Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Letter to the Laundry Fairy

This post is written by Stark. Raving.Mad.Mommy.  She is a genius in several different mediums (click here to watch this video she made). We love her. She also hates my arch-nemesis Randy the Laundry Fairy. So she wrote him a letter.


Dear Randy the Laundry Fairy,

I realize you're probably still wicked pissed off about me moving again.  I know the second-floor laundry room in our ginormous Texas house was a dream come true for you.  Except that the kitty litter boxes were in there; sorry about that.  And I know being once again relegated to the basement is upsetting, especially since the kitty litter boxes are still with you.

Randy is like this.
Only bitchier.
You're probably also annoyed that I'm still making my own laundry soap, which is then doled out from old apple juice bottles.  I know it's not as fancy as Tide or whatever, but I just can't stomach spending that much money for something I can make for approximately 10 cents per gallon.  Also, laundry detergent commercials invariably piss me off, what with their implication that I am a lesser woman and failure as a wife and mother if I don't buy Brand X Brightening, All Temperature, Eco-Friendly, Perfume-and-Dye-Free Laundry Detergent with Bleachtastic Alternative in a Pump Bottle.  That schmidt is expensive and I am still a good wife and mother without it.

The thing is, Randy, and this is really the important take-home message: you're kind of a dick.  You keep making the laundry multiply (WTF with the moldy pool towels?).  Then when I'm actually caught up on laundry, no one thanks me.  I know they think you are magically providing them with clean, folded clothes that mysteriously show up in their drawers each week with a wave of your "Clean Linen"-scented wand.

So you totally deserve the kitty litter boxes.

I'd like to point out that when I choose, I can keep up with the laundry.  When it's important, like when I'm selling a house, or packing for vacation, or when I have insomnia and nothing else to do at 3 a.m. because I don't have cable.  It's just that (and don't hate me here, Randy) laundry is pretty low on my priority list.  I have four kids and frankly I'd rather play with them and/or surf Facebook than keep up with the ever-increasing mountain of sweaty summer clothes and chlorine-infused towels.

As evidence, I present to you a photo of my beautiful, enormous Texas laundry room.  This is from when I was showing the house in a down market while single-parenting my four children.  So suck it.

I'd show pictures of my current laundry area, because I am actually caught up on laundry at the moment, but the basement in my itty-bitty rental house is pretty gnarly, and I'd rather not share.  Just trust me that there are five empty laundry baskets in this house right now.

Suck it, Randy.

stark. raving. mad. mommy.


Don't forget to check out SRMM - she's awesome sauce with a side of bacon.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. Do the contributing bloggers whose rants are being aggregated on RFML receive a percentage of the money that is being made from advertising revenues?

  2. Yaaay!! Two of my all time favorite blogs collide to tell the fairy I hate the most to suck it.... Perfect start to my day. Thanks, ladies! Big hugs to y'all!

  3. how do you make your own detergent???

  4. I have four kids, too, and oh my dog the laundry they produce.

    And how do you make your own laundry detergent? Because I'm tired of buying more often than I buy milk, and i buy a lot of milk.

  5. Love this post and am also curious about the laundry detergent making-process. Do you use the "Dugger" method??? Haven't tried theirs yet...

  6. Wait, yeah, WTF, I'm with the others - ya can't just slide past that DIY bit and not tell us how to make the detergent!!

  7. I was wondering the same thing! How do you make detergent? And is it "safe for babies"??

  8. Yes, please tell us how to make laundry detergent!

  9. Ugh... Between Mt. Clothing Pile and Dish Mountain, my house is taking over :(

    How to make your own laundry detergent:

  10. Haha! I love it! I make my own detergent too. I found the recipe here:
    It works just as well, smells awesome, and costs just a few cents per load!

  11. Yes, please tell us your recipe for home-made laundry detergent!

  12. there are TONS of recipes online for making your own laundry detergent, just do a google search. Just make sure that if you have a front loader/HE/whatever with all the bells and whistles that it can be used in your machine. ie you don't have to put the soap in and start it up and then put the clothes in. And Randy---you M$%^@ F@#^@*! So you are who I have to thank for the Mount Everest size piles of clothes. One day when I win hundreds of millions of dollars I will just buy a new outfit and throw the old ones out, and I will be done with you!

