Tuesday, December 20, 2011

My Son Wants a Girl Toy for Christmas

Our awesome friend Lainey wrote this post for us and we love it so much we want to marry it. And we fell pretty much the exact same way she does about the gender-specifics of toys.



Lainey is a stay-at-home mom to 3. Word Girl is almost 8, Princess Pouty is 5 and Evel Knievel is 3. You can check out her blog right here.

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So my son wants a Thumbelina laptop for Christmas.

I want to start out by saying I have exactly ZERO issue with this. None at all. Mostly because I sort of think he just likes what he likes and is who he is and that's fine by us all in the Crack House. It may also be because the high bid on Ebay for it right now is $1. I love granting wishes on the cheap.

It may also be that I find it hysterically funny... His wishes can be so random and just not what you're expecting. I am not writing this from atop any toy/gender soap box - really. I'll laugh right along with you. But I will warn you, if you get all serious and start saying that my giving him this item is going to directly lead to a *bad* future life choice, I won't be a fan of that. In a couple cases it has made me want to square up.

This is the second year Evel's Christmas list has caused a bit of controversy. The two sides of the coin seem to be varied degrees of "Well, you're obviously not going to get _______ for him" and "OMG! How cute/funny is that!?!" Now if he asked for say leopard print Manolo Blahnik suede striped boots, I'm going to say no....even if they are 40% off on-line. Not because he's a boy but because that's just not in our price range.

But last year when he wanted a Lalaloopsy doll. Well, that was fine by us. When asked by people why he wanted it he would look at people like they were nuts. "Pouty wants a Loopsy and I will play Loopsy with her."

His toy choices are not making a stance about his orientation. He wants to play. So I say to the person(s) who implied I was making my son gay: whatever. To the people who not only implied but tried to explain the error of my ways, I add glaring-angry-Momma-bear-eyes and the double bird. Who he loves in the future is not what I care about. I only care that he is loved back and feels understood. Starting now.

Evel has older sisters and his own opinions of the world. He has 2 tiny baby dolls he keeps in his bed and 2 teddy bears. He has dragons and knights and has stolen the three fairies of Pouty's (little plastic figures from the Barbie Thumbelina movie). Some days his favorite floppy dog has to come out shopping with us and on more than one occasion, his Cinderella doll. If Pouty is wearing a dress from the dress up trunk or putting sparkley nail polish on... Well, chances are he is too. If Pouty is playing Legos, riding bikes, causing trouble or climbing up and on things she shouldn't be... Chances are, he is too.

I also can't help but notice when Word Girl was in love with Bob the Builder and Pouty was obsessed with trains, no one seemed to feel that was a negative reflection on their future selves. They were called well-rounded girls. Evel's varied choices seem to get him called a pink triangle.

And this year? Well his list is a little different and still very Evel. He wants a DS with a Harry Potter game. Play-doh. Some Legos. His own vacuum would be nice. Oh and he'll add as an aside... that Thumbelina laptop I saw. And should you question him as to why, he will also look at you like you're nuts and say "Because it has a lot of buttons and she's pretty."

So to my criticizers I offer you this... He may grow up to be gay OR I may in fact be dealing with a future lover of blue-eyed blonds. I am suspecting this gift could actually fall more under the lines of "My First Computer Porn Site" than anything else. He is going to be who he is going to be.

And if one day he does want Manolo Blahnik's I will be OK with that. He'll just have to wait until we have the same shoe size. Mommy will love you no matter what, but you are not having better shoes.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2011

103 comments:

  1. It is funny that some people think buying a child a gender specific toy will make them "Gay". Little girls plays with trucks and little boys will play with dolls. It's been this way forever! And those little boys that play with dolls probably will grow up to be GREAT dads!!

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  2. This is awesome!!! We have a few My Little Ponies for when little girls come over to visit (I have two boys; 4 & 10 mos) and my older son LOVES to play with 'Pinkie Pie' long after his lady friends leave! I think its ADORABLE!

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  3. Bless..... MY 4 yr old was reeling off his list of 'wants' to Santa in the grotto last week. I was mentally saying 'check' until we got to the "Oh, yes, and I also want a Wii" part. WTF DID THAT COME FROM?!!!!! Now to break it gently that the elves aren't doing Wiis this year.....

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  4. Thank you Thank you Thank you!. When my son was 2 he got a brand new baby sister allswaddled in every shade of pink imaginable and everyone was so excited. Here we are 3 years later and pink is still his favorite color. I lose my schmidt every time I have to explain that and that it does not say anything about the sexual orientation of my 5 year old for crimeny sake. I recently found out he tells his kindergarten friends that his favorite color is red becasue the doesnt want to say pink, and "red is just like dark pink and no one laughs at me" grrrr Just let your kids be who they are!

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  5. This reminds me of the time my beautiful 3-year-old girl wanted nothing but a talking Darth Vader doll for Christmas. Nobody made a big deal about it, either. (Except it was a b*tch to find it that year!)

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  6. My son was 3 when he clopped downstairs in a full Snow White dress up including red plastic heels, pearls, & a purse with 2 two matchbox cars & a Thomas train. My Caveman husband cringed, but told him he looked great. His 5 year old sister was dressed as Tinkerbell. It was a great afternoon of fun that had all of us laughing. He is now almost 7 & loves planes, boats, Megamind. He is who he is & I adore him. Rock on Evel!!!!!

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  7. My son asked SANTA for a kitchen with food last year. If anyone raised an eyebrow to me about that, I was too proud of my son to square up. I just smiled and said sweetly, "Yep, he's going to be the next Top Chef!"

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  8. Oh I hate when people do this. I have a son [now 10 and decidedly NOT feminine] who was wearing dress up and nail polish at Evel's age [he also had a big sister]. I get so sick of people acting like it makes a 3yo gay to want to do stuff his big sister is doing. My son grew out of it, in a HEALTHY way, just as I suspect Evel will. You rock on Mama- you are doing exactly the right thing!!!!

