Thursday, November 17, 2011

Lydia's Plan for The Holidays

Go ahead, holidays. Try it.
As you know, I'm totally obsessed with First World Problems. You also know that I'm a fashion trainwreck. And kind of a jackholian mess; disorganized and constantly behind on everything. The holidays make this much, much worse. Thanksgiving is next week and I'm already feeling it.

I turn into a raging B. I'm miserable to be around because "CAN'T YOU PEOPLE SEE HOW HARD I'M WORKING TO MAKE THIS A WONDERFUL FREAKING FAMILY HOLIDAY?!"

But this year things will be different because I have my new Beyonce Perspective Program for Not Losing My Schmidt. And the perspective I've gained from joking about all my first world problems has given me something. A sort of nudge. It's been happening a lot.

Here's a flow chart of what's going on in my broken, deeply disturbed brain:

A cold latte used to make me mad. I just paid $5 for a cold f*cking coffee? I don't think so. Now I sort of shrug and move along. Trust me, this attitude adjustment has made me much easier to live with.

But I'm also smack dab in the middle of the Halloween to Holidays Death Spiral. And there are a few things that raise my blood pressure and give me an eye twitch when I even think about them. So in an effort to get my schmidt together this year, I've spent a lot of time talking to people and reading stuff on the interwebs. Let's call it research. I think I now have a plan to get things under control this holiday season. Most of the strategies are stupid and some involve wine. You can read about them here.

Basically? I'm slowing it down. I'm cutting it back. I'm doing less of everything. Except for one thing. My sorry, fat, over privileged first world ass is starting a new tradition. This is the last item on my list:

Every week between Thanksgiving and New Years, I’m doing something service-oriented. I’ve heard people brag about doing this and even heard of celebrities who have their assistants do this for them. And I’ve always thought, “Sure Gwenyth, right after naptime I'll just take all three kids down to the methodone clinic and we'll donate our time."

But this year is different. My kids are a little older. I have a tiny bit more autonomy because no one is breastfeeding and even my littlest is in preschool two days a week. I really can do something. And I’m going to try and do as much of it as possible with my kids. Here's the thing - I'm a giant, idiotic boobstain and I still think I can pull this off.

We’re filling stockings for children who might not get any other presents this year. My church is hosting a Homeless Hypothermia program the week of Thanksgiving and they need a lot of help. There will be caroling at the nursing home.       Each kid is going to go through their stuff and find things to donate. Collecting donations for the food bank? Yes. Cards for wounded soldiers at Walter Reed? Even yesser. If you have any suggestions for me for things that I can do with my kids (ages 3, 6 & 8) - I would love to hear them. You know by now that I need as much help as I can get.

And for the record? I'm not trying to make anyone else feel like they need to do what I'm doing. This is the first year in NINE YEARS that I haven't been preggo, nursing or had a tiny, toddling devil cupcake in tow. This year it makes sense for me. I know we're all doing the best we can.

And this is me trying to do that.

xo, Lydia

PS: Special shout out to Momastary, for all the amazing work she's doing with her blog. She's helping put the people in her little corner of the blogworld together, those who have a little extra in touch with those how need a little extra. It's pretty amazing. And if you click on her site? You'll see that Beyonce is murthfurkin everywhere. It's like magic.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

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