Monday, October 31, 2011

World's Worst Halloween Costumes Ever

I'm not a huge fan of Halloween, I'll admit it. Partly because I need someone to try and scare me right about as much as I need a pencil sticking out of my neck.  Partly because the IHPs always seem to have their six-month dental check-up right around now, which means I'm having to balance eleventy-seven pounds of chocolate deliciousness with the fact that I just spent my shoe money on having cavities filled. And, partly because the selection of costumes is so horrendous that I think I'd prefer they go out bare ass naked rather than drape themselves in the current selections.

This is what I saw when I clicked on "Girls 10-13" on a costume website. Are you freakin' kidding me? That's exactly what I want to send McGee out into the world wearing, Oh, and just right for the creepy, slightly deaf neighbor who hears "Trick FOR Treat" instead of the traditional greeting. I say yes to this outfit, I might as well just let her smoke and go bar hopping right now.

For my boys, well....just in case big sister gets away with the above costume, they can go dressed as this and come home with some extra cash. And syphillis. Yummy.

Or, even better...Whuck? This is a CHILD'S COSTUME. Is the name really necessary? What this basically says is, "I left my Douche costume at the dry cleaners..."

For a while, McGee wanted to go as a pirate. I thought, "that should be OK...right?" Ummm, no. Because it seems the goal these days is to turn everything into a red-light district. So, they either look like they fell out of a trash can, or fell out of a whore house. Or in this case, both...

I don't even know where to begin...a toilet? A toilet? God forbid they sit down to take a rest and someone else suddenly has a need to go.

Which is why it makes me all the happier that 2011 has provided us with this ingenious costume. Not that I have any intentions of dressing up as a box, T or otherwise. But that there are some occasions that require an amount of wine proportional to the event. And what with the hookers, pimps and toilets (oh my!) that will be haunting our sidewalks tonight, I'm gonna need to kill off as many brain cells as I can manage. Even though that spigot part is kinda creepy and wrong...and wrong.

 Happy Halloween, y'all. I hope that's wine he's drinking...

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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