Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Politcal Survey People - Don't Waste Your Time

Lydia and Kate are on the phone talking about politics...

Lydia: Lately I've been getting a lot of phone calls from people wanting to ask me questions about politics. Isn't that funny?
Kate: I guess so, given that all you read is this blog and all you watch on TV is Phinneas & Ferb. And vampire porn.
Lydia: Ahem. Vampire porn is over until next season.  But I know. I'm an idiot. I know nothing. And I got a lot dumber over the summer.  The Cap'n always wants to talk about politics with me, but as you know, we're of different persuasions so either I get all mad and start yelling at him or I just get bored and he starts to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher.
Kate: I think it's all very interesting. But I sort of read about the news and always know what's going on. Because it's my job and all.
Lydia: Oh! Maybe you can help me. Because I have questions. For example, who the hell is this Puh-lenty guy? I always want to be all: PUH-LEASE, Puh-lenty. Or Good and Puh-lenty!
Kate: His name is Tim Pawlenty.  Like PAW. Not like PUH. He was running for the Republican nomination. But he dropped out after Iowa.
Lydia: The nomination for what?
Kate: President.
Lydia: WHAT? That's crazy. Obama was just elected like last year. Remember? The next election for President isn't until 2012.
Kate: [silence]
Lydia: Oh. Right.
Kate: [more silence]
Lydia: I have really got to start paying attention. What were we talking about? Oh right. Tim PAWlenty. I like it. Can we call him T-Paw?
Kate: Of course. Everyone should.
Lydia: I think it makes him sound nice. Like a cartoon bear. He's not a cartoon bear, is he?
Kate: No. He's the former Governor of Minnesota. OH! But you want to know what the most awesomely interesting thing about T-Paw is?
Lydia: What?
Kate: [prolonged silence]
Lydia: Uhh, Kate?
Kate: Nope. I got nuthin'.

Lydia: Well, that's too bad. Because you know what? I would donate money to the campaign fund of a cartoon bear running for President. Do you know why?
Kate: I have no idea...
Lydia: Because the debate would probably be televised on the Disney Channel and I would therefore stand a small chance in hell of actually watching it.
Kate: You make a good point. I'll email his people.

Lydia: Can we talk about Ron Paul?
Kate: Yes please.
Lydia: I really love that crazy little bugger. Is he the dude that has the hot British wife with the red hair?
Kate: [sigh] That's Dennis Kucinich.
Lydia: Oh. He looks... Is he related to Seacrest?
Kate: No.
Lydia: Are you sure? He looks like the elder tribesman of Seacrest's tree.
Kate: I... I don't....
Lydia: Then I'm pretty sure he's Canadian.
Kate: What the hell are you talking about?

Lydia: You told me BEIBER was Canadian. And the entire cast of Full House. REMEMBER?
Kate: Yes...
Lydia: And I was like EVEN STAMOS? Even him?! And you were all "Please shut up. I wish I'd never mentioned it." But seriously, that's not something you can un-know.
Kate: I understand. And then I sent you that picture of the Olsen twins.
Lydia: [::shudder::]

Kate: And you sent me a text message that said: "Hold me. I'm scared."
Lydia: I am still scared.
Kate: Weren't we talking about politics?
Lydia: Isn't there a woman whose trying to get the Republican nomination, too? Wasn't there some big to-do about a magazine cover?
Kate: Yes. Her name is Michele Bachmann. And some people said that the photograph was chosen to make her look extra crazy, while other people contend that she is extra crazy.
Lydia: I saw that. She looked spittin' cherry pits crazy to me. I didn't understand until the Cap'n told me she has 24 kids. I was like "OH NOW I GET IT." I'd have crazy eyes, too. In fact if I had 24 kids, I'd be drunk always.
Kate: There's also Mitt Romney and Rick Perry.
Lydia: There's someone named MITT? Is it short for Mitten? I think that's a very reasonable question. Because Mitten is not a very Presidential name.
Kate: Are you serious?
Lydia:  Of course I'm serious. And whose this Rick James guy?
Kate: I need to hang up now.
Lydia: Why?! I feel so much smarter. Except that I really don't think we can elect a superfreak.
Lydia: Rick James, stupid. Obviously.
Kate: [click]

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. I am SO there with Lydia. On all of it. I don't have a clue. Every once in a while I feel a twinge of guilt that I should start paying attention and form an opinion. But then one of the kids starts yelling again and I revert to apathy.

