Monday, October 10, 2011

Overheard at Baseball

Lefty and Happy have been playing what we call Fall Ball. Which you would *think* means something about baseball in the autumn. Turns out it just means playing ball with a whole lot more falling down. Kate -- as expected -- took her handy dandy newspaper and trusty Sharpie. It's amazing what happens even when there's no alcohol around... 

Dad: "Dan."
Other Dad: "Mike. Nice to meet you."
Dad: "There's so many new kids this year. I don't know any of their names."
Other Dad: "Me either. I just call them Buddy or Dude or by their number."
Dad: "Good idea. And better than saying, 'Way to catch the ball, fat kid.'"

Mom: "How many outs do we have?"
Other Mom: "Sixteen."

Kid: "Dad! I get to be the catcher!"
Dad: "All right son! Here. Take your cup."
Kid: [whines] "No dad. I hate that thing. I don't wanna wear it."
Dad: "OK, well then I guess if you take a ball down there, we'll have to call you the UniBaller."
Kid: "Nuh-uh. Kyle says he'll call me Half Sack."

Coach: "Good eye, Jonah!"
Parent: "Good eye? What does that even mean?"
Other Parent: "It's coach-speak. The kid didn't hit a bad pitch. So, he's got a good eye."
Other Other Parent: "It's like complimenting them for keeping on. Like, 'Great job standing there, boy.'"
Parent: "I'm gonna start doing that. Way to breathe in and out! Look at you holding that bat! Nice helmet wearing there, kid!"

Mom: "Which one is yours?"
Other Mom: "That one there with the big head that can't put on the batting helmet."
Mom: [laughs] "Oh, it's not that bi--wow, he really can't get that helmet on, can he?"
Other Mom: "Please. My vagina still looks like an Edvard Munch painting."

Kid: "Noah! Noah! [Noah fields the ball] "Second! Second! Second!"
Noah: "What?" [throws to third, where there's no kid]
Kid: "What the f**k, Noah?"

Mom: "Ummm, I know by saying this I'm a horrible person, but what is wrong with that kid's pants?"
Other Mom: "I think it's because of his cup."
Mom: "Exactly how many cups does he have on?" [pause] "I think he even has some under his armpits."

Dan: "Which kid is yours anyway?" 
Mike: "That one." [points]
Dan: "Oh. Well...he's just...a husky boy."

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. LOVE it! :o) Almost makes me excited for when my kids (now ages 3 and 1.5) play sports.

  2. Someone called my son "husky" once. I killed her.

    Ok, I imagined bitch slapping her.

    Love this post.

  3. I believe the only 2 reasons I put my kids in sports are: 1) An attempt to make them tired enough to go to bed at a decent hour, 2) For the fabulous eavesdropping during games.

  4. Coffee-coming-out-my-nose! i may have to sign my kids up for fall ball just for the entertainment value.

  5. Sorry, laughing too hard to comment.

  6. I wish there was photo evidence of the multiple cup boy. Hilarious

  7. This needs to go in your "Best of" immediately. I'm dying here.

  8. I hear girls soccer games are even MOST gossipy...can't freakn' wait.

  9. Funny stuff, ladies!!!

  10. Too funny! And I totally sympathise with the mom whose kid can't wear the helmet. My son's head was 38.5 cm when he was born; I told dh I'll think about baby #2 when my nether-region no longer cringes at the word "push." :p

  11. Awesome. I'm gonna have to call someone half-sack before the day is over.

  12. Love! Do we have a Domestic Enemies of the Sports Mom? Probably not, since those are usually the other parents... I've got hockey and baseball drama out my ears this calendar year. Pass the Sharpies, please.

  13. Brother-in-law used to tease my nephew that if he didn't wear his cup, he'd be known as "One-Ball Adam."

  14. YES! Dad: "Good idea. And better than saying, 'Way to catch the ball, fat kid.'"

  15. Awesome! You could have been at one MY kids' games!

    When I don't know a girl's name, I usually go with "way to go...New girl whose name I don't know!" Unfortunately, it doesn't really have a good ring.

  16. I am choking on my breakfast. It's worth it to have kids just to overhear this stuff!

  17. Most of my soccer sideline awkward moments are about people thinking my son is a girl. In an all boys league. Believe it or not, boy's hair grows, too. It doesn't magically grow to a crew cut and stop.

  18. So funny! You should definitely do this more often!!

  19. "Way to breathe in and out!" I'm dead, Kate. DEAD. I'm going to yell this to J at ballet this week when the other girls are gracefully practicing first position and she walks into a wall.

  20. LOL Look at you holding that bat! Nice helmet wearing there, kid!"

    I have so said these to my niece today! okay we were stacking wood, (shes 4, nothing like a lets play at Auntis for the day huh?) and yes she decided she was going to put on a helmet and hold a chunk of wood like a bat.. maybe she will be tired enough for a nap now?

  21. Hilarious ladies! This is classic RFML! The three minutes I spent reading this was WAY more enjoyable than the three boring hours I spend at t-ball a week. Now I know what I've been doing wrong, I need to eavesdrop for gems like these! In case you're wondering, my kid is the one sitting in the dirt chewing on his glove...

  22. Worst. Post. ever. I just had a c-section two days ago. As if you would post something that would make me blow a staple laughing. I should have known better than to click on a link that had the words "Newspaper" "Kate" and "Sharpie" in it. Thank you. You guys are awesome.

  23. Kate, you've outdone yourself!!! One of my favorite posts EVER! I'm off to go figure out how to use "Half Sack" in conversation!

  24. I want to meet the one who said the thing about her vagina.




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