Monday, September 26, 2011

We're So Professional It's Not Even F*cking Funny

A couple of weeks ago, we got an email from someone who was all “I’ve got a proposition for you, Kate & Lydia!” We get those emails all the time. Mostly, they’re from nice ladies in Sierra Leone who just need our bank account numbers and PINS and then we can be rich and help orphans at the same time.

But this time it was different. This was a nice lady who works for a big PR company. And her client makes a product called Totino’s Pizza Stuffers. And her client was about to start filming a series of videos with Second City Communications. Funny ones. Like really, really ridiculously over the top, whuck are they even talking about funny internet videos.

We knew what they were talking about because we’re both huge fans of the Sassy Gay Friend videos. And they had partnered with a company who makes this stuff that you put in your water bottle and then the company sponsored a series of slightly less funny but still awesome videos where the Sassy Gay Friend does his thing and talks about the water bottle thingee.

So the Totino’s Pizza Stuffers people were working with these actors to create a series of videos about moms. The comedians would develop mom characters who would be auditioning to be in a Totino’s commercial. And the videos would be of the pretend casting sessions.

Didn’t that sound awesome? And did we want to fly out to Chicago to watch the filming and interview all the actors? And could we come next week? AND THEY WOULD PAY FOR OUR TICKETS & HOTEL & WE COULD STILL WRITE WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANTED.

What?! Was this even real? Was this actually happening to us? I called the nice lady. She seemed serious about it. I asked her on several occasions if we were being punked or if we would land in Chicago only to find out that she was actually an old Russian man with candy in his pants. But no. She started emailing us stuff like itineraries and hotel confirmation numbers and tickets to go see a performance at Second City.


Keep several things in mind. I am a HUGE fan of Second City and their history of face-meltingly amazing comedy awesomeness. Their alumni include pretty much everyone really, really funny and innovative in the history of ever. Also keep in mind that the last time I spent the night away from my kids, I was in the hospital giving birth to the littlest one – who is now almost three. Prior to that, my excursions away from my kids included hawt, hawt, hawt excitement like funerals and trips to the hospice. I’m not kidding.

So this was a huge deal. Plus, it was this bizzare and really meaningful validation that we were professional bloggers. Because a big company – that I had actually heard of before – was flying us to Chicago to write about their new ad campaign.

Let me be very clear about something, if you’re under the impression that we’re (a) good at blogging (b) understand how the internet works (c) making money from this or (d) have any idea what we’re doing - then you’re totally wrong. We’re a couple of idiots who two years ago had never even read a blog. And then we started one and did everything wrong. Ask us how we got here and we’ll just be like “I dunno. What day is it? Is there coffee?”

So this was a big deal. It was like we had arrived. We were big girl bloggers. I should know this by now, but whenever I start to feel smug - that’s usually right before a brick drops on my head. But did I remember that? I did not. I was too busy telling everyone I have ever met that I was going to Chicago for work. I justified saying it was “for work” because I have been a stay at home for several years now and that doesn’t pay anything either.

The day finally came. It was going to be action-packed as the whole trip was going to take 28 hours total, because neither of us wanted to be away from home for too long and also because they would only pay for one night. Pretty much the same thing. Kate picked me up for the airport at 4:15 am. Her hair was done and she had make-up on. I was wearing Pajama Jeans and was barely able to form sentences.

That’s just us in a nutsack, isn’t it?

After an uneventful flight and a very long cab ride, we arrived at the location where the videos would be filmed. It was called Firehouse Studios and it was awesome. A very old, beautifully restored firehouse with a tin ceiling that was so pretty you couldn’t stand it. I looked around, smiled and said to Kate with warmth and happiness brimming in my voice: “Good news, hooker - there’s a pole.”

We had arrived.

--Stay tuned for part two tomorrow--

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. OHHH EMMM GEEEE - hurry tomorrow! I have to hear what happens! Also, this is some of your best writing girls. Things that make me think (wait a minute! I've also only been away for smokin' hot funeral action) along with words like nutsack - it's pure poetry. OH, and congrats on the swank job which included flying on a plane *without* your own children! Uninterrupted conversation except the attendant asking if you'd like another drink (UM YES)!

  2. This is so fantastic.

    And I believe it, I've been following you for over a year, and you are professional at making me laugh. Every time.

    High five, Lydia and Kate. I am not surprised one bit.

    I wonder what took so long?

  3. "there's a pole." literally laughed out loud. HOORAY FOR YOU!!! congratulations!

  4. I just started reading your blog, and I think it's fantastic! You say everything I *want* to! :) Have a blast on your 28 hour vacation!

  5. Can't wait for part 2, did one of you climb the pole? Is there a picture?

  6. Omigod, I loooove Second City. They invented all my favorite comedians. Where do I even begin...Bill Murray, John Belushi, Chris Farley, Stephen Colbert, Jane Lynch, Tina Fey, Amy Sedaris, Amy Poehler...and now KATE and LYDIA!

  7. How fun! I'm hooked - can't wait to see how you two screw this up. I mean come out on top. ;)

  8. aaaaaack! I hate cliffhangers, you hookers! AND I have to work tomorrow, so I won't see it til after my IHPs go to bed. You suck! (not really. i <3 you.)

  9. Love the title of the post, but the last line, O M G. I snorted I laughed so hard! AWESOME. Pure genius! You two are my heroes. I would say heroines, but that looks really bad. HA!

  10. SO EXCITING! Can't wait to hear more about your adventure. LOVE your "big girl" blog! :)

  11. This is a sack of awesome. I cannot wait to hear all about it.
    I was also flown into Chicago for the weekend. Though it was my Husband's idea to send me in to celebrate my SIL's birthday by getting her drunk and going out dancing til 2am. So...almost the same.

  12. OMG, that pole comment made the coffee come out of my nose and on to my computer screen! Good luck ladies!!

  13. I haven't been reading you guys for long but what I've read is HILARIOUS! I too loved the "pole" comment because it was a reminder of one of the the funniest conversations w/ my sister and daughter ("lysol stripper", enuf said!).

    Can't wait for the girls rock!

  14. I LOVE Sassy Gay Friend! My 15 year old and I have been shopping on several occasions, and picked up and orange scarf, whipped it around our necks and screamed, "What, what, what are you doing???!!!!" Congratulations!

  15. If there was a shoes did Kate wear? lol And there a picture? DYING to read tomorrow's post! LOVE you girls. Keep the hooker comments coming. hmmm that sounded trashy. LOL

  16. I wore my faux pajama jeans last week for the first time. Many thanks to one of your comments for suggestioning them.




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