Wednesday, August 17, 2011

What Have You Done To My House?

Remember when you made that plea one night in the dark.  "Please...please just let me have one time when I can go pee by myself. That's all I'm asking..."

Be careful what you wish for...  And thank you for sending us these pictures.

xo, K & L

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This is my friend's hall carpet. In the 30 seconds she was in the bathroom, her three-year-old had gotten a carton of eggs from the fridge, gotten a whisk from the drawer, and proceeded to crack open all dozen eggs on the carpet. He was mixing it with the whisk when she found him. They could never get the egg completely out, so they ended up having to rip out the carpet and going down to the concrete in the hall and both kids' bedrooms. They spent the next month with the kids furniture in the living room and dining room.



He tore down a baby gate, threw the pinecones across the hall, and climbed thru the cat door to the basement stairs before realizing he can't get back thru! He's a hurricane!

  
There was also a dog involved in this particular craptastic event.



This is the result of an angry two year old who was not happy about being sent to her toy room. Sneaky little booger actually hid a crayon and took it up with her. Just so you know, magic erasers erase a great many things...purple crayon is not one of them. Also, just for your efforts, you'll have purple fingers, fingernails and cuticles for a week. Oh and also a super fun purple stained wall.




I don't know about you, but I didn't even know that crayon would actually mark on a window. Worst part of this disaster? The fact that I only found HALF the crayon she used for this. She hid the other half and after 2 solid hours of cleaning THIS mess, (while big and pregnant) she repeated the offense 2 days later. I didn't photograph that one, what with all the crying I was doing.

This whacktacular mess is four bottles of food coloring. My 4-year old angel decided to sneak downstairs in the middle of the night, push a Rubbermaid tote up against the counter, climb up on the counter, and get the food coloring out of the cabinet. Then she poured every bit of it on the carpet in my military owned house. Great.
 

My son had just earned the privilege of carrying a pocket knife. Immediately lost that privilege when he thought it might be fun to stab it into a can of black spray paint that was accidentally left sitting in the playroom. Can exploded and covered him and the walls, carpet and nearby furniture with black spray paint. He then grabbed the spewing can and ran across the room and out the door onto the deck. The trail of spewed paint following him all the way.



(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

62 comments:

  1. Try WD-40 for the crayon marks...as for the rest, I am SO sorry lol! I should have my friend submit pictures of what her daughter has done to her house MULTIPLE times!

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  2. Oh dear lord... I can see why you cried.

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  3. Toothpaste and some elbow grease will get the crayon out, though it might be better for your sanity to just paint over it or turn it into the "art wall."

    I am very sorry for the series of unfortunate events.

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  4. O.M.G. Wow. Rivals disasters seen on Shit My Kids Ruined!

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  5. I have to know...were all these pictures from the same family?

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  6. The spray paint. Oh My Goodness. How did they clean that?

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  7. I'm afraid to even comment, because I know that my children will do something equally horrifying ... if not soon, someday. It's all just luck!

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  8. This post is birth control! omg!

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  9. Holy crap. There really should be some kind of insurance coverage for this.

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  10. I feel the pain. I have a Photo Album on my Facebook titled "Toddler of Mass Destruction" that I started with my oldest. The youngest is now in his "Terrible Two's" and the album keeps growing.

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  11. Trying to sleep in with a two year old (I was pg) earned me 'finger paintings' ALL OVER THE WALL. And no, it wasn't chocolate. Oh the horror stories I have from my daughter. Except she's got a little brother who has perfected smirking. Daughter is almost 5....and would make a perfect accomplice. D'oh.

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  12. there is a website where you can submit these types of things: http://shitmykidsruined.com/ some of the entries are just gross, but a lot are pretty funny :)

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  13. Regarding the crayon...I had a friend in high school whose mom had left up the crayon 'creations' he'd made on the walls as a child. Anyone who visited him was marched upstairs to see it. One day while she was gone, we all got together with WD40 and some fine sandpaper and it took the 14 year old stains right off. Of course, that was over 30 years ago and the formula for WD40 may have changed.

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  14. Don't you people chain these kids up and put locks on everything? LOL! Egad, this reminds me SO much of when my kids got into the baby powder and coated everything in the porch, including my bike that I just regreased. Ever try to get baby powder out of a bike chain?
    Not near as much fun as the food coloring incident stated here...I bet that mom locked up quick! 8-O

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  15. 30 seconds in the bathroom resulted in my 2 year old getting the iced tea jug out of the fridge and pouring it on the hallway carpet! There is now a lock on the fridge!

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  16. My son was left alone upstairs for a few minutes. My husband called for him to come down as it was time to go. 8 hours later I walked in to the house. It was raining in my kitchen. We had to rip up the bathroom floor, I have a brand new kitchen (floor, cabinets, countertop)and only the floor drain in the laundry room below saved the basement.

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  17. Yea, I am the Mom of the spray paint can incident. Carpet had to be torn out, closet doors and room repainted, couch thrown out, and the wooden chest that got spray paint on it is sitting in a corner still waiting to be sanded and re-stained. I'd toss it, but it is the ONLY piece of furniture I have that came from my grandmother. Sigh.....