  2. Ummm... I am soo Lydia! I feel so dumb as soon as people start talking politics, or recent news... or anything that's not talked about on PBS kids. Glad to see I am not alone. ;0)

  3. I am so with you Lydia. They have me so confused except for Rick Perry. I'm from Texas trust me he is a super freak.

  4. This blog includes lot of information regarding the bad day and the fun regarding that.

  5. As if there was any doubt, I am Lydia's long lost twin. I can SO relate. If it's not on PBS, Disney, or Nick, I'm not seeing it. Thanks for the info Kate! You just increased my political knowledge by 100% :)

  6. ha ha ha ha ha....MITTEN! ha

  7. I love you guys! I know NOTHING about this stuff either.

  8. In Australia they have a news for kids show on the commercial-free kids' channel. That's where my current affairs knowledge comes! And they even gloss over the more depressing stuff :)

  9. Had a political surveyor call me yesterday. It was painful.

  10. This was the most I've learned about the political candidates...seriously. I think you should invent a ticker that runs on Sprout and Disney Channel for parents, so we can find out what's going on in the world while watching Little Einsteins.

  11. What a coincidence! My husband sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher too! "Wah-wahwah-wah-wahwah-wahwah..." :-D

  12. Super love. Especially since the Lydia end of that conversation is usually my end. I like knowing I am not alone in my inability/disinterest to follow what's going on in the world.


  13. I am a political junkie. Really. But don't ask me, because I WILL talk your ear off, then get all "passionate" about it, and seriously have a heart attack. (But I love politics)

  14. I don't watch the news so I don't know ANYTHING. EVER. I quit after I vacationed in the mountains with no TV and came back to the same crap that was "newsworthy" when I left. I figured I wasn't missing anything so I quit. I have no clue. I also have no frowny lines. It evens out.

  15. My DH is one of those smoky back room, Washington insider types, and he thinks Mitt Romney should change his name to Mitten. However, when I suggested that Mike Huckabee change his name to Mike Hugabee and they team up, he looked at me like I was an idiot.

    I think Mike Huckabee LOOKS like a Hugabee.

  16. I totally support having a super freak in da casa de blanco!!!

  17. What the holy heck is Mitt short for? I mean there was a guy called Newt a while back right? So Mitten seems fairly reasonable. Isn't it all about having good hair and being tall when you get right down to it anyway.


    And he must wear purple suede platform shoes every day while in office..purple, you know, because it's the mix of blue and red, to show he's all about the cooperation of the parties and all?

  19. I may not know a lot about Mitt Romney, but I was right in front of the whole "new Marina" thing on the Fresh Beat Band.

  20. Dear Kate and Lydia,

    I moved to another continent, got married and had a baby in the blink of an eye. Not so long ago I was hot, flirting with men, dazzling them with my intelligence. I love my baby and my husband, but (also just read your super awesome post from 2009 about "the blur") I can't help but ask myself, "how did I get here? what's my name?" Not yet having many close girlfriends on this side of the universe, your blog is a Godsend. Thank you for making this transition a little easier. I wish I could drink an adult beverage with both of you and complain about my complete idiocy regarding politics (despite the fact that it is what i STUDIED for 5 years), as well as my perfectly wonderful husband, who is also a perfectly wonderful father, who just doesn't understand what it is to be an exhausted, overwhelmed mother.

  21. This post had me snorting. I especially love the photo of Mitten and Rick James shaking hands (taken,you know, right before they started clawing and hissing at each other). I think I did a triple take. Holy crap, they look alike. Mitten James for President!

  22. Oh.

  23. Is his name short for Mitten? Burst out laughing. I hope my neighbor didn't hear...seriously y'all it was loud

  24. mitt...short for mitten?! that is classic (and exactly what i always wonder). i'm dying. dead.

  25. Re: the Romney/Perry photo, I can successfully ID Romney. YAY me!!! But not because I am so informed and well-versed in politics. I "know" Mitt (tehehee) from his involvement in the Salt Lake Olympics back in.........2002. 2002? Really? Good grief I'm old.

  26. I will randomly watch about an hour of CNN or read 2-3 political articles on and when The Husband comes home from work, I'm all "OMG did hear about..." and we have a whole 30 minute grown up discussion about whatever is going on right now. I recently overheard him telling his friend how much more "enlightened" and "politically aware" I have gotten since being married to him. HA!!

  27. I love the cracks about Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich... I've always said that Paul is the Kucinich of the Republican party. :)

  28. Rick James...ROFL! Love you guys!

  29. Of course Mitt is short for Mitten, what else could it be?!
    And I'm from MN, and we really do call him T-Paw. How did you know?
    You guys are awesome hookers.




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