Monday, October 31, 2011

World's Worst Halloween Costumes Ever

I'm not a huge fan of Halloween, I'll admit it. Partly because I need someone to try and scare me right about as much as I need a pencil sticking out of my neck.  Partly because the IHPs always seem to have their six-month dental check-up right around now, which means I'm having to balance eleventy-seven pounds of chocolate deliciousness with the fact that I just spent my shoe money on having cavities filled. And, partly because the selection of costumes is so horrendous that I think I'd prefer they go out bare ass naked rather than drape themselves in the current selections.


This is what I saw when I clicked on "Girls 10-13" on a costume website. Are you freakin' kidding me? That's exactly what I want to send McGee out into the world wearing, Oh, and just right for the creepy, slightly deaf neighbor who hears "Trick FOR Treat" instead of the traditional greeting. I say yes to this outfit, I might as well just let her smoke and go bar hopping right now.


For my boys, well....just in case big sister gets away with the above costume, they can go dressed as this and come home with some extra cash. And syphillis. Yummy.



Or, even better...Whuck? This is a CHILD'S COSTUME. Is the name really necessary? What this basically says is, "I left my Douche costume at the dry cleaners..."



For a while, McGee wanted to go as a pirate. I thought, "that should be OK...right?" Ummm, no. Because it seems the goal these days is to turn everything into a red-light district. So, they either look like they fell out of a trash can, or fell out of a whore house. Or in this case, both...

 
I don't even know where to begin...a toilet? A toilet? God forbid they sit down to take a rest and someone else suddenly has a need to go.


Which is why it makes me all the happier that 2011 has provided us with this ingenious costume. Not that I have any intentions of dressing up as a box, T or otherwise. But that there are some occasions that require an amount of wine proportional to the event. And what with the hookers, pimps and toilets (oh my!) that will be haunting our sidewalks tonight, I'm gonna need to kill off as many brain cells as I can manage. Even though that spigot part is kinda creepy and wrong...and wrong.



 Happy Halloween, y'all. I hope that's wine he's drinking...


(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

41 comments:

  1. My childrens' costumes came from the wonderful world of Target, and while I can't complain about the 2 yr old's Thomas the Train costume, the one we FINALLY settled on for our 7 yr old daughter was inappropriately labeled "Sweet Lil' Thing". My daughter is not a porn actress, so while it basically looks like a punk rock fairy got ahold of a dance costume we've modified it...instead of the short, sheer tights, we added thick, knit black and pink striped leggings, and a long sleeved black tshirt under those spaghetti straps. My little girl is staying little for a few more years! Oh, and we're calling it "punk rock ballerina".

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  2. That toilet costume made me laugh, but there is no way my child is wearing it! And those other costumes - I've seen them and they leave me speechless. Seriously?! People purposely put these on their children?! I hate looking for costumes for those reasons, and because I'm also cheap. But then the option left is to make costumes. For 4 kids. So it pretty much comes down to "How many years in a row can I convince you to wear the kitty ears out of your dress-up clothes?" (It's working great for the 4 year old; the other 3 have caught on)

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  3. You, oh you..


    I have no daughters, only 3 boys: they went as faceless scary guys: which is scary.

    But not as scary as these Preteen costumes.

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  4. And this is exactly why I make my kids costumes... I thank God every year when I look at girl costumes especially, that my mom taught me to sew. No way do I want my 8 year old to walk around looking like a hooker.

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  5. Oh. My. Maude. What the hell? Although I shouldn't be surprised, I saw a sexy Raggedy Ann costume last year in the 10-13 yr old range...sexy Raggedy Ann? Really? That's an oxymoron if ever I heard one, right?

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  6. Kind of funny you have an ad for Wonderland Costumes to the left of this comment area, when the post was about inappropriate costumes. Laughing here.

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  7. My hubby asked me why Halloween seems to have become a Slutfest the last few years... I have no answer for him. And glad we have boys so we don't have so much of this issue... there's always the good old standbys for boys that don't get slutted out - firefighter, soldier, policeman, ninja - (though I did see a firefighter costume that looked like it belonged on a ladies' calendar - admittedly not in a children's costume section but it's probably only a matter of time) or make them look douchey. 'Tis a quandry, for certain.

