![]() |
The most important test you will ever take |
This was originally run in the summer of 2011. Rerunning it now because OHMYGOD, it just totally happened to me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------Recently I was reading through posts that people had sent to us. They were all amazing and the topics ranged from middle aged moms, to teen moms and trying to be a moms. And it occurred to me that I could illustrate a theory I have long held dear. Here is the theory:
Pregnancy tests measure more than the presence of a bun in your oven. They are also bizarro barometers of a woman's reproductive life. They mean a lot.
For example, pregnancy tests will almost always make you cry. The reason WHY you're crying, however, varies widely:
- Oh shit. I am pregnant.
- Oh shit. I am not pregnant.
- Oh shit. I am ambivalent about the result and what the hell does that say about me as a person?
- Slow blooming happiness.
- Despair.
- Utter Bliss.
- Relief.
- Whuck. Have. I. Done?
- Deer in headlights, blinding, all-encompassing fear.
- Well, that explains why my tits hurt so much.
At age 18, the test should actually look like this:
At age 30, it should look like this:
At 40, it should probably look like this:
And at 50, it should definitely look like this:
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011