Sunday, August 21, 2011

Top Ten Reasons Why True Blood is Porn for Moms

You guys know that I'm obsessed with vampires, right? And that I love the show (and the books behind) True Blood? Because it's awesome. Not because it's momporn - as some people claim.  Entertainment Weekly, I'm totally looking at you.

Don’t be silly, you moderators of pop culture. True Blood is definitely not momporn. You see, porn is for people who want to have sex.

Ooh goody! It’s on! Let's watch.

Top Ten Reasons Why True Blood is Definitely Not Mom Porn
(sequentially captured while watching the show)

1. Oh dear Maude. It's ERIC. MOTHERCRUNKING. NORTHMAN. Can I get a drink please?

2. Did you know that when vampires and humans have sex they can’t make babies. That’s good because a vampire probably couldn’t handle four months of colic and reflux without an unfortunate incident taking place. I am not overthinking this, shut the hell up. I know vampires aren't real. Probably.

3. Sookie lives alone. In a quiet house. All by herself. MMMMMMmmmmm. That’s nice.

4. My heavens. What happened to their clothes?! What happened to my glass?! It's empty.

5. Jason Stackhouse, put your shirt back on. Actually, wait. You’re good.

6. Who is that ginormous, dark, hairy dude? A werewolf? Wow. Honey, is it a full moon tonight?

It's right here, La La!
7. Oh Lafayette, I want to hang out with you and be best friends and have you call me hooker.

8. I would totally go to Fangtasia, baby. I WOULD GO THERE. That’s actually a lot less disgusting than it sounds.

9. What on earth is he doing to her right now? I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in 12 states. Or at least not allowed on TV. Can you pause it for a sec?

10. You know, you look very handsome tonight. And I’m not that tired…

Sigh... OK fine. It's momporn. YOU WIN, Entertainment Weekly. You win.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

37 comments:

  1. No sunday night should be without Eric Northman.

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  2. As a Louisiana native I can attest that while the Southern accents on True Blood are varying shades of bad, we do spend a lot of time in cemeteries and we've all hooked up with each other at some point or another. It's not that big of a state, it's hot all the time and beer is a major food group. Although, not enough of my exes look like Jason Stackhouse- more like Andy Bellefleur.

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  3. Eric Northman....mmmmmmmmm....droool...wait, what? Did I say that out loud? I mean, it's such a creative show with such excellent depth of characters and plot!

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  4. Jason is appealing only when he's not talking. Then I just can't get past how dumb he is. And I want to be Lafayette's best friend too.

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  5. Oh my yes. I may not have HBO, but I love me some TrueBlood. Give me Eric Northman any day, and where in the world can I sign up for a LaFayette? A mom of five needs guys like these in their lives, hold the living men... I don't want any more babies.

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  6. I love True Blood! I am rereading the series right now. Unfortunately due to budget cuts, I can't see the latest season. I do love Eric, yum, yum, yum!!

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  7. Sounds alot like Twilight, which is again momporn.....

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  8. *le sigh* so wish I had HBO :( I do have seasons 1-3 though

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  9. Gonna have to get me some HBO cause this mom could use some...umm...is my glass empty?

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  10. Momporn. Psssh. It's hot, sexy, vampire porn. For moms.

    There's also Sookie's ability to read thoughts. Imagine how many incidents that little trick could prevent. I bet my dog would still have hair on her tail if I could do that.

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  11. My advice to my pregnant friend who is having relationship issues-
    "chill put your feet up have a mocktail and watch Eric Northman get undressed then turn and say "at least I can't get knocked up by a vampire" then watch more momporn I mean True Blood!"

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  12. Zipping through all the books now! Show in netflix queue! love love love! :)

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  13. I do like me some Jason, but I like the werewolf even more, especially when he takes his shirt off. And I am so not cool enough to be friends with Lafayette.

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  14. I've got three words for you ladies: Black Dagger Brotherhood. It's big girl vampire books. Go read them now. I'll wait.

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  15. My husband refers to it as "Vampire-porn." Seriously? What's not to love?

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  16. I agree with Brenda... Black Dagger Brotherhood is the best book series EVER!! My husband calls it my "vampire porn".

