Reading this honestly made us feel a couple of different things:
- Relief, that even Gwyneths feel the pressure to be perfect and think it sucks.
- Happy, that our message of "we suck, but we're working on it!" had made someone feel better on a bad day.
- Concerned, are we responsible for this woman's downfall from Gwyneth to Boobstain?
So, I'm no one famous or even halfway cool. Just a mom of five kids, three under the age of four (because my husband only had one winter hobby ). My confession is this: I used to be a Gwyneth. Yup. Cloth diapering, breastfeeding until college, organic, gluten/dairy/candy free, no TV, baby signing, gentle parenting, homeschooling, judging every other mom out there as "not as perfect as I am"- mom.
I am glad I reformed. I still lapse into "Organic Panic" when my kids overdose on oreos or when my husband points out that my formerly-non-tv-watching kids can quote Spongebob episodes, or when my kids say things like, "Mom says she's gonna knock me into next week" to their preschool teacher - but for the most part, I have dropped so many standards and lowered the bar so far that maybe even Plankton could achieve my new standards of motherhood.
Start with the fact that my 16 year old routinely says things like, "Aw, man! How come I never got to eat candy/ watch cartoons/ wear disposable diapers? You are SO unfair!". Then the 14 year old chimes in with things like, "I could have been playing video games instead of playing outside? Gah!"
The People Who Told You So
This is the group of friends who used to smirk at you when you brought the cloth diapers to playgroup. You know, the ones you felt the need to argue with when they said things like, "When you have three kids under three, you'll embrace the dark side and buy some pull-ups." The same ones that smile blankly when you wouldn't dare let your kids eat their offering of Goldfish crackers or fruit roll ups.
The Friends Of The Gwyneth Days
The problem with having been a Serious Gwyneth is, well, a lot of Gwyneth Wannabees really looked up to me. I don't mean to brag or nuthin', but I was the mom Gwyneth took lessons from. I had a private entourage of moms that watched me shop, asked for advice and recipes, and coveted my ability to vacuum in heels and pearls while simultaneously co-chairing MOPS and volunteering for charities that help feed starving orphans.
For those wanna be moms, I was the jerk telling them the truth about The Tooth Fairy. There's no easy way to dissapoint these gals but I gave up being a Gwyneth for one very simple reason: I. Completely. Lost. My. Schmidt.
Because in trying to be "perfect", I made myself perfectly insane.