Sunday, August 21, 2011

Top Ten Reasons Why True Blood is Porn for Moms

You guys know that I'm obsessed with vampires, right? And that I love the show (and the books behind) True Blood? Because it's awesome. Not because it's momporn - as some people claim.  Entertainment Weekly, I'm totally looking at you.

Don’t be silly, you moderators of pop culture. True Blood is definitely not momporn. You see, porn is for people who want to have sex.

Ooh goody! It’s on! Let's watch.

Top Ten Reasons Why True Blood is Definitely Not Mom Porn
(sequentially captured while watching the show)

1. Oh dear Maude. It's ERIC. MOTHERCRUNKING. NORTHMAN. Can I get a drink please?

2. Did you know that when vampires and humans have sex they can’t make babies. That’s good because a vampire probably couldn’t handle four months of colic and reflux without an unfortunate incident taking place. I am not overthinking this, shut the hell up. I know vampires aren't real. Probably.

3. Sookie lives alone. In a quiet house. All by herself. MMMMMMmmmmm. That’s nice.

4. My heavens. What happened to their clothes?! What happened to my glass?! It's empty.

5. Jason Stackhouse, put your shirt back on. Actually, wait. You’re good.

6. Who is that ginormous, dark, hairy dude? A werewolf? Wow. Honey, is it a full moon tonight?

It's right here, La La!
7. Oh Lafayette, I want to hang out with you and be best friends and have you call me hooker.

8. I would totally go to Fangtasia, baby. I WOULD GO THERE. That’s actually a lot less disgusting than it sounds.

9. What on earth is he doing to her right now? I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in 12 states. Or at least not allowed on TV. Can you pause it for a sec?

10. You know, you look very handsome tonight. And I’m not that tired…

Sigh... OK fine. It's momporn. YOU WIN, Entertainment Weekly. You win.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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