Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Angry Octopusses and Other Creatures Behind the Door

See, this is why we love you. We find something totally innocent, like an innocuous metal hook behind a door, and what do we see? An angry octopus who's trying to fight us. [Editor's Note: Let's be clear. This is all Kate. SHE is the one who sees strange pugilistic animals. Lydia sees a lovely solution to putting her purse on the bathroom floor.] And then we sent you on a mission to find your own drunken, angry octopusses and elephants and other creepily phallic things that now have eyes and faces and, yes, even clothing.

You guys are ninja spymasters...

Enjoy your handiwork! We're so so so proud...we'll be sending you your next spy mission shortly.

This message will self-destruct in 3---2---


I had a very rare date night with my husband last night & after dinner we couldn't find anything better to do than going to target. Just before leaving the premises I had to ninja pee. After walking into the stall & preparing to hang my hobo bag on the door, I was challenged! So I pulled out my little red sharpie & all I could do was turn this drunk angry octopus into a ginger! [Editor's Note: Ummm, love it. We'll call it the Prince Harry Hooker...wait. What? - Kate]

My hooker wasn't drunk yet, but it was early and by the looks of that dress she has on, chances are good. angry, fighting PIRATE hooker octopus. Epic.  Had women knocking on the door all like "Whuck is she DOING in there!?"

Haha I've never been a fan of vandalism.....never had the guts to do it. But I am having a blast with this. Got the mission just before daughter#2 and I left for our pre 2nd grade mother kid trip. So I packed my sharpie and camera phone and hit the road. Haven't found any octopi yet, just these weird rhino-elephant things with a crazy soul patch.  Daughter keeps asking what is taking so long and the other grown ups look at me all crazy like wondering what I could possibly be taking pictures of in a bathroom stall.

I call this one the monocled aristocratic octopus...

I apologize for the poor picture quality today...I had a jackhole knocking on the door and my child was at sticking his hand in the toilet. [Editor's Note: The toilet hand is totally worth this. It's Lady Gaga Hooker. - Kate]

Bring it, human.

Here’s my rendition of a drunk rhino hooker. The little bubbles are supposed to be the “drunk burp” bubbles like on Tom and Jerry (which I SO let my 3 and 6 year old watch, cause it’s cool and way less annoying than Yo Gabba Gabba.) This rhino was captured in the ladies room of a Jim Beam production plant, where we make flavored vodkas (as seen in the photo that the little drunk rhino drank).

I found this one in a bar in Philadelphia, with commentary already included.  I didn't have my sharpie with me or I would have added eyebrows. [Editor's Note: Yeah, the eyebrows would have helped. Fo' shizzle. - Kate]

Coming to you all the way from Edmonton Alberta Canada, in a Wendy's. And yes I used my lipgloss to make her so lovely bc I didn't have a sharpie and my ball point wouldn't cut it. My kids were very curious about the whole process.

Taken at the bathroom at the local park. This could be an angry Pinocchio octopus. could be something really really porny, you awesome ladies can be the judge. [We vote porny. Of course. K&L]

So I've been a slacker on taking pictures of hookers in bathrooms.  ;) [Editor's Note: That's probably the funniest sentence in the history of ever. -Kate] But I have one that stopped me mid-stream today. Good thing I was already in the position because I laughed till I peed, again. This is the only caption I could come up with, cause both my kids were with me and the oldest knows how to read. But feel free to let your imaginations run wild.

He's no Octopus.  But there's a new Sheriff Hooker in town.

Silver Hooker at Starbucks...[Editor's Note: YES! Because if you can't have a Gold Hooker, definitely, definitely go with the Silver. Hi Ho Hi Ho...get it? - Kate]

Elephant hookers, pre and post RFML'ing...

This happy one is actually hanging out in someone's HOUSE. That's right! And that is why he is happy. No random stranger's crap hanging on him. Just family crap. Yeah....

I didn’t have a sharpie with me while at Meijer grocery store here in Indy so I grabbed my pen and attempted SOMEthing. I think I was going for the made eyebrow and angry mouth. But it looks similar to a devil cat. Devil. Cat. [Editor's Note: I'm sending you keep sending me Devil Cats. Even yesser. - Kate]

 Slightly Disgruntled Skipper, dog of Angry Drunk Fighting Octopus

I was inspired while doing my business in the local Panera bathroom.  I saw the octopus hooker and it was just calling to be a pirate.

 And, finally, the one that made Lydia a SpyMaster forever...
Tracey: This mission had to be the most silly and amazingly fun thing I've ever done. Although, hi, I'm are you? I forgot to write RFML on the damn door so I had to go back in the bathroom. I'deven already left the stupid store! Sheesh!
Lydia: I have never seen anything so majestical and perfect. I am weeping with my love for it and you. We have never met and yet I feel certain that we could all be best friends. Because of the monocle. Because you went there with the f**king monocle.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. Well, you know Im going to start carrying around my sharpie ;)

  2. I could never use a sharpie in public like that. I guess I'm repressed. All I could think was... "Will it wipe clean?"

  3. Ahermitt - And any other with Anti-Sharpie Sentiments - go with Expo markers. They wipe off most everything. Join the fun!

  4. I have an octopus hooker in my bathroom, actually its in my shower...sigh...that's what I get for renting.

  5. This is the first I'm hearing about this. Y'all ain't right, and I love it.

  6. This post reminded me that when the contest first came out I sent it to my sister. A few days later I got a text that said something like "Mom has a whole group of angry Holyfields in her bathroom!" hahahaha

  7. I love how the "porny" one has white stuff dripping down the door...can we say ironic??

  8. after staring at the same wall every day for what seems like forever while i do my hour on the dreadmill, i have realized that i have crazy octopus hookers hanging in my own house!!!

  9. I missed this mission and I already carry Sharpies and Expos with me everywhere. I just love the "bring it, human" one!

  10. i will be holding my purse while i pee, thanks

  11. Speaking of hookers...this lady's email has been bugging me for days. If I wasn't so sleep deprived I might have figured it out sooner. Her email is hkrwrknmom@something.yaknow Now I wanna know if she actually works holding coats and purses all day.

  12. ROFL! That first pirate one...I can't stop giggling!! Love this mission...great job.

    More! More! More!

  13. We were packing for a big move to a new state and I was going through a random box of crap that belonged to my husband and I totally found an unused octopus hooker! (Me: "Why didn't you tell me you had this?!" Husband: "ummmmmm..... sorry?") That is definitely going up in our new house, sharpie details and all :)

  14. Kelly in Florida, you are awesome. I didn't think of Expo markers.... Great fun! Graffiti without the guilt!

  15. Hey! The octupi thing is catching on, I just saw one on Regretsy this morning! Lol...





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