" words we use at the top.

    That's as fun as your posts.

  18. I'm lucky! My husband folds, I do it all during the day and then he puts of whatever movie he wants (star wars, lord if the rings, scary potter, Indiana jones) and he sits down and knocks it all out after the kids are in bed. Then in the morning I supervise the children who put it away and undo all his hard work! my four and two year old are good laundry putter awayers... And the bonus I never saw with this system- they know where everything is! I have to put all the non short people stuff away, but it's not nearly as sucky anymore.

  19. Kate: is it possible that McLovin and Randy have some kind of deal worked out on the sly? They must be in cahoots. (Yes, I just used the word 'cahoots'. I'm awesome.)

  20. Whew, thanks for the laugh! I was just feeling like a total mommy failure because of the mountains of clean and dirty laundry that keep popping up all over my house. My husband has done the same schleppy job on our laundry until I forbade him touch my nighties again. There's nothing quite as infuriating as ripping a velcro bib off new lacy lingerie. Grrrrr.

    He has also proven the manufacturer's capacity claim completely underestimated. He can cram a four foot high pile in the machine (all colors a
    nd types). When I get home I always get excited thinking we've made some real laundry progress. But alas, I am always deflated when I discover a machine filled to the brim with wet entwined clothes. 30 minutes later, I've dug enough out to at least run the load with soap and disolve some of the food crud off my naughties. Gag

  21. The children's laundry gets meticulously folded and neatly put away in a timely manner. My laundry leaves in the clean basket until it makes it way back to the dirty basket. That makes me a good mother AND a personal slob all at the same time, right?

  22. INDOOR HOMELESS PEOPLE!!! Thanks!!! I think a few more acronyms need to be in the Desk Reference. I mean, once the laundry is done and all!

  23. Oh my gosh. Thanks for that. I LOVE that mclovin thought Randy was real and that he folded the laundry. Seriously that and the pictures made me laugh so hard I'm almost in tears! Husband's are so sweet and innocent sometimes. Just that he recognized the name is impressive. :)

  24. My husband does the laundry but only when I either have this look of desperation or he has one pair of underpants left.
    He will not fold though which drives me insane.
    Those photos were hilarious only because that could have been my place after my husband does the wash.

  25. Why is it that some husbands are blind to certain chores!? They just don't notice that they're there! That would make an awesome post...

    Thanks for the fabulous laughs and commiseration :)

  26. My husband ( he is part Coupon) washes everything on cool. No matter what I say with my pissy rules and exceptions. Soooo when my husband does laundry( without my permission) he washes our sons clothes in cool. Our son routinely rubs yogurt on himself. And pours milk over his head. YOU NEED HOT WATER. He also destroyed our super impossible to find velvet can't afford to replace if we could even FIND it Peter Rabbit crib blanket. It was downstairs for washing when our basement flooded. So it sat for two days after which my husband "helpfully" washed it in cool water. With no pretreatment. And then dried it on hot. Effectively baking in mildew stains.

  27. Hilarious!!! My hubs does not have too many “chores” to do around the house, but he is the laundry b!tch. Until he left a FREAKING PEN in the laundry a couple weeks ago!!!! And somehow, the pen only ruined MY clothes?!?!

    I think that was strike 2 (he’s done this pen trick before). One more time, he’s on his own for his laundry. (I will do mine and the kids' some point with all the other crap I do around the house.) I don’t know if that’s a punishment for him or a relief. Ha!




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