Monday, October 10, 2011

Overheard at Baseball

Lefty and Happy have been playing what we call Fall Ball. Which you would *think* means something about baseball in the autumn. Turns out it just means playing ball with a whole lot more falling down. Kate -- as expected -- took her handy dandy newspaper and trusty Sharpie. It's amazing what happens even when there's no alcohol around... 

Dad: "Dan."
Other Dad: "Mike. Nice to meet you."
Dad: "There's so many new kids this year. I don't know any of their names."
Other Dad: "Me either. I just call them Buddy or Dude or by their number."
Dad: "Good idea. And better than saying, 'Way to catch the ball, fat kid.'"

Mom: "How many outs do we have?"
Other Mom: "Sixteen."

Kid: "Dad! I get to be the catcher!"
Dad: "All right son! Here. Take your cup."
Kid: [whines] "No dad. I hate that thing. I don't wanna wear it."
Dad: "OK, well then I guess if you take a ball down there, we'll have to call you the UniBaller."
Kid: "Nuh-uh. Kyle says he'll call me Half Sack."

Coach: "Good eye, Jonah!"
Parent: "Good eye? What does that even mean?"
Other Parent: "It's coach-speak. The kid didn't hit a bad pitch. So, he's got a good eye."
Other Other Parent: "It's like complimenting them for keeping on. Like, 'Great job standing there, boy.'"
Parent: "I'm gonna start doing that. Way to breathe in and out! Look at you holding that bat! Nice helmet wearing there, kid!"

Mom: "Which one is yours?"
Other Mom: "That one there with the big head that can't put on the batting helmet."
Mom: [laughs] "Oh, it's not that bi--wow, he really can't get that helmet on, can he?"
Other Mom: "Please. My vagina still looks like an Edvard Munch painting."

Kid: "Noah! Noah! [Noah fields the ball] "Second! Second! Second!"
Noah: "What?" [throws to third, where there's no kid]
Kid: "What the f**k, Noah?"

Mom: "Ummm, I know by saying this I'm a horrible person, but what is wrong with that kid's pants?"
Other Mom: "I think it's because of his cup."
Mom: "Exactly how many cups does he have on?" [pause] "I think he even has some under his armpits."

Dan: "Which kid is yours anyway?" 
Mike: "That one." [points]
Dan: "Oh. Well...he's just...a husky boy."

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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