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  9. Lainey! I say HELL YEAH!!!! He is three, his tastes may or may not change as he gets older, however, just like you said, he is his own person and to all those who will post a comment after me and be Judgey McJudgersons, he is not your child! My son played with dolls growing up (he's now 7) and we were and are very ok with that! CONGRATS on being a wonderfully open minded mom!!

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  10. Good for you. Kids need to try out all sorts of things. BTW, my son is gay but I don't remember his ever wanting to own any "girly" toys even though he often played with the three little girls next door.

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  11. You are hereby officially dubbed awesome. I am with you no matter what you force your child to play with or dress in they are who they are and you can never change it

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  12. I remember when one of my sons was asking for a baby doll. I bought him an "anatomically correct" boy doll way back in the late 70's and still have that doll today! He loved that doll more than anything until a family member called him a sissy and teased him about it. He did play Barbie with his sisters and they played cops and robbers with him. All my children played with each other with each others toys and they're fine, well(enough)-adjusted adults today!! LOL

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  13. First, Awesome Post!!!!
    Second, Nobody gets better shoes than Mommy!!!!
    Third, I have found there is even a line with how far you can take girls getting boy specific things. When we were trying to get my Fairy-Troll out of diapers, I bought her princess underwear, Just like her sisters, but it was a big bust. But she is WAY into Toy Story, so I thought, Toy Story underwear. Of course, they only make Toy Story underwear for boys, so I bought it anyway. The opinions I heard about this were ENDLESS. Like I give a rats...well you know, about how other people feel. All I wanted was for the kid to go on the potty and if boys underwear was going to push her along, then so be it. She's 4 now and the underwear no longer fits. BUT, she still ADORES Toy Story.

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  14. So my 7 year old son wants an easybake oven for Christmas this year. Guess what's wrapped and ready for Christmas morning?

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  15. NO problems with it here! My 3 year old nephew got a Baby Alive last year for Christmas. Everytime it said "Mama" he would say "I'm not your mama. I'm your daddy. Geesh." He just wanted to cram food in the baby's mouth and see what it pooped out. Makes sense to me! Toys are toys and they all have their own cool features that appeal to both sexes. By the way, you can't "make" someone gay. That's absurd and is a response from a close-minded person.

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  16. "He is going to be who he is going to be. "

    this. completely and totally this.

    My son wanted a kitchen in the worst way last year (and that is what he got). In the back of my mind I was remembering my grandma giving mom a lot of questioning of her purchasing play food and dishes for my one nephew years and years ago. I kept thinking... i love you and all but you just go ahead and question my buying my kid a kitchen. If he asked for a doll... I give it to him. If he wanted a pink laptop... who cares. I work with a grown man who wears a hot pink shirt to work at least once a week (lol and it isn't always the same one - he's got more hot pink in his wardrobe than I do :D). He likes it. that is all that matters.

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  17. My daughter carried a Star Wars lunch box to school for a couple years because that's what she was into. I think she did get some flack for it, but girlfriend just brushed the rude comments aside.

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  18. i love this. my son has an older sister and he loves to push around her baby strollers, and girly backpack on wheels, loves putting her purses around his own arm and tote them around right beside her. He put a tirara on the other day and came up to me and laughed, i laughed right along with him. If he is happy I am happy. My job is to love him unconditionally and I am doing my darndest to fullfill that. He can't help that his sister has way more toys then he does ( how did that happen) and he looks up to her and wants to do that same things she is doing. So for xmas we got him a lawn mower to push around while she pushes her strollers, but chances are he will still want the baby stroller and I will end up pushing the lawn mower, giggle

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  19. People are so freaking uptight!
    My son was five when his first sister came into his life and he went through a phase of "breast feeding" his toys. Now at ten, he is an excellent big brother to his sisters (five and three) playing games with them (even if it includes barbies or babies).
    You really wanna know what happens to boys who grow up playing like this... they become amazing fathers. And I'm all for that.

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  20. Love it! I have two sons, and the oldest was a fan of pink from ages 2-4, as in it was his favorite color. He still has some dolls he keeps tucked away and plays with from time-to-time, and he waited over a year and a half before we finally bought him a Baby Alive goes Potty... we were waiting so long for Hasbro to make a modification to the chip so it would say "I love you Daddy." Since the chip could already be switched from English to Spanish (on a blond haired, blue eyed doll no less) I still don't understand why they refused to make the doll address a boy.

    At nine, my son has ask me to PLEASE not mention to anyone at school that he still has a pink wallet. He has (tearfully) sold Baby Alive (to purchase a new video game). And, oh yeah, he hates playing Ice Hockey and loves to Figure Skate.

    Do I care what his orientations might turn out to be? NO! I just wish for him every happiness in life, beginning now! :D

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  21. I love everything about this, but talk about a priceless conclusion!

    Over the weekend, my son saw the My Little Pony castle and ponies my mom sent me about a year before she died. (I was going to get rid of 'em because they were "new" Pony--*gasp.* Happily, my SO said no.) He asked to play with it, so I brought it down and we did.

    Because of vicarious exposure to craziness through blogging, it hit me some folks would be shocked by this. The thought made me laugh then, and it makes me laugh now for reasons I couldn't quite put my finger on until I read this. :)

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  22. My four year old daughter is obessessed with Stars Wars... excuse me, Clone Wars (she's quick to correct). We've had several people, including my own grandmother tell her, "Those are boy toys." And a 'wonderful' little boy at daycare tell her that her Darth Vader hat is only for boys. Awesome to know that even kids her own age are Judgy McJudgersons. We don't care though. She knows with absolute faith that Santa will still bring her the Ahsoka she asked for... and Grandma? Yep, she bought her some Star Wars stuff when she realized the only other of thing she wanted was hairdresser chair slightly out of the price range. Win.

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  23. Read it, love it!

    I just have to say, it is a sad day when we have to defend our children, and ourselves over silly things like girls playing with trucks and boys playing with dolls. To the people who think that their negative opinions count, as my mother would say, 'rub salt'.