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  17. I am all about the WEREWOLF , ugg he needs to dump the dumb blondie, V drinking wife- so I can enjoy him more......

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  18. True Blood is what Twilight *wishes* it could be.
    When the DVDs become available at the library (I was on a waitlist #734 for 100 sets), it's an evening Sookie-thon at my house. Thank you so much for introducing me to this show. And yes, it's totally momporn.

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  19. I agree with the recommendations of Black Dagger Brotherhood (just finished the last book about Payne) and Eric Oh yes please come visit me Northman...YUMMO!! And Lafayette. They are the awesome!!

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  20. I feel like this season has totally stepped it up, too. There are a lot of great "real" scenes in addition to all the vamp-porn :) I love Eric Northman! But the question is do you like him more as he is now??

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  21. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE watching True Blood, but I read the first Black Dagger Brotherhood book and thought it was about the worst, corniest book I've ever read. But maybe I just like my TV cheesy and not my reading material...

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  22. vampire porn = laurell hamilton books

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  23. Last night's was AHHH-mazing. I had a thing for Bill last season, so, although my love has subsided for the most part, I was loving it all! Ooo. La. La.

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  24. I have read all 200 True Blood books. I want Quinn to make an appearance.

    I feel the same way about Twilight, except the first 14 books only give you a really bad case of blue-vag.

    Julie
    ilikebeerandbabies.com

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  25. My husband and I lived in Monroe for almost a year while we were engaged. This is before the books came out- way back in the 90s,lol:) The other day his boss told him he might be able to be promoted if we were willing to move to Monroe, LA. My initial reaction- Hell No! my second thought- oh wait that's close to Bon Temps!

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  26. Total mom porn.

    Though for me, Alcide is who makes me drool.

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  27. That almost threesome with Bill, Sookie, and Eric was total cold shower material. Lord, help me if this show gets aannnnyyyy hotter! I just picked up the Sookie Stackhouse books from a friend and can't put them down!

    And I agree with Shell about Alcide, he is YUMMY GOODNESS. And while Eric's boyish amnesia was cute a for a miute, I'm gonna need that vicious side to emerge again, PUH-LEEEZZZ!!!!

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  28. Oh my god whenever I hear anything about "True Blood" I always think of the movie and get confused when people say things like mom porn and vampires. Yeah, Jeff Fahey is hot I guess, but not that hot is he?

    Then thinking about that makes me flash back to 1989 when I first saw the flick entitled "True Blood" at the drive-in with my mom and dad. I thought I was totally bad, rockin' my parachute pants, Aerosmith t-shirt, and converse sneakers! I think I even had a mohawk with a rat tail too! Those were the good ole' days.

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  29. Vampire porn/mommy porn...Po-tate-o, Po-tat-o - it's all yummy. And Hubby can't complain 'cause he usually ends up getting lucky because of it.

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  30. I told my Dish guy on Friday to stuff itcause I am a single mom and only have so many "me" things and one of them is True Blood on Sunday nights. I told him this when he told me that if I cut HBO it'd be $16 off my bill.

    My 76 year old Grandmother was horrified.

    But on the really really bad side I heard that next season is the last season. :-(

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  31. I could have done this exact post! Love True Blood!

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  32. Baaahahahaha my husband actually accused me of watching this show just for the sex scenes lol. I was like "Uhhh, pasty white dudes do NOT turn me on...pff"...unless they're vampires and one wants to "call on me" and just take me!!! lol!! (But that's just between us). *ahem*

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  33. Love True Blodd - keeps me on the treadmill longer and longer. Can't wait for season four from Netflix!

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  34. Porn?! Oh come on . . . True Blood couldn't even start to compete with the thought provoking, indepth plots of real porn. ;) (seriously, why when it's vampires do they call it porn, but when it's gladiators it's 'history' . . . wtf?)

    Never been one for the boys who are one card short of a full deck, but Jason Stackhouse could show me his full house ANY time.

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  35. Not just mom porn.
    I'm 22, single, no kids and I have dreams about Eric Northman. Very fun dreams of Eric Northman. mmhmm.
    But yea not just mom porn.

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