Friday, October 14, 2011

Top Ten: What Did You Learn Today?

We haven't learned squat.
School has been in session for a while now. We expect that our children are learning some good, useful, knowledge-enhancing skills that will give them the springboard to a bright and successful futur--oh who are we kidding. They're learning how to give wedgies and Indian Burns. And this stuff:

10. “Mrs. Peterson said that mommies should not send notes to teachers that tell them how to teach and how would mommies like it if teachers sent notes telling them how to be mommies. But me and James weren’t supposed to hear that and weren’t we headed to the bathroom so get going.”

9. Lefty: “That boy are made of gross stuff like sticks and dog’s tails.” Kate: “Well, you aren’t REALLY made of that stuff.” Lefty: “Uh-huh.” Kate: “No, it’s an allegory.” Lefty: “We didn’t learn it there. We learned it in science.”

See that kid? Hurl the ball at him. Hard. I'm grading you.
8. “You know Eli? He is NOT GOOD at Dodgeball.”

7. “Latin. Which is hard. And they probably didn’t talk that much, because there’s not very many words.”

6. “That French kissing is kissing with tongues. That is gross. I’m never going to France.”

5. “Plusses. Two plus two is five AND four.”

4. “OH! That Mickie likes Adam, but that Adam kinda doesn’t, like, like her back. But only because he sorta likes Kara, even though she’s like, going out with – why are you making that face? Oh. You mean ‘what did I learn at school today’ that is about school stuff?”

Oh, and here's the word 'jackhole' -- let's look that up.
3. “Uhhhh…” [stares at the ceiling] “I learned that…” [plays with a Lego Luke Skywalker] “…that…Mom? Can I have a snack?”

2. [looks down at his shoes] “Well, I didn’t learn to tie my shoes. School is boring.”

1. “Only a hundred and ninety-one days left with the monsters.”

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011


  1. When I ask my two (5.5 and 3.5) what they learned in school I get "I don't know". They do always remember what they had for dessert at lunch though.

  2. All my little one learned in kindergarten last year was that her teacher's puppy peed on the floor at home every day, and that her son liked to scribble on the wall with marker. My tax dollars at work.

  3. My 10 year old will burst into tears if she can't tell me what she learned in school... because she was messing around not paying attention. My 4 year old can't stop talking about kindergarten...from the teacher's shoes to who had a tantrum to what the other children did at nap time... ahh we just hope the academic stuf sinks in.

  4. When my daughter came home from her first day of first grade and I asked that question, her response was "I learned how to milk a cow!" When did we travel back in time? lol

  5. How about at my house:
    me: "what did you do at school today?"
    offspring: "Maybe it's none of your business."

    oh, even yesser.

  6. I don't have kids in school yet, but I can already see that my son will be the teenager that can't answer the 'what did you do today question.'

    me: E-man, what did you do today at daycare?
    E-man: Played.

    This is his answer. Every. Single. Day. Not ate, read a book, pooped in my pants when I wasn't supposed to, etc.

  7. The standard answer to "What did you do at school today?" from my almost-13-year-old son: "Stuff."

  8. #4 is my fave. All I ever seemed to learn was gossip, too. LOL!

  9. My sons 2nd grade teacher told me at a conference. "if you believe half of what your son tells you happened at school, we will believe half of what he tells us that goes on in your house." We both laughed. My second grader told me they learned to fix a car (which actually was, auto mechanics is really a job.)

  10. "What did you do today, honey?" (Smiling mommy in playground - only in his 6th week at school)
    "Sorry, what?" (not smiling mommy - 'is he joking' face)
    "I was naughty and I fighted my fwends. Can I have one of those chocolate yogurts now?"
    Distant voice "Uh, Mrs Spencer, can I have a quiet word please before you go?"
    Oh. Crap. Where is daddy when you need him?
    That is how my week has gone.




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