  13. Your 'not so subtle' attempt at pointing out how often guest bloggers are being used, is lame. Unless YOU are the contributing guest blogger, it is not your business whether they receive a portion of the advertising profits...

  14. Yes, please fill us in on how to make laundry detergent, and can it go in the front loader/energy efficient washing machines?!?

  15. Um, can we have the laundry detergent recipe? I want to know how to make my own!! PPPPLLLLLEEEEEAAAASSSEEEEEE?!

  16. I use the Duggar Family's laundry soap recipe. If anyone knows how to cheap out, it's a mom of 19 kids. It's VERY easy to make, dirt cheap, and works great.

    I buy the ingredients at my regular grocery store. If you can't find the Fels-Naptha bar soap, you can subsitute another soap such as Zote or even Ivory.

    Here's the link:

  17. Your using home made laundry detergent in a front load machine? I guess no one has told you that home made detergent will kill a front load machine? I know the store bought stuff is $$$ but my washer cost me way more. So here's the deal with detergents and front loaders:
    1. Never, ever, ever under punishment of washer death use home made detergent (sorry, but true).
    2. Only use about half the recommended amount of any detergent. I promise you won't notice.
    3. Go look when it's washing. If you ever see suds your using too much. Suds kills front load machines.
    4.Buy a dryer bar and give up fabric softener, this will also make it last longer.
    5.Clean the lint trap regularly. Did you know it had one?
    6. Every few months run a rinse and spin cycle a few times while the machine is empty. Mine quite spinning and I was told I would have to replace it. This was all it took to fix it. I know follow the above rules religiously.

  18. Awesomeness!

    And, because I love you so, if you want to get together and kick Randy's ass, I'm totally in.


  19. Good grief. I feel an addition to the "Is This The Right Blog For You?" that will entail concerns about guest bloggers and their payment/etiquette/alcoholism/sanity/laundry habits.


  20. I have a HE washer, make my own detergent, and I am never going back to a commercial brand. Here is the recipe I use: 1 bar Fels Naptha Soap, grated finely (I use a microplane), 2 cups Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda (NOT Baking Soda), 2 cups 20 Mule Team Borax. Combine well. Store in air-tight container. Use 2 tablespoons per full load for HE washers (or about 1/4 cup per full load for top-loaders.) And, yeah, Randy can suck it.

  21. Perhaps Randy ran off with my housekeeper? I havne't seen her for years.

  22. Wait, laundry baskets can exist in an "empty" mode??

  23. When we moved I vowed that I would keep up with laundry. Then I tried to start a load only to find that the washing machine doesn't work. It's been a week and I still don't have a washing machine. (I know I could go to a laundromat but I'm paying rent and I'm supposed to have a working washer and dryer, gorramit!) My husband is running out of work clothes, my daughter's running out of school clothes (at this point I don't even care if they fit!) and I'm just running out of clothes. So Randy can kiss my (tired from moving) butt!

  24. To Anony up top:
    Since you seem to be so concerned about guest blogger compensation...
    I was (honored to be) a guest blogger a while back. I wrote Domestic Enemies of the Large Family. And just so you know, yes, I was compensated. I'm continuing to receive royalties that are paid monthly. As well as anytime use in Lydia and Kate's time share, which is ocean front. Did I mention it's in Arizona? We have a blast there.
    Kate and Lydia,
    Can't wait to see you girls out there soon!

  25. To Holly--The Storm Chaser:
    That totally rocks! Just had to be said. :-)

  26. i use the recipes found here: I have 5 kids and use both the cloth diaper recipe and the regular laundry recipe which costs me a total of $9 and lasts me for a year.

    If you have a front loader/HE washer you CAN use homemade detergent. I know plenty of people who do and it causes no harm to their washer. I have an HE myself. For the cloth diaper recipe I use 1 tsp and for the regular laundry I use the last detergent bottle I bought and fill the cap halfway.

  27. Well played, Emily L., well played.

  28. Heather, what is your source on home made detergent? It leaves LESS residue than store bought crap, which is why I started making it in the first place. I really fail to see how it makes a difference. Bonus points if you answer without saying "it just does."




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