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  24. You have nothing to worry about. Who cares what others think? And hey a Thumbelina laptop sounds great. Many years ago my son (now 17) and his female cousin (now 20) were playing dress up. I remember them both doing a fashion show and my son all decked out in earrings.. "I'm a pirate!" My daugher (now 14) loved all "boy" items, Legos, KNex, Star Wars and all that. I love having both genders- GI Joe had a great time with all the Polly Pockets and Barbies!

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  25. Love this!!! My 3 year old got a baby doll this year because he wanted his own baby when our family got a new one lol. He is also getting My Little Pony's for Christmas because he loves horses and loves colors and the two together are "AWWWWESWUM." His irish twin at 4 yrs loves to read superhero books as much as he LOVES princess books. And, our oldest at 7 adores fashion and is very forward about it, and your choices. But, they are all very much boys. SO thank you! For the giggle and for saying what I have thought so many times!

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  26. Hooray for unconditional love!!

    From a mom of boys who have played with dolls, little ponies and little pet shop.

    And to Kim, one of mine has red as his favorite color, but will choose pink if red isn't available, since pink is "just red mixed with white and red is my favorite."

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  27. My son is getting a toy kitchen this year because his best friend (a girl) has one. He's 2.5 yo so I think a kitchen is a great gift (encourages imaginative play, motor skills, etc). I've gotten a lot of "isn't that a little girly" comments from family about it... really?? Does your husband never cook dinner, spend time in the kitchen, make himself a sandwich, etc? Is a kitchen just the place for a women now? I'm not buying him a barbie princess one (although if it was cheaper than the $30 blue and white one I found at walmart I might) so get over it!

    Making a little boy feel bad about not being "boyish" enough has way more impact on his sexuality than letting him play dolls with his sisters.

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  28. I loved the last paragraph.

    I bought my son an Easy Bake Oven last year, age 4. That's what he wanted. And he's good at baking and cooking. My DH was fine with it, but comments by others - whoa!

    On any given day my boy could be wearing his apron and holding a spatula, chasing his brother, throwing Lego bombs he created, and having a space shootout using plastic eggs and bacon.

    It is about imagination - not gender. And I think the author should have squared up on some self-righteous opinion-shovers. I have a toy kitchen spatula and wisk; and I'm not afraid to use them.

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  29. "Mommy will love you no matter what, but you are not having better shoes." love this!

    but REALLY love this: " I only care that he is loved back and feels understood. " i just said that to my husband the other day, when he watched our oldest son try on my high heels and clomp around the house.

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  30. My 3 year old son is a BIG Toy Story fan. Last year he received a much coveted Woody Doll for Christmas. He was far more interested in his sister's Jesse doll, even going so far as to "doll-nap" her. He slept with Jesse for months....

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  31. One of my son's favorite toys of all was a Bratz Casio piano. He carted that thing everywhere, and I definitely got a few looks (although maybe it was more because the auto-play song on that thing was beyond annoying). I agree - kids are who they are!

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  32. Oh, and how could I forget - my son's big Christmas gift last year was a doll house! And he still plays with that thing at least 3 times a week a year later, which is more than I can say for his Ben 10 wrist watch thingy...

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  33. My son is a 31 year old strapping Marine. He has been in wars! When he was 4 his favorite toy was a little pink flower doll that had pink hair and smelled wonderful. He slept with her for years, along with his transformers, ninja turtles and baby quack(the duck). He is straight, married to a beautiful young woman and has a baby girl of his own. It is all good!
    Hopefully in my lifetime people will be more open and caring.

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  34. I've been working on a post about this same issue as well..thanks for sharing! Keep an eye out for my take on it later this week: http://fourunder4plustwo.blogspot.com

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  35. LOL thank you for this post! I only have a daughter, and she is one that goes from princess to tom boy and back in about 2 minutes quite often... however I do have nephews and both are being raised by their single mom (my sister) and my mom lives there as well.. so they are constantly surrounded by women more than men. And now that the oldest has been in school a little while he's gearing more and more toward "boy stuff"... but he used to want to wear make up and wanted pretty shoes and a skirt when he was younger.. and the littlest one is 3 and he wants a purse more than anything in the world right now lol.. he has a little back pack he loves, it's even buzz light year, but if he sees a little purse laying around or at the store it's "MINE! I WANT DAT!" rofl and when my sister painted my niece's nails for our big holiday party last weekend little nephew had to have his done in pretty sparkly purple as well lol.. I just giggle and call him my pretty pink boy.. I love that my nephew likes the pink and purple and sparkly.. I think it's adorable

    Of course, in this case it's probably more that there really isn't a very masculine presence in their every day lives so the littlest one just doesn't know about gender roles and etc.. But I really don't see that as a problem, they are all loved and taken care of and that's what matters.

    Who cares if he prefers Buzz Lightyear or Rapunzel? Who cares if he picks purple over blue sometimes? All anyone should care is that he is loved, fed, clothed, clean, and happy. Nothing else matters.

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  36. Man, the poor kid is freakin' 3 years old!! Give it a break! He just wants to play with his sister! Wait till he's older and all the little chicks want to play with him, cause he's got the "cool stuff"! Judgemental. Small minded. AGGRAVATING. People.

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  37. My son (5 now) has an older sister so he was often dresses up in princess dresses, had his finger and toenails painted, got "makeovers". When he was 2 he wanted to be a pwetty pwetty pwincess for Halloween so I dressed him up as a princess. Is he a little feminine? Yes. Do I care? Hell no. I love him for who he is not in spite of who he is or who he will become as an adult.
    It's sad that not only are we being as judged as parents but that our kids are being judged as well. I say screw you to anyone who negatively opines about my baby and his wants.

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  38. As a mom of two boys I remember very well my parents discomfort with my children’s chose of toys.
    My one sons loved his Cabbage Patch doll (including adoption ceremony and all) and my other sons had a baby doll that he would strap lovingly into her own stroller and parade her up and down the block.
    It took some time but they got over it.

