Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Politcal Survey People - Don't Waste Your Time

Lydia and Kate are on the phone talking about politics...

Lydia: Lately I've been getting a lot of phone calls from people wanting to ask me questions about politics. Isn't that funny?
Kate: I guess so, given that all you read is this blog and all you watch on TV is Phinneas & Ferb. And vampire porn.
Lydia: Ahem. Vampire porn is over until next season.  But I know. I'm an idiot. I know nothing. And I got a lot dumber over the summer.  The Cap'n always wants to talk about politics with me, but as you know, we're of different persuasions so either I get all mad and start yelling at him or I just get bored and he starts to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher.
Kate: I think it's all very interesting. But I sort of read about the news and always know what's going on. Because it's my job and all.
Lydia: Oh! Maybe you can help me. Because I have questions. For example, who the hell is this Puh-lenty guy? I always want to be all: PUH-LEASE, Puh-lenty. Or Good and Puh-lenty!
Kate: His name is Tim Pawlenty.  Like PAW. Not like PUH. He was running for the Republican nomination. But he dropped out after Iowa.
Lydia: The nomination for what?
Kate: President.
Lydia: WHAT? That's crazy. Obama was just elected like last year. Remember? The next election for President isn't until 2012.
Kate: [silence]
Lydia: Oh. Right.
Kate: [more silence]
Lydia: I have really got to start paying attention. What were we talking about? Oh right. Tim PAWlenty. I like it. Can we call him T-Paw?
Kate: Of course. Everyone should.
Lydia: I think it makes him sound nice. Like a cartoon bear. He's not a cartoon bear, is he?
Kate: No. He's the former Governor of Minnesota. OH! But you want to know what the most awesomely interesting thing about T-Paw is?
Lydia: What?
Kate: [prolonged silence]
Lydia: Uhh, Kate?
Kate: Nope. I got nuthin'.

Lydia: Well, that's too bad. Because you know what? I would donate money to the campaign fund of a cartoon bear running for President. Do you know why?
Kate: I have no idea...
Lydia: Because the debate would probably be televised on the Disney Channel and I would therefore stand a small chance in hell of actually watching it.
Kate: You make a good point. I'll email his people.

Lydia: Can we talk about Ron Paul?
Kate: Yes please.
Lydia: I really love that crazy little bugger. Is he the dude that has the hot British wife with the red hair?
Kate: [sigh] That's Dennis Kucinich.
Lydia: Oh. He looks... Is he related to Seacrest?
Kate: No.
Lydia: Are you sure? He looks like the elder tribesman of Seacrest's tree.
Kate: I... I don't....
Lydia: Then I'm pretty sure he's Canadian.
Kate: What the hell are you talking about?

Lydia: You told me BEIBER was Canadian. And the entire cast of Full House. REMEMBER?
Kate: Yes...
Lydia: And I was like EVEN STAMOS? Even him?! And you were all "Please shut up. I wish I'd never mentioned it." But seriously, that's not something you can un-know.
Kate: I understand. And then I sent you that picture of the Olsen twins.
Lydia: [::shudder::]

Kate: And you sent me a text message that said: "Hold me. I'm scared."
Lydia: I am still scared.
Kate: Weren't we talking about politics?
Lydia: Isn't there a woman whose trying to get the Republican nomination, too? Wasn't there some big to-do about a magazine cover?
Kate: Yes. Her name is Michele Bachmann. And some people said that the photograph was chosen to make her look extra crazy, while other people contend that she is extra crazy.
Lydia: I saw that. She looked spittin' cherry pits crazy to me. I didn't understand until the Cap'n told me she has 24 kids. I was like "OH NOW I GET IT." I'd have crazy eyes, too. In fact if I had 24 kids, I'd be drunk always.
Kate: There's also Mitt Romney and Rick Perry.
Lydia: There's someone named MITT? Is it short for Mitten? I think that's a very reasonable question. Because Mitten is not a very Presidential name.
Kate: Are you serious?
Lydia:  Of course I'm serious. And whose this Rick James guy?
Kate: I need to hang up now.
Lydia: Why?! I feel so much smarter. Except that I really don't think we can elect a superfreak.
Lydia: Rick James, stupid. Obviously.
Kate: [click]

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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