Friday, August 12, 2011

Don't Ask Your Kids: What Has Mommy has Taught You?

The other day, our dear friend Ellen (she who is both tiny and hardcore) took her family out to dinner. While having a civilized meal, her husband posed the following question to their children; "What has your mommy taught you?"

Ellen, who is an excellent mother, expected something like: "how to be a good person" or "that we are very fortunate and should always be grateful" or "it's important to be respectful". Something along those lines. Instead she got #10 and we got this post. Because we had to ask our own kids the same question and their responses were just as horrifying.

10. "If my mommy has taught me anything in my life.... It is how to do laundry."

9. "Sharpies are Mommy's favorite even if they taste yucky."

8. "What mommy likes best to do in the whole, entire world is to send kids to bed early."

7. "Oh! That if you shake the Wii remote like this [mimics something vaguely pornographic with Wii remote in his hand] then you can build the Lego stuff faster than just pressing the button. But you still do it way faster than me. You practiced."

6. "Do NOT scream and yell in a public bathroom."
5. "To hook my bra in the front and then spin it around. Do you know how long it takes the other way? Like, forever."

4. "Math...how to read...and that the red wine goes in the big round wine glass and not in the tall skinny wine glass. Unless it has French words on the bottle or something."

3. "I'm not supposed to say to da strangers dat I'm wearing underpants now."

2. "I'm not supposed to whisper to dem dat I'm wearing underpants, either."

1. "Wipe three times then have mommy do a cross check."
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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