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  8. Aaaah, Halloween, the holiday when those of us born without creativity genes are forced to spend lots of money on costumes which make our kids over-sexualized or walking advertisements. In my last attempt at a costume, I was "Everything but the kitchen sink." It took hours to sew those kitchen gadgets onto the apron and hours more to take them off. Plus, I should have reconsidered my placement of the cork screw...

    It's much more fun to celebrate Halloween in a country other than the US:

    http://www.momintwocultures.com/2011/09/halloween-is-coming-panic.html

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  9. So, the ones at the top. The last three are clearly all supposed to be prostitutes, but what's the first one? Mummy Prostitute?

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  10. Makes shopping for school clothes at the mall look like a walk in the park. Just: NO.

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  11. Well said. I'm a teacher and the crap you've shown above for costumes is EXACTLY WHY kids can't dress up at school - and I teach high school. It's a daily battle to keep the girls covered and the boys focused, costumes just make it worse. I won't even start on the number of pregnant girls walking around the school that always start the story with "I don't know how this happened!" - I do! I dread my son going to middle school, it used to high school, but now it's middle school!

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  12. We had the awesome Halloween tradition growing up that we had to use stuff lying around the house for our Halloween costumes. This is the best use, in fact, for the clothes that were your 'skinny' clothes when you got married, or clothes that have been the the donate pile at the back of the closet. A button down shirt becomes a pirate shirt, an old tie becomes a karate headband, you get the idea. I think the sympathy might have even gotten us more candy.

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  13. Why are girls maturing so early? Is it hormones in milk? NO! It's because we expose them to sexual images and make them sexual creatures to early, and send the wrong messages to their brains! What the what? People are insane!

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  14. Oh my word...I am in the walk of shame (Mommy-style). I dressed my almost 7 yr old up as the Shipwrecked Pirate!! I do have to say that she is wearing a long-sleeved black shirt underneath the top and some black leggings underneath the skirt. But she has some kick-a$$ hooker boots to go with it! LOL

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  15. And people wonder why there is a teen pregnancy epidemic.

    Costume makers have found ways to turn every character into prostitot attire. My EIGHT year old wanted to be Dorothy Gail. I nearly vomitted when I saw how skankified our local party/costume store had Dorothy's dress, complete with thigh high stockings. Is nothing sacred anymore??

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  16. Oh my! Makes me so glad that my son is still young enough to be happy with a superhero costume and the baby has no clue what's going on so she's perfectly happy being a pumpkin.

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  17. Yup. Trying to find a little girls costume thats not out of the whore house is rather difficult....

    carmen

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  18. And I get strange looks when I say we don't celebrate Halloween. Hey, I'm all for dress-up and make believe but The Fear is not something I want to subject myself or my children to... voluntarily, no less. I wonder if there is any "safe" place to hide from the whores and demons tonight...

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  19. 17 year old wearing first store bought 'sexy' outfit. And may I say NOT NEAR as bad as those above! She has long sleeves, long skirt with slit (devil dress) A little cleavage, but hey she is a senior in high school, and it's for a party not street walking. I wish parents would think about what they buy - because if we didn't buy it they wouldn't sell it!

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  20. I was looking for costumes for my Two Toddlers recently and I shuddered as I walked the aisles. It looks like I have maybe 3 more years to learn to sew because I am not letting my daughter wear Store Bought f she's going to look like a Tramp at 7. Thankfully I managed to find one Decent costume in the 4T section (Hidden WAY in the Back) so she gets to be a Frilly Girl Cookie Monster

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  21. I thought I was the only sane one left who thought whore costumes weren't for kids. And yet, they don't make Chucky costumes in toddler sizes (I had to buy a large and use my super super 7th grade sewing skills to make it small. It was a long, slow, yelp-inducing process). What kind of world do we live in when it's easier to dress my 20mos old up as a hooker than as a scar-riddled 3ft. tall homicidal doll?

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  22. My daughter wants to be Clawdeen (the werewolf hooker in the first pic). I tried making her one (longer skirt, longer shirt) and honestly, Trying to find some decent thrift store finds was just too hard and sometime expensive. We have decided to not do Halloween anymore (not just do to costs either) and maybe do a costume party in January instead- LOTS of thrift store finds then! :)

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  23. My two year old girl saw dora as a kitty so wanted to be a kitty. Oh Maude, I don't even let her wear two piece swim suits, and well. Oh. Umm no baby is not going to be a kitty that belongs on the stage at certain umm "private" establishments... We going a great selection of full body fuzzy costumes at our local goodwill. Now she is going to be a pony for halloween

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  24. My girls are going as Barbie Three Musketeers. I managed to put the costumes together mostly with stuff that they would wear again. And they are decently modest with a little bling.

