Top Ten: What Did You Learn Today?

We haven't learned squat.

School has been in session for a while now. We expect that our children are learning some good, useful, knowledge-enhancing skills that will give them the springboard to a bright and successful futur--oh who are we kidding. They're learning how to give wedgies and Indian Burns. And this stuff:

10. “Mrs. Peterson said that mommies should not send notes to teachers that tell them how to teach and how would mommies like it if teachers sent notes telling them how to be mommies. But me and James weren’t supposed to hear that and weren’t we headed to the bathroom so get going.”

9. Lefty: “That boy are made of gross stuff like sticks and dog’s tails.” Kate: “Well, you aren’t REALLY made of that stuff.” Lefty: “Uh-huh.” Kate: “No, it’s an allegory.” Lefty: “We didn’t learn it there. We learned it in science.”

See that kid? Hurl the ball at him. Hard. I'm grading you.

8. “You know Eli? He is NOT GOOD at Dodgeball.”

7. “Latin. Which is hard. And they probably didn’t talk that much, because there’s not very many words.”

6. “That French kissing is kissing with tongues. That is gross. I’m never going to France.”

5. “Plusses. Two plus two is five AND four.”

4. “OH! That Mickie likes Adam, but that Adam kinda doesn’t, like, like her back. But only because he sorta likes Kara, even though she’s like, going out with – why are you making that face? Oh. You mean ‘what did I learn at school today’ that is about school stuff?”

Oh, and here's the word 'jackhole' -- let's look that up.

3. “Uhhhh…” [stares at the ceiling] “I learned that…” [plays with a Lego Luke Skywalker] “…that…Mom? Can I have a snack?”


2. [looks down at his shoes] “Well, I didn’t learn to tie my shoes. School is boring.”

1. “Only a hundred and ninety-one days left with the monsters.”




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