    Stick to your guns mama, you’re doing right by your kid. (pun intended)

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  39. "Who he loves in the future is not what I care about. I only care that he is loved back and feels understood. Starting now."

    This is the part that made me tear up. I couldn't agree more.

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  40. My second oldest son (now 20) wanted a bath time Cabbage Patch doll when he was 5 - along with all the character stuff from Toy Story. My (now ex) husband had a royal fit when I bough it for him. My son told his father that he wanted to be able to give the baby a bath when he had one. I thought it was cute. My ex thought for sure that my son would turn out gay or a wussie or something definitely "non-manly". My son is amazing. He is wonderful with kids - maybe playing with a doll or two when he was little helped that happen!!In fact, he is about to have one of his own - a little girl due in January! I can not wait to see how he is as a daddy!

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  41. I didn't read all the comments but I hope they are nice.

    He has two older sisters! No one can think anything bad about his choices! He wants to be included with what his sisters are doing and he wants to like what they like too!

    Baby brothers to two big sisters turn out to be sensitive, empathetic men who understand girls in a way that I think is unique to their upbringing. My brother has a heart bigger than the world, and my sister and I think it's because he was raised by three women (another hardship of two older sisters, three mama's eventually - never fear, he had a dad too. But um, we women are pretty Type A). And I see that same future for Evel.

    Plus play laptops are expensive. I say get him the cheapest one available and let him trash it. Cause you KNOW that's gonna happen. And how is Thumbelina girl only? My brother LOVED Snow White growing up. I swear that movie was on a flipping loop at our house which annoyed me because I (five years older) found it scary. I think Evel is Disney's favorite type of child ... the one that can see past "eww that's for girls/boys" and just enjoy the story / pretty girl!

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  42. Oh one more thing to, my 1.5 year old toddler is always playing with my curling irons. And my dad said, "you know he's playing with your curling irons?" in an all judgey kind of way and I said, "Dad it's all in how you look at it. It's an alligator with a really long tail." I mean really he's not playing with it because it's a CURLING IRON he's playing with it because when he pushes down on the handle the mouth opens.

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  43. My 6yo son, at this very moment, has his fingernails painted blue and his toenails painted purple. Cause my 8yo daughter was painting hers and it's pretty. He'd be more pleased if we had green, cause that's his favorite color, but blue next on the list. He also has some creepy skull and sword tattoo on his arm cause at his friend's birthday party it was in the gift bag. And he's the first one in the kitchen to help me bake, my daughter couldn't care less about baking.

    Kids are who they are, they enjoy what they enjoy and we will probably never understand it. Our job is to love them and protect them. Rock on, Mama! And oh even yesser, no one gets better shoes than Mama.

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  44. My brother is gay. Not because he wanted to play with Ariel more than GI Joe, but because he was born this way. Your son is not gay because he wants to play with a pretty pink laptop. If he will be gay, he will be gay. Thumbelina is not all that persuasive in the gender-bending category. Tell people to go elf themselves and buy him the laptop. Chances are, he just doesn't understand the societal norm to conform to gender stereotypes yet. People are stupid. Yay, Thumbelina and a good mommy. My daughter likes firetrucks and trains, I guess she has being a big lesbo in her future. Stupid me. I will love her either way. Ha!

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  45. My 6yo daughter chose a Captain America costume for Halloween because she liked the awesome muscles. It never occurred to her that it might be a "boy" costume, and I fiercely glared down the couple of grown-ups who tried to point that out. I will take down anyone who tries to make her feel ashamed of who she is or what she loves, stereotypes be damned!

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  46. Kate, not *the* KateDecember 20, 2011 at 9:56 AM

    First of all, I'm NOT criticizing anyone, rather offering a supportive, no-nonsense view! It sounds like you're defending your child as if you might be concerned in some way that he might be gay. Which is really strange to me because the stuff you're saying he's asking for sounds like pretty typical stuff that any little boy growing up with two older sisters would ask for.

    I have two boys who spend a great deal of time performing acts of strength and bravery, in the nude. This does not strike me as gay. They're JUST KIDS. Now, this show is not going on the road ... but there's nothing sexual about it. It's innocent play - feels good to be nude. Sometimes they even cook in the play kitchen that they have, in the nude. So what?!

    I say that if people are looking at you sideways about the boy wanting a Thumbelina Laptop, you turn it around on THEM for applying believes that are way too complicated for a 3 year old to a 3 year old ... rather than taking the defensive stance of "he's going to be who he's going to be." He already IS who he's going to be. A boy with two older sisters! And guess what ... that means he's going to make some lucky girl a GREAT husband because he's gonna' GET women like most men don't!!!!

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  47. I don't think the toys kids play with determine their sexual orientation as adults anyway. And when they have siblings of the opposite sex, they usually influence each other's tastes. People are way too uptight about things like this.

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  48. no problems here! the only time I took issue is when a friend was FORCING the OTHER gender gifts on her kids (b/c she claims the WORLD is making her girl like princess stuff)..so her daughter really really really wanted princess stuff and she REFUSED and got her trucks. sigh. that poor girl. she wanted princess stuff! thank goodness her mom has seen the error of her ways..her son LOVES dolls (so she is over the moon!) but buys her girl the princess stuff she adores!

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  49. When I worked in a daycare with two year olds I remember once when a grandma walked in while the boys in the class and I were having a tea party- that the boys set up and insisted that I join. She went ballistic, saying we were going to cause all them them to turn into 'sissies'. One boy looked up at her defiantly and said "I can't be a sissy- I'm a boy! My *sister's name* is my sissy!" I probably shouldn't have laughed at it in front of the 'concerned' grandparent, but it was really cute. And I'm not going to stifle a boys imagination because he's not doing 'boy things'. I had a couple girls in that class who would spend all day every day building with the blocks and construction toys and no one ever said boo about that.
    I took my beautiful daughter clothes shopping at the beginning of fall, and she, without hesitation, insisted on buying a couple 'boy' shirts and pants. Whatever. If I'm raising a tomboy, I'm raising a tomboy. I'd rather her express herself than wear something just because everyone else is.

