Good Nutrition Can Bite Me

I care about nutrition. I really do. As a mom, its my job to make sure my kids aren't eating crap all the time.  When it comes to what I feed myself, however - it's pretty sad.  Like many other mothers I know, I am fixated on having happy, healthy, emotionally stable children while slowly going insane and totally ignoring my own needs and health. My tooth broke in half last year and it took my two weeks to get to a dentist.  If one of my kids gets a rash, they're at the pediatrician's office that very damn day.

So my kids follow all kinds of wonderful rules about healthy eating like "dessert is not an everyday treat" and "I need to finish my water before I can have seconds".  And I enforce these rules while pounding cold coffee and eating all my meals either over the sink or while driving.

And so I was only sort of paying attention when the USDA recently replaced the food pyramid with something else.  They replaced it with this:

This is apparently how all good families are supposed to be eating, while not watching more than two hours of TV per day.  Let's take it a step further.  Let's apply this concept to how moms eat in real life.  To the landscape we actually live in. Where healthy eating becomes a competitive sport. This is the actual "My Plate" for moms...

This is sort of Paltrow-y and annoying but at least honest about how it sucks and is too expensive and requires you to shop for your groceries at about 400 diffrent stores.  If you actually eat like this, congratulations. I don't mean to poke fun.  Seriously. If you eat like that all the time, without being all smug and needing to mention it to other people at the bus stop first thing in the morning - then I say YAY FOR YOU and your tiny, firm ass.

But here's how it actually works at my house:

Please tell me that its not just me, alone in my yoga pants and nutritional shame.  I'm pretty sure it's not just me though, because I saw a total Gwyneth at Chipolte last week and I gave that bitch a high five.

xo, Lydia

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