Friday, September 9, 2011

Ten Reasons Why My Dogs is Less Annoying Than My Kids

I got a puppy a couple of months ago and everyone talks about how much work it must be.  PLEASE.  The puppy is nothing.  He barely hits my "a lot of work" radar.  I have a toddler whose stealth-like cunning and ninja skills may lead to her CIA recruitment at any moment.  I have two other kids who can not speak to each other without fighting. Or speak to me without interrupting, forgetting their manners or talking over each other in increasingly loud voices so no one can hear anything that is being said. At which point I am sullenly accused of not listening to them.

Now I love my kids more than butter or bacon or wine on the weekends.  I adore them.  I work my (inexplicably larger every year) ass off to try and not ruin them through my total ineptitude as a mother. But parenting? It's really hard. And it's getting more complicated the older they get. So the dog? That's easy. That's simple. 

Ten Reasons Why My Dog is (MUCH) Easier Than My Kids

My dog is awesome.
10.  Two words: crate training.

9. Dogs don’t like Justin Beiber.

8. Dogs really like to go to sleep.

7. When a dog makes a mess, he feels really bad about it.

6. Dogs don’t watch endless re-runs of the Wiggles that make your brain spiral into blackness.

5. When you give a dog his dinner, he doesn’t sigh and ask for McDonald’s.

4. Picking up #2 in a plastic bag off the sidewalk is actually much less disgusting than changing the diaper of a toddler who gets a lot of dietary fiber.

3. When dogs sigh and roll their eyes, it’s cute. And most dogs only whine when they really need something.

2. Dogs don’t incessantly wheedle you to allow them to play Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga more than can possibly be good for them.

1. Kids drop food all over the floor and claim it was an accident. Then they act all surly if you ask them to clean it up. Dogs will cheerfully hoover up Cheerios and act like you did them a favor.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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