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  50. High five to awesome boys everywhere! Mine is juuuuust about grown out of his pink-and-purple striped pajamas. His favorite color was pink. Runner-up, purple. Because those are his two favorite flavors of gum/candy. You have no idea how hard my mother and I had to look to find a pair of pink pajamas that wasn't covered in hearts. Because hearts? Not acceptable. You got it, kiddo. And we exchanged a mother-daughter high five when she found those suckers, too.

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  51. OMG people can be so ignorant sometimes. My son who is 11 now loved loved loved wearing my high heels, playing with my makeup when he was little. Every now and again he still puts on my boots because he like the noise they make make he slams his foot on the floor. He played with dolls when his girl friends would come over or he would go there, he let the girls play with his hair and make him up. As for me I never really understood the difference between a Barbie a Ken and a GI Joe doll. As for him he has quite a crush on Selena Gomez

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  52. When my son was 3, he asked for a play kitchen for Christmas, and his grandparents (who are both professional chefs) were only too happy to comply. When he grew out of it we passed it down to my nephew. The year before that, he got an Easy Bake oven, which he still loves, and he told me recently that he thinks pink is a "very pretty color. It looks like flowers." When I paint my nails, he always asks if I will paint his... he loves my gunmetal color.

    He's 5 now, and is super into Legos, Transformers, cars and trucks, science... pretty much everything that's considered traditionally "male." But If he asked me for a baby doll, you can bet your butt that I'd get him one. Kids just like what they like. Why shame them for it?

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  53. You are awesome and I LOVE your attitude! Have fun with the laptop!

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  54. Thank you. And I <3 you!

    My son told me this weekend that he wanted to ask Santa for a doll house with a pink roof. Normally I would be all over it like white on rice -- except that, as I gently reminded him, he already put in an order for a "cool bike and a lollipop" with the Fat Man and I'VE BEEN HIDING BOTH IN MY OFFICE FOR OVER A MONTH NOW.

    *sigh*

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  55. I am currently on the hunt for a baby boy anatomically correct doll for our toddler so he can practice before our baby gets here in March. IT is REALLY hard to find. I have gotten some flack for it, but I don't care. Those people are the SAME people who complain their husbands never help with the kids. DUH.

    He also really wants a unicorn pillow pet. I am anti-pillow pet in general because they are big and dumb, but I am thisclose to getting one just because people say he should not have it.

    I have had quite a few older people tell me obliquely that they hope he is not gay. Somehow I did not kill them, but I found it to be a common sentiment from senior citizens.

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  56. flakymom - They DO make Toy Story underpants for girls! I got my daughter's at Target (where else?) and they have Toy Story, Wall E, and Nemo all in the same pack. Can you say AWESOME!?! I wish other people would get with the program and realize little boys like Tangled and other "girl" things. Stinks that it works both ways for girls but not boys.

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  57. My son, who is 6, has always preferred "girl" toys and all of his friends are girls. He plays princess on the playground at recess (he is the prince to three princesses..)and has no use for transformers, Star Wars or anything remotely considered a "boy" toy.
    Not sure if he will grow up to be gay or the best husband ever and I don't really care---he is smart, funny, thoughtful and caring. As long as he is a good person and happy I will pat myself on the back for raising a great man.

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  58. This is the link to the Pixar (Toy Story, Cars, Nemo and Wall E) panties at Target for those mommies interested.
    http://www.target.com/p/7-Pack-Underwear-Little-Girls-Disney-Pixar-by-Handcraft/-/A-13321809#ie=UTF8&searchView=grid5&keywords=underwear&fromGsearch=true&sr=1-2&qid=1299119146&rh=subjectbin:1041972&searchRank=target104545&id=Licensed%20Assorted%207pk%20Pixar%20Brief&node=1038576|1287991011&searchSize=30&searchPage=2&searchNodeID=1038576|1287991011&searchBinNameList=subjectbin,price,target_com_primary_color-bin,target_com_size-bin,target_com_brand-bin&frombrowse=0&ref=tgt_adv_xasd0001&AFID=Performics_VigLink&LNM=Primary

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  59. Was this the same little boy that dressed as "Daphne" from Scooby Doo and the mom got a ton of crap from her church buddies? Either way, he's allowed to dress/play with/be whatever he wants...thank Maude he has a mother like her to stand up for him...

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  60. my 4yr old son has a pink Dora umbrella, that he is very proud of.

    As I've said to him several times... there is only ONE thing a boy can't do, and that's be a Mommy. And there's only ONE thing a girl can't do, and that's be a Daddy!

    oh, and yes sometimes boys marry boys and girls marry girls.

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  61. My sons are 4 and 3 and their big sister is 6. When my boys play house (even without their sister), they play Mommy and Baby. I think it's hilarious. I mentioned to them once that they could be Daddy and Baby, to encourage the idea that Daddies look after kids too, but they carry on the way they were doing it before. It's cute. These are the same boys that leap off the piano and the play structure and pretend to hack each other to bits with foam swords.

    Why is it that we want men to be more nurturing and family-centric, and yet we're expected to squash these qualities in them as children?

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  62. I've got a 5 year old daughter who's asked for Wolverine, Cyclops, and Jean Gray for Christmas this year. She loves X-Men, Spiderman, and Star Trek...I don't see it as her liking "boy" things, I see it as her being a budding geek! Lol. Good for you for not freaking out, too many people do.

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  63. I love Lainey! My 4-year old son's favorite movie is 'Barbie Fairy Secret' and will happily watch every Barbie movie with my 6-year-old daughter ('cause we have them ALL.)

    Thank goodness for moms like us who 'get' our kids and love them for the individuals they are!