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  18. I may need a magical kid eraser after some of these.

    Juli
    ilikebeerandbabies.com

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  19. For the record....purple crayon even writes on flat screen tv's. Yup. sadly..

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  20. And this is why we can't have nice things...

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  21. Oh My God!!! There are no words. This merely confirms my assertion that children are really aliens inside of "people" bodies. Why else would these things happen?

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  22. This makes me happy that all my boys do is write on the walls. WD40 works well for crayon that Magic Eraser won't pull off. And paint is cheap. LOL! At one point, we just gave up trying to STOP them from writing on the walls, and said as long as you keep it in YOUR room, fine....and just repainted every 6 months or so. So much easier on Mommy's already-frayed nerves. LMAO!

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  23. So far, my kids have stuck to mostly standard kid issue messes. My sister hasn't been so lucky. Her house has permanent marker in basically every room. My nephew colored on the hard wood floors, all the furniture, walls, toys, etc. She hid all the permanent markers after the first episode and he somehow found another one and did it again, finishing up the rest of the house. He also emptied an entire BIG container of baby powder in his little brother's room. While she was cleaning up the massive explosion, he found the baby powder in the bathroom and proceeded to empty that one as well.

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  24. crayon cannot be painted over, unless there is some new primer that I am not aware of - however, it can be removed with goo-gone, from most things.
    Egg can be removed from floors and counters much easier by coating it in salt - it binds the egg up so it's not so slimy - don't know if it works on carpet.
    it's nice to have this website to turn the tears of anger and frustration into laughter!

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  25. And now I don't feel so bad about the bean bag-sized stuffed animal that was sacrificed to make it 'snow' in the house (both stories) or 'by Sophia' in permanent marker that is written all over the chairs, ironing board, walls, doors, every picute we have, dining room table, etc etc.

    What is almost as funny as this post are the tags at the bottom. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone!

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  26. A friend of ours had what we thought was the best idea ever. They covered the bottom half of their hallway walls in white board so their kids could draw, great right? Wrong. They didn't clearly define for the kids that the white board was different than the rest of the white walls in their house so they decorated the entire house. Nothing takes dry erase marker off flat white paint.

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  27. My nephews re-colored the carpet in their room with food color once. It took my sister hours with a wet vac and a rug shampooer to get it out. My nephews also once painted their bedroom walls with the contents of a dirty diaper. I remind myself of these events when I'm about to blow up over crayon on my walls and carpets (up until that time, it was news to me that you could draw with crayons on carpet!). Sure, my 4-year-old should know better by now. But at least it's just crayon.

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  28. Oh my lord! I would like to thank my kids thoroughly for never doing anything like this!!

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  29. I don't know about sheetrock walls for sure, but I do know that plain white bread will take crayon off of trim and base-board pieces. Seriously, plain white bread!

    Ball it up slightly, and then use it like a "magic eraser" on the crayon. It will take a few pieces of bread to get the job done, but a loaf of bread is much cheaper than repainting a room! ;)

    As for the rest of the messes ... OMG! I am so glad my kids have grown out of that stage, now they just make different messes ... like landing on academic probation and facing the possibility of losing their very good scholarship to a very good private four-year college. :/

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  30. There are times when it is perfectly legal to beat your children...

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  31. Thought I would share a perhaps little known fact. Magnets can write on walls. Yes, magnets, so those oh so fun magnet books where kids can put the characters on the pages, hide them when you aren't around otherwise you will get black marks on the wall. Also, magic eraser will get them off, but if your walls have a colored paint, the paint will come off too. Luckily the magnet coloring and ripping slats off the blinds (cheap plastic kind) are the only messes I've had so far. I expect my eight month old will leave his mark at some point. I'm going to follow my in-laws example and remodel when my kids go to college. :)

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  32. A common response at our house after one of my two lovely boys have destroyed something has been "And that's why we can't have nice things" now it is said with a hysterical/manic laugh...

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  33. YES I'm not alone, the eggs my kids do on a regular basis (whenever they can sneak away). I can't tell you the amount of food they have destroyed. My 2 year old got a hold of a black sharpie apparently magic erasers don't work so well for that either... as for carpet well my kids have destroyed ours with kool aid and just about everything else you can think of. Thankfully I can't say I've had the food coloring or spray paint yet, but give them time.

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  34. And I never understood why they required "Pet Deposits" on apartments but NEVER "Kid Deposits". I've seen way more destruction left from children than I did animals! geesh! Luckily right now my child only likes to eat the chalk and crayons instead of using them to write on walls. lol ;-)

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  35. Purple nail polish & carpet do not mix! Nothing worked on it & he was in the move when he dumped it- so it was everywhere! Nail polish remover worked on the walls & furniture, but not carpet!

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  36. i only laughed because i know the feeling.
    my two year old's favorite thing used to be to sneak up on the counter and dump coffee grounds onto and into everything

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  37. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I am not alone. I have had all of what was in the blog and in the comments happen at my house, all by child #3, AND MORE! You should see our 65", 3D, HD, flat screen TV ($$$$)--ruined in less than a week. Eggs. Who knew that was even possible?

