Wednesday, November 30, 2011

10 Questions About Christmas Cards

I hate sending holiday cards because I am so freaking bad at it. Every year, the whole process kicks my hindparts and reminds me that no matter how old I get, I will never be a real grown-up.

Example? One year, I actually got all the cards done by the 20th of December. WIN! And then I found them under the passenger seat of my van six days later. FAIL.

It’s a series of problems for me.  Let's start at the beginning. I have ten questions about stupid Christmas cards.  Something that for normal people is easy but for  me is excruciatingly hard.

10. When do I have to order these mofos so that I can send them out in time? I think about… two weeks ago. Shizzle.

9. What the hell kind of card should we send out this year? Make or buy? Usually make.  Not "make" in the manner of an annoying and talented Martha Stewart type person, but rather "make" as in Shutterfly or TinyPrints or something.  But that means a picture.

8. But which picture? And does a suitable picture exist? And where the hell is it? I know I had one but is it on my phone or in my camera on the memory card or (most likely) taken by my friend and randomly posted on Facebook? That will be a fun three hours.

7. So we’ve decided on a card and found a photo and the cards are all ordered … And hold up – HOW MUCH DOES THIS COST? And does that even include stamps?  Gahhh!

6. And wait. Where’s the list of who we’re sending these things to? Every year I swear that I’m going to update the incredibly old excel spreadsheet and the every year it seems hopelessly out of date.

5. And umm…Can I just print out some labels or is that tacky? Because handwriting all these envelopes is going to take forever and I will flip my brisket. 

4. Speaking of time-saving and tacky, can I just sign our names to the card or do I have to write a greeting on each one? My husband, the fantastical Cap’n Coupon says it’s in really bad taste not to write a greeting.  Meanwhile, I just want to get the notecard type of thingee, print out mailing labels, and not even sign my name.  But he says if I do that it means that I hate Christmas and I’m a bad American.

3. So instead of writing a greeting in each card, should we write one of those group letters? I think that if done well, those group letters are AWESOME.  If done badly they are more painful than a bad case of anal fissures. So do we include one or not? My mom says it’s fine to do so on the years you have something to tell people (a new job, new house, new baby, etc). But I mean, surely people will notice that there’s an extra kid in the picture and draw their own conclusions. 

2. People are judging us based on our card. Sad but true. We’ve moved a lot and for many folks, this is their only glimpse of our family. So is it good enough? Is it annoying? Sigh… I don’t even know anymore.

1. And just when I’m realizing that I’m going to have to pull an all-nighter to get them done and mailed out in time, the Cap'n will stroll by and casually ask me if we’ve sent out the Christmas cards yet?  And then I just drink directly from the bottle.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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