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  64. Thank you!!! My two LTSs are 17-months apart and share each others’ toys. I do not bat an eye. Of course Tomboy Girl is not typically into “dress up” (although she loves her some Disney Princesses). LOL

    LMAO at the “Baby Alive/Daddy” comment. bahhahahahaaa

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  65. When my oldest two were 3 (girl) and 2 (boy) they would both play dress up and put on dresses, hats and jewelry for a tea party. My now 12 year old plays football, basketball, video games, etc. But he has a great relationship with his sister too!
    My youngest was about 2 when he started asking for the Disney princess plate. It was pink with 4 princesses on it. It bothered my husband a bit until I said "J, why do you want this plate?" to which re replied- "Be-tuz I wike de ladies"

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  66. holy comments, batman!

    I concur. Totally. Having girls is easier to some extent in that regard. Nobody criticizes girls getting "boy toys". . . stupid double entendre. . . YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

    Anyway, you're obviously not making him gay. That's a ridiculous notion. Let him play with what he wants to play with.

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  67. I just had a baby boy and he has a 3 year old sister, I expect in the near future they will be playing together and if he wants to play barbies or dress up with her then he will!! She already put Barbie stickers all over his legs and arms and a tiara on his head:)

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  68. I have never understood getting bent out of shape if a little boy pplays with dolls or dress up or whatever is considered girly. Did they speculate about patrcik swayze when he was in that movie dressed as a woman, or tom hanks when he did an entire television show dressed as a woman. I think its great when boys explore and dress up.

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  69. AMEN! Last year my son got a doll and he LOVES his baby. This year, my daughter is getting a remote control truck...at her request.

    I played with hot wheels and GI Joes, transformers, garbage pail kids, and muscle men.....and it didn't affect my orientation!

    Ignorance irritates me.

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  70. My friends and I have kids the same age (two). He LOVES coming over here to play because we have a wide range of toys (kitchen, train table, costume jewelry, dolls, trucks, crafts) and he is "allowed" to play whatever the heck he wants here. He isn't allowed dolls, kitchen, anything that might be remotely girly at his house. His favorite toy here forever was a doll stroller and it made his dad so mad. I asked him if he had never pushed his kid in a stroller. Good grief.

    Also I believe if they made Thomas the Train underwear for girls, my DD would be potty trained! She's so, so tiny boy cut are not going to work.

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  71. My baby girl potty-trained in Diego panties with "peekaboo holes" as she called them under her pink and purple tutus...
    She checks cows with Daddy in her pink boots, cowboy hat and calling herself a "cowboy"...
    She plays all day cops-and-robbers or Spiderman with boys at daycare (only girl out of 10 kids) and comes home to play tea party with Mommy...
    However sexuality is determined, they're little kids for goodness sakes! One day, they'll tell you who they love and that should be all that matters. They love and are loved in return. They have plenty of time to figure out who they are, why stifle them?

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  72. I'm a mom to 3 year old boy/girl twins. My son is obsessed with cars, trucks, and toy instruments. He also loves to dress up in a tutu and dance with his sister and play with the Disney princess figurines we have. As someone who has had to defend his right to wear a tutu at home or to have his toenails painted, I sincerely thank you for this post and must say I agree completely. I like to think that my son enjoy the sparkles and frills as much as his sister, and there is nothing wrong with that. He may grow up to be a straight guitar-playing mechanic or he may grow up to be a gay fashion designer. Or maybe he'll totally throw convention to the wind and be a man who loves fashion and cars and is not afraid to show it. Either way, I plan to continue to love him and support his choices just as I do now. Thank you for making me feel validated in my choice to support his interests, whatever they may be.

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  73. Lainey, I love you, you wonderful woman!!

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  74. I am in love with this post. Was so afraid it was going to go the other way--but then I remembered what website I was on, an open-minded, not uptight, honest, grounded and funny one. It's the kind run by and featuring people who don't worry about their children "going gay." Thank you for putting this out there to help balance out all the people/crazies who do. PS I'm pregnant and if it's a boy, I'm praying he's gay so he'll never leave me. http://lauramauk.blogspot.com/

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  75. Seriously? People make comments to all of you? If someone tried to do that with my boys, they'd get one lecture that they wouldn't forget... and never bother mentioning it again. My oldest, at 3.5, isn't into sports or super "masculine" things (as if there was a specific category relegated to one gender). He loves rainbows and butterflies and shiney things and costumes and baby dolls and his play kitchen and painting and... trucks. Who cares? He's three. Even if he was 33, whose business is it? You can't "turn" a kid gay- he or she is or isn't. Allowance for expression of their natural personality is what matters- that and a variety of tools to try out different roles and imaginative games. My 1.5 year old is more aggressive, and we joke that he'll be the jock more than his brother, but all of it is simply who they are- and I love them *in spite of* and exactly *because* of it. Anyone who doesn't get that wouldn't be welcome around my children. Period.

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  76. THANK YOU!!

    All 3 of my sons have baby dolls and all 3 of them play endlessly with the kitchen set and play food. They also love musicals, and dancing and pretended to nurse their baby dolls when they were little. OH NO! :P I got glares when we bought "girl toys" for them, which is insane to me. Most of the world's best chefs are men, their father cooks gourmet meals and is a loving Daddy. Why can't a boy hold a baby? Men hold babies all the time! These toys encourage them to be well-rounded, involved men. To be caring daddies, not "guys" who don't lift a damn finger. Their wives/husbands can thank me later! I know I am eternally grateful to my MIL!!

    This whole "girl toy" "boy toy" idea is ancient. The idea that a man helping with kids or chores is "gay" just makes me freaking crazy. I am proud of my husband's fashion sense and cooking ability. I love that he watches Glee, Top Chef, and Project Runway with me. He's not gay at all, just freakin' awesome and not trying to impress anyone who isn't worth impressing.

    My Mom forced me into cheerleading when I was little because I was too tomboy for her. I played war and spies. I built things with my Dad. I climbed trees. I grew up and joined the Army to be a spy ;) What I like and my sexual orientation have very little to do with each other. I am not gay, but Mom blames my tomboyishness for my brother being gay. Apparently I stole all the "boy" stuff and made him a sissy. Lame.