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  25. aaaannnndddd for this very reason every halloween costume my two girls ever wear will be made by me, not the costume companies, because, well, ew!

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  26. I'm so glad I'm not the only one that still believes in children being children! ack

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  27. As a mother of four boys, I had to come back and comment again. People need to remember, it's not only our daughters who are affected by these poor choices, it's also our sons. My boys are ages 6,5,4 and 2, but in just a few years, these slutty costumes are what they will be gawking over. when I think about it from that perspective, I truly want to vomit.

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  28. Yeah for Peach and Mario! Full coverage, high neck, long skirt, and long gloves. Store bought, as I haven't the time to sew it right now!

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  29. Our family is dressing up as the Magic Treehouse books. My son (5) is Jack, his sister (almost 3) is Annie, and the hubby and I get to play Merlin and Morgan le Fay respectively. Not sure how long I'll be able to keep the daughter going along with this idea of a "family theme," though...

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  30. Thought you guys would appreciate this....
    http://takebackhalloween.org/about/
    And I bought a monkey costume for my daughter from "Crazy 8" and it's labeled a "boy" costume. Really? Girls can't be monkeys?!! It's crazy...
    And as Gloria Steinem says it's the pornification of America and it scares the hell out of me!

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  31. I am so glad my 3 year old daughter is a tomboy. This year she is Robin, picked from the boy side of the costumes. She cannot wait to wear it and would have worn it for the last 2 weeks if I had let her. She does love the bling though so I do not know how long this will last. I am thinking making them be something based on what is around the house may be what we come up with. Though we have already bought costumes for our 6 year old son for the past 4 years so it will be hard for him and he is too small to understand why yet. Though I saw a girl in his Kindergarten class today in school clothes that included knee high black boots, tights and a black miniskirt. WHAT was the Mom thinking dressing a Kindergartener in that???????

    Jrseygirl in VA

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  32. This mother of 2 boys is delighted to see that there are moms of girls who are trying to teach their daughters modesty and self-respect. THANK YOU! My husband and I often say there are many reasons God did not give us girls... Halloween costumes now added to the list. ;)

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  33. I looked at your first picture up there and was appalled... Totally inappropriate for girls 10-13... then I looked a little closer and was doubly appalled: My nine-year-old niece was wearing the third costume from the left for trick-or-treat tonight. Nice.

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  34. Oh even yesser after tonight's Treat or Treat extravaganza! I think I saw the majority of those girls above...and then some. Good googly woogly man...what the whuck?

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  35. We saw an entire group of girls trick or treating as Hooters waitresses. The oldest was maybe 17 and the youngest about 6. They all had the tiny little uniforms and giant fake boobs. I wanted to slap the adults with them. What were they thinking?

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  36. haha! this is eerily similar to a post from another blog I read, Ladies Who Luncheon.... ladieswholuncheon.blogspot.com
    Even one of the same pictures! You girls make me snort coffee through my nose. I'd never make it to my lunch break without you!

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  37. My daughter dressed as Draculaura (not pictured). I put pink leggings on underneath her skirt and felt it was fine. I'm not worried about the Monster High ones, its when I see slutty anything else (police officer, nurse, mobster, etc). It feels tiresome and I miss creativity. I was a cat myself for several years, but I was also wearing a leotard, tail and ears. Not really all that different than what they're wearing today.

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  38. I have a tween that, because of her size, has been wearing costumes from the Junior/Adult side of the store for several years now. And it's just so frustrating to have to explain to the girl who's ADD medication has worn off about 4 hours earlier than our shopping trip (parenting fail) that no, she cannot go out looking like a hooker. If I had any sort of sewing ability, I'd be making her costumes. Until that miracle happens, I guess her choice of axe murder/Satanic cult member will have to do.

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  39. Little girls looks fantastic.I think it would be a better idea for Halloween.

    Zombie Fancy Dress Costumes

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