    Thank God for WD-40, Magic Erasers, Kitlz, a husband with a good knowledge of plumbing, and locks. Not child-proofing, that they can get around, but the key locks that are on my pantry door, closets doors, and laundry room door (where I keep the real fridge with food, the second fridge in the kitchen is "for looks." If CPS ever showed up at my house, I'm sure I'd be in for some interesting explaining.

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  38. OMG. O.M.G.
    I will never silently pray for thirty seconds to go pee by myself again.

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  39. Wow, and my husband thought a regular ol' messy house was bad! I can't wait to show him this ;)

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  40. FYI...Kilz paint primer in the spray can will cover crayon.

    As for the pics/stories above--Oh My Goodness! I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and have already had the "I guess I can't have any nice things in the house" rants myself. But never over these kinds of things--yet. Oh boy, am I ever in for trouble!

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  41. Yes, check out this website! http://shitmykidsruined.com/
    --Andi

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  42. Okay, this actually makes me feel a little better about the tornado that lives at my house. Thanks!

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  43. These kinds of things just call for a good ol' LAUGH-CRY!

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  44. I have 3 kids with Autism, and It is a miracle my house is still standing. Tore up from the floor up

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  45. Oh man... and I thought a crap smeared room was bad...

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  46. Holy yikes, and I complained about the crayon on the couch. Never again.

    Is it wrong that I had a giggle fit about the spray paint?

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  47. Yep. Bill Cosby was right. All small children are "brain damaged" until they reach a certain age. I will briefly mention the Great Glitter Disaster of 2011 (have you ever tried to clean glitter out of carpet? even the smallest amount is a nightmare. It sticks to everything). Whenever my kids do things like draw me a beautiful mural with a crayon I ask, "Why?! on earth did you color on the walls?"

    the answer?

    "I don't know...." (accompanied with shrugged shoulders and head cocked to one side)

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  48. When I was younger, I walked into the kitchen to find my not quite 2 year old brother spraying down the kitchen with butter flavored Pam. He was on his second can. Fortunately, the room was all tile. Unfortunately, I was instructed to clean it up (being 8 years older, although not in charge of the kid at the time). To this day the smell of butter flavored Pam makes me sick to my stomach.

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  49. My disaster was thankfully only temporary. When my 2 1/2 year old grabbed a full bottle of green food colouring and poured it all over his baby sister who was in the bath at the time. Result - green baby for a week (try explaining that one to strangers!) Luckily, it wore off after a week, but because you cant scrub a 6 month old too much, we just had to wait it out!

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  50. Wow, talk about cosmic timing... read this one the day I discovered the poo smell in my 3 yr old son's bathroom was from him using the shower curtain as toilet paper. Uck.

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  51. My son, at about the age of 2, woke up early one morning and without waking me, went to the fridge and got out a bottle of chocolate syrup. When I found him, he was playing on the BRAND NEW rug in our living room with his Tonka trucks....connect the dots yet? He had poured the chocolate syrup on the floor to resemble mud. Needless to say, after running the trucks through the syrup, it NEVER came out of my new rug. Good thing he was such a cutie as a toddler!

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  52. *now regrets not taking pictures*

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  53. Way back in 1974 when shag carpeting was all the rage, I, as a precocious four-year-old, dragged a gallon of Wesson oil and poured it ALL OVER my Nana's carpet. Not a pretty scene! The worst my son did was the jar of Vaseline from head to toe. Took me a half hour to get him to the bathroom.....Slip slidin' away....

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  54. Zinsser brand BIN primer WILL cover crayon on walls!!! **and alot of other things, will even block smells!** Nasty nasty stuff, have DH use it while you take the kids to grandmas house (or somewhere out). Have seen it in spray cans, gallon cans, & 5 gallon buckets, for those really bad messes. Can get it at most "real" paint stores.

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  55. If you need more proof look at the folder in my pictures named insanity! And yes I was able to work semi magic and get most of it out of the carpet. In the dark. Because my kids managed to burn out the electrical outlet in their room and I had to flip the breaker until one of the guys from the fire department was able to swing by and make sure my kids didn't actually burn my house down. And yes I realize my grammar is lacking and that was one long run-on sentence. I had problems with that before I had kids and caught insanity from them, now I don't have the brains to proofread anymore.

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  56. I also have pictures of my oldest after she apparently attempted to eat a stamp and inkpad (one of those ones that why in the world would someone even think was good to put in a kids goody bag, you must hate me for sending that home with us after you sugared them up at the birthday party things) Oh my murthurfurker.

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  57. We have to use 2 gates stacked on each other to keep the 2 year old out of the living room and kitchen. We left one down the other day and I woke up to an entire salt shaker on the floor, coffee table, and couch. I hope the baby isn't as ornery as big brother.....

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  58. I was furious when my 3 year old threw the Wii Remote into my dad's brand new plasma TV. I was however thankful when my coworker showed me the photographs of his house after his 5 & 3 year olds left the water running on the 3rd floor of their home for 9 hours!!!! Almost $1 million to rebuild and replace everything in a 1 year old house and 3 months living in a hotel with 2 small children. I felt lucky.

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