    Got me all fired up!!! It's time for a FB note! haha

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  77. I could not love this more. My son and I had a tea party for his Super Hero's the other day. Batman got in his batmobile and went to Wegmans for snacks for his friends and Dr. Doom went into time out for not using his manners. Oh and we bought our son a play kitchen for Christmas!!! PROUD of it!

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  78. My (1.5 yrs) son has a baby doll! And he loves baby. He puts baby to bed, or in the pink stroller roommate's daughter has, and occasionally he'll put on her play high heels and carry a pink purse. ALL of my friends have little girls - I don't think he'll know how to play with a little boy when he encounters one. But he just wants to freakin' play, and who cares? He's also in love with trucks and dirt. If he's gay, fantastic. I don't think he's very concerned about that now and I will love him regardless. But for eff's sake world, stop making kids feel shameful over your own weird hang ups about life and sexuality.

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  79. I distinctly remember being bought and playing with Barbie, while my younger brother was bought and played with Transformers (the original metal ones - we grew up in the 80s). And then, after a while, we swapped toys. My parents couldn't give Dora's backpack (mostly because it wasn't around then) about my brother playing princesses with a girlie toy. My father was the cook in the house, and my mother wielded a mean drill. No gender-specifics in my upbringing.
    Of course, when my brother was about eight and still playing with Barbie, I found out it was because he liked looking up her dress - sexuality confirmed!

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  80. When my Daughter-Demon was born, Son-Demon wanted us to name her Jasmine (as in Aladdin's Princess). He threw a fit when we chose another name (he was 4...I should have expected it). To smooth things over, his Christmas present from his new baby sister was a Cabbage Patch baby, which he named Jasmine. We even got him a stroller and a carrier (why are these things always PINK...I can't stand that color), and he took "HIS BABY" everywhere. If anyone had a problem with it, they never said a word to me. Probably because I look like I'll Square Up at the drop of a hat. By his 5th birthday, the doll had lost her charm and he passed it down to his sister. He's now 21 and so straight he should be a ruler. If it stays cheap, get the laptop. Sometimes it's just easier to cave than have the kid think there's something "wrong" with going against the "norm"

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  81. And a PS...I got a GI Joe doll one year in the school gift exchange. Barbie dumped Ken...she couldn't resist a man in uniform ;)

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  82. My awesome 5 year old boy plays with Rapunzel and Belle Barbies, has Disney princess sheets in his favorite color, pink, and has now asked for a wig for Christmas. Yet, he plays war games and wrestles WWE style with his big brother. It makes no difference to me. What I hate is the snitchy people trying to act like I am "making" my son one way or another. Really, people? Get over it! He is making his own choices and will continue to do so for the rest of his life!

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  83. My 2 y.o. son wore pink and purple necklaces to our playgroup today. I got some looks but it doesn't bother me. He saw me wearing one and he wanted one too. He also gets most of his cues from his 3.5 y.o. sister. (who by the way asked for blocks and trains and a my little pony for Christmas) He asked for raisin cookies and goldfish crackers, lol.
    They are still so young- I agree: just let them be who they are and not fill them with gender stereotypes and sensitivities.

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  84. I have squared up defending other people's children from this, I don't think anyone would dare to say word one about my own.
    Seriously, total stranger in the toy aisle trying to pull a baby doll away from his 2yo got "the shocked stare" from me with "Don't you want him to learn how to be a Dad???"

    If anyone pulls that nonsense just give them a Maude look and ask "Why would I worry about him being gay? Do you have a problem with gays?" And if they give you Any Answer At ALL, just say, "So you're a bigot then? I wouldn't have thought it of you." and walk away.

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  85. My 5 year old daughter is obsessed with Fireman Sam :) She never leaves the house without him and I even made her a Fireman Sam cake for her birthday on Monday. She was thrilled to bits!
    My 2 year old little man gets me to paint his nails if his sister is getting hers painted, he wouldn't understand if you told him it's 'just for girls' he'd be crushed. He also made me put some make up on him from the make up kit my daughter got for her birthday. He saw us using it and squealed 'Face paint!!' We hired a face painter for both their parties this year so that's what he think's it is. So face paint him I did :D

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  86. My husband often reminds me why I married him. His recent jewel was when I was stink eyeing baby Boy for sucking on his sister's Barbie's feet and he stink eyes me back and says "You encouraged her (daughter) to play with trains and cars when she wanted them. Now don't you go staring at our son for preferring barbies!" I do love my man =)
    Mom, you are awesome! I bet your kids will grow up to be awe inspiring adults too.

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  87. This is awesome! My son (19 months) happens to love wheels and cars, but he also likes to put on Mommy's headband or shoes, and loves when I put chap-stick on him. We were out at dinner once and he pulled my super cute jeweled headband off my head, so I put it on him. A guy we were eating with was like, "oh no, we don't want that!!" Um, really? Frankly I'm flattered that my kid thinks I'm so awesome that he wants to look like me!

    I'm laid back about all of this, but ignorant comments set me off. No, he won't "turn gay" because he wants to emulate the person who is with him and cares for him 24/7. And if he grows up and he is gay, that's fine too. I'll still love him and he'll still be my son. But I'm fairly certain that a pink toy isn't going to be the deciding factor in his sexuality.

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  88. "Who he loves in the future is not what I care about. I only care that he is loved back and feels understood." Love this!!!!!!!!

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  89. My 5 year old boy's favourite colour is purple, and his "2nd favourti" is pink - who cares?? He loves Dorothy the Dinosaur (from Wiggles) but on a t-shirt, she is always printed with lots of hearts and flowers on. My son is devestated. He also loves smashing trucks/ towers and trains.... oh and the "evil" Dora :) AND dress ups with dresses
    My 3 year old daugher loves Bob the builder, Thomas trains and also princesses. She has hand me down underwear from her older brther with Bob, trains and robots ontem... Who cares?? They both play with each other's toys all the time.

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  90. My best-friend-in-the-whole-world was a boy. I still remember when we were five years old, we both had Cabbage Patch dolls - his was a bald-headed boy doll, and mine was a blond girl with braids. We had a great time playing together!

    We are now in our thirties. He's definately manly, married, and he's a great father to his kids!

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  91. My friend and I were just talking about this earlier tonight when I was telling her how much my son loves the Tangled movie. I made a Tangled theme cake for my cousin's daughter Saturday and I used a Rapunzel toy set on the cake and my son was trying to play with it before I put it on the cake. I told my friend I was thinking about getting him his own playset. I think boys that play with dolls grow up to be better dads anyway. :-)

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  92. My son wanted a Little Mermaid Barbie and a play kitchen for Christmas when he was 4. I gave him both. Whoa! I was told that he would 'turn gay' if he played with those things. Yes, loving family! That's my agenda. I am highly dissatisfied with my heterosexual son, so I hatched this fiendish plot.

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  93. Love, love, love this post! When will people understand that it's people that create these boy/girl rules and that a boy playing with dolls means he's using his imagination, not making a statement about his sexuality? Thank you for writing this.

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  94. I love taking my 2 boys to McDonald's and when the ask "for a boy or girl?" my 8 year-old says "we are boys but we want the girl toy!" (depending on which toy is cooler that week) My 4 year-old is currently setting up a zoo at my feet that includes littlest pet shop animals. LOVE!

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  95. Love this. Especially since last year my son wanted a doll house and you know what, he got it.

    i posted about it here: http://jcpshortbutsweet.blogspot.com/2010/11/boy-toys-vs-girl-toys.html

    It's imaginative play people. It's OK.

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  96. I don't ever comment on here, but now I HAVE to! My husband and I's first Halloween together he dressed as a very sexy woman and I as an angel. My most favorite picture of us together is of each of us cupping the other persons boobs!!! When I was about to have my baby and couldn't reach my feet anymore, he gave me the most wonderful pedicure this year! He is an excellent cook, a fantastic father, a dream of a Husband! He was one of two boys, the eldest by 7 years, and as far as I know...NEVER played with a girl toy in his life! BUT-he was raised by his amazing stay-at-home mother and was incredibly involved in raising his little brother. We now have 2 daughters together. An almost 6 year old, and a 6 month old and the 6 year old LOVES to watch all the Star Wars and Scooby Doo and Survivorman/Man vs. Wild movies that she can get her hands on with him! She LOVES helping me cook and clean and has tons of Barbies/Monster Dolls/Disney Fairies...but she also has every Star Wars toy imaginable along with a GI Joe doll they call "Battle Action Daddy" (cuz even though my husband is down with the feminine...he can't bring himself to play WITH a Barbie when they play Barbies, lol!) I got her Star Wars stuff and for both of my girls, everything Target had to offer boy OR girl gendered with a skull and/or crossbones on it. My girls are well-rounded and I've NEVER had anyone raise an eye at me for anything I've mentioned. I can't believe people would look down on girls playing with trucks or blocks or x-men. That's so sad.

    AND IF there's ever a time when we have a son, I imagine he'll have lots of playtime with pink and dollies and I would be more than willing to shut anyone down for commenting on that. He'll have older sisters...what would you expect?! But quite honestly, even if we ONLY had a boy(s) I still would care less if they wanted "girly" stuff. Who cares. Kids are kids. They aren't old enough to grasp gender-specific roles or toys. Let kids be kids.

    I do agree though that "no one has better shoes than Mommy". :)

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  97. Lol, I should probably also add that my husband is one of the most "manliest men" you will ever come across. He lays hardwood floors, is a mechanic, an hvac tech and could survive in the mountains for the rest of his life with nothing but the clothes on his back. (He's actually wanted to do that for quite some time...but that ain't gonna happen cuz Mama has no desire to also do so.) I don't think we look down on men in societ that can fix cars and can also fix a killer meal. I know I am thrilled that my husband can clean a toilet or do the laundry but can also fix anything or build anything my heart desires. These little boys that play with "girly" stuff will just grow up to be well-rounded young men who know how to make their significant others happy and possibly even be superb fathers themselves someday. People just need to pull their preconceived notions out of their @$$e$ and chill out!

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  98. Years ago boys were wraped in pink at the hospital because it was a color of health and strength

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  99. My son is now just shy of 11 and it wasn't so long ago he wanted the play vaccuum, played Polly Pockets with his sister, and was more than happy to dress up in whatever she could come up with and perform for me. At 9 for Halloween, he let his sister do his make up, provide a dress, and borrowed my heels to trick-or-treat...he looked so good people who didn't know him thought he was a girl and asked where was his costume. Even though he is very comfortable with his creative, seemingly feminine side, he is the biggest flirt I have ever met. He has his 3rd official girlfriend, 2 of which were the barbie type, and has his choice of girls to hang out with all because he is so comfortable with them. All your son is doing is learning to relate to girls on a level that most men will never reach. This is an advantage. By the way, my daughter has the same type of relationships with the boys in her life which has made dating for my teenager dramafree!

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  100. "Mommy will love you no matter what, but you are NOT having better shoes." This line made me belly laugh!! Thank you for putting my feelings into words. You are Awesome.

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  101. Made me giggle: My boyfriend's nephew and niece were playing together at her house. Now, most of her toys are girly, pink princess stuff because she likes that. Well, his nephew went up to daddy and said, "Daddy, can I play with the princesses?" "Buddy, I don't care if you want to play with pretty girls."

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  102. I'm not sure how much you read these comments, but I just wanted to say that I've only just come across your blog. I'm a 25 y/o guy from Sydney with absolutely no near-future parenting aspirations but I've laughed and cried (sometimes both at the same time) reading all the posts up until this point.

    To be honest, I'd sort of discounted my want to have children in the future. But somehow, everything you say makes it all seem worthwhile.

    And this post specifically has earned you so much respect in my eyes!

    End disjointed, fan-boy post...

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